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In My Mind (and on the couch)
Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW A Selection Of Articles, Musings, And Information Detailing The Struggles Of The Ordinary Person; A Celebration Of The Individual's Resilience To Overcome Challenges And Live Authentically.
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When Force is a GOOD FORCE: getting the reluctant client into therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 5th, 2017

They come into my office and they stonewall me. You know who I mean. You know what I mean. The teenager who sits in the chair, grumpy. Refusing to engage. Like, “You dragged me here and I am here, but don't even think I am going to do anything else in here.” Yep. And the spouses—usually the husband—who acts the same way. And that's when they actually come into the therapy room. What about all those children, teens, and ad …
Money, Money, Money
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 10th, 2017

You know what is the hardest thing to talk about in therapy? Money. Weird, no? But true. Clients will talk about anything, and I mean anything, but when it comes to money, they suddenly clam up. As a therapist, I need to look out for those money secrets. Because not always do I read minds and when I do not read my client's mind, I do not realize that when is happening in front of me is all about money. You want to know what I am talking about? T …
Angry Responses to My Response of the Screaming Sister-in-Law
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 14th, 2018

My column on the screaming sister in law garnered a heated response. Here is the one that was furious at me, and the rest who were furious at the letter writer for not understanding the pain of a child. Any comments from you?   Dear Mindy
Your articles are always informative, interesting , edifying , enlightening ,and self effacing . I've seen you write so many wise observations , you are obviously accomplished and very talented -both …
A Top Shidduch: Between client and therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 17th, 2017

It's a shidduch. Plain and simple. And you got to do your research before walking into it. Or, before walking out of it. Therapist and client. And sometimes you have to be your own matchmaker. I reached out to my Nefesh listserv and asked 700 hundred therapists from around the United States, Canada and Israel to comment on what they think is important for a client to know about her therapist before committing to therapy. Even after they have a …
Vamoosing on Vacation
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 1st, 2017

We felt like kids again. When we walked in to our writing workshop one evening, our group leader had pulled out her sand tray and displayed a variety of miniatures for us to work with a la sand play therapy. “Create your vacation,” she urged us at the end of our workshop, and we did. Yocheved put herself on a secluded beach, a book near her, some food, and as she pondered the little menchies, debated whether or not her children were …
What's the Deal with the Egocentric Person in my Life?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 20th, 2018

Relationships.
If you want to know the number one reason people enter therapy, it’s because of relationships. Sure, they will tell you they are having panic attacks. They will talk about hating school. You will hear the struggle to find a job, to get accepted to seminary, to find a shidduch, to be organized, overcome trauma, or dozens and dozens other presenting issues with which people enter therapy. But do some digging, and everythi …
My Daughter Doesn't Want to Date: a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 23rd, 2017

Question: Our daughter finished seminary and she says she does not want to meet any prospective shidduchim yet. We have never had an easy time with her. She doesn't communicate to us and is often in a bad mood, although she does have friends and seems fine with them. We have two daughters directly underneath her and we don't have the luxury of waiting until she claims she will be ready, which we are afraid may be never. She doesn't seem to have …
Egocentricism: Part 2 Because there is so much more to say!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 28th, 2018

In Part 1 of my column on egocentrism in relationships, I had written that when people have difficulties in relationships, I assess for egocentrism in either of the two people involved in the relationship (whether in my client or the other) in order to help my client manage this difficult relationship successfully. Do you know how easily I can assess that? Here's the secret. If a person says, “I don't understand my rebellious son/unfriendly …
My Daughters Hate Each Other: a parent asks a therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 29th, 2017

Q. My fifteen year old is driving my twelve year daughter crazy (let me call them Esti and Faige, respectively). Although they never got along, this year has been the worst. Faige is a very easy going, sweet girl and Esti is demanding and always complaining. Esti complains that Faige doesn't help at home, or that Faige is bothering her (which is hard to believe especially when I don't see Faige doing anything), or any number of things she can th …
The Screaming Sister-in-Law: What to do?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 7th, 2018

