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Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum On love and marriage and the joys and challenges of intimacy.
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Episode 25: Sex and Guilt
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
September 23rd, 2020

Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person’s sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt.
When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose?
How should a religious individual manage his experience of guilt?
Is there a way to reframe the experience of shame or guilt in order to …
Relationship Renewal: Commitment & Forgiveness in Elul
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
September 19th, 2024

The Power of Relational Repair: Lessons from Jewish Tradition   Relationships—whether with ourselves, our partners, or with God, are often marked by moments of disconnection and conflict. Yet, conflict itself is not the problem. The key to healthy relationships lies not in avoiding conflict, but in the ability to repair and restore harmony. This idea, rooted in the teachings surrounding the month of Elul, invites us to reflect on our p …
Episode 57: Hugging with a Shinui: Halachic Leniency in Times of Distress
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
September 19th, 2024

According to Rav Yoni Rosensweig, founder of Maagalei Nefesh, an organization that confronts issues pertaining to mental health and halacha, “Jewish law is not meant to cause harm.” War, mental health concerns, and emotional and relational distress are factors that contribute to the need to seek leniencies in halachic practice in a way that reduces, rather than increases, potential harm. Listen to the premiere episode of Season 7 of I …
Episode 14: Intimate Relationships and Orthodox Singles
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
September 19th, 2019

“It’s not good for man to be alone.” Living a traditional Jewish life implies marriage and raising a family. Sexual intimacy is highly valued, but only within the framework of a marital bond. However, whether due to the “shidduch crisis,” rising divorce rates, or other circumstances, our communities include many individuals who haven’t married, or are widowed or divorced. What are the experiences of singles in …
Episode 43: "How can You do this to me, G-d": Infertility, Pregnancy loss, and Relationships
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
September 14th, 2022

The liturgy we recite on Rosh Hashana includes references to fertility and childbirth. G-d remembers Sarah, Rachel and Chana by answerIng their prayers for a child. The poem “Hayom harat olam,” the ‘birth day’ of the world, evokes images of pregnancy. For individuals and couples struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, this can be triggering, painful and isolating. In the first of two episodes on infertility and preg …
Episode 5: Sexual guilt, shame and repentence
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
September 13th, 2018

  Intimate Judaism’s most recent episode, ‘Shomer Negiah: Premarital Sexual Activity and Jewish Values,” generated plenty of comments, discussion, and disagreement. In this bonus episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address listener comments, and expand on the differences between guilt and shame, whether a person “has to” consult a rabbi before making a Halachic decision, the consequences of non-Halachi …
Episode 6: The Wedding Night Episode
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 9th, 2018

Many couples await the wedding night with anticipation and excitement, as they are finally permitted to express their desire for one another and to consummate their relationship.  For some couples, however, the wedding night, and sometimes the weeks and months thereafter, can be a source of anxiety and distress, and represents an obligation they struggle to “perform successfully.” How do couples negotiate the transition from abst …
Episode 58:Why not a Threesome, Sex in the Dark, Hating Nidah Laws and More: An Intimate Judaism Q&A
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 31st, 2024

In our latest Q&A episode, Talli and Scott address some of the many questions submitted by listeners regarding Judaism and intimacy. Among the issues they discuss are repairing sexuality after 15 years of “doing it wrong,” consensual threesomes, sex therapy versus couples therapy, when a wife wants sex more than her husband, tubal ligation, looking at porn to get in the mood, and much more. Listen to the episode here …
Episode 15: Teshuva as a Guide to Repairing Intimate Relationships
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 2nd, 2019

During the month of Tishri, we engage in a process of Tshuva; self-reflection and repentance. Through prayer, we repair our relationships and connect with God, with ourselves, and with those we may have hurt. In this mini episode, join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss how the basic elements of the tshuva process can serve as a model for healing and repairing our relationships with ourselves and the significant others in our li …
Teshuva and Repairing Intimate Relationships
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 2nd, 2019

