Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 8th, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the case of a man who made a vow at his wife, apparently in anger, stating “You shall be as my mother!”  He is literally, swearing off having relations with his wife as if she is forbidden to him like mother. The Gemara discusses that technically she is not forbidden, as in order to make an oath, one must refer to a voluntary declaration of sanctity or abstention, such as an item dedicated as a …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 7th, 2022

There are matters of this world that are holy by God, and others that we can voluntarily consecrate. There is an interesting category of matters which God decrees should be holy, but also expects Man to join in this declaration. Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the mitzvah of Bechor, the first born animal that must be set aside for the Cohen and as an offering. The Gemara notes the relative uniqueness of the first born sacrifice that though it …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 6th, 2022

Poor boundaries can lead to bad decisions, even when you mean well. Our Gemara references the fast day Tzom Gedaliah, which has to do with events described in Yirmiyahu 41.  Gedaliah ben Achikam, the persian government’s appointed leader of the remaining Jewish settlement in Israel, was assassinated by Yishmael ben Netanya in a cruel double cross and massacre of innocent people. The Gemara Niddah (61a) notes that the verse implies guil …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 4th, 2022

An area where there is significant correspondence between Torah thought and psychological thought is that of the power of speech.  Though coming from different value bases, Torah thought and psychological theory have respect for the organizing ability and impact of speech on attitude, and emotional and spiritual status.  The more you learn Nedarim, the more you see that the Torah wants to condition us to treat words as substantive.  …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 4th, 2022

Is there a Torah idea that one can atone for future sins? Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the reason why the Nazir must bring a sin offering. Though there have been numerous Midrashic and exegetical interpretations, the most provocative one is offered by Ramban on Chumash (Bamidbar 6:11). He says:  In accordance with the plain meaning of Scripture, [it is because] this man sins against his soul on the day of completion of his Naziritehood …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 3rd, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Beis tells us the famous story of Shimon Hatzaddik’s encounter with a pious and sincere Nazir. Shimon Hatzaddik kisses the young man on his head, apparently in the courtyard of the Beis HaMikdash.  The problem with this is that it seems to contradict a ruling of the Rama (OC 98:1): It is forbidden for a person to kiss one's small* children in synagogue, in order to fix in one's heart that there is no love like the lo …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 2nd, 2022

Our Gemara discusses apocalyptic traditions of how the righteous and the wicked will get their due at the end of days:   אֵין גֵּיהִנָּם לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא, אֶלָּא הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא מוֹצִיא חַמָּה מִנַּרְתִּיקָהּ, צַדִּיקִין מִתְרַפְּאִין בָּהּ וּרְשָׁעִים נִידּוֹנִין בָּה. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״ו …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 1st, 2022

Seeing and hearing are often metaphors for understanding. Is there a difference in the Hebrew language when sight is used, versus hearing, to connote perception and knowledge of events? Our Gemara on Amud Beis reflects on the danger of incurring the wrath and disapproval of the Sages.   וְתַנְיָא: כׇּל מָקוֹם שֶׁ״נָּתְנוּ חֲכָמִים עֵינֵיהֶם״, אוֹ מִיתָה אוֹ עוֹנִי It is …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 31st, 2022

Honest acceptance of a limitation brings a person closer to transcending the limitation than stubbornly denying that there is one.  On a psychological level this is because we cannot work and grow to the fullest extent if we defensively deny the problem.   On a spiritual level, when we take things as far as we can, and then we give it over to God, He will close the gaps for us.  But if we just keep thinking, “I’m f …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 30th, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph describes various oaths people make, apparently in anger to forswear social contact with another person. Silent Treatment is a human behavior that has been used throughout history to express discontent and shun others. Let us study this phenomenon. According to researchers Agarwal and Prakash (“Psychological Costs and Benefits of Using Silent Treatment”, Journal of Research in Humanities and Social Science Vol …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 28th, 2022