QUESTION: I have a sister in law who is an outgoing  and loving person. She's the type who many of my sisters in law call when they need validation-- she really listens well. She also  really listens to her kids (or so it seems!) many times and makes sure they get all the help they need. However, she has a serious anger issues. I'm older than her and it seems to be that I'm the only one that sees its detrimental effects on her children …
Old? Old! (Not me!)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 10th, 2016

So sue me. I don't feel old. I don't mind growing old. At every older stage, I actually enjoy myself even more. I can't even imagine being five years younger. That would be pre-grandchildren. Awful to even contemplate. I look forward to being five years older. So many more rich experiences waiting for me. Maybe I will get to that African Safari I have been dying to explore. Maybe by then my youngest will be engaged (married is pushing it...) and …
Ungrateful Child, Look How Much I Do for You! : The Narcissistic Mother Part I
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 10th, 2017

Shabbat is here. Mothers all over the world are cleaning, cooking, inviting married children, and babysitting grandchildren. Some are overworked, some are harried, some are a little frustrated at their married children who leave plates in the sink and let their children run wild at six in the morning. But overall, the home feels warm and inviting, the grandchildren loved and cossetted.           & …
Green Grass, Green Envy: The nature of people
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 14th, 2018

  Question: Every Shabbos Nachamu, my entire neighborhood leaves to the Catskill Mountains. They go to family or friends who have bungalows or summer homes there. It’s very hard for me to stay home with my family when I know that my sister-in-law has a large summer home that has plenty of room for all of us but can’t be bothered to invite us. In general I feel that she disdains our family for not being of her social (rich) calibe …
The Ungrateful Child Fights Back: The Narcissistic Parent Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 16th, 2017

            So how was your Shabbos?             Didn't know you had a narcissistic mother, did you? Or spouse? Or somebody-or-other in your life? Until you read Part 1 of the Narcissistic Mother in my column. And now you are blown away with understanding what you have lived with until now. Why you have always blamed yourself, lost confid …
Who's Who in Therapy: those confusing initials demystified
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 18th, 2016

So I just came back from the Nefesh Conference this week. Whew. Lots of fun. Lots of new information. Lots of new people! Nefesh International is a Jewish Orthodox organization for mental people—oops! I mean for professionals in the field of mental health (like me), and rabbis who are involved with the issues our communities are confronted with daily. Believe it or not, Nefesh spans the world and has branches not only in the USA but also i …
Mourn Until Morn (or even longer): Grieving the first year after a loss
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 19th, 2018

This article will be published as part of my book by Menucha Publishers, tentatively titled The Hillel Series. Check it out in March 2026 …
Love Addiction, Love Obsession: a short story
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 1st, 2018

“Oh my goodness!” Chava exclaimed when she chanced upon Eva in the supermarket aisle, their overloaded carts bumping into each other between the cereals and cornflake crumbs. “How have you been?” “What's it been?” asked Eva, conveying her delight in meeting Chava. “Nine years since I graduated high school?” “More like forever!” joked Chava. “Where have been at all these years …
Hoopla About the Hug: May My Therapist Hug Me?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 24th, 2016

Okay, so you want to know what's with the hug. The hug? Yep, the hug. The hug most clients want from their therapists whether or not they dare ask for it. Oh, that hug. It's a taboo subject, you know. It's not a something I would ask another therapist. Like, “Do you hug your clients?” because we are not supposed to be hugging clients. That's all in the literature. Go on line and try to find stuff on therapist hugging clients. It …
Sandtray Secrets: When my clients play with sand and stuff
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 31st, 2016

A few years ago, I walked into a colleague's therapy office, and I didn't want to leave. From floor to ceiling, her shelves were lined with hundreds of miniatures. Miniature people, objects, and landscapes; realistic, fantastical, magical, and mythical. And in the center of her room was a sandbox. “Sandtray therapy,” she said, noticing my reaction. “I do sandtray with my clients.” Her clients were adults, not children. Wh …
Dumb Things Teachers Say to Our Kids in Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 3rd, 2016

Just for the record let me say that I am awed by our religious community. I should say communities, plural, but that would imply divisiveness and I am loath to put to paper any indication of that. Although we have our issues, I applaud our wonderful schools, menahalim and menahalos, principals and teachers who are dedicated, invested, and involved in their students' lives. I met a menahel of a yeshiva who told me how he keeps his eyes out for st …
I'm in Therapy: How Do I Honor My Parents (and do I even want to?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 3rd, 2017

