Our Gemara continues the discussion about Esnan Zonah from the previous Daf. On Amud Aleph, it debates whether the zonah in question is Jewish or gentile. This invites a deeper look: why does the Torah devote attention to the esnan prohibition, when the act itself is already forbidden?

Our Gemara continues the discussion about Esnan Zonah from the previous Daf. On Amud Aleph, it debates whether the zonah in question is Jewish or gentile. Later, at the end of 69b-70a, there is even a discussion of Jewish men dining with a prostitute, maintaining that the wine might still be kosher, since though they have a Yetzer Hara for promiscuity, they still will be careful with yeyn nesech. This invites a deeper look: why does the Torah devote attention to the esnan prohibition, when the act itself is already forbidden?

The incident with Yehudah and Tamar (Bereishis 38) is instructive — Rambam notes this was before Sinai, when such conduct was not yet prohibited. Still, our tradition holds that the Avos and even the Shevatim voluntarily observed much of the Torah beforehand (Yoma 28b; Chulin 91a).

This raises the broader issue of “normalized” sins. History shows prostitution in virtually every society. By contrast, lashon hara — potentially violating dozens of prohibitions and commandments (as the Chofetz Chaim details in his Sefer Shemiras Halashon) — is far more common than eating non-kosher, yet most take it less seriously. Some sins are tolerated socially not because they are minor, but because the human drive behind them is so strong.

The Gemara (Bava Basra 164a) and Rambam (Issurei Biah 22:18–21) acknowledge this: nothing is harder for most people to resist than sexual misconduct. 

There is nothing in the entire Torah that is more difficult for the majority of people to separate themselves from than sexual misconduct and forbidden sexual intercourse. Our Sages said: When the Jews were commanded regarding forbidden sexual conduct, they wept and accepted this mitzvah with complaints and tears, as implied by the phrase: "Crying among their families," [which is interpreted as meaning]: "Crying about family matters."

Our Sages said: A person's soul desires and craves theft and forbidden sexual relations. You will never find a community that does not have some people who are promiscuous regarding forbidden conduct and prohibited sexual intercourse. Moreover, our Sages said: Most people trespass with regard to theft; a minority with regard to forbidden sexual conduct, and all with regard to the avak l’shon hora. 

Therefore it is proper for a person to subjugate his natural inclination with regard to this matter and train himself in extra holiness, pure thought, and proper character traits so that he will be guarded against them.

He should be very careful with regard to entering into privacy with a woman, for this is a great cause [of transgression]. Our great Sages would tell their students: "Watch me because of my daughter," "Watch me because of my daughter-in-law," so that they would teach their students not to be embarrassed about such matters and distance themselves from entering into privacy with women. 

Similarly, a person should distance himself from levity, intoxication, and erotic words, for they are great precipitators and steps [leading] to forbidden relations.

A man should not live without a wife, for this practice leads to great purity. And [our Sages gave] even greater [advice], saying: "A person should always turn himself and his thoughts to the words of the Torah and expand his knowledge in wisdom, for the thoughts of forbidden relations grow strong solely in a heart which is empty of wisdom." And in [Solomon's words of] wisdom [Proverbs 5:19], it is written: "It is a beloved hind, arousing favor. Her breasts will satisfy you at all times. You shall be obsessed with her love."

While the Rambam’s timeless words speak for themselves (and I was careful to translate with precision), there are a number of points that I will highlight:

Rambam describes two different categories of forbidden sexual behavior: “sexual misconduct” (arayos) and “sexual intercourse” (bios assuros). This shows an important nuance. The problem is not merely act that are forbidden due to flagrant violations, but also sexual conduct that is inappropriate.

Furthermore, Rambam states that sexual thoughts are more easily encountered in a heart which is empty of wisdom. Torah is the antidote. But, let’s be realistic, we know plenty of people and recent times that were famous rabbis and yet engaged in unacceptable and inappropriate sexual violations. How do we account for that? The answer is, IF someone is open to growing and is a good person, yes, absolutely, Torah has a positive impact. However, if the person is closed and rationalizing their behavior, there’s no force from the spiritual realm which operates in a subtle manner that could arouse this person to the truth.

And finally, Rambam praises Sages who were candid about their temptations (“Watch me because of my daughter”), teaching that acknowledging vulnerability is itself protective. This is why the normalization of protective measures — such as internet filters promoted by TAG — is valuable: it removes the shame from admitting a need for safeguards.

I once saw this in action. My AC unit was freezing over, and I asked a frum mechanic at a local shop that I frequented for advice, showing photos on my phone. He flatly refused to look at any smartphone — even if I held it. He had a personal boundary to never look at a smart phone, filter shmilter. “Email me,” he said; his computer was in a public area. I did so, and his advice fixed the problem. His refusal was firm yet respectful — and a real-life example of guarding his personal boundaries. Kol hakavod.