Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

August 13th, 2020

Dear Therapist: I have been estranged from my brother for 8 years. This happened as a result of a financial issue where I felt he had cheated me. I got some bad advice at the time regarding how I should deal with it and that led to all the issues. There were mistakes made on both sides and we have been locked in. I’m not going to kid myself; there was a lot of nasty lashon horah and machlokes on my part but also on his. Recently when I was …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 24th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Overall, my husband and I—married for ten years with five wonderful children—have beautiful shalom bayis,. We have a loving relationship and bring harmony and happiness into our home on a day-to-day basis. The problem is when we have something to work through. When I do something or say something that upsets my husband he totally shuts down and becomes handicapped at communicating. He is not overall an emotio …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am a teenaged girl, popular, with a lot of personality, if I do say so myself. I’m the kind of girl who is the life of the party, and enjoys making the fun for the group, trying to make sure all are included at the same time. I applied for a staff position at a camp that is very excited to have me but got stuck on the application itself. I have a mild case of anxiety and am prescribed Zoloft. (They asked for addi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 12-year-old was referred to therapy by her school for some behavioral and social issues. Nothing too severe but the school thought it would be beneficial for her to gain some skills before going into next year. After a while we finally got into the therapist we were suggested but now we are coming up on camp season. She and her friends are all supposed to go to camp for a big part of the summer but that would mean either delay …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

August 13th, 2020

Dear Therapist: I have a younger sister (age 24) who I care about very much. She had a rough childhood as far as being picked on in school and since she is a nonconformist got in a lot of trouble. Her relationship with my parents has also been very up and down with a lot of negativity and hurt feelings. She has a small part-time job that she gets no satisfaction from. To me she is clearly depressed and she admits as much. She is very smart and no …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 30th, 2017

Dear Therapist: What options are there for someone who clearly needs treatment but refuses to get it? I am currently involved with two cases where the person has serious issues that are affecting themselves and their families but won’t go for help.  In one case the person is so depressed they barely leave the house for anything and won’t even hear of it. In the other case the person thinks there is nothing wrong with them but the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have a friend who is really struggling and after many conversations he has finally agreed to go to therapy. We did a lot of research and have found some therapists that would suit him. Unfortunately he cannot afford to pay for therapy. I have offered to pay for therapy but the therapist does not want to allow us to do so. He says he believes that it is important for the patient to pay for therapy themselves and that it is not a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I took my first cigarette in 9th grade. I have been smoking steadily for the past 15 years. If I am honest I realize that it is a big health risk but that doesn’t seem to motivate me to stop. I guess I kind of “want to want” to stop. It certainly would make my wife and parents happy.  My questions are: 1. Do you have any suggestions as to how to become more motivated to quit?  2. Are there any specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

December 4th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions in this weekly column. I have an issue I hope you can provide me guidance with. I have been working with a coach for a long time to help me with my personal growth and self-confidence issues. This has helped me become a better person and inspired me to open my own business which was quite successful. However, I recently lost my mother to a sudden illness and am having a hard ti …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 21-year-old son has been struggling for a while and would like to begin therapy. He is pretty insistent that he wants to only see a non-frum or not Jewish therapist. It is hard to get a straight answer from him as to why he is so insistent on this. It's a shame that he is so adamant about this at a time when there are so many qualified therapists that are bnei torah. Being that he is 21 he can pretty much go to whoev …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 7th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I enjoy your column every week. I appreciate how each of you have your own style and way of seeing things. I was wondering if you could each share your opinion on what you think is most misunderstood about therapy. How would you clarify and reframe it for those who may be considering therapy?    Response: Of course, as you said, all therapists have different styles and perspectives. (Thus, our responses to this question …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

