Daf Yomi, Marriage Counseling, Psychotherapy, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Torah and Psychology
Our Gemara on Amud Aleph references the verse (Devarim 16:19) that discusses the counting of the Omer and begins “from the time the sickle is first put to the standing grain.”
The choice of words to describe this time, “from the time the sickle is first put to the standing grain,” seems to hint at something. Likkutei Torah (Bamidbar 17) explains that the giving of the Torah is a repair of the original sin of Adam, which was with grain. In particular, the Omer offering is barley, reminiscent of a descent into animalistic desires. The counting, that is the preparation for the Torah, begins with a dramatic act—“cutting down the standing.” That means the cutting down of improper character traits (that can remain stubbornly fixed) and refining them and grinding them into fine flour.
Rav Yisroel Salanter says it’s easier to learn Shas than to change a middah. We can all agree how challenging it is. From a clinical perspective, many middos issues would be characterized as personality disorders. The challenge with personality disorders is that often the problematic pattern of behavior is not ego-dystonic but rather ego-syntonic. For example, a person who is depressed usually does not like it and finds it frustrating. But a person with certain personality traits or middos, because of that, might see the world through a distorted lens and therefore have a hard time perceiving the necessity of change or even the actual problematic manner of relating. For example, a rigid perfectionistic person might just see others as annoying and unreliable instead of recognizing his or her perfectionism as the problem. Even if he or she does recognize it, they might approach their process of growth and change with the same impatience and rigidity, which usually does not promote reflection and change.
This may be why there is a process of counting 49 days and how each day represents a focus on a particular manifestation of character. As we saw in our blog post for Psychology of the Daf Menachos 66a, the extensive process by which the flour for the Omer offering was prepared included sifting through thirteen sifters. These thirteen siftings might correspond to the thirteen attributes of God and therefore could be ways to refine human character to align with God’s merciful qualities. It takes hard work, time, and wisdom to change, but change is possible.
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Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, LMFT, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com