Maybe this is a New York thing, but I find that many of us are quick to judge. It’s evident in the way we talk about ourselves and other people. Myself included.

Can you relate to this problem?

Shul, in particular, is a judgement minefield. There are so many people, and davening is so long. It’s only a matter of time before our thoughts start to drift. We look around, we see the way others are behaving, and we jump to judgement.

Why is he talking? Doesn’t he know that you’re not allowed to talk now? Maybe I should show him the halacha. Or at least glare in his general direction.

What on earth is she wearing?!?!?

He just walked in now, thirty minutes late? He must not take this seriously at all. Never mind that I just walked in five minutes ago…

When you find your thoughts heading in this direction, stop for a moment. Notice the judgement in your thoughts, and try this instead:

God, help me be a member among members, a person among people, a Jew among Jews. Help me not be judgemental, and help me not feel judged. Help me see where I can give, rather than what I can take. Help me see what I can bring to this group - Your group - rather than what I can get.

Try it. Add your own words if you like.  

It works.

Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com. 

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