Rabbi Yoแธฅanan said: Even if the Torah had not been given, we would nonetheless have learned modesty from the cat, which covers its excrement, and that stealing is objectionable from the ant, which does not take grain from another ant, and forbidden relations from the dove, which is faithful to its partner, and proper relations from the rooster, which first appeases the hen and then mates with it. What does the rooster do to appease the hen? Rav Yehuda said that Rav said: Prior to mating, it spreads its wings as if to say this: I will buy you a coat that will reach down to your feet. After mating, the rooster bends its head as if to say this: May the crest of this rooster fall off if he has the wherewithal and does not buy you one. I simply have no money to do so.

ืึธืžึทืจ ืจึทื‘ึผึดื™ ื™ื•ึนื—ึธื ึธืŸ: ืึดื™ืœึฐืžึธืœึตื ืœึนื ื ึดื™ืชึผึฐื ึธื” ืชึผื•ึนืจึธื”, ื”ึธื™ึดื™ื ื•ึผ ืœึฐืžึตื™ื“ึดื™ืŸ ืฆึฐื ึดื™ืขื•ึผืช ืžึตื—ึธืชื•ึผืœ, ื•ึฐื’ึธื–ึตืœ ืžึดื ึผึฐืžึธืœึธื”, ื•ึทืขึฒืจึธื™ื•ึนืช ืžึดื™ึผื•ึนื ึธื”. ื“ึผึถืจึถืšึฐ ืึถืจึถืฅ ืžึดืชึผึทืจึฐื ึฐื’ื•ึนืœ — ืฉืึถืžึผึฐืคึทื™ึผึตื™ืก ื•ึฐืึทื—ึทืจ ื›ึผึธืšึฐ ื‘ึผื•ึนืขึตืœ.ื•ึผืžึทืื™ ืžึฐืคึทื™ึผึตื™ืก ืœึทื”ึผ? ืึธืžึทืจ ืจึทื‘ ื™ึฐื”ื•ึผื“ึธื” ืึธืžึทืจ ืจึทื‘, ื”ึธื›ึดื™ ืงึธืึธืžึทืจ ืœึทื”ึผ: ื–ึธื‘ึตื™ื ึฐื ึธื ืœึดื™ืšึฐ ื–ึดื™ื’ึธื ื“ึผึฐืžึธื˜ื•ึผ ืœึดื™ืšึฐ ืขึทื“ ื›ึผึทืจึฐืขึธื™ืšึฐ, ืœึฐื‘ึธืชึทืจ ื”ึธื›ึดื™ ืึธืžึทืจ ืœึทื”ึผ: ืœึดื™ืฉืึฐืžึทื˜ึฐืชึผึตื™ื”ึผ ืœึฐื›ึทืจึฐื‘ึผึทืœึฐืชึผึตื™ื”ึผ ื“ึผึฐื”ึธื”ื•ึผื ืชึผึทืจึฐื ึฐื’ื•ึนืœึธื ืึดื™ ืึดื™ืช ืœึตื™ื”ึผ ื•ึฐืœึธื ื–ึธื‘ึตื™ื ึฐื ึธื ืœึดื™ืšึฐ.