Dear Mindy, Your weekly insights brought forth a question which has been niggling me for a while. Several of your articles, including the ones regarding BPD mothers and the one on attachment have left me wondering Does the topic of Kibbud Horim (the commandment of honoring one's parents) ever reach the therapy room? It appears as if most, if not all, adults who enter therapy have some sort of childhood scar/issue which comes up through the course …
Is It Okay for My Therapist to Give ME a Gift? Part 2 about Gifting
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 7th, 2018

  So I am writing my column on the ethics of a therapist accepting gifts from clients. And like I had written, I was really sure that it is unethical to accept gifts. Until I did some research for my column, and unbelievably, not only is it not unethical to accept gifts from clients (of course under the right circumstances as explained in my article), but not accepting gifts can be really bad therapy. And that is unethical. And because I l …
Middle Sister, Monkey in the Middle: another article for my teen readers
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 11th, 2017

I'm assuming that because you read my first column about sister relationships, you and your sister have worked everything out by now. Gasp! You didn't? So let's talk some more about that. And the reason I can talk about it is because I have two sisters. That makes me an expert on sisters. One of my sisters is seven years younger than me and one of them is seven years older. I also have a brother stuck in someplace, but this article is about sist …
Mindfulness is the New Black
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 15th, 2016

NOTE: originally published by Binah Magazine   Here's the honest-to-goodness truth: I wake up every morning excited to start my day. I love what I do, who I meet (yes, I mean you, my wonderful, interesting, and hard-working client!), and what I accomplish. I love babysitting my grandchildren (even the one who shrugs her little one-year old shoulder at me and totally snubs me out), and I love having my married children over for Shabbos meals …
Summer Sore Loser: How to help you daughter this summer
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 17th, 2018

WRITTEN FOR TWIRL, BINAH MAGAZINE'S TEEN SUBSECTION Cheaters are the worst kinds of people. So are sore losers. Cheaters and sore losers. Whether you are sleep away camp or day camp, you know exactly who I mean. Those girls that need to cheat to win every game. Those girls who are the biggest sore losers if they don't. I mean what is their pro-o-o-blem? So what if they are out at jumprope? So what if they are out at machayanim—or dodgeball …
If You Are Leader or Follower
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 18th, 2017

Let me tell you about a terrible thing I once did as a teacher. I worked for a kiruv school at one point, teaching junior high school to students who were mostly first and second generation immigrants of various countries. There was a silent hierarchy that had evolved in which second generation immigrant students held first generation immigrants in contempt. Worst off were the children who themselves were immigrants. The children had absolutely …
Selfish! Or: Selfish?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 19th, 2016

What would you do if your daughter kvetches that she has to load the dishwasher every night after supper? Or if your son complains that he doesn't want to do the Erev Shabbos errands anymore? How would you respond to yet another child who balks at visiting his grandfather motzai Shabbos, or yet another who refuses to babysit when you need to leave to a wedding or levaya? What would your reaction be to the mother who cries that she is sick of doi …
When a Father is Missing: (dead or alive)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 25th, 2017

Mothers have been getting a bad rap in my column. The borderline. The narcissist. And I think it’s about time we give everybody equal opportunity here and let the guys be bashed for once. Heads up all you males who read my columns; this one’s about you! Yes, there are borderline fathers. Most certainly there are narcissistic fathers. There are plenty of lousy fathers (a round of applause out there to the fathers who are doing a prett …
Quality Time in the Catskills? a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 26th, 2016

Question: An integral part of my family life is spending quality "family time" with my children. When we go to the bungalow colony in the summer, I feel that because all the families are so close together, we lose that special "family time" element. How can I preserve that over the summer?   Answer: To be perfectly honest, your question puzzles me. I do not quite understand how going to the bungalow colony interferes in your family time. If …
My Daughter is Coming Home from Seminary in Israel: Help!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 3rd, 2018

