Two wrongs do not make a right, as the old saying goes – and this usually works quite well when parents encourage their children to get past a fighting mode. But in fact, two negatives do make a positive in the disciplines of math and grammar. So why doesn’t it apply to a person’s consideration of morality? Don’t the two principles seem to contradict each other?

Math and grammar are challenging subject skills for many. On the morality scene, however, they seem to cancel each other out. So having an opportunity to injure someone who initiated negative interactions makes an individual lose rather than win. In addition, parenting is deeply affected by these equations even though children may be full-fledged adults. But what happens to older adults when they face parental critiques even though the parents may have been guilty of similar negative behavior in their time? Parental advice may subtract from a strong family relationship, especially in the review of moral structure as it is applied to real life. Adults have to overcome differences and determine how to respond to wrongs they receive and then – hopefully - to make things right. Many people continue along the path of negative action just like the small children in this story.

Two-and-a-half-year-old M.’s world was turned upside down when his mother gave birth to a baby girl three weeks ago. One day, his baby sister was sleeping peacefully in her carriage when M. suddenly punched her in the belly and slapped her on the cheek too fast for anyone to stop him. Startled out of her comfort zone, the baby opened her eyes and began to cry. When his father asked him why he did what he did, M. boldly said, “She hit me first!”

In later years, when the baby turns two and the now four-year-old brother picks a fight with her, his sister gives as good as she got. Although now they both know how to defend themselves when needed, their parents have worked very hard to teach them better interactive skills.

Social mores are more of a cultural experience that comes with the territory in which one lives. In some cultures, only part of the group may be aggressive while another significant section may be passive. In Western culture, more people are of equal stature, yet there are always those who are exceptions. People have a right to disagree with each other. How parents disagree is viewed and reviewed by the youngest generation. If adults disagree reasonably, speaking and acting civilly, children emulate them. If adults are rude to each other and treat each other unkindly, that youngest generation emulates that too: do what I say, not what I do.

Children view adults when visiting, in family living, in school/play group/babysitting situations and wherever they see adults interacting, either with their elders, their peers, or with youngsters. Basically that is wherever they may be. They watch carefully whether or not they look like they are paying attention and they make their own interpretations of what they see, which may or may not be accurate. Disagreements can occur wherever there are discussions; it is the way people disagree that is important to note.

When individuals hold grudges against other individuals, the tendency is to let the person know loudly that they are not appreciated, although there may be ways to do that appropriately. What does that teach a child? Does one person have a right to act negatively towards another person? Does that make a child want to learn how to solve a problem or just strike out at someone bothersome? What about contradictory remarks by parents who are trying to teach their children peaceful co-existence in the home? Children cut to the chase. They know contradictions as soon as they see them. They also learn the obvious lesson before the preferred one.

Now back to math and grammar: do two wrongs equal one right? The arithmetic is simple – it is not possible, since that is like mixing apples and oranges. The grammar is also simple – two wrongs can never make one right because they are opposites. The standards are the simplest yet – actions speak louder than words. Children emulate their elders. The next oldest generation is their role model. The adults caught in the sandwich generation have to deal with their elders for better or for worse. The way they treat their elders is the way their children will treat them. The way their elders treat them is the way they will treat their children. Who can break that chain of events? The person who wants positive interaction between the generations and among his or her peers and recognizes that principles stop and start there. Two wrongs can never equal one right because the equation aggravates negative communication instead of improving it. Each person has to be willing to build that positive connection with others.