Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

October 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an 8-year-old boy. There is an older boy who beats me up and bothers me every day on the bus. He is bigger than me and if I ignore him he just acts worse. There is nothing the Yeshiva can do because there is no teacher on the bus. I really worry about it a lot and I don't like going to school anymore (although it is true that I really like it once I get there). My parents said I can write to you to ask you for advice.   …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 24th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I know someone who has a sibling who is in his early 20's and is holding down a job. However, he is socially awkward and can really benefit from therapy. However, this person will get highly insulted after being told this and may resent the person who told him. How can he be told (by a relative or professional) that his behavior calls for therapy? Can it be said straight out? If so, how should it be done? On the other hand, is fin …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your informative column. Once again, the importance of being diligent regarding the emotional and physical safety of our children has been hammered home. I was hoping that based on your years of experience as clinicians you could offer some guidance and advice as to what we as parents and members of a community should do to best protect our children?   Response: It is indeed unfortunate—in fact tra …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: As we begin the season can you please share your general recommendations as to how parents should talk to their children about safety in the summer. Many parents (hopefully) know the basics, but I wonder if, based on your experiences, there are ways to discuss things that people don't know. Or maybe there are some things that people don't realize they should talk about with their kids.  I think this would be a public service …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

December 20th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have many people in my life whom I feel have an inferiority complex and are in constant need of compliments and appreciation. Yet as much as I try I can't seem to fill their needs and they always feel I am under-appreciating their work. If they send me a cake for Shabbos I need to thank before, after, and once again. How do I feed their never satiated need for praise and compliments? It’s also very difficult for me to deal …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I have been married for a long while with no children. There is a possibility that we will never be able to have children. Recently I have been extremely depressed about it, although still functioning through daily life. I do not feel therapy can help such an awful emotional situation but my wife disagrees. Who does the panel side with?   Response: I’m sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. Unfortuna …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column. I was wondering if you could explain the difference, as you see it, between self-confidence and gayva. Self-confidence is considered, certainly by psychologists, as a good thing while gayva is considered the worst of all middos. I understand that they are different but would be interested in hearing how you define the difference and at what point does something cross fr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I appreciate the tremendous service you provide to our community both in your practice and by clarifying and explaining so many mental health issues through this column. My daughter (age 13) was recently referred to therapy by her school principal due to concerns about her behavior. She insists my daughter must go in order to remain in school. My daughter is refusing to go. I am wondering if I can ask a therapist to meet my daught …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

July 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have a problem falling asleep so I take sleeping pills. They leave me feeling groggy throughout the day. My question, dear panelists, is: is it better to lie in bed awake until I’d fall asleep naturally, if ever, and be tired the next day, or to sleep with the pills and be tired the next day?   Response: As a non-prescriber, I cannot speak to the effects of various medications, whether over-the-counter or prescribed. …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

August 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am writing about a very painful matter that unfortunately other parents are struggling with as well. As I write this letter at the end of July my daughter does not yet have a high school for next year. I will leave aside the larger communal issue of children not getting into schools because I don’t think this is the forum for it but suffice it to say that she is an excellent girl with middos tovos and has ha …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I enjoy reading your column and value your insights. We are making a decision regarding whether to allow our 18-year-old son to be a counselor in camp this year. This is something he very much wants to do and there are aspects I think he will be good at it. However, he struggles a lot with responsibility throughout the year. He is notoriously unreliable, has trouble waking up in the morning, and you can't count on him for anything …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him med …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

August 14th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our teenage son often loses his temper. He can get really worked up over seemingly silly things. Not just at home but even with his friends it has becoming something of a joke about how he can "lose it." He isn't violent c"v or anything like that and is mostly a pleasant nice kid but he can really go from 0-60 quickly sometimes. How do you advise we deal with him when he gets like this? Do we make a zero-tolerance policy …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 24th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I would like to know the panel’s opinions regarding video games. I have heard that it is possible to become addicted to video games and I am not sure how this could be possible considering there is nothing the person is taking into their body like nicotine or alcohol. I understand that there are more productive ways that I can be spending my time but it seems that there is a tendency now to turn everything into an addiction. …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: We have recently experienced some significant financial difficulties which require us to change our standards of living. Up until 4-5 months ago, we were living what most people would consider a wealthy lifestyle. The reasons for the downturn are not important but it has been very rough on us as a family. This has caused my husband a lot of stress and has impacted our marriage as well. We are also having a difficult time explainin …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 13th, 2024