First published in Times of Israel The relationship between God and the Jewish people is dynamic and complex, taking many forms in different contexts and periods. At times, God is referred to as the king and ruler, an object of authority and control whose judgment we fear. At times, He is our father in heaven, from whom we expect nurturing and protection. And some texts, such as the romantic Song of Songs, illustrate God and the Jewish people as …
Episode 51: Love During War
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 22nd, 2023

As Jews in Israel and worldwide absorb the horrifying reality of the atrocities suffered here at the hands of vicious terrorists, it seems surreal to think or talk about intimacy. Hundreds are still being held captive or are still missing, the dead have not all been buried, we are all in mourning and in shock. Who is thinking about intimacy or sex? Yet, in the face of threat, the safety and security of a committed partnership can be a comforting …
Navigating Relational and Sexual Intimacy at Midlife and Beyond
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 20th, 2022

The sexual life of a couple changes throughout the life cycle, as both partners navigate life’s transitions including but not limited to new marriage, childbirth, raising teens, and caring for elderly parents. As couples enter middle age, they acquire new responsibilities personally, socially and professionally which can impact on their identities, such as work promotions or adjusting to new roles as grandparents. Over time some couples dev …
Episode 44: Infertility and Relationships
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 19th, 2022

Infertility and pregnancy loss affects relationships: with self, God, partner, family, friends and community. In part 2 of this two part series, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the general implications of infertility and pregnancy loss on these relationships and on marital intimacy and sexuality. Listen here to Talli and Rabbi Scott discuss this as well as the specific considerations for observant Jewish couples. …
When obligatory sex conflicts with human sexual rights
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 17th, 2019

The World Association of Sexual Health Congress met recently in Mexico City. Though I was unable to attend due to the Jewish Holidays, I was pleased to receive the following declaration, which discusses pleasure as a basic fundamental right. The statement is as follows: The participants of the 24th World Congress of the World Association for Sexual Health in Mexico City: RECOGNIZE that: Sexual pleasure is the physical and/or psychological satisfa …
Help, my spouse went OTD
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 16th, 2017

There are various terms used to describe the newly non-religious. The popular term used in here Israel is “datlash” which, in Hebrew, stands for ‘dati le’sheavar’ or ‘formerly religious’. “Off the Derech” (OTD) meaning, off the path, or way, is the term frequently used in American Orthodox communities. The decision to abandon a religious lifestyle can involve a combination of factors ranging f …
Episode 35: Sex positivity,sexual health and sexual rights. Are these Jewish values?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
October 12th, 2021

The World Health Organization defines sexual health as fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and considers sexual pleasure to be a basic human right. In Judaism, sexual pleasure is valued, but only in the context of marital sex, leaving many people in conflict between their sexual health and spiritual health. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum here as they discuss the six principles of sexua …
Episode 27: Frum and Gay
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
November 9th, 2020

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, “Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things that are permitted,” but seek to pave the way to integrate one’s identity with re …
Episode 7: Jewish #MeToo: Does Adherence to Jewish Law Provide Safety From Sexual Assault?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
November 7th, 2018

    In his recent analysis of the “#MeToo earthquake,” Rabbi Avi Shafran, Agudath Israel of America’s director of public affairs, bemoans the “supposedly enlightened, progressive, post-patriarchal society, with its proud claim to value and respect women,” and questions how we can expect men to respect women who dress and behave immodestly. In contrast, he asserts that sexual abuse is “relatively rare& …
Navigating Intimacy After Sexual Abuse
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
November 28th, 2024

Originally published on the Nishmat website and on Talli Rosenbaum Humans long for both emotional and physical intimacy and are wired for connection. Most people want to experience a meaningful marital partnership that includes feeling secure, understood, and loved. Physical intimacy provides the opportunity to express that love with connection, joy, pleasure, satisfaction, playfulness, and, sometimes, even with a spiritual connection. Being abl …
Episode 26: Enhancing Sexual Intimacy Using Ancient Eastern Philosophies and Techniques
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
November 1st, 2020

  Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy.

