Blogs
Parenting with Purpose
Sara Teichman, PsyD A proactive approach to chinuch habonim based on understanding and respect.
Subscribe to this blog to get the latest updates emailed to you
Subscription complete
12
Search:
Showing Results 40 - 73 (73 total)
School Success
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 19th, 2018

                                                                     School Success
 
Dear Dr. T,
 
With the advent of this new school year, I am more determined than ever to help my children – grades 2 thru 10- do the very best they can i …
Why Children Misbehave
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
July 24th, 2018


Dear Dr. T.,
I am a teacher, so discipline is second nature to me. I have a good understanding of positive reinforcement and how to use consequences. I am pretty successful, if I say so myself, probably because I am consistent in my dealing with my children.
So, why am I writing you? Well, it’s about my nine year old daughter. Honestly, I just can’t understand her. She somehow makes trouble at home and in school- even …
Chinuch vs, Control #2
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
July 3rd, 2018

The previous article differentiated between chinuch and control.  Whereas chinuchis long- lasting and emanating from within the child, control is short–lived and external- i.e. we can force our child to behave  but only while he is in our presence. But, as parents, we want more than just learned, automatic, albeit good, behavior. We want our children to choose to do the right thing-in public and in private. Unfortunately, too …
Chinuch vs. Control
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
June 14th, 2018

Dear Dr. T.,
My situation is a bit unusual, but I bet lots of people are as confused as I am.
Let me explain.
I am the second wife of a much older man whose children are all grown and married. Together, we have two boys – ages eight and ten.
I think the boys are really good kids. They have some spunk and spirit, they love mischief, but don’t give us any real grief- at home or in school.
My husband does not a …
Perception
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 28th, 2018

                                                                        Dear Dr T., My fourteen year old wears me down. She loves to complain and I just can’t get through to her. So we are both unhappy and frustrated: she because ‘I don’t understand he …
Whatever
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 9th, 2018

Dear Dr T., My children don't like to work hard! If something requires effort, forget it: they prefer not to learn or master the skill. They have tasted success when I pushed them to practice things such as riding a bike or jumping rope. But they often give up so easily and have a low frustration tolerance level, and this makes every lesson very difficult. This carries over to schoolwork as well. They would rather do poorly on a test th …
Getting an "A"
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
April 18th, 2018

                                           Dear Dr. T., My daughter is bright and gets all A’s. That’s right – A’s, not A minuses. She will literally stay up all night to make sure she gets that A. She memorizes everything – even stuff that is basically trivial [history of Indian tribes in New York anyone?]- …
Parenting Your Teen
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 7th, 2018

Dear Dr. T.,  My husband and I are concerned about a change we see in our oldest who is seventeen. Though he’s always been a great kid and a wonderful example for his sibs, of late he has developed a challenging attitude. We can’t call it chutzpah because he is generally quite respectful; however, in word and tone, facial expression and body language, he conveys that he most certainly does not agree with our ideas, thoughts, plan …
Purim Woes
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 7th, 2018

Dear Dr T, Last Purim, I felt really bad for my fourteen year old daughter and I would like to help her this year. Somehow, she got very caught up with the misloach manos. She was frantic about making the right thing for her friends- an original theme, fancy stuff- you get the picture. Then, she was disappointed and out of joint all day because she felt that she didn’t get as many baskets as her friends or siblings. It didn’t seem to …
My Child's a Thief
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
January 16th, 2018

  Dear Dr. T., I would never believe that this could happen to me. My 10-year-old daughter has been caught stealing money at school.  Some background: We are a typical, large family in the community. We are very careful in matters of character, and I would never expect such outrageous behavior. In fact, we have never had any problems with this child before. She is our middle child, quiet and well-mannered. Though she obviously understan …
Lowering the Temperature
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
January 1st, 2018

Dear Dr. T., Sometimes when I look into my children’s eyes, I shudder to think at the parent I have become.  Let me explain. I wake up every morning with the best of intentions: I will keep my cool and be positive with my children. But, like failed dieting, my resolve melts sooner or later in the day- when a child spills, I am late again, or there is just too much stuff for one set of parents to deal with. I quickly become irritable an …
Chanukah
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
December 11th, 2017