Dear Therapist: As a teacher, I've noticed that some of my high school students seem to be experiencing the weight of their friends' struggles. There is a student in my tenth-grade class who is going through a very hard time. Her family situation at home isn't easy and she is showing signs of unhealthy eating habits. We are aware that this student is struggling, and we are working on finding ways to help her. Recently, I noticed that her best fri …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am writing regarding my 28-year-old daughter who has a slipped disc. She is in chronic pain and nothing seems to be working (PT, etc.). Surgery has been suggested but we are trying to avoid it because of the inherent risks. My husband and I are becoming more and more concerned about her use of pain medication. Some of the medicine she has been prescribed is highly addictive and we are concerned about her developing a real issue …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am facing a dilemma and I am turning to you for advice. I am, baruch Hashem, a mother of many boys, most of whom are married. When I married off my sons, I bought their kallas basic standard gifts and jewelry. Most of my daughters-in-law were thrilled with the gifts I bought them. Some were happy with the gifts as they were and some went so far as to ask me if I could just leave …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My daughter has just left for a year of seminary in Eretz Yisroel. I am concerned about the amount of time she is spending in her just married, shana reshona, sister’s house. She has only been in Yerushalayim the last few weeks but, by all accounts, she is spending way too much time there.  I know it's early but I want to deal with this before it becomes an issue. This doesn't seem to bother either of my daughters but I …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: My husband has been taking COVID very seriously. Although he is young and has no health conditions, he basically isolated completely for the first few months of the pandemic. He spends a lot of time online "researching" the illness and spends a lot of time discussing and analyzing it. At the end of the summer, when we had gone so long without seeing any serious illness, he started relaxing a little and going out (with a mask). He …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Our 16 year old son is a good kid but not really cut out for learning and struggles in yeshiva. Because of this we try and give him some extra space and don’t pressure him too much. We allow him and his friends to hang out in our house, on the porch, in the basement, etc. because we figure it’s better that we keep an eye on him. Recently he and his friends have taken up smoking hookah. We aren’t thrilled abo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am a teacher in a high school and am writing regarding a girl in one of my 11th grade classes. Some of the other staff think she should be sent for therapy because "she doesn't seem happy." She is a girl who is shy and introverted. I know her mother and she is also quite shy.  She has friends but is quiet in big groups. She does well in groups of 2 or 3. She isn't very happy in school because learning is a st …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 12th, 2025

Dear Therapist: Is there a way to get my teenagers to be more organized and on top of things or is this just the way that they are and I should learn to live with it?  The constant forgetting and/or neglecting of responsibilities and the things they were asked to do, the oversleeping, and the mess in their rooms. These are great kids who are doing well in school and yeshiva so I don't want to complain, but as a mother it is really hard on me …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My wife was diagnosed with a serious illness a few years ago. While she was sick of course the entire focus of myself, our friends, and our extended families was to give her room and support and help her in every way possible. All we wanted was for her to able to be completely taken care of so that the only thing she needed to be busy with was getting better.  Meals, housekeeping, mother's helpers, and so much more were provi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

