Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

December 13th, 2015

A brief thought as Chanuka winds down: We in the mental health field spend much of our time repairing damage. Repair happens in different ways, through varied interventions, and often through the vehicle of the therapeutic relationship itself. But sometimes repair seems impossible. Sometimes the walls are too high, the barriers too thick. Sometimes it seems as though time and money are spent in vain. It is in those times that I think of that oft …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

January 24th, 2015

Maybe this is a New York thing, but I find that many of us are quick to judge. It’s evident in the way we talk about ourselves and other people. Myself included. Can you relate to this problem? Shul, in particular, is a judgement minefield. There are so many people, and davening is so long. It’s only a matter of time before our thoughts start to drift. We look around, we see the way others are behaving, and we jump to judgement. Why i …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

May 30th, 2015

Do you ever feel stuck in couch potato land? Like you’re in a laziness rut and just can’t seem to get moving? If you have, great - you’re human! (If you haven’t - I’m concerned. Please have that looked at.) Laziness is a heaviness, a stuck feeling that prevents us from getting work done. And it often does not feel good, especially if we have work that needs doing (like dishes, paperwork, shopping...anything at all). …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

September 13th, 2015

This week marked a milestone in Her Royal Majesty’s queenship. Queen Elizabeth II, Head of the Commonwealth and Supreme Governor of the Church of England, is now the longest-reigning monarch in the country’s history. While the Queen characteristically played down the occasion, that didn’t stop celebrations in the form of an aquatic parade of historic vessels, adoring crowds, and glowing tributes from public figures. Like many t …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

February 9th, 2017

If you’re taking a prescription medication, there’s a chance that you’re taking a drug that has the potential of developing dependence. Now, we’re not talking about Lipitor! Drugs types like painkillers, sleep aids, anti-anxiety medications, and ADHD treatments (among others) are what we could call “addictive medications”. That is, they have the ability and tendency to cause users to develop an unhealthy level …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

September 5th, 2015

Something is missing. Life is moving fast, things are getting done, but something is missing. We do more nowadays, know more about our planet, hear news from across the globe faster than we ever have. But something is missing. We read the news while having conversation, we watch a video while answering a text message, we eat dinner while catching up on email. We do so much! And yet something is missing. For at the end of the day, when so much has …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

October 4th, 2015

I was joined for breakfast this morning by a nice family from Chicago. Last night, they told me, they were at a restaurant near the Old City when suddenly someone yelled in Hebrew, "Under the tables! Immediately!" Everyone got down under their tables, some turning their tables over to use as shields. Plates of food shattered on the ground. Police and soldiers rushed in to secure the area. Thank God no one was hurt at that restaurant; the real dan …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

February 6th, 2016

More than most professionals, psychotherapists need to be aware of the potential for burnout. But anyone can experience emotional burnout: that irritability, loss of empathy and compassion, and general sense of depletion. How to avoid burnout? I like to use the Scarcity Principle to explain this concept. Scarcity is the economic principle which states that there are limited resources and unlimited demands on those resources. We don’t have …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

July 20th, 2016

  “The height of therapy is repair.” - Kevin Barry Heaney   Before my first summer as a sleepaway camp counselor, I asked my grandfather, Rabbi Dovid Price z”l, for some guidance. This is what he said: Whenever a child is misbehaving, there is always a reason for it. Find out the reason, and address the problem. Don’t punish; you gain so much more by understanding. My grandfather, the principal of Prospect Park …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

February 27th, 2015

One of the amazing things about the internet is the speed in which things can capture our collective attention. This week’s latest is an ambiguously colored dress. (If you haven’t seen it, I’ve put some reference links at the bottom of this post.) It’s white and gold,  or maybe it’s blue and black. As usual, once the initial viral wave passes, there are the posts that seek to find meaning or wisdom, and perhaps …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

May 2nd, 2015

However you go about choosing  a therapist, don’t do it this way. Have you ever had a positive experience with a mentoring friend or teacher? Mentors who are naturally good at helping others often choose “the helping professions” as a career. And if the need for psychotherapy arises at some point later in life, those fond memories of the mentor-turned-psychotherapist may propel you to reach out to your old mentor for treatm …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

February 21st, 2015

When I first started working as a fee-for-service clinician, one of my pet peeves was not getting paid for missed sessions. I felt that the financial part of the issue clouded my ability to make a good clinical judgement of the situation. And, of course, I didn’t like not getting paid. I’ve since made my peace with clinic work life and its realities, but I sometimes find myself stuck once again on missed appointment and late cancellat …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

December 18th, 2014

My brother quoted a beautiful thought from Rav Chaim Shmulevitz. Permit me to paraphrase. Why do we celebrate the slow-burning oil as opposed to, well, victory against all odds and staying alive? Rav Chaim Shmulevitz answers that it is often the little things that showcase love best. Hashem saved our lives, sure, but the big picture can get lost quickly in the minutiae of daily living. It is the small, subtle, often unexpected gifts that can show …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

