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Taking Responsibility
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
November 30th, 2019

Taking responsibility—for our attitudes, actions, and behavior—is a sign of maturity and good mental health. So, while we can understand that a five-year-old denies taking a cookie when his face is covered with crumbs, we are less forgiving of the adolescent who cheats on a test because “all his friends do.” As we mature, we develop more of an internal locus of control, (i.e. the understanding that our behavior is the resu …
Tall Guys Don’t Jump
Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LMSW
May 31st, 2015

No disrespect to sports fans, but sports discussions are not known for their wealth of theoretic wisdom. Certainly, sports are great fun, and the pull of professional sports has even the attention of the Wall Street Journal. Articles on sports are full of analysis and postgame hindsight, but rarely philosophical insight.
And so it was to my great surprise that an innocuous conversation about basketball turned up a philosophical gem. A child …
Teenagers: Mission Impossible
Author: Alexander Rand, LCSW-R CASAC
August 26th, 2015

Raising teenagers in 2015 requires education, skill, luck, practice, and of course, prayer and God. Even with all that, it’s still not enough. We need more prayer and more God, and if you’ve ever raised a teenager, you’ll understand exactly why. Adolescence is a time when a child naturally starts to experiment with rules, challenging authority, and beginning to form his/her own identity. While that can be terrifying for parents, …
The Anatomy of Bad Middos
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
June 3rd, 2021

Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed The Soul and the Psyche. “Soul” and “psyche” represent, respectively, the spiritual and psychological dimensions of a person. Interestingly, the two terms didn’t always have different meanings. When the term psyche was first introduced, it, too, was understood to be primarily a spiritual force, one that outlasts and outlives the body.  In pa …
Staying The Course - The Big Picture
Author: Esther Gendelman, MS, LPC, CPC
November 28th, 2021

One word encapsulates the theme of staying the course. That word is LIFE.  If we want to choose life, we choose to stay the course no matter what happens. Sometimes, the course is filled with pain and grief while at others, there are experiences that elicit intense joy and we savor each moment.  I might be a young child whose world changed when a parent died, or a special needs sibling was born, or my parents divorced, or I experienced …
The Cell Phone Parent
Author: Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D., FICPP
May 31st, 2015

An earlier version of this article appeared on the Times of Israel. When parents ask me directly at what age they should get their children a cell phone, I generally do not answer. Despite the specificity of the question and regardless of what I say, parents make their own decisions, and these decisions usually fall into reasonably well-defined categories. Overprotective parents justify purchasing cell phones for their children while they are st …
The Change From Within
Author:
September 4th, 2018

By Lisa Twerski, LCSW When we are children, our parents can imbue us with a healthy sense of self. They love us and we feel loved, they show confidence in us and we feel self-confident, they esteem us and we feel self-esteem. They may do this by expressing these things directly. They may do this by giving us the opportunity to try and succeed or fail, showing us that we have them by our side no matter what. There are many ways parents can seek to …
The Dangers of Over Intellectualization
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
June 2nd, 2022

The recent Daf Yomi (Gemara Yevamos 14a) tells us that prior to the decision to universally follow the School of Hillel, there was a period of time where the School of Shammai followed their rulings independently. The Gemara wonders how the School of Shammai rationalized this when the general principle is that the halacha (law) is decided in accordance with the numerical majority. Since the School of Hillel was the majority, even the School of Sh …
The Effects of Teasing
Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC
November 23rd, 2016

Teasing has many faces. It can be used to make jokes, it can be used to play tricks, or it can be used to hurt someone as offense or defense, to suggest a few applications. When children do it to each other, teasing can lead to bullying. In fact, teasing is really steps away from bullying, if the behavior continues and if it is becoming hurtful. When adults tease children who do not know how to respond, teasing can be very detrimental. When a chi …
The Face Behind the Mask
Author: Rachel Slochowsky LMFT, CSAT
August 31st, 2020

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has stated that wearing masks have been proven to help protect us from Covid-19. In a world that feels so chaotic, unstable and unknown, many of us have been holding on to this theory. Just wear the mask and you’ll be safer, wear the mask and you won’t be exposed. As difficult and painful as this pandemic has been, it has brought to the surface something profound. Masks seem to be for the …
The First Step Toward Change
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
September 1st, 2021