What is the significance of the Nazir not cutting his hair? We can understand that the Nazir’s abstaining from cutting his hair is to shun vanity, as is described later on in the mesechta 9b.  The Rama in Toras Haolah (III:71) explains further that the Nazir is required to abstain from three aspects: He must not drink wine, he must not become impure and he must not cut his hair. Each of these abstentions relate to a different kind of h …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 28th, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses an exegetical principle, דִּבְּרָה תוֹרָה כִלְשׁוֹן בְּנֵי אָדָם The Torah speaks in the language of men.  That is to say, sometimes there can be extra verbiage if it adds to poetic value or is part of how people use idioms.  This is an obvious point, as in order for the Torah to be comprehensible and even objectively pleasant, it must use phrases that are generally u …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 27th, 2022

The Ran (“U-shevuous”) on Amud Aleph uses an interesting phrase, לא ירדתי לסוף דעתו which literally means, “I was not able to descend into his understanding (or opinion)”, in other words, “I couldn't understand his reasoning”.  It is interesting to use the word descend when it comes to understanding.  Actually, a similar but opposite phrase is used in Midrashic literature (for example, …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 26th, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us about the various ways the sages expressed their love for the Land of Israel: רַבִּי אַבָּא מְנַשֵּׁק כֵּיפֵי דְעַכּוֹ. רַבִּי חֲנִינָא מְתַקֵּן מַתְקָלַיָּה Rabbi Abba would kiss the rocks of Akko, which was on the coast of Eretz Yisrael. Rabbi Ḥanina would repair its stumbling blocks, i.e., any potholes in the land, so that travelers would …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 25th, 2022

Even in the metaphysical world where all things are possible, it can be a bad idea to push too hard. Our Gemara on Amud Aleph, according to one text of Rashi, discusses an “oath” placed upon the Jewish people in exile to abstain from “pushing for the end.” Rashi explains the Jewish people should not force the Mashiach to come via excessive prayer. That is a difficult idea to understand. Can there be too much prayer? And I …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 24th, 2022

(source of title quote Ginny Rometty)
Change is not easy, even when it is a good change. Some of life’s most stressful moments come with good changes, such as marriage, birth of a child or moving neighborhoods. Our Mishna on Amud Beis discusses the marital considerations required when moving, even from a lesser quality environment to a higher quality environment: שָׁלֹשׁ אֲרָצוֹת לַנִּשּׂוּאִין, יְהוּ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 16th, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses a situation where a father-in-law is unable to come up with the funds that he promised for a dowry.  The Mishna uses an unusual idiom: פָשַׁט לוֹ אֶת הָרֶגֶל His father-in-law “stuck his foot out” Rashi offers two peshatim: (1) He sticks out his foot in disrespect. That is to say, “I have no regard for you; clean off my shoes. (2) He says he is broke, sticking out his foo …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 16th, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Beis uses an interesting phrase to describe Rabbi Gamliel’s approval of the opinion of another Tanna, named Admon:   רוֹאֶה אֲנִי אֶת דִּבְרֵי אַדְמוֹן   I “see” the words of Admon.   Clearly, the word “see” in this context means more than physical sight. It means seeing with the mind’s eye and heart, seeing the idea from the inside out.  Ramb …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 16th, 2022

Gemara on Amud Beis discusses various scenarios of abandonment by a husband and/or yavam of a married woman.  Though relatively rare, spousal abandonment seems to be a human behavior that goes back to ancient times.  What are some of the psychological considerations? According to researcher Elaine Brinkley (Smith) (BRINKLEY, E. (1998). The Dynamics of Marital Disintegration. National Undergraduate Research Clearinghouse, 1.): Spousal a …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 16th, 2022

Our Gemara on amud aleph tells us that there were seven gates in the Second Bais Hamikdash.  What is the symbolic significance of these seven gates? Sefer Yetzira tells us that there are seven gates to the soul.  That is: two eyes, two ears, two nostrils and the mouth.  Shalah (Torah Shebiksav, Shoftim, Derekh Chayim) interprets the verse, “You shall place Judges and police by all your gates” (Devarim 16:18) as app …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 16th, 2022

