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In My Mind (and on the couch)
Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW A Selection Of Articles, Musings, And Information Detailing The Struggles Of The Ordinary Person; A Celebration Of The Individual's Resilience To Overcome Challenges And Live Authentically.
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I'm in Therapy: How Do I Honor My Parents (and do I even want to?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 3rd, 2017

Dear Mindy, Your weekly insights brought forth a question which has been niggling me for a while. Several of your articles, including the ones regarding BPD mothers and the one on attachment have left me wondering Does the topic of Kibbud Horim (the commandment of honoring one's parents) ever reach the therapy room? It appears as if most, if not all, adults who enter therapy have some sort of childhood scar/issue which comes up through the course …
I'm So Depressed (or am I just sad?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 9th, 2017

Hang around some teenage girls and this is what you often hear: “I’m so depressed!” And that statement is usually followed by: “I just found another pimple,” or “I hate studying for tests,” or “The ice cream store didn’t have any more pistachio left.” Hang around some teenage girls at a Links Shabbos (Links is an organization that reaches out to children whose parent(s) has died) …
Is It Okay for My Therapist to Give ME a Gift? Part 2 about Gifting
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 7th, 2018

  So I am writing my column on the ethics of a therapist accepting gifts from clients. And like I had written, I was really sure that it is unethical to accept gifts. Until I did some research for my column, and unbelievably, not only is it not unethical to accept gifts from clients (of course under the right circumstances as explained in my article), but not accepting gifts can be really bad therapy. And that is unethical. And because I l …
Is It Okay to Give My Therapist a Gift?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 29th, 2018

Exposure therapy here. At least, I will be exposing myself to all my readers. But hey, it's the least I can do when all the other times I am exposing other therapists, therapy itself, and other stuff to my loyal (and not-so-loyal) public. What's this about, you want to know? Gift-giving. And gift-getting. Now that the end of the year is upon us, and clients all over the world are pondering whether or not they should be giving their therapists …
It's NOT About You: a parent asks about her child's social life
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 4th, 2018

Question: My daughter is twelve. She is one of three classmates on the block who have always played together. Two years ago, Girl A started convincing Girl B not to play with my daughter. They started sneaking away from her, or suddenly having to go in when she tried to join them. The advice I got made me dizzy. One person told me she should foster a relationship with Girl B, but she was only getting hurt. Another advised me to ignore them, but …
Jokes or Judgment (something a little different this time)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 21st, 2018

“Being a teenager is like the chicken pox,” my teenage son observed watching his teenage sister's theatrics in the days before the chicken pox vaccine; and the way to become inoculated was to actually catch it; “everyone has to go through it.” *** A friend stood in front of the mirror before her date was coming to pick her up, applying lipstick to her cheeks because she realized she had run out of blusher and needed somet …
Keeping Cancer a Secret
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 6th, 2018

QUESTION: My mother was just diagnosed with cancer. She wants me to keep it a secret from everyone except my husband, who she trusts won't say anything if he is sworn to secrecy. She says that she doesn't want to become a pity case, and that for Hashem to make the miracle of her cure happen, nobody is allowed to know about it (because Hashem does not make open miracles). Of course, my father knows, too. This is creating a terrible burden on me. …
Keeping Up the Reputation (even if you don't have one)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 25th, 2016

When I was in the parshah of shidduchim, you would think that my chosson would be impressed with my credentials as being a BJJ graduate. But he was not. He had no idea that there was anything prestigious about it because he was from Eretz Yisroel and as far as he knew, my seminary was housed in the Bais Yaakov and that meant that I learned in the zoo. Literally. Because in my days, the Bais Yaakov building was adjacent to the Biblical Zoo (which …
Language of Your Loving: what's the 5 love languages about?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 7th, 2018

  Question: I have twin daughters who are just finishing ninth grade high school. For the older twin (who is my oldest daughter after 2 sons), it was a great year. She had a significant part in her school production and did very well academically. I actually enjoyed being involved in her production as it reminded me of my years in high school busy with practice. My younger twin is a wonderful girl who loves doing chessed (she is the one I co …
Life Coaching? Not on your life!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 25th, 2018

