Our Gemara on Amud Beis uses an interesting linguistic term to refer to the tank that holds the wine in the wine press: na’ava.
This usage also appears in a verse (Shmuel I 20:30), when Shaul erupts at his son Yonasan. The trigger for this rage was Yonasan’s defense of David:
“Saul flew into a rage against Jonathan. ‘You son of a twisted, rebellious woman—na’avas hamardus!’ he shouted. ‘I know that you side with the son of Yishai—to your shame, and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness!’”
Shaul’s obscenities reflect the rawness of his rage. His final phrase—“shame of your mother’s nakedness”—was likely euphemistic for something far harsher - use your imagination, as in most cultures what does “your mother’s nakedness” roughly translate as?. Rashi (ibid.) explains the obscure word na’avas as coming from the same source as the wine press, in this case referring to a vineyard. The twisted contortions of vine shoots are a metaphor for the perverse behavior Shaul accused Yonasan’s mother of.
The Gemara (Arachin 16b), noting Yonasan’s bold words and Shaul’s furious response, derives from here that one is obligated to rebuke a wrongdoer even if it incites wrath. Not only that, but even a son must rebuke his father, and even a subject can rebuke his king (see Rosh Dovid, Noach 1).
Let us review some halachos and ethics of rebuke. Of course, this does not permit disrespect. Tact must be used even among peers, and certainly toward authority figures (Arachin ibid.). There is likewise no excuse to hurt or embarrass a child in the process of discipline, since all halachic obligations toward one’s fellow apply to minors as well (Sefer HaChinuch 338). The Gemara continues (ibid.)
- Rabbi Tarfon says: “I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who can receive rebuke.”
- Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria responds: “I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who knows how to rebuke correctly, without embarrassing the person he is rebuking.”
Already in the Tannaitic era, there was a recognition that people cannot tolerate rebuke. Ironically, Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria subtly rebukes Rabbi Tarfon himself—not the common folk—for failing to recognize that the a problem lies in the insensitivity of those delivering the rebuke.
In modern times, Rav Chaim Volozhin (Keser Rosh 143) makes a powerful statement:
“One should not speak harshly, as harsh words are not heeded; rather, one should speak gently. But if it is absolutely not in their nature to speak gently, they are exempt from rebuking.”
Aside from the obvious halachic lesson—that one should not rebuke unless it can be done without hurting another’s feelings—there is a subtle message here. Rav Chaim matter-of-factly acknowledges that some people simply lack the capacity for gentleness. He is not endorsing insensitivity, but he is recognizing a reality: some personalities simply do not have the tools of tact. Is this not a precursor to recognizing what we now call neurodivergence?
Still, we are not utterly exempt from rebuke. We must use common sense. When there is a serious moral lapse, and we believe our words could help, we are obligated to speak up (Shulchan Aruch O.C. 608:2; Mishna Berura ad loc.). Finally, rebuke can take many forms. Living honorably, with integrity and kindness, is perhaps the most powerful rebuke of all.