Chanukah                              Dear Dr. T, I have always loved Chanukah, especially the look on my children’s faces as they receive their gifts. However, the past few years, I have noticed a change. I find that my children get such an overabundance of ‘stuff’ that they lose their appreciation for each individual gift. I catch their eyes darting aro …
Homework
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
October 22nd, 2017

                                               Dear Dr T, Who invented homework? Every night we face torture and chaos as my older children [ages 8 -11] try to get their homework done. I feel trapped in this nightly stru …
Surviving Yom Tov
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
October 3rd, 2017

Dear Dr. T.,  I’m not sure this is a ‘parenting question’: more likely it’s a ‘parent’ question. It’s my turn to  go to my parents for yom tov and I truly look forward to spending time with my parents and sibs. My issue is a very personal one. I very much want my children –ages 2 to 12- to be on their best behavior because we get together infrequently and this is my chance to share my nach …
Dreading Rosh Hashana
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
September 12th, 2017

  Dear Dr T. I ‘ve never seen this question in any of our Torah publications, so I hope you will take the time to respond. With Rosh Hashanah / Yom Kippur approaching, I feel increasingly anxious and tense. It’s not just that I feel aimas hadin; it’s something else entirely. You see, in my family, we take davening very seriously: going to shul from the beginning of shacharis until after ma’ariv is standard. But, today …
School Days
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 31st, 2017

Dear Dr T., School is starting! This year, I would like to make my son’s learning a real priority. But, how do I convince my fifth grade son to do his very best in school? He is an easy-going kid and he takes advantage of the fact that because of our many community obligations we are not always around to help with his homework. He seems content with being a B+ student, though we have been told by the rebbeim that he can do better. We have t …
What Should I Do?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 6th, 2017

Dear Dr T., I have a problem with my two and a half year old. He is always hurting his one-year-old brother. Even if I am playing with them both, the older one may just take a toy and throw it at the baby. I am writing to you as a last resort though I don’t know if you can help me. I certainly have asked many people – parents, siblings, friends, and even a rebbitzen in my community. People say all kind of things: from just looking awa …
It's Not Fair!
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
July 13th, 2017

Dear Dr T., My parents have just offered to take our ten year old daughter to Israel this summer. She would love to go and we feel that this is a real opportunity for her. My husband and I are concerned, however, that it would not be fair to send her because her twelve year old brother cannot go. His yeshiva is on the eleven month schedule, so he is in school at the time that my parents are going. What do you think? Is it right for us to let her …
Being Mevater - tzaddik or neb?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
June 29th, 2017

Dear Dr. T,  I’m not sure I have a problem or I am making a mountain out of a molehill. My two boys –ages 10 and 12- share a room. I’ve been noticing that the older brother always gives in to the younger one for the sake of peace: letting him cheat at games, monopolize the room etc. Yet, though the older one seems increasingly resentful, he makes no move to assert himself. Lately, for example, he’s allowed a lethal Le …
Whose Side Are You On?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
June 15th, 2017

Dear Dr T, My eight year old daughter is a star in school - socially and academically. At home, I really work hard to do right by her: take her shopping, help with school projects, enjoy special outings. We generally do well together and enjoy each other’s company. It is very disappointing to me, however, that whenever she gets upset about anything [about twice a week]- she lashes out at me and says ‘You don’t care about me&rsqu …
I Want Nosh!
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 29th, 2017

Dear Dr. T.,  My six-year-old daughter - a bright, friendly first-grader – goes crazy for nosh. From the minute, she wakes up ‘til the second she goes to sleep, she begs for junk. Though we are quite liberal and generous, and always make sure that she has what other kids her age have, she badgers us relentlessly when there is a possibility of more- i.e. a Kiddush, ‘goody-bags’ or Yom tov. No matter what the ‘dea …
You Don't Understand - or You Don't Need That Now!
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 19th, 2017

Dear Dr T., I know life was really hard for children in earlier times, but, honestly, is there such a thing as just too good? My children have just too much stuff, and the minute they get something, they move on to next…Instead of being satisfied with whatever they get, do, have – they just seem to crave more. I feel like we are creating a monster here- one that is impossible to satisfy! What happened Sunday is a good example. We wen …
Our Weekly Disaster: The Shabbos Seuda x2
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 12th, 2017

