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In My Mind (and on the couch)
Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW A Selection Of Articles, Musings, And Information Detailing The Struggles Of The Ordinary Person; A Celebration Of The Individual's Resilience To Overcome Challenges And Live Authentically.
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Showing Results 80 - 120 (125 total)
Life Coaching? Not on your life!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 25th, 2018

I will say it straight out. Today's column is to explain why you should choose a therapist over a life coach except for in a few very specific situations (which you will find more to the end of this page). Yes, I am a therapist. Yes, I have very strong feelings about this. Yes, I know some excellent life coaches. Yes, I know some lousy therapists. And yes, I will say it again, and again, and again. If you need a therapist, choose to work with …
Therapize me, therapize me not: here's my response to Mentor Betrayals
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 26th, 2017

Did I ever mention how I love controversy? Nah, right? Did I ever mention how much I love all my readers? The ones who turn to my column first each Monday morning, but especially the ones who hate my columns but somehow, even if they refuse to read them, have astonishing x-ray vision that allows them access to my articles enough to write angry letters to me and to my editors about them. Yep, I love you all. And really, I respect you even more. F …
Siblings in Grief: How grief affects siblings differently
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 27th, 2016

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FOR LINKS MAGAZINE, AN ORGANIZATION THAT ENRICHES THE LIVES OF CHILDREN AND TEENS WHO HAVE LOST PARENT(S) I don't know about you, but I really, really, really could not stand my little sister. I thought she was a kvetch, a nudge,a tattletale, and a big pain in the neck (and in other places I won't identify here!). She was also adorable, funny, smart, and lovable. She was seven years younger than me, …
It's NOT About You: a parent asks about her child's social life
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 4th, 2018

Question: My daughter is twelve. She is one of three classmates on the block who have always played together. Two years ago, Girl A started convincing Girl B not to play with my daughter. They started sneaking away from her, or suddenly having to go in when she tried to join them. The advice I got made me dizzy. One person told me she should foster a relationship with Girl B, but she was only getting hurt. Another advised me to ignore them, but …
My Parents Favor My Siblings: an adult child asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 5th, 2017

Question: I always felt my mother favored my other siblings over me This sounds so silly, especially because I am now married with my own children who I love very, very much,. I just felt she loved me less than everyone else. She didn't seem so interested in my life, I felt criticized often, and even today, I feel she gives my children less attention than their cousins. I feel very hurt and I wonder why it's like this and if I can change anythin …
A Client Asks a Therapist Who do you see as I cry on your couch?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 6th, 2016

 NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE  “What do you think of us?” a reader asks me in an email. “I would love to read about how you and other therapists view us, your clients. Yes, we have issues to work on. Yes, we have waited too long to begin this journey. True, we are a work in progress. But, honestly, my friends and I (who are seeing therapis …
Grandfathers are NOT Chopped Liver: another one for my teen readers
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 13th, 2018

Grandfathers have been really annoyed at me since my last column in Binah's Twirl Magazine where I write my quarterly column of “Relationships Matter.” Some have said, “Hey, Mindy, you spent a whole column writing about grandmothers. What are we, chopped liver?” I have no idea how my column about grandparents, ended up being only about grandmothers, because the truth is, I adored both my grandfathers to pieces (although t …
Am I happy or content (really, who cares?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 14th, 2017

Once upon a time.... And they lived happily ever after... I loved those fairy tales as a kid. Everyone waving wands and poofing here and there with spells, slaying evil witches and giants, wearing seven-league boots (whatever those were), and generally living happily ever (except for the few dead casualties). I remember lying in bed at night and knowing—just knowing—that if I believe hard enough, and I wish at just the right time …
Baby Blues Part 2: a fictionalized account of post partum depression in therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 15th, 2016

NOTE: Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this column articles depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, treatment in therapy may differ as it is individualized according the …
When You Are In Shidduchim...and Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 1st, 2016

  NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE There are two categories of people with whom I really need to have a heart-to-heart talk. And it may be you I am talking to, so listen up. Lots of people are in therapy today. No, I am not getting into a discussion about why there are more people than ever today in therapy. All I am going to say on the subject is that people are refusing to be miserable any more than is strictly necessa …
Saying Hello, Saying Goodbye: Transitioning to Change
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 21st, 2017

At my twelfth grade graduation, I was sandwiched in between two very funny and fun girls. And we clowned around a whole night, laughing, poking fun at the graduation, shmoozing, and generally waiting for this king of all the boring classes we had to sit through in high school finally come to an end, releasing us to the freedom of---hmmm. Releasing us to the freedom of what? But forget about that for now. It's the fact that graduation was pretty …
Baby Blues Part 3: a fictionalized account of post partum therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 22nd, 2016