  Our Gemara on amud aleph, paraphrasing a series of verses, warns that a judge who takes bribes, even merely by accepting flattering actions, will eventually be blinded to the truth, and perhaps become literally blind. תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: ״כִּי הַשּׁוֹחַד יְעַוֵּר עֵינֵי חֲכָמִים״, קַל וָחוֹמֶר לַטִּפְּשִׁין. ״וִיסַלֵּף דִּבְרֵי צַדִּיקִים״ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 16th, 2022

Judaism, like the healthy personalities it seeks to foster, is not rigidly about one thing. Most principles in Judaism are about balancing a tension between important and conflicting values. How could something as important as Torah, or the human personality it is designed to develop, possibly be monolithic? If so, there would be no need for more than one human. Judaism has ascetic and self-abnegating values, while at the same time discouraging e …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 16th, 2022

There’s a Jewish quip about prayer that I have always disliked, not because it isn’t true, but rather because it’s irritating in its smug self-satisfaction. 
A person complained that he prayed and prayed and God didn’t listen. His rabbi answered, “Who says God didn’t listen? He listened, and the answer was ’No.’” While this might be true, it is cold comfort to one who needed a mirac …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 14th, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Beis, cautioning against allowing a young child to be taken care of family custodians who have a stake in his inheritance, relates a macabre story:
תַנְיָא: מִי שֶׁמֵּת וְהִנִּיחַ בֵּן קָטָן לְאִמּוֹ, יוֹרְשֵׁי הָאָב אוֹמְרִים: יְהֵא גָּדֵל אֶצְלֵנוּ, וְאִמּוֹ אוֹמֶרֶת: יְהֵא בְּנִי גָּדֵל אֶצְלִי …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 14th, 2022

Our Mishna on Amud Beis discusses financial arrangements for fathers and stepfathers. Blended families present significant challenges, and sadly, otherwise successful relationships have failed as a result of the conflict between parents and step-children.
According to Walsh (Walsh, W. 1992, Twenty major issues in remarriage families. Journal of Counseling & Development, 70, 709-715) some factors to consider are:
(1) What to call t …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 14th, 2022

Our Gemara on Amud Beis mentions a Tanna, Rabbi Elazar ben Parata, and actually his grandfather as well.  I could find nothing to comment on about this daf, so I’ll discuss biographical notes about Rabbi Elazar ben Parata.  He, similar to Rabbi Chaninah ben Tradiyon, was arrested for ”crimes against the state”, the age-old anti-semitic canard against Jews who taught Torah, as teaching subversive treasonous material. Th …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 13th, 2022

What is shelichus or agency at its core?  On the one hand, it makes sense that we should be able to appoint another person as an agent to represent us and execute transactions. On the other hand, it is absurd. How can anyone ever really speak for us and stand in our place?  Even more puzzling, how is it that certain mitzvos can be accomplished by agency, and others not?   (Generally, the rule of thumb is that a mitzvah that mu …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 12th, 2022

One of the famous questions regarding the slavery and oppression of the Jews, and the resulting retribution against the Egyptians is why should Pharaoh be punished for following God’s decree? God tells Avraham that his children will be strangers in a strange land, and serve them for 400 years. Yet in the next verse God assured Avraham that the oppressors will also be judged, and the Jewish people will leave with great wealth (Bereishis 15:1 …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 11th, 2022

Stigma is a powerful human emotion.  Our Gemara on amud aleph discusses possible additional allowances made to a divorcee so that she may collect her kesuba more easily.  The Gemara says it is due to “Chiyna” “being favorable”.  Rabbenu Chananel (see Tosafos) interprets this is having some additional financial status to overcome the stigma of divorce and make her more desirable to suitors. We should respect …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 9th, 2022

Even though it is not good to be a burden on others, in close relationships, being able to receive kindness and service is a part of the relationship.  People want to feel needed and want to have the opportunity to give to those whom they love or regard.  Sometimes, resistance to love and intimacy hides behind false piety.   It can be a kindness to also accept, not just to give. Our Gemara on amud aleph tells us: אָמַר ר …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 9th, 2022

