Watch your language! No, not the words you can’t say on TV, or their permutations. I’m talking here about the words we use to describe ourselves and others. Words like Stupid, Bad, and (my favorite) Pathetic. Do you use these words in your speech, or even quietly, in your own mind? While looking at yourself in the mirror? When you catch yourself doing something you don’t want to be doing?

How about when describing something, or someone? Boy, that’s a really disgusting thing to do, you might say. That guy’s weak, fat, a wimp. That woman is lazy, crazy, a bad mother.

These words come from judgment and shame, and cause judgement and shame. If we see ourselves as bad, or pathetic, or lazy - if we can't accept our imperfections and judge ourselves - then we see others that way, and vice versa. These words bounce around our head, playing over and over and over. The shame echoes in our mind and drags us down.

A solution? Start paying attention. Pay attention to the words you use to describe things, people, yourself. Pay attention, and begin to notice how shaming language permeates our culture, and how judgement colors the lens through which you see the world. It may not solve the problem, but it’s a start.

Watch your language.

Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com. 

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