Recap: Chava is assessed by her therapist in the first session for symptoms of post partum depression and/or anxiety and learns that she manages to hold onto to her secretarial job despite symptoms. Before Chava leaves the first session, she wants to know if she can ever achieve pre-baby functioning.   I owe Chava the truth, and I give it to her. “Yes, you can achieve the functioning you had before the baby. But it will take time.&rd …
Therapeutic Relationships and surprising stuff you might want to know!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 27th, 2018

Here's another one, People. Yep. Another column about the therapeutic relationship. Because I went to this phenomenal workshop a couple of weeks back and as I was listening to the John Norcross speak (he wrote some great books on the therapeutic relationships), I thought, “Hey, clients should be hearing this!” (Have you ever noticed that whenever I attend a workshop, a column about what I learned emerges? Not only are you getting fre …
To My Teenage Fans: here's an article for you
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 28th, 2017

NOTE: This is the introductory article I wrote for my new column in Binah's Teen Magazine, Twirl that comes out quarterly. It's about relationships and has a bit of therapy in it...   People think that because I am a therapist, I should know everything. My kids totally crack up that people think I know anything because I am their mother and they know that I know nothing. Obviously my kids are teenagers. So this column is to check out what I …
Part 4 Baby Blues
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 30th, 2016

This is a series of columns depicting a fictionalized account of how a PPD case may manifest itself and be handled in therapy Recap: In the previous session, Chava informs the therapist that her husband does not want her to return to therapy; and the therapist explores ways to bring husband on board to be supportive of therapy for post partum depression and anxiety; and uses psychoeducation to inform Chava about the possibility of using medicati …
Keeping Cancer a Secret
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 6th, 2018

QUESTION: My mother was just diagnosed with cancer. She wants me to keep it a secret from everyone except my husband, who she trusts won't say anything if he is sworn to secrecy. She says that she doesn't want to become a pity case, and that for Hashem to make the miracle of her cure happen, nobody is allowed to know about it (because Hashem does not make open miracles). Of course, my father knows, too. This is creating a terrible burden on me. …
Religious or Obsessive: and other stuff about OCD
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 7th, 2017

It's horrible. It's frustrating, crippling, disabling, devastating, incapacitating, life-impairing. Should I go to the thesaurus to find more adjectives, or have I gotten my message across adequately? I am talking about OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. We joke about it cavalierly. As if we mean it, but we really don't.   “I am OCD about making supper every night for my kids.” “Her house is OCD clean.” “I am …
Baby Blues Part I: a fictionalized account of post partum depression
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 8th, 2016

NOTE: This is PART I of a six part fiction serial depicting post partum depression. Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this article depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, …
A Couple of Things to Know About Couple Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 12th, 2016

Couple counseling is fascinating work! If sitting in a room with one client is dynamic, imagine what it is like with two. The interesting part about couples work is that the couple, not the individuals, is the client. Sounds weird? It is a novel concept, but one that every therapist needs to bear in mind. Say I am seeing a woman for therapy and after a time, she decides she wants to bring in her husband for therapy. To work on her marriage. Soun …
Rude Trading Cards: an angry grandparent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 13th, 2017

Question: I am extremely annoyed at my daughter, my oldest married child. Lately, her boys have been coming home from cheder with these trading cards that basically preach against having a smart phone. Each card has a cartoon on it, words, or otherwise indicate reasons why not to have a smart phone. First of all, I find these cards extremely disrespectful. Some pictures, for example, have white-bearded religious looking men using a smart phone, …
Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 18th, 2017

In another lifetime, I was a seventh grade teacher. Over the course of the years, there were two students I felt I had wronged and bided my time, seeking an opportunity to set things right. When the two of them had graduated twelfth grade, I tracked them both down and apologized for my youth, my inexperience, my mistakes, and for the impact of my actions. Both seemed indifferent to my apologies, and I still wonder if there is something I can do. …
The Tiger, My Cousin Esti, and a Ring: What is Resourcing?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 20th, 2016

The great thing about being a social worker is I always have an excuse why I need to learn new things. I blame it on my clients. Which is why I felt perfectly justified skipping supper one evening and hopping into Toby's car, joining her and Chaya on their five hour trek to Boston to hear Laurel Parnell speak about attachment-based EMDR the next day. For those of you who remember, EMDR is a type of therapy that works with bilateral stimulation t …
Part 2: Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 26th, 2017

Mistakes happen. Therapists mess up. If you are asking me if it’s okay for a therapist to make a mistake, to mess up; my answer may get you angry. So before I write the answer, I ask you to hang on until the end of this article so you can understand. Ready? The answer? Yes. It is okay for a therapist to make a mistake. Hold on! You promised you would give me until the end of this column before getting angry! And here’s why. …
Bad Parenting: why you need to stop generational abuse and neglect
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 28th, 2016