August 13th, 2020

Dear Therapist: I’m wondering if therapy can help a person who is in a difficult situation that can’t be changed. I understand if someone is depressed with life therapy can help them feel better but if someone is dealing with a reality that is bad is there a point of going to therapy? I understand the question is broad but I would prefer not to go into my own personal details. Either way there are many such examples, financial, famili …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: People have told me in the past that I need to go to therapy. However, I am an extremely practical and logic-based person and I am skeptical that therapy actually helps people. If I had statistics that 70/80% of people had significant improvement through therapy that would make me much more likely to spend the money. As of now I am not convinced. Does the panel agree that until proven otherwise my position is the correct one in th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 22nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have a son who would like to see a therapist to deal with some issues. I think it would be beneficial for him but I am concerned that therapy might damage his relationship with my wife and myself. Every parent makes mistakes and I am sure we have as well, but I am worried by the sentiment I hear expressed that therapists "estrange" children from their parents. Can you please clear this up for me and perhaps give me some ideas as …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: The time has come in my life for me to make a parnassah to support my family. I am having a difficult time choosing what career path I would like to take and what field I want to get involved in. I am generally not a person who has a hard time making up his mind but I can’t seem to settle on something that I think I would be good at and interested in. Someone mentioned that therapists are trained in career counseling so I th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your insightful column each week. I gain a tremendous amount from your suggestions and advice. I am hoping that you can guide us. We B'H have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved, bright, a real baal middos and a budding talmid chacham. He brings us a tremendous amount of nachas. The problem is that he likes to ea …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: About a year ago, our 9-year-old daughter started to engage in compulsive rituals.  She would have 1 specific ritual (such as checking that her heart was still beating) for a few weeks and then switch to a different ritual.  Right now, her specific ritual is sniffing is an unusual way.  This was/is not interfering with her performance at school or home, and she seemed happy overall, but we decided to take her to a p …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Today I am a married woman with a family and have friends b”h, but as a child, I didn’t have any friends. When I was with classmates and when I would try to interject with a comment my comment would go unnoticed. I only made friends after I finished school and started working. When I bump into people I knew as a child, such as classmates, I become terrified and start to shake and the unbearable pain that lays deep …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

October 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Could you please share advice on dealing with younger children who are struggling with the news from Eretz Yisroel. Of course, we are preventing them from seeing any images, but they have inevitably heard some of the horrible details, particularly about kidnapped children r'l. Any advice you can have to help them deal with this terrible situation more effectively would be helpful.    Response: I think that I speak f …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 24th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: As a 3rd grade rebbe sometimes I have children in my class who have lost a parent r’l. I wonder if in such cases I should avoid using the word totty or mommy during class to avoid hurting the child. Is this something that is helpful or perhaps avoiding it is just something that is not realistic and unfortunately it is something they will live with all their lives?    Response: Your sensitivity to oth …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We live in a small neighborhood where everyone knows each other and gets along very well. Recently two families that we know and are friendly with became embroiled in a serious machlokes with each other. I do not think the specific details are necessary to share and I want to protect confidentiality but this is not an issue that someone just didn't get shlishi. It is hard to figure out what is actually even the trut …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have been seeing a therapist for the last few weeks. Recently, while I was waiting for my appointment in the waiting room, I overheard him discussing another patient on the phone. The door to his office was wide open and he knew I was there because he had buzzed me into the waiting room. Since then I just don't feel comfortable speaking with him because maybe he discusses me when there are other people listening. The problem is …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old boy who went to an out of town yeshiva this year. My yeshiva provides a dormitory, but they don't provide Shabbos seudas. Every Shabbos I have to find meals and many times I end up by people whom I don't know and never met before. There is one issue with this. When I introduce myself to new people I turn red in the face. This is something that I feel I can't control as much as I prep myself before. This is extr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Any suggestions with coping for the tremendous amount of stress that coronavirus is adding to our lives? The constant stream of contradictory information from doctors, the hysteria of the media, and the genuine concern regarding what seems to be a serious problem is undeniably taking up alot of emotional space in my life.  Any recommendations?   Response: As far as specific information regarding COVID-19 is concerned, yo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: I am currently in self isolation on my doctor’s recommendation due to being exposed to COVID-19. Unfortunately, many others are currently  in the same situation and many more will be in the coming weeks. I am basically alone in my room (so as not to expose the rest of my family) for at least another 5 days. Others I know need to remain in their homes with their families. What advice and guidance can you give me and othe …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

