Our Gemara on Amud Aleph rules that it is forbidden to praise an idolatrous gentile:
“You should not show them chen” (Devarim 7:2), which is understood as meaning: You should not give them favor (chen) by praising them.
Presumably, this prohibition against praising them applies even if they are truly deserving of praise—perhaps especially so—because it could lead to being influenced or enthralled by their religion and character.
Peri Tzaddik (Kedoshim 3) asks: If we are not allowed to praise idolaters, how did the sages allow themselves to admire Esav’s kibbud av (honoring parents) for Yitzchok? Bereishis Rabbah (63:16) reports:
“Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: I attended my father all my days, and I did not attend him one one-hundredth of what Esav attended his father.”
Peri Tzaddik attempts to resolve this by reframing Rabban Gamliel’s praise as, in fact, a subtle critique. Essentially, he describes Esav’s honor for his father as stemming from hedonic impulses. Esav focused on and lusted after the physical pleasures of this world, and therefore was genuinely filled with gratitude to his parents for bringing him into the world. According to this view, this is not particularly praiseworthy. The Jewish ideal of honoring parents is based on a recognition of the hierarchical chain of being; we honor our parents for the same reason we honor God: out of gratitude and obedience to the Creator.
However, this interpretation of Peri Tzaddik does not sit well with the plain meaning of Rabban Gamliel’s words, which appear to express genuine admiration for Esav’s behavior.
In search of a better answer, I reflected on the original directive. In the context of our Gemara, the kind of praise that seems to be forbidden focuses on aesthetic and material aspects—beautiful architecture, or, as discussed later on the daf, a beautiful gentile woman. I wonder if the prohibition applies only when extolling a physical attribute, rather than a moral or spiritual virtue. If that is so, then it is understandable why Rabban Gamliel could praise Esav’s dedication to the mitzvah of honoring parents. Since this is not a physical feature, but rather a moral virtue, perhaps such praise is permitted.
However, despite the possibility of interpreting our Gemara that way, the Rambam clearly does not codify it as such. He states (Laws of Idolatry 10:4):
“This prohibition also forbids speaking about [idolaters] in a praiseworthy manner. It is even forbidden to say, ‘Look how beautiful that idolater’s body is.’ How much more so is it forbidden to praise their deeds or to hold their words dear, as [the verse states]: ‘Do not show them chen.’ This phrase can also be interpreted as, ‘Do not look at them gracefully,’ for doing so will cause you to draw close to them and learn from their wicked behavior.”
Similarly, Shulchan Arukh (YD 151:12) supports this formulation:
“It is forbidden to speak in praise of [idolaters or idols], even to say, ‘How beautiful is this idolater in his form.’ All the more so, it is forbidden to praise their deeds or to endear any of their words. However, if the intention of the praise is to give thanks to the Holy One, Blessed be He, for creating such a beautiful creature, it is permitted.”
Though Shulchan Arukh agrees with the Rambam’s broad prohibition, his final clause might offer some room for an answer. It is permitted to note the beauty of an idolator if the focus of the comment is to praise God and not the person. Perhaps we might similarly argue that Rabban Gamliel’s primary intent was not to glorify Esav per se, but rather to emphasize the importance of the mitzvah of kibbud av and even stir up a certain righteous competitiveness within himself or others: If Esav could excel at it, how much more so must we? In that case, the focus is truly on the mitzvah and not Esav as an individual.
But this only pushes the question deeper: What do we make of the idea that Esav—who is cast as a villain nonetheless shows great honor for his father, who happens to be a tzaddik and a holy man? Why did Esav have this soft spot? If he really admired and loved his father so much, why did he end up such a scoundrel? It seems that he was able to hide his true nature from Yitzchok to some degree. Was his outward display of kibbud av a way of soothing his guilt? Does Esav, in fact, experience guilt?
Perhaps the Peri Tzaddik’s characterization is not as forced as it originally appeared. How deep could Esav’s sense of kibbud av have truly been when he acted so openly against his father’s values and morals? That is, even if he performed the external actions with zeal and flair, the inner spiritual motivation may have been lacking, or even fundamentally selfish. In this way, his praise-worthy behavior might not have been as pure as it looked on the surface.
Nonetheless, this tension is precisely what makes the example of Esav so compelling. Even within those who are morally corrupt, there may still be traits or behaviors that are commendable—or at least serve as a lesson for us in contrast or by comparison.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, LMFT, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com