Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you for your informative and interesting column. I've been in therapy for several months and still have a very hard time opening up to my therapist. I started seeing a therapist for anxiety and we've been working on other things as well, such as self-esteem. I did not have the support I needed in the past which contributes to my fear of judgment from her. This is an issue for me in general; not just in therapy. I don't find …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have a 12-year-old son who has always been a bit of the “weaker” sort. Always been very needy, very fragile, as well as academically challenged. He always seems to want more and more attention from mommy and daddy and spends at least 3-4 weeks a year home sick (really sick not faking it). It seems like it is just the personality that he was born with. As he gets older, I am becoming more and more concerned about his …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I know this is more of a shidduch question, but I would love to hear the perspectives of mental health professionals on this. BH I am getting engaged and I am excited. I am so grateful that I got everything I wanted (and much more). At the same time as so much excitement, I am also really nervous, it's such a huge decision and even though I spoke it over with my parents and mentors, I still just feel how huge it is. I feel like wh …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My 18-year-old son is currently seeing a therapist which was recommended by his rosh reshiva. Even though we are paying for the therapy our only interaction with the therapist is to arrange for payment. My son doesn't want us to speak to the therapist and when we have called the therapist, he doesn't want to speak to us either. How are we supposed to help our son if we have no idea what is going on with him? It also seems very unf …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Ever since I can remember I have had disturbing dreams. Even now as an adult I find that I have these vivid nightmares almost every night. It’s gotten to a point where it’s kind of out of hand and I am wondering if this means something is wrong with me? Is there something I can do to make this stop? Would therapy help with something like this? I’d appreciate any guidance you could give me. Thanks.   Response …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We have an 11 yr. old son who has been bullying his younger siblings for years. He is an intense child with a low self-esteem. He threatens them, bribes them, belittles them, embarrasses them, annoys them, and physically hurts them. He needs everything to go his way. We've spoken to him time and again about his behaviors and he's aware of what he's doing and that it’s not ok. We've punished and threatened and explained. He d …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: There is so much talk about the mental health issues that many are facing. Lekovod the simcha of Purim can you please share some of the good news? Where have you seen success, and what has inspired you, as to how both individuals and the tzibur have made strides in the area of mental health? Thank you! Ah Freilichin Purim!   Response: Our society does tend to focus on problems rather than on …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: For many years I was in a relationship with a very challenging family member.  There were very compelling reasons why I was unable to set appropriate limits in this relationship and therefore made the choice to just swallow, give in and avoid confrontations.  It's quite a few years later now and even though I am a pretty positive person I started to feel worse about these very trying years. I realized that I need help pr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a rebbe I am often asked to make recommendations for what type of help is best for a bochur. When a child or teenager is struggling socially (but otherwise a pretty normal kid), what type of help is best for him? Is it social skills training? Help with social anxiety? Or is he just maybe an introvert that is best left alone? I know that you can't answer for a child you never met but I am wondering if you could give so …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I had a question I hoped you could help me with. My 11-year-old son is a bit moody. Usually when he is able to talk to me about what is bothering him, we work through it, he does really well and feels better. The problem is it takes a while for him to finally open up. He first says he doesn't want to talk about it and it takes a while for me to get it out of him. Then when he finally does, he usually feels better right away. The i …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a high school teacher, I often have the opportunity to speak to my students on a one-on-one basis. I would love guidance on differentiating between a teenager going through regular ups and downs and needing some advice and a listening ear, and a girl who is struggling in a way that warrants professional help. Additionally, in your experience is there a way to get the girl on board to get the help she needs if she does not want/ …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My 15-year-old son has always been a bit shy and nervous. Not the bravest kid, he doesn't really take chances or challenge things. BH, he is a good kid and is doing well in mesivta. His 2 older brothers have struggled a lot with their yiddishkeit. Our son now would like to go to therapy to help him be calmer and more confident.  A lot of his worries have a frumkeit aspect to it. He seems to look up to his …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am dating a girl who disclosed to me that she has been seeing a therapist for the last year. She seems like a good girl and she said the things she went to therapy for are not significant. She gave me permission to speak directly with her therapist and signed a form allowing me to do so. My question/concern is how reliable will the information I get from the therapist be? Can you give me some advice on what type of questions to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We are writing this out of deep frustration in the hope that you will have some guidance for us. Our 16-year-old son has become rebellious and has been out of yeshiva the whole year. He seemingly spends his days and nights getting into trouble and living completely not like a mensch. He keeps crazy hours,  dresses strange, has very few friends. and in general, is not being matzliach. My husband and I pride ours …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I'm a thirty-year-old wife and mother who's been recommended for therapy by my rov to address trauma and a difficult childhood. I am concerned about some obstacles that I think will come up—and that I have heard from others—and am curious if the panelists have any solutions.  