As we approach Rosh Hashana, it is natural to focus on our individual relationship with Hashem: What have I done? Where have I fallen short? What do I need to change? But Parashat Nitzavim offers a different and important perspective. Before we stand before Hashem as individuals, we are reminded that we stand together. Our relationship with Hashem cannot be separated from our bein adam lechaveiro, because the way we treat the people around us is part of how we prepare to stand before Hashem.
The Parsha begins: “Attem nitzavim hayom kulchem lifnei Hashem Elokeichem” “You are standing today, all of you, before Hashem your God” (Deuteronomy 29:9). The emphasis on kulchem, “all of you,” is striking. Moshe gathers the nation together, from the leaders and elders to the children, reminding them that the covenant is not simply an individual commitment. Each person is part of something larger. This is the foundation of the concept of Arevut, mutual responsibility.
The Gemara in Rosh Hashana 29a teaches, “Kol Yisrael areivim zeh lazeh” — all of Israel are responsible for one another. The Gemara in Shevuot 39a similarly describes the Jewish people as guarantors for one another. Arevut, however, means more than simply caring about other people. A guarantor does not merely notice when someone else is struggling. A guarantor feels that another person's outcome is, at least in some measure, his or her responsibility. That idea has profound psychological implications. We often think of mental and emotional wellbeing as something that happens inside an individual. But human beings are profoundly relational. Our sense of belonging, security, identity, and purpose is shaped by the people and communities around us. We influence one another constantly, often without realizing it. The question of Arevut therefore becomes more than, “Am I doing the right thing?” It becomes: “What kind of environment am I creating for the people around me?”
Am I someone who makes others feel seen? Do I celebrate another person's success, or secretly compare it to my own? Do I notice when someone is struggling? Do I reach out, even when it would be easier to stay silent? Pirkei Avot (1:14) captures the balance beautifully: “Im ein ani li, mi li? Ucheshe'ani le'atzmi, mah ani?” “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, what am I?” Rabbeinu Yonah explains that a person cannot reach his or her full potential by living exclusively for the self. There is a powerful tension here. Judaism does not ask us to abandon ourselves for others. “If I am not for myself, who is for me?” Self-responsibility matters. But it immediately adds: “If I am only for myself, what am I?” That is Arevut. We are responsible for ourselves, but we are not responsible only for ourselves.
A single thread may be fragile. But when individual threads are woven together, they create something much stronger than any one thread could create alone. That is the power of community. Our lives are intertwined, and our choices affect people far beyond what we can see.
Three Practical Ways to Strengthen Arevut Before Rosh Hashana
1. Repair & Reconcile
Think about a relationship that has become strained. Before asking Hashem for forgiveness, consider whether there is someone from whom you need to ask forgiveness, or someone to whom you need to extend it. Sometimes the most meaningful preparation for Rosh Hashana is not another spiritual resolution. It is a difficult conversation.
2. Celebrate Someone Else
Choose someone whose success you can genuinely celebrate. Another person's blessing does not diminish your own. Practice ayin tovah, looking at another person's good with generosity rather than comparison. Send a message. Give a compliment. Tell someone that you are genuinely happy for them.
3. Reach Out and Daven for Someone Else
Think of one person who may be struggling and take one small step toward them. Call. Text. Check in. Offer help. Or simply let them know they are on your mind. And then do something even more powerful: daven for them. Consider asking a friend to daven for you while you daven for them. There is something deeply meaningful about entering the Yamim Noraim not only asking Hashem to bless me, but intentionally carrying someone else into my tefillah as well.
As we approach Rosh Hashana, we often imagine ourselves standing alone before the judgment of Hashem. But Nitzavim reminds us otherwise. “Kulchem” — all of you. We stand before Hashem as individuals, but we do not stand there alone. We carry our families, our friends, our communities, and the people whose lives we touch. Arevut asks us to recognize that another person's wellbeing is not entirely separate from our own. Their struggle calls for our attention. Their success deserves our celebration. Their pain deserves our compassion. And their hopes can become part of our prayers.
As we enter Yom HaDin, perhaps one of the most meaningful questions we can ask ourselves is not only: “What kind of person do I want to be this year?”
But: “What kind of person will I be for the people around me?” Because when we stand before Hashem, we may stand as individuals, but Nitzavim reminds us that we stand together. And perhaps that is part of the strength of our plea for a year of blessing, health, and life: We are not standing alone.
Elan Javanfard, M.A., L.M.F.T. is a Consulting Psychotherapist focused on behavioral health redesign, a Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, Touro University, & a lecturer related to Mindfulness, Evidence Based Practices, and Suicide Prevention. He is the Senior Director at Didi Hirsch Mental Health and a Board member of the Crisis Residential Association and Nefesh International. Elan is the author of Psycho-Spiritual Insights: Exploring Parasha & Psychology, a weekly blog. He lives in Los Angeles Pico Robertson community with his wife and three children and can be reached at Elan.Javanfard@gmail.com.