Question: I grew up with a very critical father and I promised myself that I would never do that to my children. But here I am acting the same way. My children are doing well in school and I love them very much, so I am wondering if they are affected by my behavior. I know that it has affected me even though on the outside I look like a very successful teacher and parent. As a teacher, I also notice kids who seem unhappy but I don’t know i …
Grief, Mourning, and How Your Body Lets You Know That Things Are Not Okay
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 5th, 2016

 Dear Mindy, (writes a teen whose father has died) I have heard the words “grief counseling” thrown around a lot and I wonder how it is different from regular therapy. Can you explain? I have never gone to a LINKS event because I really don’t enjoy talking about my loss or thinking about it. Other than that, I would consider myself to be a happy and well-functioning person. I have a friend who constantly pesters me and t …
Teletherapy: Whattsap, Gmail, Skype, Zoom, and other funny words
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 6th, 2017

Telehealth. Telepractice. Teletherapy. New Age words for New Age therapy. Welcome to the modern world where not only can you shop for clothing, gadgets and shoes from the comfort of your home, but you can do the same for a therapist. You are not surprised, are you? But it is a new concept that seems quite odd at first. This article is only to educate consumers about this new medium of telehealth. Receiving your doctor's care from your home or …
Back to School: Teenage Angst
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 15th, 2017

I don’t know about you, but I was always excited to start the first day of school. I loved my new shoes and new bag and new uniform (yep, I always loved uniforms because I did not have to think about what I had to wear. I personally hate shopping and would think it great if I could wear a mommy-uniform every day. Well, actually I do. Because my married daughter says, “Ma! You are still wearing that outfit from a hundred years ago? Yo …
Trick or Treatment?: a look at alternative healing practices
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 21st, 2018

  Ever hear the phrase evidence based treatment? If you haven't, you should get to know it. And know it well. Because every time you go for treatment, whether it's for a physical ailment or a mental one, the only treatment you should be ethically receiving is one that is evidence based to produce positive results. And in the worst case scenario, the evidence at least lets you know that even if there's no proof that it works on whatever it is …
Not Missing My Mother: Good Grief!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 22nd, 2017

    Originally written for LINKS MAGAZINE, published by LINKS, and organization that supports orphans in our community: Dear Links, As I laugh at some of your stories and as I tear at some others, I think. I find them amusing. I also find them angering and hurtful. Every story is about how you miss your deceased parent. I don't miss my mother. Sometimes I do. When there's a simcha or on her Yahrtzeit. But otherwise, there's no sad feel …
The Dowser Speaks about Alternative Treatment (and my response)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 28th, 2018

In response to ‘Evidence Based Treatment’ M. Blumenfed 19th Tamuz5778   Given the respect Mrs Blumenfeld garns as a world-class social worker, therapist and author, her opinions on alternative therapy are all the more so, surprising. The facts are, that scientific research has been made on alternative practices. Dr Bernard Grad of Mc Gill University, Montreal, conducted a study (with several control groups) which conclusively pro …
If Life is Better, Why Am I Feeling Worse?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 29th, 2017

So here is the deal. Your mother was sick. Stuff was tough. The house was upside down, your house was a hospital, take-out food was lousy. Everyone snapping all day at each other. Or it was different. Still terrible, but a different kind of terrible. Your father died suddenly. A car accident or a heart attack or an aneurysm. And the house was nuts even if the food at shiva was delicious. Thousands of people suffocating you, your friends mute and …
Why Do People Become Sheeple?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 2nd, 2017

My daughter called me from her seminary in Israel. “As the only chassidish girl in seminary,” she informed me, “probably the only chassidishe girl these seminary girls have ever met in their lives, I have become the spokesperson for all of chassidish women in the world.” I laughed. “I need to explain everything to them,” she said. “Whatever I do that’s different, they need to understand. So whateve …
How Attached Are You? attachment styles and how they impact us
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 30th, 2016

I love kids. Mine. The baby in the carriage on the checkout line in the grocery.' My nieces and nephews. My nieces' and nephews kids. The whole lot of them. Which is why my clients' babies often find themselves in session. When their mother can't find babysitters. When the hassle of a babysitter just makes getting to therapy that much harder. When my clients just want to show off their delicious blue or pink bundles. As a therapist, watching my …
When I am Afraid: What's this CBT Stuff Anyway?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 5th, 2016

