I had a conversation with a colleague, Yehuda Alcabes, earlier today about running into clients outside of the office. We had both had some clumsy encounters, and it was fun to talk about. The question we were left with is: as therapists, how concerned do we need to be about our clients seeing us differently than we would like to be seen?

Do you want to run into your client at a Zumba class? At a ballgame with beer in hand? At Dunkin Donuts, in a bad mood, when you’re about to inhale three Boston Cremes?  How about after four drinks on Purim? (All these are real stories that I’ve heard, save for Purim.)

There’s nothing wrong with any of these activities, but we wouldn’t want our clients to see us in any of these or similar situations. And I don’t think it would be great for clients to see their therapists that way either. On the other hand, aren’t we therapists allowed to be human? Aren’t we allowed to exercise, to have too many donuts, or even to get drunk if we want to?

Yitzi Horowitz once said to me that clients learn a lot from how we react to our vulnerability. If I react with shame when I meet a client in one of the above situations, I teach my clients that we need to be perfect to be okay. However, if I can react with a wry acknowledgement and acceptance of my imperfection, what a wonderful, constructive modeling experience that can be!

We’re allowed to be human, and I don’t think we need to tiptoe around our own communities for fear of being seen that way. It is how we react when our humanity is observed that makes all the difference.

Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com. 

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