The current “sandwich generation” is both aging and shifting, and includes many baby boomers. As the oldest generation leaves this earthly existence, a new sandwich generation is emerging: those who are both grandparents to grandchildren, and children to parents. Many in this generation are responsible for any combination of difficult factors: elderly spouses, unmarried siblings, and parents who are not able to function without assistance, regardless of whether or not their erstwhile relationships have been compatible.

A 92-year-old father told his 66-year-old daughter that she was at an age when her children should be taking care of her instead of her taking care of him. Taken aback, she asked her father if he thought she was so old and decrepit. He did not answer her question.

When people live well into advanced age, as many are today, their children are also aging into middle-age physical and mental challenges. Perhaps they are still raising their own younger children, or helping their adult children deal with life’s challenges. Hence the designation of the “sandwich generation,” which really applies to all people caught between the needs of both the older and younger generations. In addition, individuals in the shifting sandwich generation are feeling their own personal challenges, whether physically, mentally or medically, and often financially.

Caring for an older parent brings with it its own set of challenges and difficulties. Aging people need medical attention, appropriate living quarters, assistance in their daily requirements, nourishing food, and safe environments, all of which the child, who often has children and grandchildren of his own, is responsible to handle. Often they worry about finding the right aide, and making sure the aide will not take advantage of the elderly, fragile parent, either by stealing or mistreatment of the parent. Even when keeping close tabs on an individual’s welfare 24/7, it does not mean that valuables cannot be easily slipped into one’s pocket without anyone realizing it is happening. More importantly, there is no real guarantee that the ill or indisposed persons are being well taken care of behind respectfully closed doors. Only through observing their behavior and seeing if they are feeling positive during the course of the day and not uncomfortable or nervous, much like the very young child who isn’t able to communicate verbally, can one see if a radical change is necessary or not.

                Aging and shifting are constantly flowing through the decades. Life brings its challenges to everyone at different times and periods. Unfortunately, no one is spared. What’s important is to develop coping mechanisms that enable us to get through personal challenges instead of buckling under them.

The good thing about being a part of the sandwich generation is that, no matter how old you are, there are people around whom you can share with, and can reduce the loneliness of dealing with things all alone. Too often, people tend to look at the negative and feel sorry for themselves for being in a difficult predicament. So yes, while it is absolutely true that being caught in the middle can be overwhelming, it can also be very enriching. Even though dealing with everyone’s different personalities and issues may be nerve-wracking, realize how special it is that the different generations are still here, and still enriching your life. Once the “top layer” of the “sandwich” is gone, it is too late for regrets.

A major factor in how people approach their trials and tribulations is their attitude. Being caught in the middle of a sandwich does not have to be very aggravating. Much of it can turn out to be very satisfying and fulfilling if a sense of humor and appreciation is maintained. When individual caretakers consider their own needs, they can reach out for help through many means available to them. Places of worship and community centers can often provide the relief of some time off or assistance when necessary. If family members can find their way of helping each other get along pleasantly, they can all share in the burdens fairly to make the responsibilities easier on everyone. Naturally, everyone will be in a position of being part of the “sandwich” at one level or another, and no one said that the shift is easy. Being helpful is a good way to begin adjusting to this new reality.

Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC, is currently in private practice and the Director of Counseling for

Better Living. Marlene has EMDR training and has created social skills programs, written weekly Counseling Corner articles, given workshops, taught classes, and published journal articles for Nefesh, ACA, ASCA, and the OU. Marlene can be reached at: counselingforbetterliving@gmail.com. Visit her blog: www.counselingforbetterliving.com.