I will say it straight out. Today's column is to explain why you should choose a therapist over a life coach except for in a few very specific situations (which you will find more to the end of this page). Yes, I am a therapist. Yes, I have very strong feelings about this. Yes, I know some excellent life coaches. Yes, I know some lousy therapists. And yes, I will say it again, and again, and again. If you need a therapist, choose to work with …
Love Addiction, Love Obsession: a short story
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 1st, 2018

“Oh my goodness!” Chava exclaimed when she chanced upon Eva in the supermarket aisle, their overloaded carts bumping into each other between the cereals and cornflake crumbs. “How have you been?” “What's it been?” asked Eva, conveying her delight in meeting Chava. “Nine years since I graduated high school?” “More like forever!” joked Chava. “Where have been at all these years …
Memory Magic or Mania?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 25th, 2016

Take my daughter for example. I spent ten years listening to the trauma she endured when I missed her Chanukah play in second grade. She does not remember how I rearranged my whole life practically to take my first ever vacation to Eretz Yisroel since I am married so that my flight would leave only the afternoon after her play. She does not remember how her Chanukah play was cancelled because of a random snowstorm. She does not remember how I fr …
Middle Sister, Monkey in the Middle: another article for my teen readers
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 11th, 2017

I'm assuming that because you read my first column about sister relationships, you and your sister have worked everything out by now. Gasp! You didn't? So let's talk some more about that. And the reason I can talk about it is because I have two sisters. That makes me an expert on sisters. One of my sisters is seven years younger than me and one of them is seven years older. I also have a brother stuck in someplace, but this article is about sist …
Mindfulness is the New Black
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 15th, 2016

NOTE: originally published by Binah Magazine   Here's the honest-to-goodness truth: I wake up every morning excited to start my day. I love what I do, who I meet (yes, I mean you, my wonderful, interesting, and hard-working client!), and what I accomplish. I love babysitting my grandchildren (even the one who shrugs her little one-year old shoulder at me and totally snubs me out), and I love having my married children over for Shabbos meals …
Money, Money, Money
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 10th, 2017

You know what is the hardest thing to talk about in therapy? Money. Weird, no? But true. Clients will talk about anything, and I mean anything, but when it comes to money, they suddenly clam up. As a therapist, I need to look out for those money secrets. Because not always do I read minds and when I do not read my client's mind, I do not realize that when is happening in front of me is all about money. You want to know what I am talking about? T …
Mourn Until Morn (or even longer): Grieving the first year after a loss
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 19th, 2018

This article will be published as part of my book by Menucha Publishers, tentatively titled The Hillel Series. Check it out in March 2026 …
Mrs. Shirley Sokol: My Second Grade Teacher
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 10th, 2018

  If you happen to be in Mrs. Sokol's house, and want to poke around, I will bet the letter I sent her over forty years is somewhere there still. And the note I left on her desk will be hanging in her kitchen. And if you tell her I send my regards, she will know exactly who I am, even if I write under a pseudonym. Mrs. Sokol was my second grade teacher in Rabbi Balkany's school over forty years ago, in the building on 14th Avenue, that now b …
My Daughter Doesn't Want to Date: a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 23rd, 2017

Question: Our daughter finished seminary and she says she does not want to meet any prospective shidduchim yet. We have never had an easy time with her. She doesn't communicate to us and is often in a bad mood, although she does have friends and seems fine with them. We have two daughters directly underneath her and we don't have the luxury of waiting until she claims she will be ready, which we are afraid may be never. She doesn't seem to have …
My Daughter Hates Helping!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 25th, 2017

Question: I am tearing my hair out from my youngest, teenage daughter. She is the only daughter left at home except for two younger brothers and another away at yeshiva. She does well in school socially and academically, and we are a close family. Lately she is giving me a hard time that she doesn’t want my married children to move in for Shabbos. This girl does not do a thing throughout the week. I rarely ask for her help with household c …
My Daughter is Coming Home from Seminary in Israel: Help!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 3rd, 2018

Question: My oldest daughter is coming back from seminary and I am feeling a huge amount of anxiety about it. She doesn't know what she wants to do and I don't know what she should do. I really think she should go to one of the colleges where she can get a degree in one year and had tried to convince her to take those tests for credits when she was in high school but she refused. Now she is undecided and seems paralyzed (like me) about her choic …
My Daughters Hate Each Other: a parent asks a therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 29th, 2017