Question: My oldest daughter is coming back from seminary and I am feeling a huge amount of anxiety about it. She doesn't know what she wants to do and I don't know what she should do. I really think she should go to one of the colleges where she can get a degree in one year and had tried to convince her to take those tests for credits when she was in high school but she refused. Now she is undecided and seems paralyzed (like me) about her choic …
When I Was a Nobody: followers and leaders
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 4th, 2017

The year is ending. College. Seminary. High School. Novices as work or internships. And the question is: will you lead with what you know or will you be a follower forever?  Thirty years ago, entering seminary in Eretz Yisroel, I remember the incredibly liberating feeling of being a nobody. I had been accepted (by the skin of my teeth) to a prestigious seminary in Yerushalayim and I was surrounded by the G.O presidents of every school, the …
Parts 5 & 6 Baby Blues: The End
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 5th, 2016

Recap: Chava has returned for third session with husband’s support and has identified her goals and objective to alleviate symptoms of her post partum anxiety and depression. Her therapist assigned homework to establish baseline functioning in order to assess throughout therapy improvement in functioning.   Session Four   “I don’t know why I feel so much better,” Chava says. “It’s not like we did an …
Relationships Matter: Meet Tante Reitzu
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 9th, 2018

Ready to talk about a relationship that is pretty neat — if only you let it happen? Great. Here goes. So first of all, in the olden days, before indoor plumbing and cars, when I was a little kid (just kidding! But it was a pretty long time ago when I was a kid!), aunts and uncles were really special. I was born about 20 years after the Holocaust ended and family was really important. Most of my friends came from small families that origi …
My Wife the Pesach Problem
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 11th, 2018

Question: My wife and I have a fairly good marriage, with the normal ups and downs of life. Our first (and only) newly married couple is coming for the first days of Pesach and I am dreading it. My wife is extremely stressed out every yom tov and I hate the tension of her frantic cleaning and endless attention to detail. She also insists on keeping the minhagim of her parents' home even though my parents are much more lax in their Pesach minhagi …
My Kid Wants to Be a Superhero for Purim
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 13th, 2016

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S MONTHLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST Question: One of my children wants to dress up as a superhero this Purim.I personally feel that I don't want my child dressing up as a superhero especially on a holy day like Purim, yet some of his friends are dressing up as superheroes, and I know a parent is supposed to "pick his battles." Do you think this is a battle worth fighting?   …
(Angry) Letters in Response to: When We are Betrayed by Teachers and Mentors
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 13th, 2017

From: Sent: Monday, December 05, 2016 5:15 PM To: Mindy Blumenfeld
Subject: Question for therapy column Hi! Since I'm a teacher and sometimes act like a therapist to some of the teenagers I teach; I was very excited with the column you wrote this week! I teach in a school were the most of the girls are going through really tough challenges and struggling with yiddeshkeit at the same time. Some girls became really close to me and call/t …
Holiday Brat: for my teen fans!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 18th, 2018

NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S TEEN'S TWIRL  Because you are stuck here listening to me, I am going to tell you all about my niece who was the most absolutely adorable baby you have ever met in your whole entire life (no, I am not interested in your niece because there is no way anyone can ever compare with mine). She was deliciously fat, honey curls on her head, and a button nose perfect for kissing. I shlepped her …
Therapize me, therapize me not: a partial response to angry letters
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 19th, 2017

To my darling, dearest readers...even the ones who hate me and send your angry letters straight to the editor with specific instructions to fire me as a Binah columnist...I love you all. You make my life exciting and varied and keep me on my toes! The flood of emails in response to my column “Therapize me, Therapize me not: when teachers and mentors betray us” validated the purpose of the column. Thank you teachers who acknowledged t …
EMDR: Some New Initials to Make You Crazy--or Not?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 20th, 2016

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN "THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE"    It sounds so voodoo, so New Age, so really, really weird. But hey, everyone is doing it now and any therapist who works with trauma has gotta know this stuff, and anyway I could always use the CE's (continuing education credits needed for periodic re-certification for social workers), so I figured, “Why not?” So I …
Therapy Shmerapy: My new book!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 23rd, 2017

