In our Gemara on Amud Aleph, the discussion revolves around domains that are defacto considered personal, allowing the woman to acquire the Get even if she is technically still on her husband's property. One such location is analogous to the Babylonian equivalent of a pocketbook. Even if this item is on the ground (see Tosafos), and the ground belongs to the husband, it is understood to be designated for her personal use, enabling her to acquire the Get.

This contemplation leads me to reflect on the concept of boundaries and privacy within a marriage. As a therapist, I have observed that snooping in a spouse's email or cellphone rarely leads to positive outcomes. Some might argue that snooping is necessary to discover potential issues, but the problem is that suspicion already indicates trouble within the relationship. Instead of resorting to snooping, addressing the issue requires collaboration and open discussion. If satisfactory answers are not received, then there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. Demanding disclosure without being prepared to handle the consequences can cause unnecessary trauma. Theoretically, catching the person stops denial, but often denial is powerful and even when caught there are various rationalizations. The heart always knows when there is a problem in the relationship and one should stick with their gut, insisting that there is a disconnection that needs work, without resorting to spying.

Unless you are serious that you will demand a divorce if you find out certain matters of unfaithfulness, why push for a disclosure before the relationship can handle it. You might think, “If I find out about such and such, we are done!” Don’t be so sure. The statistical fact is that most marriages survive an affair, aside from lesser “crimes” such various on line activities. I am not minimizing the hurt, pain, anger or need for resolution. Just realistically after the initial rage and wish for vengeance, cooler heads often prevail.

Moreover, assuming that knowing everything about one's spouse is beneficial can be misleading. Imagining a world where spouses can read each other's minds raises questions about the desirability of knowing every negative thought or deed. In the modern world, our devices are like extensions of our brains, recording our most intimate thoughts. Halakha tends to adapt to technological advancements slowly due to its conservative nature, as evident in how mail eventually received its own boundaries of privacy in Rabbenu Gershom's era via a cherem. Similarly, emails and cell phones would likely be subject to similar regulations if they existed during that time. The idea of privacy and the boundaries surrounding it evolve with technological progress and societal norms.

Ultimately, building trust and addressing disconnections within the relationship should be prioritized over invasive measures. Healthy marriages require open communication, respect for boundaries, and a willingness to work on any issues that arise.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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