Ben Yehoyada 

ื–ึดื™ื’ึธื ื–ึทื‘ึผึดื™ื ึฐื ึธื ืœึดื™ืšึฐ ื“ึผึฐืžึทื˜ึดื™ ืœึดื™ืšึฐ ืขึทื“ ืึทืจึฐืขึธื. ื”ื ื“ืžืจื‘ื” ืœื” ื‘ืžื™ื“ืช ื”ื–ื™ื’ื ืฉื™ื”ื™ื” ื—ืจื•ืš ื“ืžื˜ื™ ืขื“ ืืจืขื, ื”ื™ื™ื ื• ื›ื™ ื”ืชืจื ื’ื•ืœืช ื™ืฉ ืœื” ื ื•ืฆื” ื—ืฉื•ื‘ื” ืฉืื™ื ื” ืฆืจื™ื›ื” ืœื–ื™ื’ื, ื•ืจืง ื™ืฉ ืœื” ื—ืกืจื•ืŸ ื“ืื™ืŸ ื”ื ื•ืฆื” ืžื›ืกื” ืืช ืจื’ืœื™ื” ื•ืœื›ืš ืจื’ืœื™ื” ืื™ื ื ื™ืคื™ื ืฉืื™ืŸ ืขืœื™ื”ื ื ื•ืฆื”, ื•ืขืœ ื›ืŸ ืžื‘ื˜ื™ื—ื” ืœืžื–ื‘ืŸ ืœื” ื–ื™ื’ื ื”ืžื’ื™ืข ืœืืจืฅ ื›ื“ื™ ืฉื™ืชื›ืกื• ืจื’ืœื™ื”…ื•ื ืจืื” ืœื™ ื›ื™ ืขืฉื” ื”ืฉื ื™ืชื‘ืจืš ื”ื•ืจืื” ืฉืœ ืคื™ื•ืก ื”ืชืจื ื’ื•ืœ ื‘ืžืœื‘ื•ืฉ, ืœืœืžื“ืš ืฉื’ื ื”ืื“ื ื™ืขืฉื” ื”ืคื™ื•ืก ืœืืฉืชื• ื‘ืžืœื‘ื•ืฉ ื›ื™ ื‘ื–ื” ื ื™ื—ื ืœื” ื˜ืคื™ ืžืื›ื™ืœื” ื•ืฉืชื™ื”. ื•ืžื” ืฉืขืฉื” ืขื•ื“ ื‘ื˜ื‘ืขื• ืฉื™ื ืขื ืข ื‘ืจืืฉื• ืœืคื™ื™ืกื” ืขืœ ื”ื‘ื˜ื—ื” ืฉื”ื‘ื˜ื™ื— ืœื”, ื•ืขืชื” ืื™ืŸ ืœืืœ ื™ื“ื• ืœืงื™ื™ื ืœืœืžื“ืš ืฉืื ืคื™ื™ืกืชื” ืงื•ื“ื ืชืฉืžื™ืฉ ื‘ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ืœืขืฉื•ืช ืœื” ืื™ื–ื” ื“ื‘ืจ ื•ืื—ืจ ื›ืš ืœื ื”ื™ื” ื‘ื™ื›ืœืชืš ืœืงื™ื™ื, ืืœ ืชืืžืจ ื›ื™ื•ืŸ ืฉื’ืžืจืชื™ ืขืกืงื™ ื•ืฉืžืฉืชื™ ืื ื™ื—ื ื” ื‘ืชื•ื—ืœืช ืžืžื•ืฉื›ื”, ื•ืœืžื” ืื˜ืจื™ื— ืขืฆืžื™ ืœืขืฉื•ืช ื”ืชื ืฆืœื•ืช ื•ืœืคื™ื™ืกื” ืขืœ ื”ื”ื‘ื˜ื—ื” ืฉื”ื‘ื˜ื—ืชื™ ืœื” ืฉืื™ื ื™ ื™ื›ื•ืœ ืœืงื™ื™ื, ืืœื ืฆืจื™ืš ืฉืชื“ื‘ืจ ืขืœ ืœื‘ื” ื•ืชืคื™ื™ืกื” ื•ืชืคื™ืก ื“ืขืชื” ื‘ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ื”ืžืชื™ื™ืฉื‘ื™ื ืขืœ ื”ืœื‘.