In THERAPY, SHMERAPY; Demysifying Therapy Even for Those Who Don't Need It, you are in for a revealing session behind the closed doors of the therapy room. As a popular columnist, therapist Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, has been dazzling her audience in Binah Magazine and on her blog. Here is the real story of therapy: honest, eye-opening, sharp, and often funny. In this collection of thought-provoking essays you will find out what is therapy; who need …
Life Coaching? Not on your life!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 25th, 2018

I will say it straight out. Today's column is to explain why you should choose a therapist over a life coach except for in a few very specific situations (which you will find more to the end of this page). Yes, I am a therapist. Yes, I have very strong feelings about this. Yes, I know some excellent life coaches. Yes, I know some lousy therapists. And yes, I will say it again, and again, and again. If you need a therapist, choose to work with …
Therapize me, therapize me not: here's my response to Mentor Betrayals
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 26th, 2017

Did I ever mention how I love controversy? Nah, right? Did I ever mention how much I love all my readers? The ones who turn to my column first each Monday morning, but especially the ones who hate my columns but somehow, even if they refuse to read them, have astonishing x-ray vision that allows them access to my articles enough to write angry letters to me and to my editors about them. Yep, I love you all. And really, I respect you even more. F …
Siblings in Grief: How grief affects siblings differently
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 27th, 2016

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FOR LINKS MAGAZINE, AN ORGANIZATION THAT ENRICHES THE LIVES OF CHILDREN AND TEENS WHO HAVE LOST PARENT(S) I don't know about you, but I really, really, really could not stand my little sister. I thought she was a kvetch, a nudge,a tattletale, and a big pain in the neck (and in other places I won't identify here!). She was also adorable, funny, smart, and lovable. She was seven years younger than me, …
It's NOT About You: a parent asks about her child's social life
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 4th, 2018

Question: My daughter is twelve. She is one of three classmates on the block who have always played together. Two years ago, Girl A started convincing Girl B not to play with my daughter. They started sneaking away from her, or suddenly having to go in when she tried to join them. The advice I got made me dizzy. One person told me she should foster a relationship with Girl B, but she was only getting hurt. Another advised me to ignore them, but …
My Parents Favor My Siblings: an adult child asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 5th, 2017

Question: I always felt my mother favored my other siblings over me This sounds so silly, especially because I am now married with my own children who I love very, very much,. I just felt she loved me less than everyone else. She didn't seem so interested in my life, I felt criticized often, and even today, I feel she gives my children less attention than their cousins. I feel very hurt and I wonder why it's like this and if I can change anythin …
A Client Asks a Therapist Who do you see as I cry on your couch?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 6th, 2016

 NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE  “What do you think of us?” a reader asks me in an email. “I would love to read about how you and other therapists view us, your clients. Yes, we have issues to work on. Yes, we have waited too long to begin this journey. True, we are a work in progress. But, honestly, my friends and I (who are seeing therapis …
Grandfathers are NOT Chopped Liver: another one for my teen readers
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 13th, 2018

Grandfathers have been really annoyed at me since my last column in Binah's Twirl Magazine where I write my quarterly column of “Relationships Matter.” Some have said, “Hey, Mindy, you spent a whole column writing about grandmothers. What are we, chopped liver?” I have no idea how my column about grandparents, ended up being only about grandmothers, because the truth is, I adored both my grandfathers to pieces (although t …
Am I happy or content (really, who cares?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 14th, 2017

Once upon a time.... And they lived happily ever after... I loved those fairy tales as a kid. Everyone waving wands and poofing here and there with spells, slaying evil witches and giants, wearing seven-league boots (whatever those were), and generally living happily ever (except for the few dead casualties). I remember lying in bed at night and knowing—just knowing—that if I believe hard enough, and I wish at just the right time …
Baby Blues Part 2: a fictionalized account of post partum depression in therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 15th, 2016

NOTE: Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this column articles depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, treatment in therapy may differ as it is individualized according the …
When You Are In Shidduchim...and Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 1st, 2016

  NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE There are two categories of people with whom I really need to have a heart-to-heart talk. And it may be you I am talking to, so listen up. Lots of people are in therapy today. No, I am not getting into a discussion about why there are more people than ever today in therapy. All I am going to say on the subject is that people are refusing to be miserable any more than is strictly necessa …
Saying Hello, Saying Goodbye: Transitioning to Change
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 21st, 2017