Taoism is a system of traditional beliefs from China. Taoists believe that when a man ejacul …
Episode 45: Navigating Relational and Sexual Intimacy During Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Postpartum Period
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
November 14th, 2022

Pregnancy and childbirth are profound events in the life of a couple. The physical, psychological and hormonal changes that occur to women during pregnancy and in the postpartum period can impact both partners and affect emotional and sexual intimacy. Couples must learn to adjust to a changed family system and a new identity as parents. Observant Jewish couples are additionally affected by laws that restrict touch during childbirth and in the pos …
Episode 16: Outercourse, wasting seed, and Rabbis in the bedroom
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
November 12th, 2019

Outercourse refers to sexual activity without intercourse. Couples may want to engage this way to experience alternative lovemaking options, or may need to because intercourse is painful or uncomfortable. Does Jewish law permit couples to choose what they do in the bedroom, even if it consciously involves extra-vaginal ejaculation? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn here as they respectfully discuss, and at times debate, this sensitive top …
Episode 36: LGBTQ and Orthodox
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
November 11th, 2021

In past decades, being Orthodox and gay meant suffering in the closet, or choosing to live authentically at the expense of religion. Today, more LGBTQ individuals and couples wish to retain their religious identities while embracing their sexual orientation. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a moving interview with Rachel Weinstein, Shimmy Feintuch and Joshua Brook. For the video of the panel click here For the audio, click here …
Episode 50: Like Fine Wine-Sex After 50
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
May 7th, 2023

What happens to the sex life of couples during middle age? Does the familiarity of long-term marriage breed sexual boredom ? Does aging reduce sexual interest? What happens when intimacy is no longer mediated by nidah laws? Listen here to Rabbi Scott  Kahn interview Talli Rosenbaum  as she presents surprising research findings and insights that will dispel myths about sex in midlife and beyond. …
Intimacy after abuse
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
May 3rd, 2019

Humans  long for intimacy and are wired to connect. Most individuals desire to experience a meaningful partnership that includes feeling secure, understood and loved.  Physical intimacy provides the opportunity to express that love  with connection, joy, pleasure, satisfaction,  playfulness and sometimes, even as a spiritual connection. Experiencing this  involves  letting go, feeling secure while taking risks, being …
Episode 33: Painful Sex and Vaginismus: It's Not Your Fault
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
May 29th, 2021

Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to consult. Is this problem physical or psychological? How is it diagnosed and treated? In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss causes and solutions. …
Episode 42: The Surrendered Wife and Marital Intimacy:
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
May 26th, 2022

Last month, Orthodox Jewish journalist Avital Chizhik-Goldschmidt published an article in The Atlantic highlighting the popularity of Laura Doyle’s 2001 New York Times bestseller, ‘The Surrendered Wife,’ among Orthodox Jewish women. Doyle’s book provides a practical guide to marital bliss and harmony, suggesting that women stop being critical and demanding of their husbands, respect and trust them, regularly engage in self …
Episode 13:Marital Conflict.When couples disagree about religion
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
May 23rd, 2019

What happens when couples disagree over religious observance? When one spouse decides that he or she no longer wants to be observant? Is there a way to reach an understanding? Join Talli and Scott as we discuss these issues on the season finale of Intimate Judaism! To listen to the season finale episode of Intimate Judaism click here …
Post Traumatic Stress and Intimacy
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
May 18th, 2017

First published in Times of Israel Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, is a serious condition that can affect individuals after being directly or indirectly exposed to a traumatic, life-threatening event. The symptoms of PTSD are intrusive. They include flashbacks and nightmares and difficulties with concentration and sleep. People with PTSD tend to easily get anxious and irritated. Because they become easily triggered, they may avoid crowds …
Episodes 21 & 22: Unorthodox, Intimacy, and Authenticity: How Accurate is the Netflix Series’ Portrayal of Chasidic Intimacy?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
May 12th, 2020

The Netflix series, “Unorthodox”,  has generated a great deal of discussion and debate. Dozens of op-eds and blogs have been published and various Zoom panels created to discuss the authenticity, or lack thereof, of Hassidic life, marital customs, and sexuality. This makes sense, as the intimate lives of Hassidic Jews, particularly as presented in Hollywood -esqe style,  is likely to arouse legitimate curiosity as well as pr …
Episode 49:Sexual Compatibility, Condom Use, Defining Jewish Sex and More
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
March 30th, 2023

