Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses two related prohibitions regarding the special status of a father and mother. It is a biblical prohibition to curse one’s father or mother (Shemos 21:17), as well as a prohibition to wound one’s father or mother (ibid. 15). Presumably, wounding one’s parents is more severe than merely cursing them. Yet, the punishment for cursing them is stoning, while wounding them is strangulation. Given that stoning is considered a more severe punishment, it seems logical that cursing one’s parents would incur a harsher penalty than wounding would. (As an important aside, cursing here does not refer to four-letter words. Rather, it involves invoking a holy name of God to literally curse and wish ill upon them. See Shulchan Aruch YD:241:1.)
Rav Ruderman (Sichas Avodas Halevi, Mishpatim Ma’amar 40, quoting Ramban Shemos 21:15) explains that there exists a Torah principle to sometimes punish a lesser crime more severely because people are more likely to rationalize its permissibility. Since cursing consists of mere words—and in human relationships, conflicts can escalate—one might be tempted to minimize and rationalize cursing one’s parents. This is why the punishment is stronger: to counter the strength of the inclination to sin. Rav Ruderman also cites Rabbenu Yonah (Shaare Teshuva III:141), who notes that our sages teach that one who humiliates a person in public, causing him to turn white, loses his share in the world to come because it is akin to murder, as all the blood drains out of the person. (Even the English word to Mortify, comes from the word “mort”, which means death, and vernacular terms such as “dying on stage” allude to the subjective feeling of dying that comes from extreme humiliation.) Ironically, such a fate is not decreed for one who actually commits murder. Rabbenu Yonah explains that this is because the one who humiliates tends not to recognize his sin and does not repent at all, resulting in a more severe punishment in the world to come.
I would like to point out a distinction between the Ramban and Rabbenu Yonah that Rav Ruderman did not emphasize. In the Ramban’s case—cursing versus wounding a parent—the punishment comes from the Sanhedrin. The Sanhedrin’s concern is not merely to uphold Torah law but also to preserve social order. Capital punishment was rare and required an extensive process, including a warning immediately prior to the act and a lengthy cross-examination of witnesses (see Mishna Makkos 1:10, Mishna Makkos 4:1). These punishments function largely as a deterrent—so much so that certain capital cases never occurred (Sanhedrin 71a and 81a). Therefore, the Ramban’s principle focuses on deterrence: a sin perceived as less severe may require a harsher penalty from the Sanhedrin.
However, Rabbenu Yonah refers to the heavenly punishment for humiliating someone. Heavenly punishments are not about deterrence but rather serve as a form of expiation. This is why Rabbenu Yonah emphasizes a different point: a person who commits a severe sin but rationalizes it as not so serious will not feel regret and thus tends not to repent. This results in a greater punishment in the world to come.
As far as Rav Ruderman is concerned, the Ramban and Rabbenu Yonah are making the same point: the more people tend to minimize a sin—assuming the sin remains relatively severe—the harsher the punishment it incurs, even compared to a more serious sin that people feel greater inhibition to commit. From a mussar perspective, Rav Ruderman stresses the human tendency to rationalize and the dangers of minimizing certain sins. However, in point of fact, the Ramban and Rabbenu Yonah discuss two distinct concepts. The Ramban addresses deterrence, while Rabbenu Yonah focuses on the consequences of not feeling sufficient regret and therefore repenting less.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families as well male sexual health. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com