At my twelfth grade graduation, I was sandwiched in between two very funny and fun girls. And we clowned around a whole night, laughing, poking fun at the graduation, shmoozing, and generally waiting for this king of all the boring classes we had to sit through in high school finally come to an end, releasing us to the freedom of---hmmm. Releasing us to the freedom of what? But forget about that for now. It's the fact that graduation was pretty …
Baby Blues Part 3: a fictionalized account of post partum therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 22nd, 2016

Recap: Chava is assessed by her therapist in the first session for symptoms of post partum depression and/or anxiety and learns that she manages to hold onto to her secretarial job despite symptoms. Before Chava leaves the first session, she wants to know if she can ever achieve pre-baby functioning.   I owe Chava the truth, and I give it to her. “Yes, you can achieve the functioning you had before the baby. But it will take time.&rd …
Therapeutic Relationships and surprising stuff you might want to know!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 27th, 2018

Here's another one, People. Yep. Another column about the therapeutic relationship. Because I went to this phenomenal workshop a couple of weeks back and as I was listening to the John Norcross speak (he wrote some great books on the therapeutic relationships), I thought, “Hey, clients should be hearing this!” (Have you ever noticed that whenever I attend a workshop, a column about what I learned emerges? Not only are you getting fre …
To My Teenage Fans: here's an article for you
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 28th, 2017

NOTE: This is the introductory article I wrote for my new column in Binah's Teen Magazine, Twirl that comes out quarterly. It's about relationships and has a bit of therapy in it...   People think that because I am a therapist, I should know everything. My kids totally crack up that people think I know anything because I am their mother and they know that I know nothing. Obviously my kids are teenagers. So this column is to check out what I …
Part 4 Baby Blues
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 30th, 2016

This is a series of columns depicting a fictionalized account of how a PPD case may manifest itself and be handled in therapy Recap: In the previous session, Chava informs the therapist that her husband does not want her to return to therapy; and the therapist explores ways to bring husband on board to be supportive of therapy for post partum depression and anxiety; and uses psychoeducation to inform Chava about the possibility of using medicati …
Keeping Cancer a Secret
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 6th, 2018

QUESTION: My mother was just diagnosed with cancer. She wants me to keep it a secret from everyone except my husband, who she trusts won't say anything if he is sworn to secrecy. She says that she doesn't want to become a pity case, and that for Hashem to make the miracle of her cure happen, nobody is allowed to know about it (because Hashem does not make open miracles). Of course, my father knows, too. This is creating a terrible burden on me. …
Religious or Obsessive: and other stuff about OCD
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 7th, 2017

It's horrible. It's frustrating, crippling, disabling, devastating, incapacitating, life-impairing. Should I go to the thesaurus to find more adjectives, or have I gotten my message across adequately? I am talking about OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. We joke about it cavalierly. As if we mean it, but we really don't.   “I am OCD about making supper every night for my kids.” “Her house is OCD clean.” “I am …
Baby Blues Part I: a fictionalized account of post partum depression
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 8th, 2016

NOTE: This is PART I of a six part fiction serial depicting post partum depression. Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this article depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, …
A Couple of Things to Know About Couple Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 12th, 2016

Couple counseling is fascinating work! If sitting in a room with one client is dynamic, imagine what it is like with two. The interesting part about couples work is that the couple, not the individuals, is the client. Sounds weird? It is a novel concept, but one that every therapist needs to bear in mind. Say I am seeing a woman for therapy and after a time, she decides she wants to bring in her husband for therapy. To work on her marriage. Soun …
Rude Trading Cards: an angry grandparent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 13th, 2017

Question: I am extremely annoyed at my daughter, my oldest married child. Lately, her boys have been coming home from cheder with these trading cards that basically preach against having a smart phone. Each card has a cartoon on it, words, or otherwise indicate reasons why not to have a smart phone. First of all, I find these cards extremely disrespectful. Some pictures, for example, have white-bearded religious looking men using a smart phone, …
Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 18th, 2017

