The Gemara offers important advice:

תַּנְיָא, הָיָה רַבִּי מֵאִיר אוֹמֵר: כׇּל הַמַּשִּׂיא בִּתּוֹ לְעַם הָאָרֶץ, כְּאִילּוּ כּוֹפְתָהּ וּמַנִּיחָהּ לִפְנֵי אֲרִי. מָה אֲרִי דּוֹרֵס וְאוֹכֵל, וְאֵין לוֹ בּוֹשֶׁת פָּנִים — אַף עַם הָאָרֶץ מַכֶּה וּבוֹעֵל, וְאֵין לוֹ בּוֹשֶׁת פָּנִים.

It was taught in a baraita that Rabbi Meir would say: Anyone who marries off his daughter to an ignoramus is considered as though he binds her and places her before a lion. Why is this so? Just as a lion mauls its prey and eats and has no shame, so too, an ignoramus strikes his wife and then engages in sexual relations with her without appeasing her first, and has no shame.

Tosafos explains:

מה ארי דורס ואוכל - פר"ת דורס ואוכל ואין ממתין עד שתמות אף עם הארץ אינו ממתין עד שתתפייס:

Just as a lion rapes and eats and does not wait until the prey dies, so too an ignoramus does not wait to engage in sexuality with his wife until he appeases her.

Sadly, there are times where a wife may feel pressured to be sexual and may act as if she is appeased but really is not at all. Furthermore, due to inappropriately conceived modesty, some men and women are not adequately counseled about the basics of how to give and receive sexual pleasure. This sad state of events leads to wedding night trauma that may persist for years. Some might not even know what their sexual feelings are supposed to be about for many years.  

It takes courage, honesty and sensitivity on both a husband and wife to face what could be years, if not decades of sexual dysfunction and sexual pain. However, it is never too late to learn how to be a considerate lover. Start with asking a basic question in a calm atmosphere, “What is it like for you to be sexual with me?”.  If you are open you may be surprised at what you hear.  Keep in mind, there is only one thing worse than hurting someone sexually for years, and that is not KNOWING that you are hurting someone sexually so that it goes on for more years. There are few mitzvos as important as Sholom bayis. 

For Video versions of this click here, and look for title and daf.  

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria