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There is a widely held belief that a therapist can only be effective if they themselves experienced something similar to their clients’ circumstances. There may be some truth to that. But it isn’t so black and white. Just because a therapist went through an event or trauma in their life doesn’t give them an automatic ticket to becoming a good therapist. And a compassionate and well-trained person who hasn’t experienced that event or trauma can be an awesome therapist.
But once in a while you meet a person who is as knowledgeable as a therapist, knows all the terms, has a great understanding of human nature, is kind and compassionate – and never took one course or earned any credits. While the person never could have predicted where their life would take them, because of life’s circumstances they become powerhouses in the frum world.
Mrs. Shani Waldman is one of those unique people. She was a dedicated mother of a large family and a successful teacher. She had a full house and a busy life. And then tragedy hit. Her husband passed away, leaving her a widow at the age of 37.
As a young widow with a houseful of children she went through the same actions as every other mother. She took them to the bus stop, went grocery shopping and outfitted her children with clothing and shoes. She filled out camp applications and brought in the mail. But she felt worlds apart. She wasn’t the same as every other mother. She felt like she lived on a different planet.
On this podcast, Shani shares how she needed the support of other widows – but not widows who were her mother’s friends and contemporaries. Their lives were too different from hers. Shani’s need for appropriate support was the catalyst for the formation of her organization for widows, now called Samcheinu. Today, Shani is that person who isn’t a therapist but who does therapy work all day. She fields constant calls and handles emergencies. She is on call to help out so many young widows. She gets it. She knows what a family may be experiencing. And hearing her story and perspective is eye-opening to the layman – and I think to professionals as well.