Last week we spoke about being alone with yourself, and the process of getting to know yourself.

This week, let’s take it a step further. Try being alone with somebody else.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

Well, it might be ridiculous, but try it anyway.

If you’re in a relationship, try spending some time alone with your significant other. If you’re not in a relationship, try it with an open-minded friend. Here’s the catch, though - you need to be silent, or mostly silent. If you find this extremely hard to do, try listening to music without lyrics, or sharing another experience that doesn’t take up too much of your attention. Watch a sunrise or sunset.

Just be. We are designed to be more than humans doing. We are humans being.

For some, this may not be a helpful experience, and if that’s you, that’s fine. But for others, shared silence can increase the sense of intimacy and knowledge of the other.

I find this to be helpful in dating as well. Once you get to know someone, see if you can sit silently with them for a time. The experience may tell you a lot about how comfortable you are with each other.

I shared this concept with a friend, and she didn’t buy it. That’s fine.

We human beings are infinitely complex. There is so much richness innate in our being, and we can access that richness so much more when we silently attune ourselves to its brilliance and allow it to come.

Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com. 

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