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Sara Teichman, PsyD A proactive approach to chinuch habonim based on understanding and respect.
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Pesach Crush
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
April 1st, 2019

Dear Dr. T.,  I have always loved Pesach- as a young girl and as a Mom of little ones and teens. But, the last few yom tovim have been trying, to say the least, and I wonder if you could help.  You see- most of my children are ‘young-marrieds’ with a few children each. Because they live in out of town kollelim, they all want to come home for the seder and be with family.  So, what’s the problem? Well, though my ch …
Proactive vs. Reactive Parenting
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 8th, 2017

Dear Dr T., You often talk about proactive parenting but I am not exactly sure what you mean. I am familiar with the word proactive from Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but I don’t know how it applies here. All I know is that I have a hard time managing my children and would like any help I can get.   Dr. T., Proactive means having a plan in place, knowing what you are going to do even before somethin …
Purim Stress
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 2nd, 2017

                                                    Purim Stress   Dear T., With Purim upon us, I feel sheer panic! Mishloach manos, seuda, Megilla [two times!], costumes, and ‘collect …
Purim Woes
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 7th, 2018

Dear Dr T, Last Purim, I felt really bad for my fourteen year old daughter and I would like to help her this year. Somehow, she got very caught up with the misloach manos. She was frantic about making the right thing for her friends- an original theme, fancy stuff- you get the picture. Then, she was disappointed and out of joint all day because she felt that she didn’t get as many baskets as her friends or siblings. It didn’t seem to …
Recess?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 22nd, 2019

                                                   Binah #231- Recess   Dear Dr. T.,  We are looking into yeshiva for our first son [he has three older sisters] in our large metropolita …
Right vs Loved?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
December 29th, 2020

                                                                       Right vs Loved  Dear Dr.T.,  My eleven your old daughter really has a hard time getting along with others – whether family,  neighborhood, or school. We spend a lot of time talki …
Scaredy Cat
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
July 15th, 2020

                                                            Dear Dr.T., My husband hates when I say it, but the truth is my son is a real scaredy cat. You know the different noises a house makes- well, he hears each one and reacts- crying, hiding under his bed or in the closet. He won’t go int …
School Days
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 31st, 2017

Dear Dr T., School is starting! This year, I would like to make my son’s learning a real priority. But, how do I convince my fifth grade son to do his very best in school? He is an easy-going kid and he takes advantage of the fact that because of our many community obligations we are not always around to help with his homework. He seems content with being a B+ student, though we have been told by the rebbeim that he can do better. We have t …
School Success
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 19th, 2018

                                                                     School Success
 
Dear Dr. T,
 
With the advent of this new school year, I am more determined than ever to help my children – grades 2 thru 10- do the very best they can i …
School Success- Part 2
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
September 4th, 2018

                                                      Dear Dr T.,  I enjoyed your recent  column about concrete ways [diet, sleep, exercise] of helping our children be successful in school. Are there also some attitudes and expectations that parents can develop that would further support their children&r …
"Ma, What Should I Do?"
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 19th, 2019

Dear Dr. T,  “Mom! I’m bored! What should I do?” This is the part of summer I like least. Not that I don’t deserve this: I remember complaining to my parents all the time. Nevertheless, after all my planning, running around and shlepping to the country, it is disheartening to be hit with these moans and groans.  How do I help my children learn l to occupy themselves?   Dr. T. Replies,, Those long, lazy days …
Summer Anyone?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
July 8th, 2019

                                                              Nefesh Blog- Summer Anyone? Dr. T, It seems to defy common sense, but many of us st …
Surviving Yom Tov
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
October 3rd, 2017

Dear Dr. T.,  I’m not sure this is a ‘parenting question’: more likely it’s a ‘parent’ question. It’s my turn to  go to my parents for yom tov and I truly look forward to spending time with my parents and sibs. My issue is a very personal one. I very much want my children –ages 2 to 12- to be on their best behavior because we get together infrequently and this is my chance to share my nach …
Tantrums in the Store
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 6th, 2019

                                          Dear Dr. T.,  I’m not thinking my problem is so unusual- but, it sure is embarrassing! Whenever I take either of my two children [ages 4 ½ and 3] shopping, they inevitably start a commotion- grabbing stuff they want, tantruming- in general, behaving in a totally inappropriate way. Whe …
Teasing Isn't Funny
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
October 30th, 2018

Dear Dr. T.,  My eleven year old worries me because he seems so overly sensitive to teasing that he actually falls apart when he is teased. This is problematic in school, but more so at home because my husband has a reputation for good natured teasing.  How do I help my son grow a tougher skin so he is not so vulnerable and easily hurt? Dr. T.,  There is no way that I am aware of to inure oneself to pain- whether it is physical or …
The Apology - For Teens
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
October 30th, 2019

We are all human and make mistakes. And, while ‘a mistake is just a mistake”, when someone is hurt by our error– even inadvertently- we are accountable. The Torah requires us to take responsibility -which means apologize and make repair. For most of us, this is not an easy thing to do – especially if it is to our parents or siblings. We don’t like confrontation and are afraid of the reaction of the other person. Yet …
The Challenge of Yom Tov: Family Politics
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
April 5th, 2017

 Dear Dr. T.,  I have always loved Pesach- as a young girl and as a Mom of little ones and teens. But, the last few yom tovim have been trying, to say the least, and I wonder if you could help.  You see- most of my children are ‘young-marrieds’ with a few children each. Because they live in out of town kollelim, they all want to come home for the seder and be with family.  So, what’s the problem? Well, though …
The Comfort Zone
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
December 11th, 2021

