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Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW Weekly Q&A As Published In Yated Ne'eman
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Holocaust Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
August 24th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My 5th grade son recently came home from a friend’s house frightened and in tears. He was literally shaking. When I finally managed to calm him down he told me that his friend had been showing him books with pictures of the Holocaust. There were pictures of the mass graves, crematoria, and people being shot and hanged…including little children. My husband and I sat with him for a long time trying to reassure him and c …
Personality Disorder?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
August 24th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have a question that has been weighing on my mind for a while. I have a relative that is unfortunately unwell. I am not a professional but from what I've read on the subject I think that she has histrionic or borderline personality disorder. She is constantly needy and crying to everyone near her how she's afflicted with (fill in blank) and how she has the worst life. She craves attention and publicly ac …
To Date or Not to Date...Is That the Question?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
August 24th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our daughter, who is shidduchim age, recently approached us that she would like to see someone regarding her indecisiveness. This is something that she has struggled with over the years.  It definitely seems like now would be a good time to address it. We are however, also concerned about her delaying shiddichum any longer, especially since we won't really be able to explain why we are holding off. I was h …
Talking to Kids About Death
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
August 2nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: My mother-in-law has been fighting a very serious illness for the last few years. At this time the doctors say that they have no more treatments to offer her. I don't think my husband really accepts the implications of this. My children have always had a close relationship with their grandmother and are always asking when she is going to get better. We have been very positive throughout this but now I am not sure how to approach i …
Therapy That Is Not Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
August 31st, 2017

Dear Therapist: At the end of last year my son’s menahel requested that we set him up with therapy for the upcoming year. My son is 12 years old and has been misbehaving in class, makes all sorts of trouble to get attention, and has been very chutzpahdik to Rabbeim and teachers. There is a family friend who is a LCSW and we arranged with him to "learn" with my son twice a week but really it would be therapy. My son’s menahel says this …
Mazel Tov! It's...The Baby Blues
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
August 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: After my last baby, I was feeling very sad and not myself. I thought it was just because I was very tired but people said I was depressed and I had what they call the baby blues. Now I am BH expecting again and I want to know what steps I can take to prevent this from happening again. I would appreciate any advice you can offer.   Response: What used to be known as postpartum depression is a very common.  Though many peo …
Young Sibling Rivalry
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you for this forum. Our oldest, a boy of 6, thinks that he is in charge of everything. He is in charge of every game, every digging session, and every clean-up job. He will constantly dominate every interaction with his younger siblings (boy 4 & girl 2) and attempts to control them. If his commands are not adhered to, he will yell and threaten etc. He cannot tolerate his younger brother superseding him in any way: "you a …
Do I need to Choose Between My Kids and my Brother?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My brother went through a very difficult tekufah as a teenager. There was a period of a few years when he was not at all frum. B'H he is doing much better now and continues to grow. He has always been welcome in my home and behaved appropriately around my children (his nephews). He is great with them, they love him and he adores them. As my children grow older I am becoming more concerned about his influence on them. He is not alw …
Disposable Friends
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 13th, 2017

Dear Therapist: At about age eleven or twelve my girls drift away from their one good friend and begin to spend time with other girls. This pattern has repeated itself several times. I think that the original friends have felt somewhat abandoned by this. I don't want to control my daughters' friendships. However, I don't want anyone to be hurt and I would like to see that my daughters have the meedah of loyalty. If this is a normal pattern of ado …
Obsessive or Religious?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 14th, 2018

