Has it been a while since you have felt excitement in your marriage?

Have you reached a point of doubt or distancing in your relationship?

Discernment mediation might be just what you need.

If you are encountering difficulties in marriage, you may feel that you are headed for divorce. This is especially true if either you or your spouse know of a friend that is getting divorced. But it does not have to be that way. The drifting, distancing, and even sarcasm can be reversed with proper intervention. ​

The good news is that many marriages can be fixed with marriage mediation.

​For those who want to understand how marriage mediation can help, I developed a roadmap which I call “Y” Mediation. Using the letter Y, it allows us to picture together the different stages in which mediation can help you in your marriage journey.

Intervention: ​​We start at the bottom of the Y where mediation can simply be a brief intervention to help you and your spouse gain skills and perspective in your relationship. For some couples this involves just a few once-a-week sessions. Marriage mediation invites you to identify areas of disconnect and collaborate to address them. We also strive to discover points of admiration between you and your spouse that you can both emphasize and develop.​

​In this stage we explore the many types of healthy communication including active listening, empathetic listening, and collaborative conversations. We can even delve a bit to discuss your life goals, including career, education, children, wellness, and religious interests. We discuss how respect and boundaries work for each of you, and what balance would make both of you most happy.

​​Discernment: As we travel up the base of the Y, we find that some couples have reached a point where they need discernment. Discernment means getting assistance in deciding if this marriage has a future. Usually this is needed when the word “divorce” has been used by either husband or wife. Often one spouse is hopeful and is leaning in to preserve the marriage, while the other is doubtful and is emotionally leaning out of the marriage. At this time, it is best not to jump to conclusions. We will, together, explore new styles of communication and strive to resolve some of the differences. With calming often comes renewal. Affection, understanding, and love are often possible if you get the right help. Our first goal is to try to bring your marriage to a healthy place, especially if you have children.

The process of discernment can take as many as 10 sessions. For those who are concerned about the economics of such an investment, I like to point out that if your marriage ends in divorce, you or your spouse will need to rent an additional home. The cost of ten sessions of marriage mediation is typically less than one month’s rent. A marriage in crisis is a topic of high stakes. It involves the future of so many people. who will be affected. Marriage mediation is a big investment, and an appropriate one.

​The Crossroads: Following discernment, we arrive at the arms of the Y, a crossroads. For many this is when both husband and wife decide to rejuvenate their marriage, choosing marriage over divorce. Specific strategies and scheduled check-ins will be implemented so that you avoid falling back to that hurtful place you were once in. Sometimes, however, the crossroads of the Y represents a parting of ways through separation and divorce.

​If divorce is indicated, it is tempting to think that people can divorce quickly by just using a lawyer. I feel it is important to realize that marriage is much more than dollars and cents. Marriage is a relationship. That is why if it must be dissolved it is best to do that with a relationship mediator who can work in collaboration with a lawyer. Working challenging situations out through mediation saves money and allows both you and your spouse to deescalate the many painful feelings associated with divorce. Our goal is to give each of you the best opportunity to step forward and succeed in the years ahead.

​​As a mediator I am omni-partial. That means that I look out for you and your spouse. My goal is to help both of you put your best foot forward to the bright future that you both deserve.

With decades of life ahead of you, shouldn't we try our best? 

​In Summation: “Y” Mediation is a system that strives to restore and rescue a marriage whenever possible. But it does recognize the possibility of amicable divorce when necessary. As a relationship-oriented marriage mediator I can assist you in your marriage journey no matter where you find yourself in the Y illustration. Hopefully, our marriage counseling program can help get your marriage back on track.

​​To find out more about marriage counseling and mediation, please contact me at RMRhine@gmail.com for a free consultation.

Mordechai Rhine is a certified mediator who specializes in marriage mediation. He is based in Baltimore, Maryland, and services clients throughout the United States via Zoom. Rabbi Rhine has served as a community Rabbi for over two decades. He can be reached through his websites, www.care-mediation.com and www.teach613.org, or by email at RMRhine@gmail.com.