Our Gemara on Amud Aleph references a verse from Yeshaiyahu (57:19):

בּוֹרֵ֖א (נוב) [נִ֣יב] שְׂפָתָ֑יִם שָׁל֨וֹם ׀ שָׁל֜וֹם לָרָח֧וֹק וְלַקָּר֛וֹב אָמַ֥ר יְהֹוָ֖ה וּרְפָאתִֽיו׃

The creator of heartening, comforting words: Peace, peace upon him who is far and him who is near—said  GOD —And I will heal them.

The Gemara Berachos (34b) notes that persons who are far, are mentioned first before the persons who are near:

וּפְלִיגָא דְּרַבּ אָמַר רַבִּי אֲבָהוּ: מָקוֹם שֶׁבַּעֲלֵי תְשׁוּבָה עוֹמְדִין — צַדִּיקִים גְּמוּרִים אֵינָם עוֹמְדִין, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״שָׁלוֹם שָׁלוֹם  לָרָחוֹק וְלַקָּרוֹב״. ״לָרָחוֹק״ בְּרֵישָׁא, וַהֲדַר ״לַקָּרוֹב״.

And the Gemara notes that this statement disagrees with the opinion of Rabbi Abbahu who holds that penitents are superior to the righteous. As Rabbi Abbahu said: In the place where penitents stand, even the full-fledged righteous do not stand, as it is stated: “Peace, peace upon him who is far and him who is near.” Peace and greeting is extended first to him who is far, the penitent, and only thereafter is peace extended to him who is near, the full-fledged righteous.

That the Baal Teshuva could be closer to God than the consistently righteous has been a subject of much discussion amongst commentaries and baaley mussar. It does not seem fair or just. I will try to explain this metaphysical phenomenon from a psychological and systemic perspective. As I have commented on other Psychology of the Daf columns (see Bava Kama 26), often patterns in nature repeat themselves, and Torah mirrors nature, as Rambam points out in the Guide (III:43). 

In our own bodies, a healed bone is stronger, and if our immune system is exposed to a virus and overcomes it, natural immunity develops. When a system develops a repair mechanism it also makes it less likely to break. So too, when a personality recovers from a sin, particularly if the recovery involves shifting perspectives, priorities and character traits, the internalization of the principle is stronger. Who would you rather have as a security guard? A 20 year old boot camp graduate who looks like he could lift a car over his head, or a 50 year old, wizened soldier who has seen many battles? Experience trumps raw power. In relationships as well, when there are betrayals, major or minor, if a repair is made, despite or even because of the depth of the betrayal, new awareness and experience can bring about a result that is even better than before. 

Repairs and corrections seem to be a part of healthy human development and attachment. According to researcher, Jerry Lewis ( published on line: https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.157.9.1375 ):

“A Finding of great significance was that mothers are correctly attuned to their infant’s emotional state only about one-third of the time. The infant’s responses to the frequent misattunements result in appropriate corrections by the mother in another one-third of the occasions.”

This shows that the ongoing dynamic of understanding and misunderstandings is part of healthy personality development and relationship stability.”

Lewis quotes additional research:

“Tronick and Gianino emphasized that successful repair turns despair into positive emotions. This can lead to the growth of the infant’s sense of mastery, the elaboration of effective coping mechanisms, and, over time, the internalization of a relationship pattern of great value in later life. There can be adverse consequences in infants for whom successful repair is absent or infrequent. He or she may begin to feel helpless (without mastery) and may turn away from relationships and focus on self-regulation. Internalization of a pattern of unsuccessful repair leads to a limited and often later self-fulfilling relationship style. In addition, a negative affective core to the sense of self may be established.”

Patterns continue to repeat themselves, spiritually and physically, throughout time and across worlds. Although it’s challenging to comprehend, we can intuitively relate to the idea that a relationship that went through considerable difficulty, but ultimately was repaired, becomes stronger and more intimate than before. Many couples that I have had the privilege to work with in helping them through painful conflicts, deep anguish, and dysfunction, can testify to this. When they reach that point of deep empathy, care, and repair, all the pain of the past pales in comparison to the special connection and even ecstasy achieved through this newfound closeness.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

Do you like what you see? Please subscribe and also forward any articles you enjoy to your friends, (enemies too, why not?)