Q. My fifteen year old is driving my twelve year daughter crazy (let me call them Esti and Faige, respectively). Although they never got along, this year has been the worst. Faige is a very easy going, sweet girl and Esti is demanding and always complaining. Esti complains that Faige doesn't help at home, or that Faige is bothering her (which is hard to believe especially when I don't see Faige doing anything), or any number of things she can th …
My Final Response About Life Coaches
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 14th, 2018

My response: I am glad that one reader who insists that people should be able to choose a nurse or doctor as needed chooses from 2 licensed practitioners and not between a nurse or, say, a healer. I am also glad that that the writer who insists that one's personal ethics is all that matters, when we live in times where personal ethics and morals have been changing with alarming frequency and results, I would not advocate relying on personal ethi …
My Husband Wants to Become a Social Worker: ask the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
August 12th, 2018

Question: My husband was in Kollel for nine years and then in the classroom for 3. He's thinking about getting a degree in social work and I'm really scared it will change the wonderful person I know. Not to put you down, Mindy, and I don't know you at all-- do you think that social work school can change a person's Yiddishkeit level? What about his interactions with family? He is the kind of person people feel drawn to and talk to etc and he fe …
My Kid Wants to Be a Superhero for Purim
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 13th, 2016

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S MONTHLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST Question: One of my children wants to dress up as a superhero this Purim.I personally feel that I don't want my child dressing up as a superhero especially on a holy day like Purim, yet some of his friends are dressing up as superheroes, and I know a parent is supposed to "pick his battles." Do you think this is a battle worth fighting?   …
My Parents Favor My Siblings: an adult child asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 5th, 2017

Question: I always felt my mother favored my other siblings over me This sounds so silly, especially because I am now married with my own children who I love very, very much,. I just felt she loved me less than everyone else. She didn't seem so interested in my life, I felt criticized often, and even today, I feel she gives my children less attention than their cousins. I feel very hurt and I wonder why it's like this and if I can change anythin …
He's Not As Religious as I Am (but I'm married to him)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 30th, 2017

  Question: I've seen this question asked in many different ways in different magazines, but I really have not heard a satisfactory response, so I am trying you now. My husband, who is an excellent father and husband, is just not as religous as I would want him to be. He also want me to change my standards. Skirts shorter than the four inches below the knee and longer wigs than either my or his siblings wear. He wants to know what is wrong w …
My Wife the Pesach Problem
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 11th, 2018

Question: My wife and I have a fairly good marriage, with the normal ups and downs of life. Our first (and only) newly married couple is coming for the first days of Pesach and I am dreading it. My wife is extremely stressed out every yom tov and I hate the tension of her frantic cleaning and endless attention to detail. She also insists on keeping the minhagim of her parents' home even though my parents are much more lax in their Pesach minhagi …
Not Missing My Mother: Good Grief!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 22nd, 2017

    Originally written for LINKS MAGAZINE, published by LINKS, and organization that supports orphans in our community: Dear Links, As I laugh at some of your stories and as I tear at some others, I think. I find them amusing. I also find them angering and hurtful. Every story is about how you miss your deceased parent. I don't miss my mother. Sometimes I do. When there's a simcha or on her Yahrtzeit. But otherwise, there's no sad feel …
Nothing Changed! When the family complains about the client (or therapy!)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 23rd, 2017

“Nothing changed,” complains the wife, the husband, the parent, the teacher, the friend, the sibling. It didn't? Because the nothing-changed—client is sitting slumped in his chair in my room wondering how on earth he can ever convince anyone that he did—that he still is—when his gargantuan efforts have gone so spectacularly unnoticed. In response to reaching out to my listserv at Nefesh International about chan …
Old? Old! (Not me!)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 10th, 2016

So sue me. I don't feel old. I don't mind growing old. At every older stage, I actually enjoy myself even more. I can't even imagine being five years younger. That would be pre-grandchildren. Awful to even contemplate. I look forward to being five years older. So many more rich experiences waiting for me. Maybe I will get to that African Safari I have been dying to explore. Maybe by then my youngest will be engaged (married is pushing it...) and …
Part 4 Baby Blues
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 30th, 2016