In another lifetime, I was a seventh grade teacher. Over the course of the years, there were two students I felt I had wronged and bided my time, seeking an opportunity to set things right. When the two of them had graduated twelfth grade, I tracked them both down and apologized for my youth, my inexperience, my mistakes, and for the impact of my actions. Both seemed indifferent to my apologies, and I still wonder if there is something I can do. …
The Tiger, My Cousin Esti, and a Ring: What is Resourcing?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 20th, 2016

The great thing about being a social worker is I always have an excuse why I need to learn new things. I blame it on my clients. Which is why I felt perfectly justified skipping supper one evening and hopping into Toby's car, joining her and Chaya on their five hour trek to Boston to hear Laurel Parnell speak about attachment-based EMDR the next day. For those of you who remember, EMDR is a type of therapy that works with bilateral stimulation t …
Part 2: Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 26th, 2017

Mistakes happen. Therapists mess up. If you are asking me if it’s okay for a therapist to make a mistake, to mess up; my answer may get you angry. So before I write the answer, I ask you to hang on until the end of this article so you can understand. Ready? The answer? Yes. It is okay for a therapist to make a mistake. Hold on! You promised you would give me until the end of this column before getting angry! And here’s why. …
Bad Parenting: why you need to stop generational abuse and neglect
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 28th, 2016

Question: I grew up with a very critical father and I promised myself that I would never do that to my children. But here I am acting the same way. My children are doing well in school and I love them very much, so I am wondering if they are affected by my behavior. I know that it has affected me even though on the outside I look like a very successful teacher and parent. As a teacher, I also notice kids who seem unhappy but I don’t know i …
Grief, Mourning, and How Your Body Lets You Know That Things Are Not Okay
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 5th, 2016

 Dear Mindy, (writes a teen whose father has died) I have heard the words “grief counseling” thrown around a lot and I wonder how it is different from regular therapy. Can you explain? I have never gone to a LINKS event because I really don’t enjoy talking about my loss or thinking about it. Other than that, I would consider myself to be a happy and well-functioning person. I have a friend who constantly pesters me and t …
Teletherapy: Whattsap, Gmail, Skype, Zoom, and other funny words
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 6th, 2017

Telehealth. Telepractice. Teletherapy. New Age words for New Age therapy. Welcome to the modern world where not only can you shop for clothing, gadgets and shoes from the comfort of your home, but you can do the same for a therapist. You are not surprised, are you? But it is a new concept that seems quite odd at first. This article is only to educate consumers about this new medium of telehealth. Receiving your doctor's care from your home or …
Back to School: Teenage Angst
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 15th, 2017

I don’t know about you, but I was always excited to start the first day of school. I loved my new shoes and new bag and new uniform (yep, I always loved uniforms because I did not have to think about what I had to wear. I personally hate shopping and would think it great if I could wear a mommy-uniform every day. Well, actually I do. Because my married daughter says, “Ma! You are still wearing that outfit from a hundred years ago? Yo …
Trick or Treatment?: a look at alternative healing practices
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 21st, 2018

  Ever hear the phrase evidence based treatment? If you haven't, you should get to know it. And know it well. Because every time you go for treatment, whether it's for a physical ailment or a mental one, the only treatment you should be ethically receiving is one that is evidence based to produce positive results. And in the worst case scenario, the evidence at least lets you know that even if there's no proof that it works on whatever it is …
Not Missing My Mother: Good Grief!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 22nd, 2017

    Originally written for LINKS MAGAZINE, published by LINKS, and organization that supports orphans in our community: Dear Links, As I laugh at some of your stories and as I tear at some others, I think. I find them amusing. I also find them angering and hurtful. Every story is about how you miss your deceased parent. I don't miss my mother. Sometimes I do. When there's a simcha or on her Yahrtzeit. But otherwise, there's no sad feel …
The Dowser Speaks about Alternative Treatment (and my response)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 28th, 2018

In response to ‘Evidence Based Treatment’ M. Blumenfed 19th Tamuz5778   Given the respect Mrs Blumenfeld garns as a world-class social worker, therapist and author, her opinions on alternative therapy are all the more so, surprising. The facts are, that scientific research has been made on alternative practices. Dr Bernard Grad of Mc Gill University, Montreal, conducted a study (with several control groups) which conclusively pro …
If Life is Better, Why Am I Feeling Worse?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 29th, 2017

