Our Gemara (toward bottom of amud aleph) discusses the sins of the sons of Eyli, cohanim right at the beginning of the prophet Shmuel’s ascendancy. Though Gemara Shabbos (55b) says that the Sons of Eyli did not sin in such a grave manner as to actually commit adultery which is literally in the text, Rashi (Op. Cit.) says they indeed did sin in terms of inappropriately confiscating the sacrificial meats. The sons of Eyli and all their descendants were cursed with shortened life spans. Shmuel’s first prophecy was to deliver the bad news to Eyli that all this was to occur due to their misdeeds. Ironically, Shmuel’s sons also did not follow in their father’s virtuous footsteps, though not as corrupt as Eyli’s sons (see Shmuel I:8 and commentaries.)

This is a good time to meditate on the challenges of having children who do not follow in your footsteps. While of course we should always be reflective and consider what parenting mistakes we made, and do our best to correct what we can, it is also a normal part of life to fall short in our parenting as well as have our children fall short of our expectations. Being part of a community that values conformity to its way of life and consciously and consciously uses shame as a form of social enforcement of norms. This may sound like I’m criticizing, which is not quite so, I am rather describing an emotional and social reality. Every group must use some form of coercion to maintain its standards and order. Even something as innocuous as choosing your favorite sport team requires certain allegiances. I recall from my youth what happened when a Red Sox fan garbed in team emblems attended a Yankee game. Certainly within a tradition based community, when a family member stops adhering to standards of observance, rightly or wrongly it causes distress and shame to family members. The Talmud at the end of Succah even relates a story of one particular priestly family line which was distanced and stripped of certain privileges. Because of the behavior of one family member, the rabbis assumed that it was due to cynical rhetoric in the home. So it is indeed isolating, painful and shameful when a child does not conform to religious and social standards, and can even cast a poor light on other family members.

I think there is some comfort in knowing that this is a deep ingrained pattern in derech ha Olam. We should consider the stories of patriarchs who all had to accept imperfections in their children. King David had at least two sons who were rebellious, Avshalom and Adoniyahu. Even more important to realize is that creation itself doesn’t fully obey G-d or follows the plan. Adam didn’t merely sin, and it wasn’t just Cain murdering Abel or the Tower of Babel or the Flood. Even the very trees did not obey! According to Rashi (Bereishis 1:11) and Bereishis Rabbah 5:9), the trees’ wooden trunk and branches were supposed to taste like the fruit. 

The important and unmistakable conclusion is that we simply must accept that sometimes your projects, your children and your creations just don’t work out the way you hoped and planned.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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