Dear Readers, Welcome to the August edition of Mind, Body & Soul, themed “Taking the first step”.  I’d like you to consider the many and varied ways that people take their first steps. A baby, transitioning from crawling and cruising to walking, is literally taking his first step. Until now he did not even have the capacity to walk. Children and adults, who can already walk, sometimes feel as though they are stuck in a …
The Gift of Not-Knowing
Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
June 1st, 2020

Getting to know our children is a very gradual process and an imperfect one as well. Though parents vary in their ability to read their children—some of us do better than others—there is no fool-proof way to know what another is thinking or feeling, even if that someone is our child. In general, a parent who has a high EQ (Emotional Intelligence) who is self-aware and attuned to their own thoughts, feelings, motivation, and behavior h …
The Mean Girls
Author: Dr. Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
May 25th, 2016

It’s not just in the movies: The mean girls phenomenon is real and very much a subject of discussion today among professionals and parents alike. Unlike the boys who may be openly – and even physically – aggressive, mean girls use their words. They typically operate under the radar, far from adult view. And, no matter how many complaints there are from the other students, the mean girls continue to exclude, mock and/or tease, an …
The meaning of ELUL
Author: Moshe Norman, LCSW
August 31st, 2020

Elul. It is a powerful and sobering time of year, a time for introspection, commitment and growth. For many it brings back memories of warm holiday spirits and long hours spent in shul davening and singing the heartwarming, seasonal songs. But for others, Elul has a completely different meaning. “I feel my whole body tense up as soon as I hear the words, ‘Rosh Chodesh ELUL.’  I constantly worry that I am going to do somethi …
The Pain of an Individual
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
August 31st, 2020

Author’s note: The privacy and confidentiality of individuals found in this narrative were safeguarded, by modifying identifying details.    It didn’t dawn on me during the first week of the shutdown, or even during the second or third week. The pandemic had shuttered our schools and synagogues for more than a month, before I recalled my earlier conversation with Hank.   Hank is a bright, sensitive young man. …
The Power of Abuse
Author:
June 29th, 2017

Anonymous
The power of abuse
frightening and strong
leads to behaviors
irrational and wrong The power of abuse
the questions that arise
the multitude of thoughts
disbelief and lies The power of abuse
wreaks havoc on the soul
something is lacking
I feel empty, not whole The power of abuse
the drama that erupts
dealing with the abuser
the nightmare of the confronts The power …
The Power of Attachment Templates
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
August 30th, 2019

What makes us attracted to one person over another? What happens when we are continuously drawn to a personality type that we know is not good for us? Is attraction, and subsequently attachment, in relation to a significant other a conscious or unconscious process? The answer to these questions lies in an understanding of attachment templates. This understanding can make a big difference in determining who we choose to be in a relationship with. …
The Power of Dreams
Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC
May 31st, 2015

Dreams come to us in different waves of experience. In the days of old, cavemen and women left pictures of dream fantasies; Shakespeare talked about his characters’ portrayal of dreams in a number of his plays. Today’s scientists have noted that individuals have different periods of dreaming in their sleep cycles, some of which are remembered while others are forgotten. Dreaming can refer to hopes that individuals have for their futur …
The Power of the 3AM Wake-up Call
Author:
June 3rd, 2019

The Power of The 3 AM Wake-up Call: Shaping your child’s relationships for years to come By: Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R               It begins again with a 3:00 AM wake-up call. There’s no snooze button: it’s your baby and she’s hungry. After that's taken care of, she needs to be burped, changed, cuddled, and lovingly put back to sleep. Predictably, a simmering frustra …
The pressure is on: The impact of stress on our children and what we can do about it.
Author:
February 26th, 2018

The Pressure Is On: The Impact of Stress On Our Children and What We Can Do About It. By Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R   In today’s fast paced modern world, the experience of life is assaulted upon by a relentless barrage of stress and pressure. Mommy is rushing to get everyone out of the house.  Mommy and daddy are getting ready for work and I am hurriedly escorted out of my home onto the school bus. I arrive at school and spend …
The Relationship Dance
Author:
June 3rd, 2019

The Relationship Dance By: Dvorah Levy I asked the following question to a group of single men and women in their 50s and early 60s: “What is the hardest part about being single?” The answers given covered the lack of physical intimacy as well as the absence of someone who knows you well, with whom you can always talk and create new memories. The desire to be in a relationship with a significant other is hardwired into our very being; …
The Shifting Sandwich Generation
Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC
May 25th, 2016