This is a series of columns depicting a fictionalized account of how a PPD case may manifest itself and be handled in therapy Recap: In the previous session, Chava informs the therapist that her husband does not want her to return to therapy; and the therapist explores ways to bring husband on board to be supportive of therapy for post partum depression and anxiety; and uses psychoeducation to inform Chava about the possibility of using medicati …
Part 2: Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 26th, 2017

Mistakes happen. Therapists mess up. If you are asking me if it’s okay for a therapist to make a mistake, to mess up; my answer may get you angry. So before I write the answer, I ask you to hang on until the end of this article so you can understand. Ready? The answer? Yes. It is okay for a therapist to make a mistake. Hold on! You promised you would give me until the end of this column before getting angry! And here’s why. …
Parts 5 & 6 Baby Blues: The End
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 5th, 2016

Recap: Chava has returned for third session with husband’s support and has identified her goals and objective to alleviate symptoms of her post partum anxiety and depression. Her therapist assigned homework to establish baseline functioning in order to assess throughout therapy improvement in functioning.   Session Four   “I don’t know why I feel so much better,” Chava says. “It’s not like we did an …
Please join our Mrs. Sokol fan club chat
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 10th, 2018

To all of you who were students or colleagues or friends of Mrs. Sokol, I am reaching out to you to give back to Mrs. Shirley Sokol only a fraction of what she gave to us. Mrs. Sokol, as interesting and intelligent as ever, unfortunately has retired from teaching because of her health. She has impaired vision today and can no longer read. For someone used to learning every second of her life, not being able to read is devastating. We are putting …
Quality Time in the Catskills? a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 26th, 2016

Question: An integral part of my family life is spending quality "family time" with my children. When we go to the bungalow colony in the summer, I feel that because all the families are so close together, we lose that special "family time" element. How can I preserve that over the summer?   Answer: To be perfectly honest, your question puzzles me. I do not quite understand how going to the bungalow colony interferes in your family time. If …
Rabbis in Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 12th, 2017

I am warning you right off that I am going to sound real religious in this column. So if you are totally not interested, you can skip this article right now. It's fine. I will wait for you to leave so I can get on with writing this for other girls who are not scared off by religious stuff. Or religious people. Especially therapists (gasp!). Are you gone yet? What are you still doing here? Hanging around pretending you are reading something else? …
Relationships Matter: Meet Tante Reitzu
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 9th, 2018

Ready to talk about a relationship that is pretty neat — if only you let it happen? Great. Here goes. So first of all, in the olden days, before indoor plumbing and cars, when I was a little kid (just kidding! But it was a pretty long time ago when I was a kid!), aunts and uncles were really special. I was born about 20 years after the Holocaust ended and family was really important. Most of my friends came from small families that origi …
Religious or Obsessive: and other stuff about OCD
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 7th, 2017

It's horrible. It's frustrating, crippling, disabling, devastating, incapacitating, life-impairing. Should I go to the thesaurus to find more adjectives, or have I gotten my message across adequately? I am talking about OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. We joke about it cavalierly. As if we mean it, but we really don't.   “I am OCD about making supper every night for my kids.” “Her house is OCD clean.” “I am …
Rosh Hashonah Again: Didn't we do this last year?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 16th, 2017

People stop me all the time. Like, I am minding my own business while picking out tomatoes at the fruit store, and I meet a friend. She launches into a whole story about her sister's friend's mother's eighteen year old daughter who is having problems in hashkafah and she desperately needs my advice how to get that girl to agree to therapy. Now, how am I going to do that while I am trying to choose tomatoes for tonight's salad? I wish I can creat …
Rude Trading Cards: an angry grandparent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 13th, 2017

Question: I am extremely annoyed at my daughter, my oldest married child. Lately, her boys have been coming home from cheder with these trading cards that basically preach against having a smart phone. Each card has a cartoon on it, words, or otherwise indicate reasons why not to have a smart phone. First of all, I find these cards extremely disrespectful. Some pictures, for example, have white-bearded religious looking men using a smart phone, …
Running Interference: Why don't we say something when we see something?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 10th, 2016

NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE So this is me. I am on my way to meet my sister-in-law for a morning out and as I am meandering along Sixteenth Avenue in Brooklyn, I see a school bus pull over to pick up some children. Although all drivers are patiently waiting in their cars until the children are safely in, I realize with horror (yes! Horror!) that the school bus does not use its flashing lights or open its STOP sign. I am …
Sandtray Secrets: When my clients play with sand and stuff
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 31st, 2016

A few years ago, I walked into a colleague's therapy office, and I didn't want to leave. From floor to ceiling, her shelves were lined with hundreds of miniatures. Miniature people, objects, and landscapes; realistic, fantastical, magical, and mythical. And in the center of her room was a sandbox. “Sandtray therapy,” she said, noticing my reaction. “I do sandtray with my clients.” Her clients were adults, not children. Wh …
Saying Hello, Saying Goodbye: Transitioning to Change
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 21st, 2017

At my twelfth grade graduation, I was sandwiched in between two very funny and fun girls. And we clowned around a whole night, laughing, poking fun at the graduation, shmoozing, and generally waiting for this king of all the boring classes we had to sit through in high school finally come to an end, releasing us to the freedom of---hmmm. Releasing us to the freedom of what? But forget about that for now. It's the fact that graduation was pretty …
Selfish! Or: Selfish?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 19th, 2016

What would you do if your daughter kvetches that she has to load the dishwasher every night after supper? Or if your son complains that he doesn't want to do the Erev Shabbos errands anymore? How would you respond to yet another child who balks at visiting his grandfather motzai Shabbos, or yet another who refuses to babysit when you need to leave to a wedding or levaya? What would your reaction be to the mother who cries that she is sick of doi …
Should I Buy A Summer Home? ask the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 19th, 2017

Question: I know this is a funny question to ask now when it's in the middle of the winter, but I need to make a decision now about the summer. We want to buy a summer home in a new bungalow colony that is opening up in the Catskills, but I am worried. In general, I do not have friends, and I had a hard time making friends in high school. My children are outgoing, like my husband, and are begging me to go. I do not have sisters and my mother, wh …
Should My Daughter Work in an Office?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 3rd, 2018

Question: A while back you wrote a column about going to work in an office versus teaching. Can you address the issues that can occur in an office? If my daughter doesn’t care where she works, in an office or in a school, is there a reason to guide her towards teaching rather than an office that may not be a good place for a frum girl? I am asking this question because we live in a community where the girls are not encouraged to go on to s …
Siblings in Grief: How grief affects siblings differently
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 27th, 2016

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FOR LINKS MAGAZINE, AN ORGANIZATION THAT ENRICHES THE LIVES OF CHILDREN AND TEENS WHO HAVE LOST PARENT(S) I don't know about you, but I really, really, really could not stand my little sister. I thought she was a kvetch, a nudge,a tattletale, and a big pain in the neck (and in other places I won't identify here!). She was also adorable, funny, smart, and lovable. She was seven years younger than me, …
Speak Up! Tell Your Therapist Like It is!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 9th, 2016

You would think a therapist would have all the answers about therapy. Sounds true, but it's not. The person who knows the most about the therapy is the person IN therapy. The client. You. Yep. You. So you can ask me questions, and I can answer them. And I can pretend I know everything (I don't, but don't ever let my clients—or husband—or kids for that matter—EVER hear that !) but really, I believe that my clients know best abou …
Stuff I Don't Know About Teens But Need to Say Anyway
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 11th, 2016

Today I am just talking out loud. I do not have answers, only questions. I have no statistics, no research, no hard core data. I am not part of a fact-finding team, nor an expert in this field. I am simply a therapist who is working with teens and I am sad. Really, really sad. I wish I can blame someone for what is happening. Parents would be perfect. Rebbeim or teachers. Principals or menahalim of schools and yeshivas. It would be so convenient …
Summer Sore Loser: How to help you daughter this summer
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 17th, 2018

WRITTEN FOR TWIRL, BINAH MAGAZINE'S TEEN SUBSECTION Cheaters are the worst kinds of people. So are sore losers. Cheaters and sore losers. Whether you are sleep away camp or day camp, you know exactly who I mean. Those girls that need to cheat to win every game. Those girls who are the biggest sore losers if they don't. I mean what is their pro-o-o-blem? So what if they are out at jumprope? So what if they are out at machayanim—or dodgeball …
Teletherapy: Whattsap, Gmail, Skype, Zoom, and other funny words
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 6th, 2017

