NEFESH: The International Network of Orthodox Mental Health Professionals
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Showing Results 1 - 23 (23 total)
Fed up in Flatbush
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
November 10th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and shira In response to “flawed Flatbush” and “flooded in Flatbush” , I would like to share my story . I am a mother with 4 sons and 2 daughters. The boys were super easy to marry off and I would say of  average intelligence and average in looks . My daughters who are also average have been in the shidduch system for many years. The experience for my girls has been completely the opposite of what is was li …
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A Mom Speaks
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
November 3rd, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I am responding to the lovely girl who was upset that she was not getting any dates due to the mother’s of the boys who rejected her. She was upset that the mothers go through the resumes looking for the best girls for their sons. I want to know what is so wrong with that? Baruch Hashem my son is flooded with resumes and so why shouldn’t I look for the best girl for him? If you would like to argue that my son isn …
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Flawed in Flatbush
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
October 28th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira  I am so frustrated with the shidduch system . Why are the guy’s moms in charge of who I marry?  Every time I am redt to someone, it always has to go through the guy’s mother. The mothers are constantly saying no. Either I’m not frum enough, even though the guy is modern but mom still wants a certain type of girl, I’m not pretty enough even though the guy is not great looking, or I’m no …
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A future Rebbitzen?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
September 15th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I am dating a guy who wants to be a rabbi. He’s a smart individual with sterling middis and a big heart.  At the beginning of our relationship, I thought the concept  of dating a future rabbi would be great. I love the idea of an open home and taking care of people. By nature I am a very nurturing and loving person . Now that we are entering the next  stage, the engagement talks , my parents are opening …
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Finished at the Finish Line
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
August 5th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I made it to the finish line. When I reached the age of 19 I hit the ground running, looking for a partner to share my life with. I went to shadchanim, social events, web-sites, you name it, I did it. I always kept my eye on the prize, which was getting married and building a beautiful bayis neeman biyisrael. By the time I was 22, I crossed the finish line. I had a glittering ring on my finger and a wonderful husband to go w …
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Conflicted on Coney
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
August 5th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira, Hi! I was wondering if you could help me with this issue. I am engaged to a wonderful girl I met over a year ago. Everything was going very smoothly until the engagement. Our parents have very different views on how to make a Covid wedding. My  who are influential people in the community want an upscale wedding with over 200 guests. I am their only son and they have waited a long time to see me walk down the aisle. Her …
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Wish I Wasn't In White Lake
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
July 1st, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I’m dating a really great girl. We started right before Covid- 19 and Baruch Hashem have continued to date despite the challenges that social distancing presented. Things are finally calming down and we are now dating in person more regularly. The problem is my family goes to the bungalows each summer and I usually spend my summer upstate with them. I would consider staying in Brooklyn where she lives but I have a job …
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You're Not A Statistic!
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
June 17th, 2020

Dear MKL, We are sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. This year has been a difficult one, with so many
mahapeichot- shake ups occurring in our lives. So many things which we previously took for granted are no longer present. We begin to wonder, “what will be with me and my future?” When the foundations are shaken, it upsets the balance of our lives. You had assumed, “If I follow the game plan, then I’ll ge …
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When Silence isn't Golden
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
June 10th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira  Hi, I’m engaged to a great girl. We are getting married at the beginning of July and there are a lot of decisions to make. The problem is every time our discussions become too intense, she shuts down and gives me the “Silent treatment.” This ends the discussion, and nothing is resolved.  It is obviously very frustrating.  As our wedding is really soon, we really need to come up with an act …
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trapped in woodmere
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
May 6th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira, Thank you so much for your column. I enjoy reading your advice each week. Due to Covid- 19, we both lost our jobs and with little savings we were forced to move into my parents’ home. While it is nice for them to take us in, we have one big issue. I do not get along with my mom. She is bossy, manipulative and constantly puts me down. I am just not sure how much longer I can handle this situation.  With nowhere to …
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Covid Dating?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
April 24th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I hope you and your family are well. It’s been 5 weeks since we’ve been sheltering in place. I’m wondering if I should start “dating” online as there seems to be no end in sight.  Shadchanim have been calling me and encouraging me to try dating through facetime, zoom, or skype. This is not how I envisioned dating and so I’m unsure if I should give it a shot. With life being so up in t …
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What am I Looking For?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
March 6th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira, Ok so I’ve probably gone on dates with about 15 - 20 people in the past 4 years
Most of those people I went on one or two dates with, some went on a little longer, and it was a very normal vanilla dating experience, nothing special or noteworthy. However a few of the girls I dated  were people that actively excited me and I really wanted to continue seeing them, could be what people call a spark, or I was j …
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Alone
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
February 28th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
I’m really at a loss what to do .
I am 33 and have tried every option to get married. I have done websites, organized singles events, and  chiller events. I’ve gone to Amuka, and I daven twice a day. One summer I even went to the Kotel for forty days. At this point I’m extremely depressed, lonely, crying myself to sleep every night, and I don’t know what the point of my life is. Som …
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Not Who I Married
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
February 5th, 2020