When coerced, especially those in fear, may lie or be evasive. It is not because they are inherently dishonest people. Rather, the typical human response to fearful aggression is passive aggression.  Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses situations where certain legal transactions, though done in a manner that would ordinarily indicate sufficient intent, are rendered non-binding if the rabbis believed that the wife was under emotional coercion …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 7th, 2022

How useful is intuition according to Torah philosophy? Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses a dispute about two property deeds of sale both with the same date. In such situations where the law is in gridlock, that is there is no reasonable way to resolve a litigation, the Beis Din responds in various ways, depending on factors that we will not discuss in depth right now. The judges may declare that the assets in question be divided equally, which o …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 7th, 2022

Since God can do anything but also gives humans free will to make moral choices, we may surmise that He chooses to let us choose. Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses acquisition of real estate by walking along the borders of the property. There is a discussion amongst the Rishonim (see Rashi and Tosafos) about the precise nature of this demonstration of ownership. Regardless, there is a Biblical precedent in Hashem’s invitation to Avraham to …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 6th, 2022

We know the Jews in the wilderness complained quite a bit. Did they have justification for doing so? Our Gemara on Amud describes a scenario where Reuven sold a field to Shimon with a stipulation that he will bear no responsibility if a prior creditor comes with a lien on the field and repossesses it. If that occurs, there is a question as to whether Reuven could offer claims in the court case as co-defendant, since essentially he is not a Baal D …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 4th, 2022

How do you assign value to something that is priceless? As the saying goes though, the best things in life are free. As we discussed in yesterday’s daf, the kesubas benin dichrin is a circumvention of Torah inheritance law designed to encourage the father of the bride to give generous dowries. We also discussed that they only allowed the Kesubas Benin Dichrin clause to be activated when there would be at least one dinar left from the estate …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 4th, 2022

Inheritances are serious business and no parents want their children to squabble about their yerusha. Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the institution of Kesubas Benin Dichrin, which is a rabbinic enactment designed to protect the mother’s familial assets.  The rabbis established a rule that the woman’s kesuba and accompanying Nedunya (dowry) shall go to her sons, and not any step brothers should the husband remarry.  There …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 3rd, 2022

Our Gemara on amud aleph mentions the institution of Prosbol.  Since this year many have written prosbols on erev Rosh Hashanah, I thought reflect on this remarkable takanna. In a magnificent utopia blend between capitalism and socialism, the Torah accepts fair trade and commerce but also places certain limits to protect people from sinking into irrevocable poverty.  The Torah asks that creditors forgive debts at the end of the Shemitta …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 2nd, 2022

What are some of the psychological functions of the kesuba?  We saw earlier in Psychology of the Daf (Kesuvos 82) that financial security is important for the woman to feel safe in the marriage. Our Gemara on Amud Aleph considers that a special allowance is made for a widow in that she can collect payment of her kesuba from her husband’s possessions even if he is not present. Or as discussed on 84a, the ability of the widow to collect …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 30th, 2022

When a person rationalizes his sins, the personal dishonesty might causes additional distortion beyond the original sins, with even more toxic effects.  Our Gemara on Amud Beis quotes a verse (Devarim 19:15) that is used to describe the powers and limitations of a singe witness versus a pair: לֹֽא־יָקוּם֩ עֵ֨ד אֶחָ֜ד בְּאִ֗ישׁ לְכׇל־עָוֺן֙ וּלְכׇל־חַטָּ֔את בְּכׇל־חֵ֖טְא …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 30th, 2022

Are honest intentions the same as honesty?  If a person fully commits to something but later is unable to fulfill his pledge due to an unforeseen and legitimate change in circumstance, is that considered dishonest? Our Gemara on amud aleph discusses the idea of perias baal chov mitzvah, that there is a specific Torah directive to repay a loan.  But what is the scriptural source? Rashi uses the derasha found in Bava Metzi’a (49a): …
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