Dear Therapist: We have a wonderful daughter who is back from seminary, happily working and doing very well BH, but here is the concern... While my daughter was in high school she started taking on more and more chumras and started becoming more and more frum and shtark. It affected her relationship with her friends, how she dressed, what she ate, (or didn't eat), her sleep, her davening, her ability and confidence in herself when making decision …
Have Kids Become Less Responsible?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 14th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our 16 year old son was suffering from severe stomach pains. We took him to a specialist who basically said that he would have to make some small changes to his diet, and a follow a regimen every day, if he wanted to get better. In the beginning, he basically followed her instructions, but he started struggling with keeping to the regimen, and sure enough, the pain came back. Now he started following the instructions again, but so …
Will My Next Therapist Be an AI Model?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 18th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have heard that people are developing AI therapy and that it could be just as effective as in person therapy. Setting aside for the moment the issues that come along with use of technology, I am wondering if you think this is, or can be, and effective method of therapy?   Response: Your question can be understood from a global perspective or with regard to specific needs for specific people within the context of a therapeut …
Inferiority Complex
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 20th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have many people in my life whom I feel have an inferiority complex and are in constant need of compliments and appreciation. Yet as much as I try I can't seem to fill their needs and they always feel I am under-appreciating their work. If they send me a cake for Shabbos I need to thank before, after, and once again. How do I feed their never satiated need for praise and compliments? It’s also very difficult for me to deal …
I Lost My Social Skills!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 21st, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have over the last few years lost my ability to socialize. I have always been a quiet person but I hung out with the friends I grew up with and that was enough. Now they have all gotten married and are busy with their families and I really have no relationships. When I am with people it’s not so much that I am afraid to talk; it’s just that for the life of me I can’t think of anything to say. Can you please rec …
Academia and Woke Ideology
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 25th, 2023

