Our Gemara on Amud Beis continues its discussion of various commercial exchanges prohibited during an idolatrous holiday period. One reason given is that if the pagan is pleased with a business transaction, this might prompt him to offer thanksgiving to his deity, thereby implicating the Jew in a form of idolatrous enabling.
This prohibition even extends to borrowing items from a pagan. The Gemara asks:
Granted, it is prohibited to lend the items to them, as this causes them to have a profit. But why is it prohibited to borrow the items from them during this period? Doesn’t this serve to reduce for them the property they possess during the festival?
One answer given is that the pagan is gratified by the mere fact that the Jew is dependent upon him. Even though no money changes hands, the pagan takes pleasure in his ability to lend.
There are two ways to understand the root of his joy—one less noble than the other. He might simply enjoy the feeling of dominance, reveling in his enemy’s need for his resources. As it says in Mishlei (25:21–22):
“If your enemy is hungry give him bread, if he is thirsty, give him water… it will feel like heaping hot coals on his head.”
However, this strikes me as too psychologically sophisticated for the average pagan. If he truly sought domination, wouldn’t he refuse to lend—or better yet, charge an exploitative price?
I believe, rather, that the pagan’s joy is more altruistic and universal: It feels good to be needed. Humans are hardwired to derive pleasure from being relevant and useful to others. Lending an item is not only a show of strength, but also a socially rewarding act. It gives one status, community belonging, and an oxytocin-drenched dopamine kick from knowing he is part of the social fabric.
As Pardede and Kovac note (Eur J Investig Health Psychol Educ. 2023;13(2):331–344):
“The need to form positive social connections and relatedness is universal and fundamental… The need to belong is so potent that some people paradoxically prefer to be in a group of strangers than to be alone.”
Similarly, Grant and Gino write in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2010):
“When individuals experience social worth, they feel that their actions matter in other people’s lives… which confers a sense of belongingness.”
This insight has powerful implications. The cultural glorification of victimhood and grievance culture is not only socially corrosive—it undermines a fundamental human need to give, not just to receive. It breeds depression, entitlement, and disconnection from society. In contrast, people engaged in communal and religious life, such as shluchim and chinuch families, often find deep satisfaction in sacrifice. Their children are raised within a context of contribution and belonging, which offsets what may be lacking from the “American dream.”
In a balanced and nurturing environment, sacrifice enhances rather than detracts from quality of life. Even a “dumb” pagan seems to intuit this truth better than some of the intellectuals leading our cultural narratives.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, LMFT, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com