Being that the average session time is 45-50 minutes, how is it feasible to get anywhere in therapy? It takes a good fifteen minut …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I was advised to see a therapist for our son for a certain issue. When getting the referral we were told that a specific therapist is a mumcheh in this area. The issue is that he lives in our neighborhood and davens in our shul. We don’t really have anything to do with him personally but my son is very uncomfortable with the idea that he would bump into him. Our question is if you think this is a concern? …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our 18-year-old daughter was prescribed medication for depression and we think that it makes a real difference for her. Unfortunately, she starts and stops taking it pretty much whenever she wants. We have discussed this with her therapist but get the sense that the therapist doesn't want to waste the whole session talking about medication compliance. That being said we are concerned that this might be unhealthy for her and certai …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We live in a small neighborhood where everyone knows each other and gets along very well. Recently two families that we know and are friendly with became embroiled in a serious machlokes with each other. I do not think the specific details are necessary to share and I want to protect confidentiality but this is not an issue that someone just didn't get shlishi. It is hard to figure out what is actually even the trut …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have been hesitant to write for a while because this is not a scenario that most people deal with. My son, who has always had mental health issues, was recently diagnosed with psychosis - the doctors say most likely he has some form schizophrenia. This is not so shocking to us because, like I said, he has been struggling for a while. We are hopeful that with the right treatment he will be able to live a full and productive life …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I'm in my early fifties, married with children and grandchildren. Problem is I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I don't have good self-esteem and not sure of my opinions. I don't express my emotions, maybe I don't trust them. You can even see in my walk that I am nervous/not confident (at least I think so). I grew up in a house without shalom bayis. What can I do now, at this stage of life, to help myself? Thank yo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have always been jealous of those who are able to keep calm when everything around them is in crisis. There are some people who it seems no matter what is going on around them are able to keep cool, stay rational, and make sound decisions. I always tend to panic and do exactly the wrong thing. Is this just a personality type that you are born with or is this something you can develop? If it is something you can really become goo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I'm in my low thirties and my oldest children are now in their early teens. Due to increased awareness and education, my friends and I focus on parenting with more positivity, empathy, validation, communication, and emotional awareness than the previous generation. Our parents expected more from us than we expect from our children, and we usually had to do what was right even if we didn't feel like it. Recently, I'm noticing a dis …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am writing in regard to some of the questions that have come up in the column recently as to when there is an indication of a mental health issue for a bochur or child. I once heard that a good measure of evaluation is if the problem is happening across the board at home, school and camp that would be a sign that professional intervention is needed. If the child is fine at home and elsewhere and only having a problem in yes …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My spouse and I went for marriage counseling for a while for some issues with someone who seemed to be a very competent therapist. The therapist seemed to understand how to breakdown the issues and attempt to work on resolutions. However, some things didn't seem to be adding up right. For example, the therapist left off a few sessions at some very crucial points, leaving us feeling very vulnerable and with a lot of raw emotions ex …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Is it possible for someone who never had ADHD to get it for the first time as an adult? I have recently started having trouble just staying focused on work as well as paying attention during shuirim and concentrating in davening. I have never had this issue before and was an excellent student all through yeshiva. My chavrusah actually recently made an offhand comment about how "ADD" I am and it really got …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: There was someone close to my family who died last year. She was someone I was close with and trusted and did something that hurt me terribly. This is not the forum to go into details, but this was a tremendous avlah and I don’t think anyone would disagree. Since this happened shortly before she was niftar and I didn’t really have the full understanding of what she did until after she was already go …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I would like to thank you for this insightful column that so many gain from weekly.  