Dear Therapist: The world of academia has recently come under a lot of scrutiny for its antisemitism. To those paying attention the so-called intellectuals in college campuses have become more and more antithetical to Torah values, but even more so to common sense! These ideas seem more prevalent in the social work and psychology fields. I can only imagine that these newfangled ideas seep into how mental health disorders are evaluated and treated …
Trauma and Young Children
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 25th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Hi, my two-year-old child was recently exposed to something very traumatic. At least it was something that would be very traumatic for an adult. I am uncomfortable going into all the details but it involved a serious injury to someone right in from of her, with a large medical response etc. I am wondering if a child that young can be "traumatized" and what would be the signs in a child so young that they needed help? What kind of …
Therapy for Kids at Risk
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 25th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you for your weekly column. I am involved in a drop-in program that helps "kids at risk." I am wondering on your opinion on sending younger teenagers with behavior issues to therapy. We have sent them in the past - with limited results. I'm not sure if most of them are really ready for any type of serious therapy. Wouldn't our time and energy be best invested in getting them a mentor and offering other types of support? Some …
Dementia and Caregivers
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 3 years ago. This is devastating for the entire family to say the least. We are very worried about my mother. She herself is getting on in age and she spends her whole day busy taking care of my father. We are worried for her health and her sanity. We offer as a family to have some of the kids or grand-kids take over and give her a break but she almost always refuses. She seems to h …
Learning Disability Or Something More?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My 16-year-old son has a slight learning disability and has never really been able to sit still all day. Now he is in mesivta from 7:30 am until 8:30 pm. He is not doing well in yeshiva and his menahel suggested that we take him to therapy. I am not sure what/how that can possibly help. It isn't a mental health issue but more likely he just isn't cut out for his schedule. Do you think therapy would benefit him? …
Where Is My Son's Anger Coming From?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Hi. We'd like your guidance regarding a challenging aspect of our 15 year old son. Our son b”h has above average maalos. He's a shtark yeshiva bachur, ehrlich, intelligent, articulate, and good-looking. He's musical, writes incredible stories and has a sense of humor. The challenge: he doesn't know how to properly regulate frustration/unmet expectations/dealing with things he disagrees with …
Do I Stunt My Kids' Independence?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My children (aged 3 to 13) are bh very capable and responsible. For some reason, in my presence they become very needy. I find that I need to absent myself from the room for them to function adequately. For example, I'll serve supper and make sure everyone has what they need and then go do laundry. If I stay in the room, they'll be "Mommy, it’s not fair!" and " Mommy, I don't like this" the whole time. If I am not …
Homelessness In Our Community
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Recently a “nebach” has started frequenting our shul. He seems to be homeless, does not properly care for himself and clearly has serious psychological issues. He also talks to himself (or someone else that only he can see). Sometimes kids hang out around him, sometimes teasing him, but mostly he keeps to himself. Trying to get what he can at kiddush and shalosh seudos. I wonder how one can tell if …
Is My Son Hook(ah)ed?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Our 16 year old son is a good kid but not really cut out for learning and struggles in yeshiva. Because of this we try and give him some extra space and don’t pressure him too much. We allow him and his friends to hang out in our house, on the porch, in the basement, etc. because we figure it’s better that we keep an eye on him. Recently he and his friends have taken up smoking hookah. We aren’t thrilled abo …
Grief and Mourning
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 46-year-old woman and recently lost my mother, who I was so close with. I am getting on with my life but it has been hard and my moods have been up and down. Recently a friend told me that when she lost her father and was having a difficult time she was told by a close mentor that "sadness and self-pity are selfish and self-centered" and that in order to really heal she needed to focus on doing acts of kindness for other pe …
Am I My Husband's Keeper?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My husband has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He is also overweight and has slightly high blood pressure. He is on medication to help with these issues but his doctors keep emphasizing that he needs to eat healthily and exercise in order to really control these problems and prevent dangerous complications. I have been a dutiful wife and been preparing healthy meals for him. He eats those but will sneak unhealthy food at othe …
Self-discipline
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I have never been what you would call a "disciplined" person. I have always been jealous of those that kept their daily chavrusos so consistently and daven at 6:30 every morning. I can't say I am an unsuccessful person and bh I do well but I am a bit all over the place. My question is: Is this something I can learn and develop? Are there strategies or therapies that can help me develop discipline? Or …
Blending Families
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Baruch Hashem I recently became engaged to a wonderful man! I have two great teenage boys from a previous marriage that ended in divorce. Their father has no custody or visitation and is not involved in their lives. As we prepare for marriage, we have been getting a lot of advice from well-meaning friends and rabbis about how important it is for my future husband and me to spend “alone time” together after we get …
Assertiveness in a Medical Crisis
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am currently involved in a medical crisis (I was diagnosed with an illness, but we are not sure how serious it is yet). I need to get a lot of opinions from doctors and make choices regarding my treatment. I have never really been an assertive person but now I am really lost. Everyone has an opinion, I have no idea what to do and the doctors are talking over my head. It seems that if I don’t push I don’t get answered …
A Child's Fear of Death
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: One of our children is obsessed with death. He is 6 years old and is constantly asking questions about it. He asks us when we will die, when bubby and zaidy will die, etc. It used to be kind of cute when he planned for our demise, but recently he has been getting much more serious about it. He has been worrying more and has been waking up with "bad dreams" in middle of the night. We try to be reassuring, and that used to be enough …
Dating Someone with a Mental Health Diagnosis
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 4th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My daughter was recently redt a shidduch to someone who has ADHD. I initially thought that since that is something that pertains mostly to school work etc. that it would not be so relevant to marriage. You hear stories about people with ADHD being really successful. However, people are telling me that this can actually be the source of serious marital problems if it is at a serious level and has not properly been address …
Can My Coach Be My Therapist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 4th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions in this weekly column. I have an issue I hope you can provide me guidance with. I have been working with a coach for a long time to help me with my personal growth and self-confidence issues. This has helped me become a better person and inspired me to open my own business which was quite successful. However, I recently lost my mother to a sudden illness and am having a hard ti …
Hygiene Problems
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
December 7th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Hi. The concern I am writing about is my almost 15-year-old son.  He is Boruch Hashem a masmid. However, his personal hygiene is lacking. I do not recall ever having had an issue with him regarding this matter when he was a child.  He showered, brushed his teeth and followed all the other norms regarding personal hygiene. I actually did try speaking to him about it a few times but he brushes me off.  I have stopped …
Dating Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 12th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I recently began dating and was surprised that I was extremely nervous during the time I was dating that boy. This is a new experience for me, I am generally laid back and I have never been the anxious type. What bothered me the most was that during the 2 weeks I was dating I had no appetite and could barely eat anything.  When that match didn’t work out, I was back to myself, but then when I said yes to …
Is My Teenager Normal?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 12th, 2025