  Dear Rabbi and Shira
I’m not sure what to do. I married my wife over a year ago thinking that she was a typical woman from a similar background as myself.  We both grew up in Flatbush and are more modern than our parents. The problem is I didn’t realize how modern she actually is. Slowly after we got married, she started wearing shorter and shorter skirts, and sometimes now even wears pants. She has what she call …
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Too Friendly in Flatbush?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
January 27th, 2020

Dear Rabbi and Shira
Thanks so much for your column. My family and I read it every week! Here’s my question. My husband and I agreed when we were engaged that we would cut back on friends of the opposite gender, as both of us saw it as an important part of our first year of marriage. We have now been married for over three months and he still is very close to all his friends who are women. He has made no effort to distance h …
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Distracted?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
December 25th, 2019

Dear Rabbi and Shira , I’m engaged to an awesome girl but I am not sure what to do about her work habits .  She has a challenging job that keeps her busy 24/7. Her boss doesn’t mind if she comes to the office or does her work from home as long as the job gets done. Unfortunately, the job gets done when we are on dates or just in the middle of a discussion. One minute I’m having a conversation with her and the next …
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Dating and Mental Health
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
December 10th, 2019

Dear Rabbi and Shira, Thank you for your column! I read it with my family every week and we enjoy discussing it! I am in a relationship with a wonderful young lady, and things are progressing well. I suffer from anxiety disorder and am not sure at what point I should get engaged. In light of my condition, when is it responsible to start a life and family? Scared to start Dear Scared, It’s responsible of you to consider these things, and bra …
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Safe Dating
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
November 27th, 2019

Dear Rabbi and Shira Hi.  I’m a weekly reader of your column. I figured this was the right place to ask my question. On my friend’s very first date, she got in a fight with the person she was set up with. It got so bad that he pulled over on one of the service roads of Ocean Parkway and demanded she get out pf the car. While there are scarier possibilities that could have happened, I started to wonder what are “best practic …
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"Just" Beautiful on the outside and inside..
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
November 6th, 2019

Dear Rabbi and Shira,

I have gone out with over 50 girls in the last 2 years. I do not consider myself a picky person. I believe that the girl I marry should be both beautiful inside and outside. For some reason, I usually find the girls I go out with to be either one or the other, but not both.
Both of my parents are pushing me to get married. All 4 of my siblings got married by the age of 24 and I'm already 26. I feel like I …
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Does He Miss Me?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
October 27th, 2019

Dear Rabbi and Shira, Hi! I really enjoy reading your column each week and I’m hoping you can help me. I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and a half, and I’m not sure what to do. While in person we speak well, conversations flow, we laugh and have a great time together, after the date the phone will be silent, and I will not hear from him for several hours or even a full day. Most of the time, I am the one in the end that …
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No Job, No date?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
October 11th, 2019

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I’m engaged, and we have been experiencing some tension in the past month. My Chasan is very financially conscious, and I don’t have a job currently. He has been insinuating that I have not been trying hard enough to find a job. I feel that I have, and he isn’t being understanding of my situation. I also would still like to go out every so often on a nice date, but he feels as long as I don’t have a j …
1 comments
Fumbling the Relationship?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
October 3rd, 2019

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I’m not sure what to do. My chasan who is generally responsive and attentive has become very distracted now that football season has started. He spends hours watching games and is not conversational during them. He doesn’t want to go out when there is a game, and it seems there is always a game, and when there is no game on, he and his friends are talking about their fantasy league. What should I do? Relationship …
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Not Ready to Date?
Author: Reuven Boshnack, Rabbi
September 11th, 2019

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I don’t know what to do! I’m 21, have returned from seminary and have completed 2 years of college.. My parents, friends and family are all pressuring me to start dating, but I don’t feel as though I’m ready. Discussions with my mother usually deteriorate into her crying and telling me that I’ll end up alone, with a bunch of cats. This gets me very nervous and then I start crying as well. Howeve …
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