The Watusi Cattle is a striking animal. I noticed it while riding with my family on a train ride at a local zoo. The guide explained to us that this African breed is considered a key status symbol among the African tribes. Those with the widest horns may only be owned by the king, and how many Watusi one owns as well as the quality of the herd projects importance to everyone else. Certainly the animals provide important sustenance for their owners, but perhaps more significantly it communicates to others that the owner is wealthy and important.

Whether the symbol is Watusi or something else every culture has status symbols, but in Jewish thought we are taught to turn away from seeking status and to refrain from projecting importance. In Jewish thought that which is most important and most holy is also most hidden. The holiest place in Judaism is the innermost chamber of the Temple which was only seen once a year by the Kohen Gadol. In contemporary practice the holiest object of worship the Torah scroll is rolled up, covered, and stored in a closed chamber hidden behind multiple dividers. Our Rabbis dress in long coats to symbolize additional modesty, and the holiest rabbis are known for their avoidance of the limelight. The Navi Michah instructs us that we must go with Hashem discreetly; the verse is referring primarily to religious expression. When we choose to adopt certain religious practices especially when they are stringencies it should be out of our desire to come closer to Hashem. If those practices are a way to show others how pious we are, that exposes those practices as superficial acts which inherently corrodes our relationship with Hashem. In all relationships we must be careful that we don’t appear to use those relationships to attain status. When a child senses that their parent is focused only on the superficial aspects of their relationship, whether because her demeanor changes radically in publicly, or because the parent is more concerned about what others will think than what is important to the child this corrodes the relationship. A relationship necessarily must include many different aspects including superficial ones, but if a spouse feels that the superficial has become the focus of her partner this will undermine their connection.

Throughout Neviim Achronim Hashem tells us that what he wants most from us is to build our relationship with him by being attentive to our relationships with each other. For example in the 58^th chapter of Yeshaya (which is read as the Haftarah on Yom Kippur) the Navi recounts Hashem’s frustration with people who are so focused on ritual and fasting, yet their dishonesty and their attitude toward the less fortunate betray a selfishness which is foreign to the idea of coming close to Hashem. In order to come close to Hashem we must show that what is important to Him is important to us, and what He is focused on is what we are focused on. In all our relationships we must follow this same rule, we cannot connect with others on our terms, if we wish to build connection we must observe what is most precious to someone else and find a way to demonstrate a mutual interest.

                Religious identity must also avoid the superficial. If we categorize ourselves by the color of our shoes, pants, cattle, shirts, or hats this identity becomes meaningless. Like the Watusi if we become too concerned about status we lose sight of the sustenance we need to draw and become more concerned that others should see the image we are trying to project. It becomes insidious and soon this spiritual superficiality pervades all aspects of our lives. We are no longer concerned about what Hashem wants, and become more concerned with the rat race of keeping up with the Jones’s. I need a backpack like hers, and a suit like his, and a car like theirs, and a sheitel like hers, and a house like theirs, and tefillin like his, and a son-in-law like his, and a seminary like hers. It can become difficult to distinguish the profane from the sublime it all starts to look so superficial. The race becomes so involved that it is hard to notice how fast you are running away from Hashem, and the discreet connection He demands. When that happens it becomes easy to do things that hurt the connection even more. But when we run down that path not only do we sometimes leave Hashem behind, we can often leave our friends, our spouses, and our children behind as well. When they sense that this pursuit is more important than them it tears at the fabric of the connection.

                Until one day we get confronted with the gaping hole that has developed in the relationship. In our pursuit of exposure, we become exposed. We might be shown to have done things foreign to our values. Sometimes we can still mend it, but as individuals and as a community we must examine whether we are letting superficiality get in the way of discreet, sublime, holy connection with Hashem and with each other. The Mishnah in Avos says that the way of Torah is through sacrifice. Those who live a life of dedication to Torah study according to the Mishna must be prepared to eat bread with salt, drink plain water, and sleep on the floor if necessary. Those who make this sacrifice to intensify their connection with Hashem are the holiest of our nation, but when Torah study becomes a way of expressing an identity it is corruptive both on an individual and communal level. Relationships are built on those private moments, how do we treat our children when no one is looking, how do we treat our spouses when no one will know, what stringencies do we adopt in our religious lives that nobody will ever find out about, that is how strong relationships are built and strengthened. When we can become introspective rather than projective, we will feel all the more closer to Hashem, to our spouses, and to our children. We won’t need the biggest shiniest horns in the neighborhood.

Happy Connecting!

Menachem