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Showing Results 1 - 10 (46 total)
Ballad of the Secretly Burnt Out Kollel Wife
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
September 18th, 2019
“I’m so happy and grateful- his Rebbe said he’s a meyuchad, a lamdan, really something special.” “I just want to do whatever is best for my husband’s learning.” “This is a good job for a working mom- it’s my privilege to support my husband’s Torah.” “As long as we can, we’re hoping long term.” “It’s a zechus for me, for our future children to have a ch …
Hey, Teachers- Your Students Have Issues...
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
August 29th, 2019
A teacher in my neighborhood once called me to talk about some frustrating feedback she had gotten at work. Apparently, a parent had called the school to complain that this teacher had made a couple of comments that were insensitive to the fact that one student was going through an extenuatingly difficult life event. The teacher felt bad- she hadn’t realized this child was suffering. She told me that in trying to defend herself, she respond …
When Av and Elul Trigger Depression and Anxiety and What We Can Do About It
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
August 23rd, 2019
Something I've been thinking about for awhile (like years) is how this time of year in the Jewish calendar, the months of Av and Elul, can be emotionally triggering for a lot of people. There is a two month emphasis on the heavier side of religious experience- loss, destruction, suffering, and then examining our deeds, reviewing our behavior, confessions, and doing repentance. The healthy version of this spiritual process, involves honoring the p …
Consent for Touch- Even With a Spouse
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
August 12th, 2019
You know that feeling where you finish a conversation, and then a little later, mentally review it and wish you could go back and change your answer? I had one of those., recently. I was speaking at an event where the audience was invited to submit anonymous questions. One of the questions that was written in was one I’d heard before: “I would like to observe the niddah laws the way I was taught them- not touching at all during the ni …
Please DON'T Fake It Til You Make It
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
July 9th, 2019
Several years ago, I had been invited to an event that also featured a talk for kallah teachers, giving by a woman who trains them. At the end, she entertained some questions from the audience. One young Rebbetzin raised her hand: “What should I tell a girl, who after 7-8 months of marriage is feeling no physical pleasure with her husband at all? She even finds the whole thing unpleasant..” A few other women looked up and nodded, thei …
More Attempts to Reduce Abuse this Summer
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
June 20th, 2019
Another Short but Critical Pre-camp Parental Safety Talk

By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT As we label the socks and pack up the duffels, we scan the emails about the “pre-camp safety talks” and try to arm our kids with a specific type of personal awareness. Our communities have, thankfully, been making progress in the area of educating children towards body boundaries, good vs inappropriate touch, reporting to safe adults, and ge …
"Do You Ever Just Cuddle?" A Powerful Tip for Marital Inimacy Improvement
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
June 14th, 2019
“Do You Ever Just Cuddle?”   Yael’s arms are folded across her chest, and her legs tightly crossed as she describes her frustration: “I guess I’m just turned off from any kind of touch at this point- I don't trust it. Most days, it’s just business as usual, except on the nights when he wants sex. That’s when he’ll start trying to be all warm and cuddly, but it’s so obvious that he’s …
How Do You Take Your Torah?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
June 6th, 2019
  “I’m not sure if you’re interested or ready to hear this, but there is something I’d like to suggest, with your permission,” is something my clients hear often sessions. Advice is tricky. No matter how theoretically useful the recommendation I have might be, it is only of value if the listener is ready and interested in receiving it. If not, it is not only effectively worthless, but potentially harmful to the …
When Talmud Torah Becomes Avoda Zara
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
May 30th, 2019
There are certain memorable moments from sessions past that stay with me in vivid detail. It was a couple’s intake session years ago, and the husband (who I quickly learned was abusive) turned to his wife, and calmly explained his perspective: “Even the Gemara backs me up on this: You have to do what I say because you are my property. I bought and own you- like a slave or an animal. You don’t have a will of your own.” With …
"My High School Principal Nearly Destroyed Me"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
May 22nd, 2019
“My Principal Wouldn’t Let the Other Girls Talk to Me”  A courageous letter from a girl who was deliberately ostracized, to the principal who nearly ruined her   This post is being published on behalf of a specific client, at her request. This emotionally powerful, raw and honest note was written by a thoughtful, intelligent woman to her former high school principal. She wanted to share her feelings with this educator …