The reason I have put much emphasis on the pitfall of “low self esteem,” is (1), because I see it as a feeling of unworth that has no basis in reality. In fact the “paradox of low-self esteem” is that people who are particularly gifted often have a more profound low-self—concept  than less talented people. Hence, low self esteem is a delusion, and as such, is refractory to reality. One inmate in a chronic ward of a state mental hospital believed that he was chief of the world bank. The fact that his bed was one of sixty in the ward did not affect his delusion. I think we have all had clients whose delusion of inferiority and inadequacy was resistant to our best therapeutic efforts.

 

(2) Unwarranted negative feelings about oneself is often the major factor in one’s psychopathology. There are many manifestations of low-self-esteem that are a direct result of low-self-esteem or a defensive reaction to it. 900 years ago Rabeinu Yonah of Gerondo wrote that a baal gaavah’s grandiose feelings are an escape from the distressing feelings of low self-esteem.

 

It is logical to attribute one’s low-self-esteem to toxic parenting, favoritism, childhood illness or trauma during one’s early life. These no doubt have an impact on one’s self-Image.  I have disclosed my struggle with low-self-esteem, and I was puzzled because I could not find any of the causes which we generally blame. I had loving, caring parents and I succeeded at everything I did, yet the feeling of unworth and inferiority persisted throughout my life.

 

I found a possible explanation in a statement by the mussar authority, R’ Simchah Zissl Ziv, who commented on the verse in Psalms (118:13), “Docho dechisani linpol, vaHashem azarani” (They pushed me hard that I might fall, but Hashem assisted me). R’ Simcha Zissl makes this amazing statement. Referring to the duplication, docho dechisani, he says, “Docho is not a verb. Rather, docho is  a noun, and refers to the feeling of lowliness that is inherent in  man’s nature, which tries to topple a person to the ground…. This force of lowliness that is inherent in man’s nature pressures him with powerful force. King David is saying that this all-encompassing force which has great power, can totally crush a person, and if not for Hashem’s assistance, a person would be unable to withstand this crushing force” (Chochma Umussar, vol.3, p. 113).

 

This force, which seeks to crush a person, is none other than the yetzer hara, the evil instinct, which exists in every person. R’ Simcha Zissl is explaining the passage in the Talmud, “A person’s yetzer grows stronger every day and seeks to crush him” (Kedushin 30b).

 

R’ Simchah  Zissl’s interpretation of dacho decchisani linpol is of enormous importance. It draws attention to the powerful force of the yetzer hara, and that the only way to resist its destructive force is v’Hashem azarani, with the help of Hashem.  This means not only by tefillah but by living in a way that brings one close to Hashem, being a “Jew in essence” and observing the mitzvos. It is important to note that although observance of mitzvos is paramount, Nesivos Shalom refers to this as “a Jew in conduct,” which is not yet “a Jew in essence.”

 

Do not lose sight of the fact that the goal of the yetzer hara is to crush you. It may do so by telling you how unworthy you are, reminding you of the aveiros you committed or your laxity in Torah and mitzvos. If you get into a discussion or argument with the yetzer hara and become defensive, it will defeat you. The proper response is, “Yes, I have committed sins, but that was in the past. I am now dedicated to teshuvah, which will erase those sins and bring me closer to Hashem.”

 

It s noteworthy that Sigmund Freud’s theory of thanatos is very similar. Freud said that in every human being there is a self-destructive force that seeks to crush him.

 

We may become frustrated when our best therapeutic efforts fail to budge someone from the low-self-esteem delusion. If my suspicion of its origin

is correct, we may have to bring this to the attention of our clients, and suggest ways that may overcome this delusion.