Telehealth. Telepractice. Teletherapy. New Age words for New Age therapy. Welcome to the modern world where not only can you shop for clothing, gadgets and shoes from the comfort of your home, but you can do the same for a therapist. You are not surprised, are you? But it is a new concept that seems quite odd at first. This article is only to educate consumers about this new medium of telehealth. Receiving your doctor's care from your home or …
Thank you for Reading My Blog
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 16th, 2018

Enjoy the articles already posted on this website and those published before 2016 at frumtherapist.com as well. Thank you all for reading my blog but I will no longer be posting. If you want to read more of my articles, you can keep updated through Binah Magazine which publishes my columns on therapy bi-weekly in the main magazine, and I have another teen column in Twirl, which is published bi-monthly as a Binah teen supplement. I also write essa …
The Bipolar Problem
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 5th, 2016

There are no easy answers. But what I try to do in these columns about therapy is to at least raise the questions. To build awareness. So that readers can make educated choices instead of experiencing panicked reactions. Sometimes, parents bring a teen into therapy with symptoms like decreased need for sleep, risk-taking behaviors, and racing thoughts. It is important, when a teen's behavior changes drastically—or appears to change drastic …
The Borderline Mother Responds: and I apologize
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
August 21st, 2016

Of all my columns, my article on mothers with borderline personality disorder has evoked the most passionate responses. Teens and adult children of mothers BPD thanked me for validating their experiences and giving them a voice. Mothers, recognizing for the first time their behavior in terms of a possible BPD diagnosis, reached out for help. And then I received two more emails from mothers with BPD. And I owe them a public apology. Because in my …
The Dowser Speaks about Alternative Treatment (and my response)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 28th, 2018

In response to ‘Evidence Based Treatment’ M. Blumenfed 19th Tamuz5778   Given the respect Mrs Blumenfeld garns as a world-class social worker, therapist and author, her opinions on alternative therapy are all the more so, surprising. The facts are, that scientific research has been made on alternative practices. Dr Bernard Grad of Mc Gill University, Montreal, conducted a study (with several control groups) which conclusively pro …
The Screaming Sister-in-Law: What to do?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 7th, 2018

QUESTION: I have a sister in law who is an outgoing  and loving person. She's the type who many of my sisters in law call when they need validation-- she really listens well. She also  really listens to her kids (or so it seems!) many times and makes sure they get all the help they need. However, she has a serious anger issues. I'm older than her and it seems to be that I'm the only one that sees its detrimental effects on her children …
The Tiger, My Cousin Esti, and a Ring: What is Resourcing?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 20th, 2016

The great thing about being a social worker is I always have an excuse why I need to learn new things. I blame it on my clients. Which is why I felt perfectly justified skipping supper one evening and hopping into Toby's car, joining her and Chaya on their five hour trek to Boston to hear Laurel Parnell speak about attachment-based EMDR the next day. For those of you who remember, EMDR is a type of therapy that works with bilateral stimulation t …
The Ungrateful Child Fights Back: The Narcissistic Parent Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 16th, 2017

            So how was your Shabbos?             Didn't know you had a narcissistic mother, did you? Or spouse? Or somebody-or-other in your life? Until you read Part 1 of the Narcissistic Mother in my column. And now you are blown away with understanding what you have lived with until now. Why you have always blamed yourself, lost confid …
Therapeutic Relationships and surprising stuff you might want to know!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 27th, 2018

Here's another one, People. Yep. Another column about the therapeutic relationship. Because I went to this phenomenal workshop a couple of weeks back and as I was listening to the John Norcross speak (he wrote some great books on the therapeutic relationships), I thought, “Hey, clients should be hearing this!” (Have you ever noticed that whenever I attend a workshop, a column about what I learned emerges? Not only are you getting fre …
Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 18th, 2017

In another lifetime, I was a seventh grade teacher. Over the course of the years, there were two students I felt I had wronged and bided my time, seeking an opportunity to set things right. When the two of them had graduated twelfth grade, I tracked them both down and apologized for my youth, my inexperience, my mistakes, and for the impact of my actions. Both seemed indifferent to my apologies, and I still wonder if there is something I can do. …
Therapize me, therapize me not: a partial response to angry letters
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 19th, 2017