The current “sandwich generation” is both aging and shifting, and includes many baby boomers. As the oldest generation leaves this earthly existence, a new sandwich generation is emerging: those who are both grandparents to grandchildren, and children to parents. Many in this generation are responsible for any combination of difficult factors: elderly spouses, unmarried siblings, and parents who are not able to function without assist …
The World of the Family Caregiver
Author: Adina Segal, LCSW
August 31st, 2020

Shani is at her wits end. She is the only child of Holocaust survivor parents. Over the years they have faced a great deal of difficulty with memory issues, forgetting to pay bills, failing to take medications properly and not remembering doctor’s appointments. Her mother calls her several times a day, forgetting that she spoke to her 10 minutes prior. Her father expresses concern about strangers coming through the window. He leaves random …
Transcending Adversity
Author: Harriet Cabelly, LCSW
November 25th, 2014

  “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”   – Viktor Frankl   Throughout life, people transcend their adversities in different ways; some people can go through a lot and be able to rise above and live well, and some people simply succumb to their circumstances. Th …
Two Ways to Experience Uncertainty, Doubt & Other Sticky Thoughts
Author: EITAN ZERYKIER, LCSW
February 27th, 2020

Will you have enough money for retirement? How long will your loved ones live? Will it rain on the day you planned your vacation? Will your next project be a failure? Did you choose the right career? What if you had gone to a different university? Should you have made that investment? Are you really married to the right person? What is it like to try and think about the past and the future?  Are you feeling anxious just by reading these ques …
Understanding Assessments
Author:
March 1st, 2015

Dr. Judith Guedalia, PhD   As a parent, teacher or mental health professional, we have surely, at one point or another, been bombarded with referrals to do testing or assessments. “Testing” may refer to every area in our anatomy and psyche. Some are physically intrusive, and others emotionally so. Most are expensive in time and money. What is the purpose for, and what exactly are, assessments? When a child or adult is referred fo …
Understanding Dissociative Disorders
Author: Lili Grun, LCSW-R
February 29th, 2016

Emotional, spiritual, and physical struggles faced by individuals who come for psychotherapy frequently find their origins in painful, frightening childhood experiences. People whose minds and bodies are still in a state of trauma, or who are living according to childhood survival tactics and rules of cause and effect, often lack the skills needed to lead healthy lives and have satisfying relationships. A common defense mechanism employed to cope …
Understanding Self-Injury From Our Patients
Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD
November 23rd, 2016

As an intern and psychiatric resident, I was presented with a myriad of psychiatric symptoms, with varying degrees of severity. The patients, as well as their disorders, came alive for me the more time I spent with them and the more my empathy grew. To better treat my patients, I needed to understand their points of view, and I tried to see the world through their eyes.  Depression and anxiety were easy to relate to, as we all have felt sad …
Understanding Why We Fight - Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC & Renée Beyda
Author: Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC & Renée Beyda
February 22nd, 2017

Humans are peaceful creatures… when alone. Once there are two or more people sharing a project, a bank account, children, a religion, and even a country, there’s bound to be friction. Just take a look at what occurred during the 2016 election. Fiery debates sparked at dinner tables and on social media platforms, caused friction within families, between friends, and continued to do so even after the results were in! Whether discussing …
Unfinished Business
Author:
March 8th, 2022

“It’s so interesting. There are so many aspects of my wife that remind me of my mother. What’s so weird is that I promised myself I would never marry someone like her, and then I did. “I find it immensely frustrating that my wife doesn’t seem to be interested in me. My parents had many children, and my mother was constantly overwhelmed. She was also raised by Holocaust survivors and did not seem to have the emotional …
What are the dangers of vaping nicotine and marijuana to the Jewish community? Here is the unvarnished truth.
Author: Dr. Eric Bornstein
July 22nd, 2022

In the last 18 months, I have given multiple seminars on behalf of MASK (Mothers & Fathers Aligned Saving Kids) to many NY Yeshivas, Jewish drug rehab and counseling groups, and parents on the subjects of vaping, nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, and opioid addiction. In the last four years, I have given similar seminars to over 125,000 medical professionals throughout the United States. During this time, I have listened to numerous horror storie …
Victim of Abuse or Just a Bad Marriage?
Author:
March 1st, 2015