As a mesivta rebbe I occasionally need to send a bochur to therapy when I feel that his struggles may be mental health related and baruch Hashem I have generally had good experiences. There is a question that comes up that I would like to hear your opinion on. When are a bochur’s struggles or lack of motivation in le …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our son recently acknowledged that he has been experiencing extreme anxiety over the last 6-8 months. This has been something that his menahel had been concerned about and mentioned to him, but he denied anything was wrong. I think that finally it got so bad that he couldn’t push it away anymore and he is coming to us for help. The issue is he is supposed to go to learn in Eretz Yisroel next zman along wi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: There are many emotions that come up this time of year. There are some like simcha, gratitude, and devekus that are wonderful to experience. I see from my children who are “millennials” that they are fine with that. However, they seem to be rejecting or suppressing some of the more uncomfortable emotions that can come up like anxiety, guilt, and regret. It got me thinking about how psychologically speaking ar …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our son recently got engaged B"H. He doing very well but is one of those kids who "took the scenic route." He had struggles with yiddishkeit and in yeshiva over the years. He told us that his rebbi recommended that he and his kallah go to a marriage therapist while they are engaged to work on their relationship. This frightened my husband and me. If they are already having issues maybe this isn't the right match? We were …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 10-year-old daughter has been complaining of headaches and stomachaches.  This seems to happen whenever something is going on in her life, particularly when there are changes such as school starting, camp, and around yom tov time when there is a change in schedule. We discussed it with her pediatrician who said there is nothing medical going on. She suggested that we begin by having a conversation with her about what it m …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: We recently went through a terrible experience with a licensed therapist that a family member used. It was not a subjective mismatch; the clinician lacked professionalism and training, and other professionals and rabbanim involved in the situation were distraught to hear about the techniques he used and the ensuing damage it created. We have switched clinicians and are now going through the process of undoing and re-learning, but …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My 30-year-old daughter had suffered from anxiety for a long time. After a course of psychotherapy was not successful, she began seeing a psychiatrist and started taking an anti-depressant (which is also supposed to help for anxiety). This was very life enhancing for her and she has really thrived since then. Recently she says that new research has shown that antidepressants really don’t work, and it is all a “placebo& …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I was living a happy and fulfilling life as a busy wife and mom when out of nowhere darkness descended. I was diagnosed with clinical depression requiring medication. I’m in the midst of professional treatment and still struggling each day. My normally happy and meaningful avodas Hashem came to a sudden halt leaving me lost and confused.

My question is what is one afflicted with mental illness to do? The very to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Over the last few years, I have begun to realize that much of what I have done in life I did because other people told me to. I feel like I have never really made my decisions in life. The schools I went to, the career I chose, and even my marriage are all things that I asked others for advice and followed it. As I have realized this, I have become more and more confused as to what I really want and have started doubting everythin …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am in my 30s, and BH I'm a busy mother. However, I constantly have dreams that I am in high school. The dreams are not at all disturbing, they are just filled with the day-to-day life of a high schooler (tests, lessons, etc.). This is very puzzling to me, as I am double the age I was then, and I'm at a completely different stage of life. Additionally, I always feel that I am "faking it" being an adult, and I feel overwhelmed by …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I'm in my low thirties and my oldest children are now in their early teens. Due to increased awareness and education, my friends and I focus on parenting with more positivity, empathy, validation, communication, and emotional awareness than the previous generation. Our parents expected more from us than we expect from our children, and we usually had to do what was right even if we didn't feel like it. Recently, I'm noticing a dis …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Here is a question I've been troubled by for a while. Many times, people will send their kid or spouse to therapy, but the kid or spouse is somewhat in denial or confused. They may see reality in a twisted way or be somewhat lying to themself or only see their side of the picture due to their emotional/mental health issue. When they sit and talk to the therapist, they are only giving over that twisted picture o …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am a bocher who has a lot of friends in shidduchim and one of my best friends is about to start. Now this friend went through a very rough childhood and his father was very abusive physically, emotionally, and spiritually. His parents never really got along and they went to family therapy. Now from what I see that wasn't enough and I think there is a lot more he needs to work on before ent …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 12-year-old was referred to therapy by her school for some behavioral and social issues. Nothing too severe but the school thought it would be beneficial for her to gain some skills before going into next year. After a while we finally got into the therapist we were suggested but now we are coming up on camp season. She and her friends are all supposed to go to camp for a big part of the summer but that would mean either delay …
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