To my darling, dearest readers...even the ones who hate me and send your angry letters straight to the editor with specific instructions to fire me as a Binah columnist...I love you all. You make my life exciting and varied and keep me on my toes! The flood of emails in response to my column “Therapize me, Therapize me not: when teachers and mentors betray us” validated the purpose of the column. Thank you teachers who acknowledged t …
Therapize me, therapize me not: here's my response to Mentor Betrayals
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 26th, 2017

Did I ever mention how I love controversy? Nah, right? Did I ever mention how much I love all my readers? The ones who turn to my column first each Monday morning, but especially the ones who hate my columns but somehow, even if they refuse to read them, have astonishing x-ray vision that allows them access to my articles enough to write angry letters to me and to my editors about them. Yep, I love you all. And really, I respect you even more. F …
Therapy Shmerapy: My new book!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 23rd, 2017

In THERAPY, SHMERAPY; Demysifying Therapy Even for Those Who Don't Need It, you are in for a revealing session behind the closed doors of the therapy room. As a popular columnist, therapist Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, has been dazzling her audience in Binah Magazine and on her blog. Here is the real story of therapy: honest, eye-opening, sharp, and often funny. In this collection of thought-provoking essays you will find out what is therapy; who need …
Things Parents Want to Know About Their Teens in Therapy Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 18th, 2016

Hello Mother. Hello Father. So you read Hello Muddder, Hello Fadder and now you want to know more. Glad you are back. As a therapist for teens, it's always important when parents collaborate in a teen client's treatment. But it's a confusing situation. For the teenager who is unhappy. For the parents who often have no idea what is going on, what went wrong, or how to help their child. There are no magic answers. But the role of the therapist is …
To My Teenage Fans: here's an article for you
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 28th, 2017

NOTE: This is the introductory article I wrote for my new column in Binah's Teen Magazine, Twirl that comes out quarterly. It's about relationships and has a bit of therapy in it...   People think that because I am a therapist, I should know everything. My kids totally crack up that people think I know anything because I am their mother and they know that I know nothing. Obviously my kids are teenagers. So this column is to check out what I …
Trick or Treatment?: a look at alternative healing practices
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 21st, 2018

  Ever hear the phrase evidence based treatment? If you haven't, you should get to know it. And know it well. Because every time you go for treatment, whether it's for a physical ailment or a mental one, the only treatment you should be ethically receiving is one that is evidence based to produce positive results. And in the worst case scenario, the evidence at least lets you know that even if there's no proof that it works on whatever it is …
Ungrateful Child, Look How Much I Do for You! : The Narcissistic Mother Part I
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 10th, 2017

Shabbat is here. Mothers all over the world are cleaning, cooking, inviting married children, and babysitting grandchildren. Some are overworked, some are harried, some are a little frustrated at their married children who leave plates in the sink and let their children run wild at six in the morning. But overall, the home feels warm and inviting, the grandchildren loved and cossetted.           & …
Vamoosing on Vacation
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 1st, 2017

We felt like kids again. When we walked in to our writing workshop one evening, our group leader had pulled out her sand tray and displayed a variety of miniatures for us to work with a la sand play therapy. “Create your vacation,” she urged us at the end of our workshop, and we did. Yocheved put herself on a secluded beach, a book near her, some food, and as she pondered the little menchies, debated whether or not her children were …
What Type of Husband Does My Daughter Really Need?: A parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 2nd, 2017

Question: This past bein hazmanim has been the first time we were actively involved in shidduchim for our oldest daughter who has just returned from seminary and it sounds terrible to say but I am relieved that she did not get engaged. It was a nightmare. Although my wife and I have a different way of looking at things, for the most part, until this parshah of shidduchim, we have managed to work things out. But I don't know how we will navigate …
What Your Therapist Knows Even When You Don't Say a Word! the here-and-now of therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 18th, 2016

My sister-in-law, who I love dearly, meets me on the street. “We were just talking about you,” she tells me, “and this is what we want to know. Do you analyze people? I mean, like when you meet friends, or me, on the street?” I laughed. And I told her the truth. No, I don't do that. And I also told her the absolute truth about me. That I am seriously the worst person to be a social worker. Because therapy is all about rea …
What's the Deal with the Egocentric Person in my Life?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 20th, 2018