Lisa Twerski, LCSW Differentiating Between Dysfunction, Disorders and Domestic Abuse When people feel abused in their marriage, it can be very confusing to try and determine if the cause is a dysfunctional relationship that may have some abusive features, a spouse with a mental illness, or domestic abuse. In fact, some of the abusive ways one may be treated by their spouse may be similar from situation to situation; what determines which type of …
We Needn't Feel Alone
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
February 25th, 2021

There’s a storm raging outside. Finally, a familiar reason for staying at home. I’m sitting at my kitchen table, watching melted snow fall like tears along the sliding kitchen doors, while snowdrifts make mountains out of molehills. It’s been a year since life was disrupted by a microscopic enemy. It’s as if our world is a snow globe that’s been turned upside down, and we are still trying to find our footing. We&rsqu …
What Truly Counts In A Mate
Author:
February 26th, 2018

What Truly Counts in a Mate? Michael J Salamon, Ph.D. I have heard many accounts of just what people are looking for in a spouse. These stories range from questions of tablecloth colors; to a potential bride’s mother’s, and even grandmother’s, dress size; to the age at which the potential choson was toilet trained; to whether or not they chew gum; to how much money the partner’s parents are committing to the couple for the …
What's the Problem with Marriage?
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
August 24th, 2016

The problem with marriage is that our partner has the ability to hurt us in ways no one else can. We are hardwired to want to be in an intimate relationship with another. Our initial blueprint for attachment is formulated by our first intimate relationship, that of our primary caregiver. The messages we received as children around our worthiness, specialness, and lovability were reflected in the responses our caregiver gave us. Ideally, when we e …
When Asking for a Woman’s Dress Size Becomes the Norm: How Dating in the Jewish World is Contributing to Body Image Issues and Disordered Eating
Author:
February 26th, 2018

When Asking for a Woman’s Dress Size Becomes the Norm: How Dating in the Jewish World is Contributing to Body Image Issues and Disordered Eating By: Elizabeth Carmen, MA, Ed.M, LMHC The media, both Jewish and secular, has been giving this topic a lot of attention lately, which is terrific, but also highlights the fact that there is a major pandemic in the community. While writing this article, an article was published in Self magazine abou …
When Compassion Heals
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
November 29th, 2022

Dear Readers
Welcome to the November edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Is there more than one way to heal?” Interestingly, most of the articles submitted focus less on the differences between treatment modalities and more on the common threads of effective, healing treatment. Also, several articles challenge the notion that emotional healing must eradicate any and all vestiges of illness. In particular, Douglas Balin d …
When Expectations Differ
Author: Smadar Prager, CGP
May 25th, 2016

Mr. and Mrs. H. have an endearing habit. Every morning, they sip tea together and chat a bit before each turns to his/her daily routine. Their favorite location is their small kitchen table located next to the big window which overlooks the greenery outside and the neighbors’ houses. For the past few weeks, every time their neighbor comes out to hang her laundry, Mrs. H. gets this look in her eyes. She clicks her tongue and says in disappro …
When Psalms Calms
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
December 4th, 2020

By: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD   Dear Readers Welcome to the November issue of Mind Body & Soul, themed “The calm within the storm”. Let’s start with a basic question: What is a storm? Some would say that a storm is simply a meteorological event. Then again, the term storm is also used when a position held by one group is overwhelmed by members of a different group. “Storm” could also refer to a surprisingly strong …
When Siblings Fight
Author: Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC
November 23rd, 2016

  When we watch our own children tumbling on the floor, grabbing toys from one another, shouting, screaming, and crying, we put our hands to our head and mumble: “Oh no, when will this ever end?” Children will tell you the facts of the fight, “he touched my stuff so I hit him,” and so forth, but what is the psychological cause of sibling rivalry and competition? From an evolutionary perspective, there is a biological …
When to Worry About Your Child’s Worries
Author: Regine Galanti, PhD
November 25th, 2015

Sam Cohen* is a bright 7-year-old boy who notices everything. If a paper clip is out of place on my desk, Sam is the first to comment. Though he’s always been intelligent, Sam’s parents have also noticed that their son has been a worrier for as long as they can remember. His thoughts often include fears like: What will the other children at school think of him? What if his parents’ car crashes on the way to the grocery store? Wh …
Who am I? – The Integration of Self
Author:
February 26th, 2019

By Pamela Siller, MD When she awoke in the morning, her first thought was of her darling baby, born prematurely, awaiting her arrival in his bassinette in the NICU. Although she knew that she needed to stay strong, her panic steadily rose, until she ran to the bathroom and began to dry heave. Several minutes later, she rinsed out her mouth and started to dress.  A couple of hours later, she was in her stride, lecturing to 32 elementary schoo …
Why Children Misbehave
Author:
February 26th, 2018

