Do you take work home with you? Do you find yourself reading work emails during dinner? Do you consistently leave the office later than you would like? Do you hate long phone calls, constantly replying to emails, or being at the mercy of your boss’s whims?

This post is for you.

Acknowledge that you can’t do it all

Most of us tend to be either over-responsible or under-responsible. Which one are you? If you are over-responsible, you will take work home with you, stay late, and work through lunch. It’s a blessing and a curse, really - you’re probably a great employee, but your family and personal life suffer. If you don’t believe that, ask yourself this:

In what areas of my life am I under-responsible?

Do you give your family enough attention, are there neglected chores at home, do you find yourself drawn to unhealthy activities (excessive eating, TV watching, use of electronic devices) when you’re finally done working? The body seeks balance; extreme work breeds extreme attempts to relax.

Once you’ve acknowledged the impact of doing too much, It’s time to restore order to your life.

Decide what works for you, and what doesn’t

Identify areas of your work life that cause stress. It may be meetings running overtime, a too-tightly packed schedule, or intrusive or lengthy calls and emails. Brainstorm about what you can do to change it.

Some ideas:

  • Select the conversation medium based on efficiency. Choose email, phone call, or in-person conversation to your benefit.
  • Try not to give out your personal phone number or email to coworkers or clients. Get two phones if you need to, and leave the work phone at work or in your work bag.
  • Set an egg timer for certain tasks (like phone calls). When the timer dings, wrap it up.
  • Disconnect your work email from your phone. Or, if you can’t do that, make the email difficult to get to (e.g. log out), and turn off notifications so you don’t get a buzz or ping whenever a customer has an itch.

Let people know what your boundaries are

We call this front-loading. At the beginning of the phone call, let that person know you only have five minutes (and set the egg timer!). If your boss wants to meet at 5:30, let him know that you need to leave at six. Let your customers know when you won’t be available.

And - here’s the hard part - make your words meaningful by sticking to your boundaries. Your sanity will thank you.

Look at your job as a choice

If you feel stuck, trapped, or victimized, take a deep breath. Yes, it stinks to feel that way. And your boss, coworkers, and customers may be jerks. But you (and only you) can help yourself feel better.

Look at your life as a series of choices. You choose to be in this job. You choose to set your boundaries. You choose to respond to emails or pick up the phone. You choose whether or not to take a lunch break. There may be consequences to your choices, but that doesn’t take away your power. When you start to see your life as a series of choices, you start to take back your life.

I hope this was helpful to you. Let me know in the comments, or send me an email. I may not get back to you for a day or so, because I too am working on my boundaries. Now, excuse me while I go buy an egg timer.

Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com. 

 

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