Relationships.
If you want to know the number one reason people enter therapy, it’s because of relationships. Sure, they will tell you they are having panic attacks. They will talk about hating school. You will hear the struggle to find a job, to get accepted to seminary, to find a shidduch, to be organized, overcome trauma, or dozens and dozens other presenting issues with which people enter therapy. But do some digging, and everythi …
When a Father Dies, and so Does the Passover Seder
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 2nd, 2017

This beautiful piece was written by my teen client who allowed me a glimpse into her pain, and wanted to share it so that others can understand the impact of a father-loss. Pesach is probably the hardest time for a fatherless family. Because it's all about the father and the child and the seder. Here are her words: Originally published in Binah Magazine Totty. Dark, untidy frizzes border his soft, pale face. He is my father…..my dear fath …
When a Father is Missing: (dead or alive)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 25th, 2017

Mothers have been getting a bad rap in my column. The borderline. The narcissist. And I think it’s about time we give everybody equal opportunity here and let the guys be bashed for once. Heads up all you males who read my columns; this one’s about you! Yes, there are borderline fathers. Most certainly there are narcissistic fathers. There are plenty of lousy fathers (a round of applause out there to the fathers who are doing a prett …
When Cockroaches are Guests and Guests Feel Like Cockroaches
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 26th, 2016

Note: This article was originally published in LINKS Magazine, published by LINKS, an organization that offers support, retreats, teleconferences, Shabbatons/get-together and other services for teens who have lost a parent(s). I am totally not interested in your kvetching about your Yom Tov horror stories being guests in other people's homes, because right now I am going to tell you MY horror stories being a guest every single, bingle Shabbos an …
When Death Can Be Deadly
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 17th, 2017

The moment we are are born, we are already one second closer to our deaths. Which is why it seems to make little sense that we live in denial that it will occur, or we strive strenuously to avoid any reminder or sense of it. We speak of it in hushed tones, we think we must shield children from it, we quiet the voices in our head by pretending moisturizer or botox or a new car will save us from the inevitable. When I was a new therapist in pri …
When Force is a GOOD FORCE: getting the reluctant client into therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 5th, 2017

They come into my office and they stonewall me. You know who I mean. You know what I mean. The teenager who sits in the chair, grumpy. Refusing to engage. Like, “You dragged me here and I am here, but don't even think I am going to do anything else in here.” Yep. And the spouses—usually the husband—who acts the same way. And that's when they actually come into the therapy room. What about all those children, teens, and ad …
When I am Afraid: What's this CBT Stuff Anyway?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 5th, 2016

Question: I am even afraid to ask my question, because I don’t think I want to hear the answer. But lately, I can’t drive in tunnels. I work in Manhattan and I always drive there. A few weeks ago, I got stuck in a tunnel for a few hours. Now, there is no way I take the tunnel. I don’t really mind because I can take the bridge, but now I realize that I avoid going to the grocery store and rather send my daughters to buy what I n …
When I Was a Nobody: followers and leaders
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 4th, 2017

The year is ending. College. Seminary. High School. Novices as work or internships. And the question is: will you lead with what you know or will you be a follower forever?  Thirty years ago, entering seminary in Eretz Yisroel, I remember the incredibly liberating feeling of being a nobody. I had been accepted (by the skin of my teeth) to a prestigious seminary in Yerushalayim and I was surrounded by the G.O presidents of every school, the …
When We Are Betrayed by Teachers and Mentors
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 28th, 2017

I love teachers. I was a teacher for loads of years before I became a therapist. Sometimes I was a great teacher, sometimes lousy. I loved my students to pieces. I found them funny and interesting and lively and smart. I also found them a handful. They exhausted me, challenged me, irritated me. I miss the classroom. I miss the passion and excitement and butterflies in my stomach from sheer nervousness of walking int o a classroom loaded with tee …
When You Are In Shidduchim...and Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 1st, 2016

  NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE There are two categories of people with whom I really need to have a heart-to-heart talk. And it may be you I am talking to, so listen up. Lots of people are in therapy today. No, I am not getting into a discussion about why there are more people than ever today in therapy. All I am going to say on the subject is that people are refusing to be miserable any more than is strictly necessa …
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