March 6th, 2016

                        Funny how the need for an outlet has been twisted and turned into the need for an escape When often what we need when we say we need an outlet is an inlet a connection a way in to ourselves to others But instead of looking in or up we look away and we find what we think we need to let off steam with semi-conductors substances without substance. Sad, really …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

November 17th, 2015

There is so much hatred in the world. What we need is more compassion. The terror attacks of this past weekend are frightening. We are scared. Truly, we are terrified. Senseless, reasonless violence perpetrated on city streets, in restaurants and theaters, places of entertainment and escape. But suddenly there is no escape. And so we are scared. And when we are scared, we respond as scared people often do: we get angry, we blame, we hate. We loo …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

June 11th, 2017

The Israeli Children's Museum in Holon houses an exhibit called Dialogue in the Dark.  The concept is as genius as it is simple: enter a world completely like your own, except that you can’t see. The exhibit  is completely and utterly absent of light. Imagine that, just for a moment: walking through a marketplace, crossing a street, even riding a boat without the benefit of sight. Wandering through the exhibit, trying not to bum …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

February 7th, 2015

I had a conversation with a colleague, Yehuda Alcabes, earlier today about running into clients outside of the office. We had both had some clumsy encounters, and it was fun to talk about. The question we were left with is: as therapists, how concerned do we need to be about our clients seeing us differently than we would like to be seen? Do you want to run into your client at a Zumba class? At a ballgame with beer in hand? At Dunkin Donuts, in a …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

January 30th, 2016

Scene: The dinner table. Little David is making a face at the green leaf offending his plate. He won’t taste it. He’s never had arugula before, but he knows he won’t like it. “No,” he says. “Gross!” You step into the bathroom, first thing in the morning. Your eyes barely open, you stumble toward the sink. But before you glance in the mirror for the first time of the day, you’ve already decided that …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

January 23rd, 2016

Boy, there was a lot of grumbling about snow today. So many adults talking about grown up things like driving, and making flights, and getting to work. I like to think that I’m a grown up too (insert joke here), but you’re all a bunch of party poopers. Yes, we all have responsibilities, but there’s no reason we can’t have a little fun. Getting annoyed at the snow won’t change the weather. In 1992, the city of Syracu …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

March 12th, 2016

As a follow up to last week’s post, this is a discussion about connection. Connection between humans, and between human beings and their Creator. I particularly like the metaphor of an electrical outlet, a mechanism designed to transfer power. If the mechanism is used as designed, it works well. The power flows uninhibited, an inscrutable force that delivers life to lifeless objects. But when the outlet is used for other purposes (think of …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

April 26th, 2015

We psychotherapists are in a bit of a bind. We need to care, to care deeply and sincerely, about every person who bares their soul in our offices. On the other hand, we need to take care of ourselves and not let our work adversely affect us. But it’s inevitable, at least occasionally, that the work catches up with us. After all, we sit and willingly open ourselves up to the worst of what the world has to offer. Shame, depression, obsession, …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

December 17th, 2016

Many moons ago, I was a counselor in Camp Mogen Avraham. One of the most remarkable things about Mogen Av is the extensive training and supervision that the staff receive (also, it was a lot of fun. It’s camp, after all). The training I received over those years was formative for me in my current work as a psychotherapist. One summer, there was a campaign that encouraged counselors and other staff to notice and encourage positive behav …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

October 22nd, 2016

Hoshana Rabba is a confusing holiday. It is described as “the day when the verdict that was issued on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is finalized”. What? I thought we did that already! Was Yom Kippur our last chance to merit a good year, or not? When we ask the question, the answers come in metaphor: “the decree is sealed, but the ink is still drying.” “The ink is dry, but the message has to be delivered.” &ldquo …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

October 24th, 2015

Have you experienced trauma in your life? If you’re reading this, you probably have. Trauma doesn’t need to be something that has happened to you. It can be experiencing something through learning about it. Today’s news websites, TV and radio shows, and even social media feeds are full of horrific images and terrifying stories. These stories draw us in, compelling us to click on the next link, see the next image. And they are d …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

April 16th, 2016

A while back, I saw a statistic that gave me pause. In 2010, the Unites States made up about 4.6 percent of the world’s population, and consumed a disproportionate amount of the world’s opioid supply. Would you like to guess what the percentage is? A shocking 80%. According to The American Society of Interventional Pain Physicians (ASIPP), “Americans, constituting only 4.6% of the world’s population, have been consumi …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

July 26th, 2016

On March 20th, 1990, a Lufthansa flight took off from Frankfurt en route to Paris. Immediately after takeoff, the plane hit some turbulence and the left wing dropped slightly - a pretty normal occurrence, and no reason for concern. The pilot moved his sidestick, directing the plane to shift back to the right. And that’s when things started to go haywire. Deep inside the aircraft, two pins had been accidentally crossed, reversing the polari …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

November 7th, 2015

The Iran deal is by now signed and delivered. But through the time the deal was being negotiated, and later debated in Congress, one thought rang clear in my mind: we are enabling Iran’s bad behavior. Enabling is a term often used with family and friends of addicts, who can unwittingly facilitate an addict’s harmful behavior. Enabling can look like supplying cash, living space, transportation, but it can also be looking the other way …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