Dear Dr T., Since I was a little girl I dreamed about my Shabbos table- how we would all – my children and I- sit around and listen to my husband’s divrei torah and sing zemiros together. I was an only child of much older parents and our Shabbos table looked nothing like the Art Scroll coloring book. But, guess what? Now that I have that family I so longed for, my shabbos table is a far cry from what I imagined. It’s a complicat …
Proactive vs. Reactive Parenting
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 8th, 2017

Dear Dr T., You often talk about proactive parenting but I am not exactly sure what you mean. I am familiar with the word proactive from Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but I don’t know how it applies here. All I know is that I have a hard time managing my children and would like any help I can get.   Dr. T., Proactive means having a plan in place, knowing what you are going to do even before somethin …
I Have To Stop!
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
April 25th, 2017

Dear Dr T, Like many women of her generation, my mother was a ‘screamer.’ Though she was a very good person who had no intent to harm, it was like she was on automatic pilot. Whatever the issue – small or big – my Mom used yelling as the first line of defense. Though I survived very nicely – thank you very much- I resolved to leave yelling out of my arsenal. I have been BH by and large successful, yet I still do yell …
The Challenge of Yom Tov: Family Politics
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
April 5th, 2017

 Dear Dr. T.,  I have always loved Pesach- as a young girl and as a Mom of little ones and teens. But, the last few yom tovim have been trying, to say the least, and I wonder if you could help.  You see- most of my children are ‘young-marrieds’ with a few children each. Because they live in out of town kollelim, they all want to come home for the seder and be with family.  So, what’s the problem? Well, though …
De-Stressing Pesach
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 30th, 2017

                                                         Dear Dr. T, To be totally honest,  Pesach is not my finest hour. The cooking, cleaning, and so many days off from scho …
Too Frum?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 23rd, 2017

Dear Dr T., We are worried about our seventeen-year-old son, a good boy who lives in the dorm of his yeshiva. He is very frum, and particularly scrupulous and meticulous in shmiras mitzos. He is well known in his yeshiva for davening the longest shmona esrei and for being honest - to a fault. So, what’s the catch? Well, with Pesach approaching, his frumkeit has become more intense. He keeps calling home with questions. ‘Do you know ho …
Breaking the Secret Code of Tantrums
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 16th, 2017

Tantrums, especially when they are thrown in public, are no fun. Even in private, they frustrate us and make us wonder what has happened to our typically lovable child. No wonder that tantrums are often cited as the most challenging issue that parents face. Common wisdom holds that if you ignore tantrums, they will go away. This is based on the behavioral principle of reinforcement and extinction, which claims that, that which is not reinforced w …
Kibud Av
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 9th, 2017

Dear Dr T, There is an issue that I struggle with – and I’m hoping you can help me achieve some clarity. My husband is very ‘correct’ – maybe even midas hadin- and this is the source of much tension and stress in the home. He was raised by very strict parents, and he wants to bring up his children the way he was raised, particularly in the area of kibud av v’am. At times, though, it seems to me that he borders …
Purim Stress
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 2nd, 2017

                                                    Purim Stress   Dear T., With Purim upon us, I feel sheer panic! Mishloach manos, seuda, Megilla [two times!], costumes, and ‘collect …
Overstanding Your Child
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 23rd, 2017

Dear Dr T,  My wife and I come from a very similar background: one where children should  be ‘seen and not heard.’ Because of the negative effect  that this  child rearing method had on us, we are committed to bring up our children differently. We are grateful that we have BH been able to establish a home where our children have a voice and are eager to share with us.  So, what’s the problem, you might a …
The Mean Girls
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 17th, 2017

 Dear Dr T.,   I was a very successful junior high Morah/mechaneches in a prestigious in town school. And, every year, mothers would come and complain about the mean girls who were bothering their daughters – excluding them, mocking and/or teasing, and generally making their lives miserable. The thing is – that the girls they accused were often the products of the finest homes, models of derech eretz, or just all-around …
Sort By:Reset All
title +
date +

Results per page:

12