I find that I get very down and depressed after yomim tovim. Not just Purim but really every Yom Tov, and truthfully after every exciting time of year. I am sure most people have some sort of let down but with me it is really painful. As a matter of fact, when something enjoyable starts, I am already starting to think about how soon it will be over. I guess I just have a rough time with "regular life." How can I get better at handling this?
Response:
What you are describing is unfortunately fairly common. Many people become depressed around holiday time. The reasons for this can vary. For some, holidays can be reminders of past problems and issues (like family and relationship struggles). For others, holidays can trigger negative emotions (often related to not being good enough).
Your negative feelings occur after the holiday is over. From a simplistic perspective, this could be due to the inverse of the reason that holidays themselves affect some people. If your “regular life” doesn’t feel fulfilling, yomim tovim may be filling the void for you. This causes you to feel better (toward yourself?) during the holidays. Of course, the flip side of this is the void that is left once the holiday is over. This would naturally leave you dreading the end of the holiday.
Adding a bit of a deeper concept, I wonder what yomim tovim symbolize for you? For some, holidays symbolize human bonds. For others, they represent a spiritual connection. For yet others, they can conjure a sense of worthlessness, or fragility, or a slew of other feelings and sensations.
Rather than focusing on why you feel depressed once yom tov is over, I think that the question you should be asking is what it is that yom tov makes you feel. You could then consider the void that yom tov may be filling for you. As long as you continue to focus on the “identified problem,” you may very well be avoiding the actual issue with which your unconscious mind is grappling.
There is a reason that we avoid these underlying issues. Our unconscious “child-minds” identify the issue as something that we cannot handle. Since we cannot emotionally handle this issue, it must be avoided. From a child’s perspective, this may well be true. Children typically create defense mechanisms to avoid becoming overwhelmed by things that are (actually or in their perception) not within their control.
As adults, we are capable of dealing with these issues. However, our unconscious minds—after years of training and reinforcement—continue to “protect” us from acknowledging these issues. Recognize that you may be emotionally resistant to identifying and addressing the issue. However, if you are able to get over that obstacle, I think you’ll find that doing so can be quite freeing. Once you properly consider the issue and gain a new, adult, perspective, it will likely become progressively easier to face yomim tovim and their aftermath.
-Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
psychotherapist in private practice
Woodmere, NY
adjunct professor at Touro University
Graduate School of Social Work
author of Self-Esteem: A Primer
www.ylcsw.com / 516-218-4200
Disclaimer
The Contents Of This Blog, Including Text, Graphics, Images, And Other Material Are For Informational Purposes Only. Nothing Contained In This Blog Is, Or Should Be Considered Or Used As, A Substitute For Professional Medical Or Mental Health Advice, Diagnosis, Or Treatment. Never Disregard Medical Advice From Your Doctor Or Other Qualified Health Care Provider Or Delay Seeking It Because Of Something You Have Read On The Internet, Including On This Blog. We Urge You To Seek The Advice Of Your Physician Or Other Qualified Health Professional With Any Questions You May Have Regarding A Medical Or Mental Health Condition. In Case Of Emergency, Please Call Your Doctor Or 911 Immediately. The Information Contained On Or Provided Through This Blog Is Provided On An "As Is" Basis, Without Any Warranty, Express Or Implied. Any Access To This Blog Is Voluntary And At Your Own Risk.