October 18th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Thank you for taking your time each week for this column. I have found it to be very enlightening and educational. I am 33 years old and not finding fulfillment in my current occupation. I am considering going back to school to obtain a degree in social work. I have always been interested in helping people and people seem to gravitate to me when they need help solving a problem. I am curious as to what type of person you think mak …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am dating a girl who disclosed to me that she has been seeing a therapist for the last year. She seems like a good girl and she said the things she went to therapy for are not significant. She gave me permission to speak directly with her therapist and signed a form allowing me to do so. My question/concern is how reliable will the information I get from the therapist be? Can you give me some advice on what type of questions to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My son is scheduled to go to Eretz Yisroel to learn next year. He had a difficult high school experience but has grown tremendously over the last 2 years. The yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel is a great opportunity for him to keep growing. He is, however, extremely nervous about the whole security situation. As I write this, Haniyeh ym"s was just killed and things again look like they could escalate. It's always back a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Over the last few years, I have begun to realize that much of what I have done in life I did because other people told me to. I feel like I have never really made my decisions in life. The schools I went to, the career I chose, and even my marriage are all things that I asked others for advice and followed it. As I have realized this, I have become more and more confused as to what I really want and have started doubting everythin …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Thank you for the invaluable awareness that you raise in our community. I have been in therapy to address anxiety. After much therapeutic work, I have become aware that I had been provided with misinformation in kallah classes that had negative effects on the health of my marriage. Upon further research in the mental health field and extensive consultations with rabbanim, I learned that this is unfortunately prevalent in our commu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I live in a neighborhood/community where there is a big emphasis on money. It is a young neighborhood where people are just starting work, and some are making serious money and throwing it around. So there has recently become this pressure to “keep up with the Joneses.” I have a salaried job and al pi derech hateva I am not going to become a millionaire any time soon. This was always ok with me, and I didn&rs …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Many years ago, we moved to what was then a quiet neighborhood. We were excited to live in a less developed part of town away from the hustle and bustle. Since then, a lot of other people have taken advantage of the large properties and built fancy houses here. While our neighbors are all wonderful people, the standard of living is very high, much different than when we moved in. We are starting to feel the pressure and as our kid …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Hi, I work with bochurim in the community and am often involved during crises as well.  I would like to know the panel’s opinion on having a doctor prescribe a fast-acting anti-anxiety medication such as Xanax or Klonopin for someone who is usually doing well but occasionally has severe bouts of anxiety? Some people have told me that just knowing they have that option, that the pills are there if they need them, can hel …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: My son started dorming in an out of town yeshiva this year. While he had tremendous growth in ruchniyus during the year, I am worried that his personality has been affected somewhat. He appears much more quiet and serious than his former care-free and humorous self. My husband says that this is a normal stage that bochurim go through when trying to find where they stand in the balance between a rigorous be …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My 16-year-old son has a slight learning disability and has never really been able to sit still all day. Now he is in mesivta from 7:30 am until 8:30 pm. He is not doing well in yeshiva and his menahel suggested that we take him to therapy. I am not sure what/how that can possibly help. It isn't a mental health issue but more likely he just isn't cut out for his schedule. Do you think therapy would benefit him? …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 18th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I really was not doing well during my mesivta years. I got into a lot of trouble and was a bit out of control. Baruch Hashem, I found myself the right yeshiva and I am really doing good now. I have cleaned up a lot of the issues that I was having trouble with in the past. Over the years people had pushed me to go to therapy but I was never really interested. Now, my parents are bringing it up again and I am more ope …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Hi! I am a 22-year-old boy and I recently started reading The Couch and I really find it interesting and helpful. I think that even if a question is not directly related to me, I can still learn a lot from the answers.  I went through some struggles as a teenager but with awesome parents and rabbeim I got through it, and I am doing really well. I was in a yeshiva in Israel the last two years and just got back to Ame …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Pesach is approaching! I find that as a mother of a large family I get overwhelmed at this time of year and really lose it with my kids. Overall I think I am a wonderful parent but I could use some extra tools to deal with this extra stress. Any advice? Or does this just come along with being a Jewish mother?   Response: I don’t know exactly what you mean by “lose it.” I also don’t know the ages of yo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have some trouble making decisions. I am not really talking about big decisions like getting married or what yeshiva to send my kids to. I actually do ok with that. It is the smaller things like where to go for Shabbos and what suit to buy and things like that which take up way too much time in my life and occupy my thoughts too much. I just go back and forth and back and forth, and it can be almost comical. It can wind up being …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for the column, I really enjoy it each week. I would like to know what the panelists think of the following:
Of course, there are real mental illnesses that exist and those that suffer from them should obviously get the help and support that they need. But I feel like many of the people "suffering from mental illness" are suffering from man-made problems based on the expectations of our society. For instance …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have been married for almost a year. Overall things are good. The problem is that whenever my husband and I have a disagreement he will completely shut down. For example, I didn't appreciate that he came home really late the other night and I told him so but instead of discussing it he got all offended and basically avoided me for 2 days. I get the impression that he thinks that I am never allowed to be upset at him or justified …
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