Dear Therapist:

I am 21 year old Bochur just back from Eretz Yisroel. Can you please explain to me why some people have such a hard time waking up in the morning? This is something I constantly struggle with and I never am able to beat it. Oversleeping is something that is constantly getting in the way of my aliyah. It also really annoys my parents and rabbeim.  I wouldn't say it just has to do with going to sleep late because I have friends who go to sleep really late and still somehow always make shachris. People tell me I am just lazy and should just get up, but if so I don't know how to stop being lazy. Can you please give me some advice as to how to deal with this endless problem?

Response:

The ability to wake up (and rise) early is reliant on many factors.  You speak of “a hard time waking up.”  If you mean that you literally do not awaken despite the use of an alarm clock or others attempting to rouse you, you should probably be tested for a vitamin deficiency—like an iron deficiency.  Mental health issues like ADHD and bipolar disorder can also create for a need for longer and deeper sleep.

Your circadian rhythm (commonly known as your biological clock) helps to regulate your need for sleep.  Every person has their own individualized rhythm with specific sleep requirements.  In addition, your circadian rhythm changes as you age.  This is the reason that children generally require more sleep than adults.  There are also a few sleep stages through which you cycle a few time every night.  If the time that you try to awaken coincides with a deep sleep stage, it can be very difficult to do so. 

At the age of 21, you might still be in the late adolescent-early adulthood phase at which you require an average of 9 ½ hours’ sleep on a nightly basis. In this phase, your body may also be biologically set for a late bedtime, further complicating the issue.  Proper sleep is critical.  If you are not getting enough sleep, this can affect your general level of alertness and memory, and can lead to weight gain.  Over time, it can also contribute to mental health problems, like depression.

Your friends might have an easier time waking up due to many factors.  They may simply need less sleep than you do.  However, if they are not getting the amount of sleep that their bodies require, this can cause long-term issues related to sleep deprivation, despite their apparent ability to easily awaken.   

If you’re getting enough sleep and actually wake up but still have trouble rising in the morning, you can try two things.  The first is to set your alarm for the latest time that you want to get out of bed.  This can eliminate your tendency to hit the snooze button and fall back asleep.  The extra few minutes of sleep can do more harm than good since they will likely interrupt then restart your REM sleep, (arguably the most important sleep stage, which helps to you to focus), thus keeping you in a fog throughout the day.  The second thing that you can try is rising slowly from bed.  First sit up, then breathe deeply a few times, then slowly rise to your feet.  This can help to alleviate the shock of switching suddenly from a deep sleep to being fully awake.

-Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

  psychotherapist in private practice

 Brooklyn, NY

 author of Self-Esteem: A Primer

 www.ylcsw.com / 718-258-5317

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