Question: I am even afraid to ask my question, because I don’t think I want to hear the answer. But lately, I can’t drive in tunnels. I work in Manhattan and I always drive there. A few weeks ago, I got stuck in a tunnel for a few hours. Now, there is no way I take the tunnel. I don’t really mind because I can take the bridge, but now I realize that I avoid going to the grocery store and rather send my daughters to buy what I n …
Language of Your Loving: what's the 5 love languages about?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 7th, 2018

  Question: I have twin daughters who are just finishing ninth grade high school. For the older twin (who is my oldest daughter after 2 sons), it was a great year. She had a significant part in her school production and did very well academically. I actually enjoyed being involved in her production as it reminded me of my years in high school busy with practice. My younger twin is a wonderful girl who loves doing chessed (she is the one I co …
Speak Up! Tell Your Therapist Like It is!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 9th, 2016

You would think a therapist would have all the answers about therapy. Sounds true, but it's not. The person who knows the most about the therapy is the person IN therapy. The client. You. Yep. You. So you can ask me questions, and I can answer them. And I can pretend I know everything (I don't, but don't ever let my clients—or husband—or kids for that matter—EVER hear that !) but really, I believe that my clients know best abou …
Forgiveness: Favor or Responsibility?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 11th, 2018

  “I can't forgive my parents,” clients tell me. “I can't forgive my son for what he did, or my daughter, my sister, my grandparent.” Others ask, “Do I need to forgive him? Do I need to forgive her?” I speak now not as a Rebbetzin giving a shiur on forgiveness, but as a therapist. On the psychological role of forgiveness. How forgiveness is different than acceptance. And how, in order to move on, to heal, …
Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder: a therapist speaks the parents of her teen client
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 12th, 2016

Dear Mother.
Dear Father.
As your daughter's therapist, there is something I need to to tell you. Because when you come to my office with your teenager, you are in pain. Your child is in pain. And something needs to be done.
I believe that the parents of my clients love their child passionately. I pass no judgment as to why your child needs therapy. (I have made my own mistakes with my teenagers, and we have all lived to survive …
Rosh Hashonah Again: Didn't we do this last year?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 16th, 2017

People stop me all the time. Like, I am minding my own business while picking out tomatoes at the fruit store, and I meet a friend. She launches into a whole story about her sister's friend's mother's eighteen year old daughter who is having problems in hashkafah and she desperately needs my advice how to get that girl to agree to therapy. Now, how am I going to do that while I am trying to choose tomatoes for tonight's salad? I wish I can creat …
I Am Back
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 16th, 2017

To all my readers,  My apologies to all of you who emailed to me and contacted me one way or another to let me know how much you missed my blog and wondered when I would post again. Due to extenuating circumstances, I was unable to post consistently and so did not. However, as of this week, my blog will be attended to weekly as in the past. Thank you all for letting me know how much you cared it went AWOL. It won't happen again. Mindy …
Things Parents Want to Know About Their Teens in Therapy Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 18th, 2016

Hello Mother. Hello Father. So you read Hello Muddder, Hello Fadder and now you want to know more. Glad you are back. As a therapist for teens, it's always important when parents collaborate in a teen client's treatment. But it's a confusing situation. For the teenager who is unhappy. For the parents who often have no idea what is going on, what went wrong, or how to help their child. There are no magic answers. But the role of the therapist is …
Memory Magic or Mania?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 25th, 2016

Take my daughter for example. I spent ten years listening to the trauma she endured when I missed her Chanukah play in second grade. She does not remember how I rearranged my whole life practically to take my first ever vacation to Eretz Yisroel since I am married so that my flight would leave only the afternoon after her play. She does not remember how her Chanukah play was cancelled because of a random snowstorm. She does not remember how I fr …
Apology Power: Just in time for the High Holidays!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 2nd, 2018

  When I reminded my married son about the incident, he said, “I was six, Ma!” “But you apologized,” I said. “I did,” he said, laughing. “We became best friends.” My daughter-in-law looked at me quizzically. I explained. A mother in my son's class called to tell me that he and a bunch of other boys were teasing another boy about his weight. My son allegedly called him fatso. Of course I did not …
Writing as a tool in therapy: another List poem idea
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 4th, 2016

Note: This article was originally written in Twirl, the teen publication in Binah Magazine. Another way to engage client writers to examine their behavior--I actually find many writers finding their way to me for therapy because they connect to my writing and use writing as part of their therapy naturally....so here's another:   You know how people talk about dirt or stains like they have personality? Something like, “That stain on my …
Writing in Grief Work: an exercise for teens (and adults)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 4th, 2016

This article was originally used as a teleconference on the LINKS hotline, an organization that runs programs and support for teens whose parent(s) had died     Did I ever mention that my best pieces of writing come out when I am dealing with something really hard? Well, it’s true. there’s this famous writer who once wrote something like how writing needs to be as strong as a hammer against the skull to wake us up. If all …
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