In our annual Q&A episode, Talli Rosenbaum  and  Rabbi Scott Kahn answer many questions and discuss numerous issues dealing with Judaism and intimacy, including whether avoiding sex before marriage means a likelihood of being sexually incompatible with your spouse, how to proceed when you start off shomer negiah and then… you’re not, finding porn on your husband’s intenet history, coping with changes in libido, de …
Episode 19: Porn, Fantasy, and Compulsive Sexual Behavior: How Much is Too Much?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
March 2nd, 2020

Our sense of self is largely defined by our system of values and spiritual identity, along with many other aspects of the self, including our physical, cognitive, intellectual, professional and relational parts. We are also sexual human beings, and are wired to be curious about sexuality and to develop an interest and longing for sexual expression.   Religious sources teach that “straying after our hearts and eyes” is prohibited. …
Episode 20: Love (and Sex) in the Time of Corona
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
March 25th, 2020

  The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily. Couples are facing a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied and help them cope with stress and uncertainty, as well as provide comfort and reassurance to one another. H …
Episode 11: Asexuals, homosexuals and more
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
March 19th, 2019

Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address your questions in this special Q&A episode of Intimate Judaism. Among the issues they deal with are homosexuality and Orthodoxy, Halacha’s attitude toward sterilization via tubal ligation or vasectomy, whether we should encourage our children to talk to kids of the opposite gender, and more. You can listen to the episode here …
Trauma Informed Sex and Couple's Therapy
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
March 18th, 2022

In his seminal book “The Body Keeps the Score,” trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk states “the ability to feel relaxed in one’s body requires the emotional experience of safety.” The emotional experience of safety and the embodied experience of relaxation  are also critical to experiencing attachment and connection.  Humans long for intimacy and are wired to connect. Most individuals desire to experien …
Judaism and Sexuality: Myths and Realities
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
March 18th, 2022

This past March 2022, I participated (virtually) in a symposium at the conference of ISSWSH- The International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health in Dallas, Texas.  The symposium consisted of four speakers, each representing one of the following religions: Islam, Mormonism, Catholicism and Judaism. I was given 15 minutes to present the highlights of both the myths and the realities of Judaism and sexuality.  Below is a …
Episode 40: Male and Female He Created Them: Trans, Non-Binary and Orthodox Judaism
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
March 16th, 2022

According to Jewish sources, God created humans as distinctly male or distinctly female. The roles, obligations and privileges of each gender are clearly defined in our tradition. Yet, not everyone conforms to the gender assigned to them at birth and some individuals experience their gender as distinctly opposite. Can Orthodox individuals who identify as non-binary or transgender find welcoming places, literally and figuratively, in Orthodox soci …
Episode 23: The Myth of Male Sexuality
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
June 9th, 2020

Whether biologically or socially influenced, classic definitions of masculinity assign to men the traits of ambitiousness, competitiveness and a fairly uncomplicated and constant desire for sex. Contemporary culture, largely influenced by pornography, depicts men as sexually assertive whose masculinity is determined by their sexual performance and measured by the frequency of their sexual conquests.   In contrast, our Jewish sources teach us …
Episode 56: Inviting Single Religious Women to the Sexuality Conversation
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
June 6th, 2024

The discourse on marital intimacy and sexuality in Judaism has become a normative topic of conversation. Rabbanit Shayna Goldberg, an educator and spiritual advisor at Migdal Oz, a Midrasha of higher learning for young women in Gush Etzion, believes that conversations about desire, sex and sexuality are relevant for unmarried women as well, and not just as part of premarital education after they have become engaged. In this episode, we discuss th …
Bonus Episode: Whose Business is My Unorthodox Life Anyways?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
July 27th, 2021

The Netflix reality show, My Unorthodox Life, has been the talk of much of the Orthodox world since it was released less than two weeks ago. It tells the story of Julia Haart, who first developed a shoe line, and quickly rose in the world of fashion. She now is the the CEO and co-owner of Elite World Group, the world’s largest modeling network. As most of you probably know, the reason that her story is different from others is that Julia wa …
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