      Dear Dr. T., The subject of your last column just blew me away. You wrote about a daughter who has trouble saying ‘no’ and is mevater even at a cost to herself. When I look around today, I don’t see many girls like that. What I do see is girls who do many good things- like drive for bikur cholim or visit the elderly- but on their own terms. Maybe I am old fashioned, but the concept of putting other need …
The Good Old Days
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 31st, 2020

                                       The Good Old Days Do you long for the good old days? Where children were seen but not heard, where chutzpah was kept at a minimum, when children did as they were told? How very different were we from the children of today …
The Mean Girls
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 17th, 2017

 Dear Dr T.,   I was a very successful junior high Morah/mechaneches in a prestigious in town school. And, every year, mothers would come and complain about the mean girls who were bothering their daughters – excluding them, mocking and/or teasing, and generally making their lives miserable. The thing is – that the girls they accused were often the products of the finest homes, models of derech eretz, or just all-around …
The Overweight Child
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 24th, 2020

                                                       The Overweight Child

Dear Dr.T., I try to run a healthy - within reason- home-  with nutritious, balanced meals and no sweets except on shabbos+ special occasions.

 My 7 year old daughter is obsessed by food- she eats quick …
Too Frum?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 23rd, 2017

Dear Dr T., We are worried about our seventeen-year-old son, a good boy who lives in the dorm of his yeshiva. He is very frum, and particularly scrupulous and meticulous in shmiras mitzos. He is well known in his yeshiva for davening the longest shmona esrei and for being honest - to a fault. So, what’s the catch? Well, with Pesach approaching, his frumkeit has become more intense. He keeps calling home with questions. ‘Do you know ho …
Treating Trauma
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
March 23rd, 2020

Dear Dr. T., My family went through a trauma recently. There was a fire in our home, and though we all got out safely because of the working smoke alarms, some of the children did get hurt in the rush to get out. We, the parents, suffered smoke inhalation because we ran around making sure everyone was out and it took a while to get out of our three-story home. Boruch Hashem, no one was seriously injured. We [the parents] were treated in the hospi …
Overstanding Your Child
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 23rd, 2017

Dear Dr T,  My wife and I come from a very similar background: one where children should  be ‘seen and not heard.’ Because of the negative effect  that this  child rearing method had on us, we are committed to bring up our children differently. We are grateful that we have BH been able to establish a home where our children have a voice and are eager to share with us.  So, what’s the problem, you might a …
What Should I Do?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 6th, 2017

Dear Dr T., I have a problem with my two and a half year old. He is always hurting his one-year-old brother. Even if I am playing with them both, the older one may just take a toy and throw it at the baby. I am writing to you as a last resort though I don’t know if you can help me. I certainly have asked many people – parents, siblings, friends, and even a rebbitzen in my community. People say all kind of things: from just looking awa …
What Would You Do?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 2nd, 2021

      Dear Dr T., I have a problem with my two and a half year old. He is always hurting his one year old brother. Even if I am playing with them both, the older one may just take a toy and throw it at the baby. I am writing to you as a last resort though I don’t know if you can help me. I certainly have asked many people – parents, siblings, friends, and even a rebbitzen in my community. People say all kind of things: …
Whatever
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 9th, 2018

Dear Dr T., My children don't like to work hard! If something requires effort, forget it: they prefer not to learn or master the skill. They have tasted success when I pushed them to practice things such as riding a bike or jumping rope. But they often give up so easily and have a low frustration tolerance level, and this makes every lesson very difficult. This carries over to schoolwork as well. They would rather do poorly on a test th …
Whose Side Are You On?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
June 15th, 2017

Dear Dr T, My eight year old daughter is a star in school - socially and academically. At home, I really work hard to do right by her: take her shopping, help with school projects, enjoy special outings. We generally do well together and enjoy each other’s company. It is very disappointing to me, however, that whenever she gets upset about anything [about twice a week]- she lashes out at me and says ‘You don’t care about me&rsqu …
Why are my kids so unhappy?
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
February 12th, 2021

  Dear Dr. T.,  It hit me last week when I was at a family gathering. What I saw is that the cousins ate, played games, chatted up the adults, and got hyper. But here’s what I also saw: my pre-teen children clung to me, my little ones kvetched about the food, and two children begged to go home — now!  What strikes me is that my children are just not happy. Whether at home, or school, they see the negative parts, are rel …
Why Children Misbehave
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
July 24th, 2018


Dear Dr. T.,
I am a teacher, so discipline is second nature to me. I have a good understanding of positive reinforcement and how to use consequences. I am pretty successful, if I say so myself, probably because I am consistent in my dealing with my children.
So, why am I writing you? Well, it’s about my nine year old daughter. Honestly, I just can’t understand her. She somehow makes trouble at home and in school- even …
Why Did You.....
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
August 24th, 2021

   Dear Dr. T.,  What’s the best way to correct my children? They are reasonably well- behaved [mostly], all different ages- but everyone needs some guidance and discipline, don’t they?  I am an avid reader of parenting materials and listen to many parenting lectures as well, so I know that punishment and yelling and screaming are counterproductive. But what’s wrong with criticism when needed? Can’t I t …
You Don't Understand - or You Don't Need That Now!
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
May 19th, 2017

Dear Dr T., I know life was really hard for children in earlier times, but, honestly, is there such a thing as just too good? My children have just too much stuff, and the minute they get something, they move on to next…Instead of being satisfied with whatever they get, do, have – they just seem to crave more. I feel like we are creating a monster here- one that is impossible to satisfy! What happened Sunday is a good example. We wen …
"You're Not Listening!"
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
January 17th, 2022

                                                Dear Dr. T., My ten-year-old daughter is the chatty type. She loves to talk- and she’s only ten so she says lots of things over and over. She has graduated from Clifford and his adventures to school anecdotes. I can tell you what each teacher and principal wore every day …
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