So here is the deal. Your mother was sick. Stuff was tough. The house was upside down, your house was a hospital, take-out food was lousy. Everyone snapping all day at each other. Or it was different. Still terrible, but a different kind of terrible. Your father died suddenly. A car accident or a heart attack or an aneurysm. And the house was nuts even if the food at shiva was delicious. Thousands of people suffocating you, your friends mute and …
Why Do People Become Sheeple?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 2nd, 2017

My daughter called me from her seminary in Israel. “As the only chassidish girl in seminary,” she informed me, “probably the only chassidishe girl these seminary girls have ever met in their lives, I have become the spokesperson for all of chassidish women in the world.” I laughed. “I need to explain everything to them,” she said. “Whatever I do that’s different, they need to understand. So whateve …
How Attached Are You? attachment styles and how they impact us
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 30th, 2016

I love kids. Mine. The baby in the carriage on the checkout line in the grocery.' My nieces and nephews. My nieces' and nephews kids. The whole lot of them. Which is why my clients' babies often find themselves in session. When their mother can't find babysitters. When the hassle of a babysitter just makes getting to therapy that much harder. When my clients just want to show off their delicious blue or pink bundles. As a therapist, watching my …
When I am Afraid: What's this CBT Stuff Anyway?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 5th, 2016

Question: I am even afraid to ask my question, because I don’t think I want to hear the answer. But lately, I can’t drive in tunnels. I work in Manhattan and I always drive there. A few weeks ago, I got stuck in a tunnel for a few hours. Now, there is no way I take the tunnel. I don’t really mind because I can take the bridge, but now I realize that I avoid going to the grocery store and rather send my daughters to buy what I n …
Language of Your Loving: what's the 5 love languages about?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 7th, 2018

  Question: I have twin daughters who are just finishing ninth grade high school. For the older twin (who is my oldest daughter after 2 sons), it was a great year. She had a significant part in her school production and did very well academically. I actually enjoyed being involved in her production as it reminded me of my years in high school busy with practice. My younger twin is a wonderful girl who loves doing chessed (she is the one I co …
Speak Up! Tell Your Therapist Like It is!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 9th, 2016

You would think a therapist would have all the answers about therapy. Sounds true, but it's not. The person who knows the most about the therapy is the person IN therapy. The client. You. Yep. You. So you can ask me questions, and I can answer them. And I can pretend I know everything (I don't, but don't ever let my clients—or husband—or kids for that matter—EVER hear that !) but really, I believe that my clients know best abou …
Forgiveness: Favor or Responsibility?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 11th, 2018

  “I can't forgive my parents,” clients tell me. “I can't forgive my son for what he did, or my daughter, my sister, my grandparent.” Others ask, “Do I need to forgive him? Do I need to forgive her?” I speak now not as a Rebbetzin giving a shiur on forgiveness, but as a therapist. On the psychological role of forgiveness. How forgiveness is different than acceptance. And how, in order to move on, to heal, …
Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder: a therapist speaks the parents of her teen client
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 12th, 2016

Dear Mother.
Dear Father.
As your daughter's therapist, there is something I need to to tell you. Because when you come to my office with your teenager, you are in pain. Your child is in pain. And something needs to be done.
I believe that the parents of my clients love their child passionately. I pass no judgment as to why your child needs therapy. (I have made my own mistakes with my teenagers, and we have all lived to survive …
Rosh Hashonah Again: Didn't we do this last year?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 16th, 2017

People stop me all the time. Like, I am minding my own business while picking out tomatoes at the fruit store, and I meet a friend. She launches into a whole story about her sister's friend's mother's eighteen year old daughter who is having problems in hashkafah and she desperately needs my advice how to get that girl to agree to therapy. Now, how am I going to do that while I am trying to choose tomatoes for tonight's salad? I wish I can creat …
I Am Back
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 16th, 2017

To all my readers,  My apologies to all of you who emailed to me and contacted me one way or another to let me know how much you missed my blog and wondered when I would post again. Due to extenuating circumstances, I was unable to post consistently and so did not. However, as of this week, my blog will be attended to weekly as in the past. Thank you all for letting me know how much you cared it went AWOL. It won't happen again. Mindy …
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