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Confidence plays a large role in everyday life. It begins when you wake up each morning and worry about how you look leaving the house to breaking up relationships. It comes down to vulnerability. A healthy self-esteem is accepting your strengths and weaknesses. It is also knowing that just like everyone else, you have areas of improvement. Like everything else in life, you need to invest to see results. That could mean telling yourself you don’t need others approval if you feel good leaving your house the way you look. There is deeper work into understanding why you care, so you can work through the low confidence. The 3 building blocks of any relationship are trust, communication and respect. The only difficulty there is that it takes time to build relationships, but not just time.
Trusting others begins with trusting yourself. If you are unable to trust yourself, how will you ever be able to trust anyone else? You need to believe your judgment is correct. Communicating is about being assertive to others at the same time of being accepting of constructive criticism and feedback. Respect is about seeing qualities in others that you may not agree with or care for. They are not you, and don’t have to be you. For example, there are jobs that are often looked down upon. People accepting positions which you wouldn’t consider help you out and should be respected too. Examples of these are sanitation workers and house cleaners. If there is underlying negativity, a relationship will not improve but start falling apart.
Changes are about taking small steps and mastering them until they become part of your nature. Change doesn’t need to be overwhelming. As a matter of fact, trying to become a new person overnight will have a negative impact all around. If you set goals to be successful but they are not realistic, you will only prove to yourself that you failed at this too and give up. It is helpful to hear feedback from an outsider because we are not always the best judge of ourselves. Don’t be hard on yourself and start with one small change.
Zahavah Fishfeld, LMHC is a licensed therapist who focuses on relationships, self-esteem and self growth. She offers a phone consultation as well as sessions in person and through video. Her offices are located in Flatbush and Crown Heights. She can be reached at 845-596-1321 and zahavahsel@gmail.com.