ื•ืจืื™ืชื™ ืœื”ืจื‘ ืชื•ืจืช ื—ื™ื™ื ื–"ืœ ืžื” ืฉื›ืชื‘ ื‘ื–ื” ื‘ืขื ื™ืŸ ืจื•ืช ืฉืืžืจื” ืœื‘ื•ืขื– (ืจื•ืช ื’, ื˜) ื•ึผืคึธืจึทืฉึฐื‚ืชึธึผ ื›ึฐื ึธืคึถืšึธ ืขึทืœ ืึฒืžึธืชึฐืšึธ, ื™ืขื•ื™ื™ืŸ ืฉื.ื•ืื ื™ ื”ื”ื“ื™ื•ื˜ ื ืจืื” ืœื™ ืœืคืจืฉ ืจืžื– ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ ื”ื ื–ื›ืจ ื‘ื“ืจืš ืžืœื™ืฆื” ื ืื” ื™ื•ืชืจ, ื•ื”ื™ื™ื ื• ื›ื™ ืจื•ืช ื‘ืื” ืื•ืชื” ื”ืœื™ืœื” ืืฆืœ ื‘ื•ืขื– ื‘ืขืœ ื›ืจื—ื” ื›ื“ื™ ืœืขืฉื•ืช ืจืฆื•ืŸ ื—ืžื•ืชื”, ืื‘ืœ ื”ื™ื ื‘ืœื‘ื” ื”ื™ื” ืœื” ื—ืฉืฉื” ื’ื“ื•ืœื” ืงืจื•ื‘ื” ืœื•ื“ืื™ ืฉืœื ื™ืฉืื ื” ื‘ื•ืขื– ืื•ืชื” ื”ืœื™ืœื” ื›ืืฉืจ ื—ืฉื‘ื” ื ืขืžื™, ื•ืžื—ืžืช ื›ืŸ ื”ื™ื” ืœื” ืคื—ื“ ื•ืžื•ืจืš ื’ื“ื•ืœ ืคืŸ ื™ื”ื™ื” ืœื” ื‘ื•ืฉื” ื’ื“ื•ืœื” ื›ืืฉืจ ื™ื—ื–ื™ืจ ืคื ื™ื” ืจื™ืงื ื•ื™ืืžืจ ืœื” ืงื•ืžื™ ืœื›ื™.ืœื›ืŸ ืจืžื–ื” ืœื• (ืฉื) ื•ึผืคึธืจึทืฉึฐื‚ืชึธึผ ื›ึฐื ึธืคึถืšึธ ืขึทืœ ืึฒืžึธืชึฐืšึธ, ืคื™ืจื•ืฉ ืื ืื™ืŸ ืœืš ืจืฆื•ืŸ ืœืขืฉื•ืช ืžืขืฉื”, ืชืชื ื”ื’ ืขืžื™ ืœืคื—ื•ืช ื›ืชืจื ื’ื•ืœ ืฉืžืคื™ื™ืก ื‘ืคื™ืฉื•ื˜ ื›ื ืคื™ื• ืœื”ื‘ื˜ื™ื— ื”ืชืจื ื’ื•ืœืช ื”ื‘ื˜ื—ื” ื‘ืฉืงืจ ื‘ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ื‘ืขืœืžื ืืฃ ืขืœ ืคื™ ืฉืื™ืŸ ื‘ื” ืžืžืฉ, ื›ืŸ ืืชื” ื•ึผืคึธืจึทืฉึฐื‚ืชึธึผ ื›ึฐื ึธืคึถืšึธ ืขึทืœ ืึฒืžึธืชึฐืšึธ ื›ืžืขืฉื” ื”ืชืจื ื’ื•ืœ ืœื”ื‘ื˜ื™ื—ื ื™ ื‘ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ื‘ืขืœืžื ืœืคื™ ืฉืขื” ื›ื“ื™ ืฉืœื ืื—ื–ื•ืจ ื‘ื‘ื•ืฉื” ืืฆืœ ื—ืžื•ืชื™, ื•ืืœ ืชืืžืจ ืื™ืŸ ืื ื™ ืžื—ื•ื™ื™ื‘ ืœืคื™ื™ืกื™ืš ืžืื—ืจ ืฉืืช ื‘ืืช ืฉืœื ื›ื”ื•ื’ืŸ, ืœื ื›ืŸ ืืœื ื’ื•ืืœ ืืชื” ื•ืœื›ืŸ ื‘ืจืฉื•ืช ื‘ืืชื™, ื•ืœื›ืš ืื ื™ ืื•ืžืจืช ืื ืœื ืชืจืฆื” ืœื’ืืœ ืชืคื™ื™ืกื ื™ ืœืคื—ื•ืช ื›ืžื• ืคื™ื•ืก ื”ืชืจื ื’ื•ืœ.

Ben Yehoyada is saying A beautiful idea :

A chicken feathers covers her whole body except for her legs, therefore the rooster in order to romance her offers a coat that will cover her legs too. When you think about it, he is romancing her by the very item that will correct an aspect about which she feels self-conscious and that she is lacking in beauty. This is a wonderful model for Courtship.

However, we have one last question. What right does the rooster or the husband have to make promises that he cannot keep? 

I suggest here we find one of the subtle areas of relationships: True lies. The wife says do I look fat in that dress? The answer is, “absolutely not!”. While one cannot simply offer flattery or promises that one has no intention of keeping, on the other hand it is very important to expressed sincere wishes and intention as a part of courtship. Rabbi Akiva pledged a Gold Tiara to Rachel even when he was impoverished (Shabbos 59b, Nedarim 50a). How did he know he would be able to fulfill that pledge? He didn’t. And even if not a promise, the sages were careful to always keep their word. However, showing her that he sincerely meant to do so is part of the expression of love. Sometimes it is important not to be so literal and allow for a romantic gestures. 

for Video Shiur click here to listen:  Psychology of the DAF Eruvin 100

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

If you liked this, you might enjoy my Relationship Communications Guide. Click on the link above.

Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com