Why Children Misbehave By Sara Teichman, Psy. D. Do you find yourself embarrassed sometimes by your children’s behavior? Have you managed, by dint of consequences and threats, to teach them what not to do, but find they do not know what to do or how to do it? Do they have the knowledge and the skills they need in order to behave appropriately? We all know that children do well if they can. What child does not want to wake up to the love and …
Why Do We Find It So Hard to Wait?
Author: Chana Mark LCSW
June 1st, 2020

“When will this be over?” “I am running out of patience with the kids. It’s too much.” “They say the state is re-opening soon. Then what?” We know that the Covid-19 era will eventually come to an end. It has certainly imposed substantial material hardship on many families. Yet all of us are waiting and waiting, feeling more and more worn down with each passing day. Waiting does not come naturally to us. A …
Why do We Hate The People Loved?
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R
September 1st, 2021

Why do We Hate The People Loved? Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R   The Recent daf Yomi (Succah 4b), quotes a verse (Shemos 25:22) that becomes the inspiration from one of my favorite sayings in the Gemara. וְנוֹעַדְתִּ֣י לְךָ֮ שָׁם֒ וְדִבַּרְתִּ֨י אִתְּךָ֜ מֵעַ֣ל הַכַּפֹּ֗רֶת מִבֵּין֙ שְׁנֵ֣י הַכְּרֻבִ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֖ר עַל־אֲר֣וֹן הָע …
Why Doesn't She Just Leave? Understanding the Complexity of Domestic Abuse
Author: Shoshana D Frydman, PhD, LCSW
August 24th, 2016

Imagine feeling like a hostage in your own home, unable to come and go as you please; always worrying about the next attack, even during times of relative peace. This fear is based on your experience and the awareness that, at some point, there will be another attack. And this fear takes over your life, and permeates itself into every experience and action that you take. I am not referring to what life is like in Israel or other terrorist-laden c …
Why Hasn’t My Therapist Called?
Author: By Moshe Norman
June 2nd, 2022

If you are a former therapy client or patient you may likely have built a deep, intimate relationship with your therapist.  Clients tell us their innermost challenges, dreams and aspirations.  Then, they move on.  Have you ever wondered why your therapist hasn't called to see how you have been? Often, therapists would love to know more about the developmental trajectory of former clients. We are, of course, human. We care about our …
Why Is it So Hard To Take The First Step?
Author: Shuli Sandler, Psy.D.
September 1st, 2021

Many of us know what we want. We have ideas of what we want to accomplish, we may make lists, or set goals. And yet, productive action often evades us. We may feel a gap between what we want to achieve and what we do. Other times, we may feel confused and unable to define what it is it that we truly want. How do we take that first step? Or rather, why is it that we often don’t take the steps to define what we want and accomplish our goals. …
Write Your Way Home
Author: .Yocheved Rottenberg, CJF
September 1st, 2021

Imagine I told you that I know of a therapist that costs about a dollar an hour, has a lot of availability and is surprisingly effective. You wouldn't believe me, but I'd insist it's true. Take out a notebook, find yourself a pen, and begin writing. Therapy has officially begun.
Therapeutic writing is research-based, effective and very simple. Once you learn to do it properly, you can achieve tremendous growth by understanding yourself, cont …
Years and Tears Later: The Price of Deception in Shidduchim
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
August 31st, 2022

(Simcha Feuerman maintains a private practice specializing in high conflict and couples . His practice is in Brooklyn, Queens and Boca Raton.) The following ideas are based on his daily blog, Psychology of the Daf.   The Gemara in Kesuvos dappim 12-13 deal extensively with the halakhic consequences and nuances  of misrepresentation of facts in Shidduchim. How much exaggeration is normal when describing a Shidduch? How much should the pe …
Your Spotlight and How to Use it
Author:
June 3rd, 2019

Your Spotlight and How to Use It By: Eitan Zerykier   If the human mind is truly an unstoppable thought-machine, what good is it anyway?   Have you ever watched a show or movie and without noticing, suddenly felt excited or found yourself crying? Or after it ended, you realized how engrossed you were and suddenly snapped back to reality?  After watching a comedy, you may feel happier and lighter than before it began. Many have said …
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