Scene: The dinner table. Little David is making a face at the green leaf offending his plate. He won’t taste it. He’s never had arugula before, but he knows he won’t like it. “No,” he says. “Gross!”

You step into the bathroom, first thing in the morning. Your eyes barely open, you stumble toward the sink. But before you glance in the mirror for the first time of the day, you’ve already decided that you won’t like what you see.

Your therapist suggests that taking a look at what’s underlying your anger might be helpful. You disagree. It doesn’t seem to make much sense.

All of these thoughts may be justified. I happen to like arugula, but you may not. You may not like what you see in the mirror. And any anger may be justified. But all these vignettes have one thing in common: they help us stay exactly where we are. They reinforce stuckness. They are barriers to growth.

In my practice, there is one quality I’ve found that differentiates the client who progresses quickly from those who don’t.

That concept is called beginner’s mind.

Beginner’s mind is an openness to new experiences. It is looking at old things with new eyes. It is looking into the mirror and seeing the same face, but with an openness to seeing that face differently.

Beginner’s mind opens us to growth. We resolve to let go of our reasons for doing what we do (or our reasons for not doing what we won’t do). We resolve to be open to whatever we actually experience, without coloring what happens with our expectations and our past experiences.

On the train last week, a dirty stranger entered the car. His lifted his banged-up guitar and began to sing. I turned toward him and listened. He rasped “Knocking on Heaven’s Door”, but he looked like he was heading quite the other way. He requested money for food, but his bloodshot eyes told a different story. Herky-jerky, staccato strumming and hoarse voice, he captured my attention like nothing else I’ve seen on the New York Subway. I’m glad I didn’t have my headphones on. I’m glad I wasn’t looking at my phone. I’m glad I was open to having a different subway experience.

Beginner’s mind, the way I understand it (being a beginner myself), is a deliberate mindset of openness. It is choosing the role of the perpetual student of life.

They say that there are two types of people in Alcoholics Anonymous: teachers and students. Eventually, the teachers leave. The students are here to stay.

Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com. 

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