Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

October 21st, 2018

Ever hear the phrase evidence based treatment? If you haven't, you should get to know it. And know it well. Because every time you go for treatment, whether it's for a physical ailment or a mental one, the only treatment you should be ethically receiving is one that is evidence based to produce positive results. And in the worst case scenario, the evidence at least lets you know that even if there's no proof that it works on whatever it is you a …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

October 7th, 2018

  Question: I have twin daughters who are just finishing ninth grade high school. For the older twin (who is my oldest daughter after 2 sons), it was a great year. She had a significant part in her school production and did very well academically. I actually enjoyed being involved in her production as it reminded me of my years in high school busy with practice. My younger twin is a wonderful girl who loves doing chessed (she is the one I co …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

September 11th, 2018

  “I can't forgive my parents,” clients tell me. “I can't forgive my son for what he did, or my daughter, my sister, my grandparent.” Others ask, “Do I need to forgive him? Do I need to forgive her?” I speak now not as a Rebbetzin giving a shiur on forgiveness, but as a therapist. On the psychological role of forgiveness. How forgiveness is different than acceptance. And how, in order to move on, to heal, …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

September 2nd, 2018

  When I reminded my married son about the incident, he said, “I was six, Ma!” “But you apologized,” I said. “I did,” he said, laughing. “We became best friends.” My daughter-in-law looked at me quizzically. I explained. A mother in my son's class called to tell me that he and a bunch of other boys were teasing another boy about his weight. My son allegedly called him fatso. Of course I did not …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 27th, 2018

  My husband's brother is going to jail for eighteen months and with good behavior will be out in about a year. This is devastating to our family. We are a very close family, and we had no idea that he was involved in some illegal, white-collar activities. When he was first arrested, the family raised money for his defense lawyer and did everything they could to help him. At this point, I am sick of everyone feeling sorry for him and being p …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 19th, 2018

  Co-dependent. Everyone uses the word without knowing what it really means. If somebody does not like the brother-in-law married to their sister, and miracles of miracles, their sister likes him anyway, the family is already labeling her co-dependent. And sometimes they may be right and sometimes they may be wrong. But what is certain is that nobody I know that has used this word to describe family members, their neighbors, or even themselv …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 12th, 2018

Question: My husband was in Kollel for nine years and then in the classroom for 3. He's thinking about getting a degree in social work and I'm really scared it will change the wonderful person I know. Not to put you down, Mindy, and I don't know you at all-- do you think that social work school can change a person's Yiddishkeit level? What about his interactions with family? He is the kind of person people feel drawn to and talk to etc and he fe …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 6th, 2018

  Question: Dear Mindy, I know this is not a question that can be really answered in a column, but I feel whatever light you can shed on this issue will benefit not only me but many of my single friends. I am a divorced 28 years old in shidduchim. As you can imagine, I am being redt the strangest suggestions. Even though I am a fairly mainstream Bais Yaakov-type of girl, teaching in a local high school, it's not only my age and divorce statu …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

July 19th, 2018

  Blah, blah, blah. Everyone is driving you crazy. Or you are doing a pretty good job making yourself crazy. Your parent died yesterday. Two months ago. Two years ago. Even twenty years ago, and everyone gives your their dumb opinions (notice how later on I assume my opinion to be the only smart one, ha!) about how you should be feeling, how you should be grieving. And either you—or somebody else—thinks that you are not grievi …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

July 14th, 2018

  Question: Every Shabbos Nachamu, my entire neighborhood leaves to the Catskill Mountains. They go to family or friends who have bungalows or summer homes there. It’s very hard for me to stay home with my family when I know that my sister-in-law has a large summer home that has plenty of room for all of us but can’t be bothered to invite us. In general I feel that she disdains our family for not being of her social (rich) calibe …
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