August 13th, 2020

Dear Therapist: I am a 24 year old married man. Since I remember I've been an extremely chilled and settled person. However, since the world turned upside down, I have been experiencing severe anxiety; I don't have an appetite, I am extremely weak and have many other symptoms of a person going through panic attacks. There is a lot for me to worry about unfortunately, primarily financially, but I have always dealt with stress well. What is happeni …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

August 13th, 2020

Dear Therapist: On a regular week, in normal times, I have so much on my plate. Now I am expected to care for my infant (no babysitter), keep house (no cleaning help), work from home, entertain my kids, and be in charge of their homeschooling. This while my husband is also expected to work full time from home. When I hear people talk about how this time offers us opportunities to learn with our children, quality time, etc., I wonder what I a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

August 13th, 2020

Dear Therapist: We have just been informed that my daughter's (13) sleep-away camp will not be opening this summer. She had a miserable few months because of the quarantine and lock-down and was so hoping for camp. Our family is in the city and there may be day-camps open, but the experience is not close to comparable.  She is now devastated. What can we tell her? How will she get past this?    Response: I know that your concerns a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 12th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I recently began dating and was surprised that I was extremely nervous during the time I was dating that boy. This is a new experience for me, I am generally laid back and I have never been the anxious type. What bothered me the most was that during the 2 weeks I was dating I had no appetite and could barely eat anything.  When that match didn’t work out, I was back to myself, but then when I said yes to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Around a year ago my son was far along in a shidduch and at a late stage the girl said no. He was devastated at the time which we thought was normal. But it is now a while later and his dating has really suffered from it. He is constantly procrastinating when shidduchim are redt to him and he is an anxious mess when he dates. After every date he agonizes about his decision and, in my opinion, has said no to some very nic …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

December 4th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My daughter was recently redt a shidduch to someone who has ADHD. I initially thought that since that is something that pertains mostly to school work etc. that it would not be so relevant to marriage. You hear stories about people with ADHD being really successful. However, people are telling me that this can actually be the source of serious marital problems if it is at a serious level and has not properly been address …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am looking for advice on how to deal with bullying in school on the elementary school level. I have found a lot of conflicting opinions on it. There are those that emphasize standing up to the bully, others ignoring the bully, and those that say neither works. A lot of warnings about how having the child who is being bullied change his/her behavior is "blaming the victim" and that how can you really expect a young kid to stick u …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: There was someone close to my family who died last year. She was someone I was close with and trusted and did something that hurt me terribly. This is not the forum to go into details, but this was a tremendous avlah and I don’t think anyone would disagree. Since this happened shortly before she was niftar and I didn’t really have the full understanding of what she did until after she was already go …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 13th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Although your responses will be too late to be beneficial to me, I hope that by writing into this panel your responses will guide others who may be dealing with a similar dilemma. My wife’s father was recently niftar after a relatively brief illness. There was a lot of disagreement between my wife and me as to how much our 3 children (ages 12, 10 and 7) should participate in the levaya, shiva etc. My wife was very concerned …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: My husband and I are struggling with our 23-year-old son. There is a certain amount of instability to him where he is constantly changing his mind. For example, one day he is all into learning and is talking about staying in learning for a long time after he gets married and a few weeks later he is talking about leaving yeshiva now and going to work. When it comes to shidduchim he changes significant pieces of what he is …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 7th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My son has always had a hard time making decisions. Even when it comes to making small choices, like what to order in a restaurant, it's a whole esek.  He really never had to make too many serious choices in his life, he went to the same yeshiva straight through and to Eretz Yisroel together with his friends. Same with camp, there wasn't much choice. I am worried as he gets ready for shidduchim that he will have a rough …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: For many years I was in a relationship with a very challenging family member.  There were very compelling reasons why I was unable to set appropriate limits in this relationship and therefore made the choice to just swallow, give in and avoid confrontations.  It's quite a few years later now and even though I am a pretty positive person I started to feel worse about these very trying years. I realized that I need help pr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I really appreciate your weekly column. What happens if a someone goes through trauma at home and doesn't take care of it—meaning, go for help.  If they're fine, could they stay fine? I am worried because many people say it comes back in later years. Thank you!   Response: The simple answer is yes; someone who experiences a “trauma” can be fine. However, this depends on a number of factors. Th …
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