Hidden Happiness
By: Dr. Yaakov Siegel
In 1997, a study was published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology showing the effects of suppressed emotion. The researchers, James Gross of Stanford University and Robert W. Levenson of the University of California – Berkeley, recruited 180 people and exposed them to emotion-laden stimuli.
One group of 90 subjects was instructed to control and hide their feelings. The other was allowed to express them freely. The scientists found that individuals who suppressed their emotion reported far less enjoyment while the expressive group was immensely amused.
The study’s most interesting finding was the physiological response in the suppression group. Emotional inhibition led to somatic arousal; specifically increased heart rate, sweaty hands, rapid breathing and other well-known stress reactions. In short, the suppression group was undergoing panic and anxiety!
Modern culture popularized the negative effects of blocking out negative emotion and the value of expressing it. We have all heard that it is counterproductive to hold back out negative feelings and we would benefit from talking out our frustrations with a trusted advisor or friend. Whatever the Torah perspective on this, it is certainly a mainstay of our American gestalt. This is concerning negative thoughts and feelings.
But what about positive emotion, like: hope, happiness, gratitude, joy, optimism, etc.? What happens when we suppress and deny ourselves expression of those feelings?
One may wonder why anyone would suppress positive emotion? After all, this is what we all want; to feel happy, content and joyful. One could understand hiding from feelings of sadness, anger, rejection or guilt. But why avoid good feelings?
The truth is that avoidance of positive emotion is not all that unusual. Many people do bury their feelings, even their most rewarding ones. Perhaps because they see stoicism as a virtue and aspire to become “the strong-silent type.” Excitement, expressive joy or laughter can be deemed as a sign of weakness. Expressive joy is often considered incompatible with seriousness and hard work.
There are others who believe that they will somehow be punished if they are too outwardly cheerful. They fear that their happiness will be somehow compromised or spoiled if shown to others. A nasty comment, a cutting look – that’s all it takes to change their mood. Concealing the emotion protects it. For others, it starts with suppression of negative feelings and snowballs into denial of positive feelings as well.
As the study shows, suppressing emotion produces signs of anxiety and panic, so next time we notice ourselves becoming anxious or worried let us stop and question whether we are suppressing some emotion – either positive or negative.
One patient noticed a pattern in his anxiety. He reported that he panicked every time he gets a new gift or at a personal Simcha. He claimed to be generally calm when things were going bad. It is only when things are going really-well that he started to worry!
Sleepless nights before a simcha. Fretting and obsessing over an acquired gift, a new house, a promotion. The happy moments in life always triggered his anxiety. Turns out he had been hiding from his own happiness.
Whatever the reason, many of us deny ourselves feelings of natural joy and happiness. Unexplained anxiety, and particularly panic, is often an indication of such unexpressed emotion. And the classic approach is to search for those hidden negative emotions, mostly fear, anger, or resentment.
But suppressed happiness is equally detrimental and can trigger the same anxiety. This is good news, not bad. Maybe we were really happy and content all along. Maybe we only need to express it.