Our Gemara on Amud Aleph observes that in Halacha, often that which is similar can be more disruptive than that which is alien. Thus, a chattas offering that is slaughtered with the intention of an Olah offering is rendered invalid, yet a chattas offering that is slaughtered with the intention of eating standard profane food remains a valid chattas. Somehow the thought of a profane food offering is so alien to the chattas that it has no power to disrupt it.
I have remarked many times in Psychology of the Daf that patterns that exist in the spiritual world also exist in the physical and emotional world, since one Creator designed it all in His wisdom. Here too, the idea that something somewhat similar causes more disruption than something utterly alien is true psychologically as well.
Kometz Hamincha (1:9–10) observes that the enmity between the amei ha-aretz and the sages is greater than the enmity of the gentile toward the Jew (Pesachim 49b) for this same reason. The more similar you are, the more the dissonance is jarring.
Often family members, particularly teenagers, who remind us of ourselves can arouse within us the greatest irritation. We see our flaws and our potential nascent within a younger version of ourselves just as we are grappling with our loss of youth and vitality, as well as lost opportunities, as we begin middle age. Teenagers can be obnoxious of their own accord, but the dynamics of similarity make it harder to keep a level head.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, LMFT, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com