October 15th, 2016

The holiday season is upon us, and you know what that means: for most of us, it’s family fun time, dish upon dish of delicious food, and hopefully some spiritual opportunities to connect with the One Above. If we’re not careful, though, Yom Tov can become a negative experience, with cranky children, crankier adults, and the revival of old rivalries, not to mention some unpleasant aftereffects of overeating. Here are some tips to avoid …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

December 10th, 2016

Last week we spoke about being alone with yourself, and the process of getting to know yourself. This week, let’s take it a step further. Try being alone with somebody else. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Well, it might be ridiculous, but try it anyway. If you’re in a relationship, try spending some time alone with your significant other. If you’re not in a relationship, try it with an open-minded friend. Here’s the …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

January 31st, 2015

Looking for a laugh? Check out the Letters to the Editor section of your local Jewish newspaper. These sections seem to be a place for anyone and everyone to share their grievances. We all have things that bother us; we would hardly be human if we didn’t. But not all us of are inclined to share our comments so publicly (and often anonymously). A letter caught my eye a few weeks ago. The topic was the perceived immodest dress of community wo …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

March 8th, 2015

As we turn our thoughts to Pesach, the holiday of freedom, a few thoughts come to mind. The Jews sought freedom from slavery; their purpose was to serve God. Freedom of religion was a founding principal of the USA. The words of Hatikvah speak of a yearning "To be a free people in our land".  I fear, though, that the concept of freedom has been co-opted. For many of my clients, especially young adults, freedom means breaking free from the sha …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

April 5th, 2015

Instead of sharing my half-baked (unleavened?) thoughts on the holiday, here are two quotes I came across over the past two days. I had the privilege of using Rabbi A.J. Twerski’s Haggadah, "From Bondage to Freedom",  this year. He uses the analogy of addiction to bring the message of Pesach closer to home. “Like our forefathers in Egypt, we should cry out to God to deliver us from enslavement to any self-destructive behavior.&rd …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

September 17th, 2016

No matter how you spend your time - making sales, housekeeping, or actualizing change (that sounded better than “therapizing”), being productive is important. We all need to get things done, and we all struggle with balancing work, life, and self-care. Here are some tips to set you on your way. Hey - put down that phone for a minute. We all need to learn to deal with distraction - that’s why it’s first on the list. Squash …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

July 27th, 2015

“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity” - Simone Weil This week: A father and his young boy rode the train from Brooklyn to Manhattan. They spoke the entire ride, sometimes quietly, sometimes animatedly. There were no electronic devices to be seen. The pure presence of the father was beautiful to behold. Many clients stepped into my office this week. Some wanted feedback, others silence. They all needed my attention. M …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

April 2nd, 2016

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” - Neale Donald Walsch A psychotherapist is in the business of growth, change, and healing. I would say that’s important stuff (but then again, I’m biased). Here’s a basic question for those providers and consumers involved in the business of change. What are the ingredients that lead to positive change? What are growth’s prerequisites? I’m thinking now of hea …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

June 28th, 2015

We social workers have some terminology confusion, some branding obfuscation. I'm sure most of the readers of this blog know what a social worker does. But while doing some networking this weekend (with people less familiar with the mental health field), I ran into some issues. "What do you do?" "I'm a social worker." "Oh, like helping the homeless get housing?" Or - "Got it. You work in a nursing home." The problem is that social work is truly a …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

May 22nd, 2015

Shavuot. Shavuos. Chag Ha'atzeres. This holiday has many names. (One of my clients referred to it as “the holiday of many cheesecakes”.) Many years ago, I visited the Mir Yeshiva in Yerushalayim on Simchas Torah. Rather tired, I was more interested in watching the goings-on than celebrating with the Torah, but somehow found myself a reluctant participant. Practically swimming through the bouncing sea of bochurim, I passed a few revele …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

July 5th, 2015

What do social workers and shawarma joints have in common? They’re both open late, offer comfort, and leave an impression with you that lasts through the week. Many clinic jobs nowadays (at least the ones I know about) require therapists to work one or two evenings a week. That means working until 9 or 10pm, and getting home really really late. And for those of us who work two or more jobs, that means coming home late more nights than not. …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

May 10th, 2015

I have become fascinated with the development of spirituality in the human being. Specifically: how do we learn about, understand, and integrate the concept of a Higher Being? How do we learn to relate to this Being? Why do some view this Being as benevolent, malevolent, punishing, promising? Indifferent? Where do these concepts come from? Certainly, religious upbringing plays a significant part in our conceptualization. The content of the partic …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

September 5th, 2016

You know what a Muggle is, right? If you don’t, please take a minute to read all seven Harry Potter books. (Yes, there is a new Harry Potter book just released - the new play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - and my copy is currently in my “To Read Eventually” pile on my desk. But it's not required reading just yet.) Oh, you’re back. Excellent. Now, here is your primer on How to Be a Good Muggle. (And here's a glos …
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