Dear Therapist: Is there a way to get my teenagers to be more organized and on top of things or is this just the way that they are and I should learn to live with it?  The constant forgetting and/or neglecting of responsibilities and the things they were asked to do, the oversleeping, and the mess in their rooms. These are great kids who are doing well in school and yeshiva so I don't want to complain, but as a mother it is really hard on me …
Some Arguments Never End
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 12th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I was wondering what ideas you would suggest for enhancing communication in a marriage. This is for a couple that has good shalom bayis and is looking to work on it. Somehow although things are going well, when disagreements happen it is the same thing over and over. So, it seems that although there is a discussion, these issues are not resolved.  I don't think in this case therapy is really on the table but perhaps …
Four Schools in Six Years...Too Many?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 12th, 2025

Dear Therapist: My son has a tendency to jump around yeshivos. He is in second year and now is talking about switching to another yeshiva which would be his fourth in 6 years. He always has a strong reason behind it, he wants a certain shiur, a better oylam, or just thinks it would be good to have a "fresh start." I would say he is about average in most of the places he has been and they have been happy with him, he seems to keep thinki …
Do I Get Enough Sleep?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 12th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I am almost always tired. I get a decent night's sleep, around 7 hours, which is certainly more than most people I know. Still, I have these constant feelings of fatigue throughout the day. I go to the doctor regularly so it isn't like I have some health issue that is causing it. Can this be mental health related? I think I am doing ok and I certainly don't suffer from any serious mental health issues. I guess I am not the happies …
Helping Someone Who Doesn't Want Help
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 13th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have a brother who is very anxious but comes across as very cool and like he has it all together. When I finally convinced him to go for therapy, the therapist questioned whether he really needed therapy and took an approach of “it doesn’t seem to be causing too much dysfunction in your life.”  Those who know him know about the constant tension that he lives with and how much he is suffering. Yes, he is su …
Anxiety, Stigma, and Therapy When I Don't Need It
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 13th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I'm a 21-year-old girl currently in shidduchim. I occasionally face mild anxiety and believe that seeking therapy could be beneficial for addressing and managing it, or gaining helpful tips. Thankfully, I am currently managing well, but I sense that further improvement is possible through therapeutic work. However, during this phase of life, there is some societal resistance to the idea of seeking therapy—it's not widel …
How To Lose Friends and Un-Influence People
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 13th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am 17 years old and in 12th grade, I have a friend that I have known since 2nd or 3rd grade and we're very close. But overtime I realized that I don't enjoy her presence as much and she is extremely clingy. She always sees everything negatively and overthinks everything, which makes it difficult to talk and confide in her. She constantly asks to sleepover and come hangout. Luckily, I have a job that ends late at n …
Is It Sympathy, Empathy, Or Secondary Trauma?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 13th, 2024

Dear Therapist: As a teacher, I've noticed that some of my high school students seem to be experiencing the weight of their friends' struggles. There is a student in my tenth-grade class who is going through a very hard time. Her family situation at home isn't easy and she is showing signs of unhealthy eating habits. We are aware that this student is struggling, and we are working on finding ways to help her. Recently, I noticed that her best fri …
Support Group Or Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 13th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly insights. I am looking for some help due to a loss in my family and I was offered a support group by a local organization. I am also considering a private therapist. Can you please explain the differences and benefits of one over the other? Do you have an opinion as to which is better in this situation?    Response: I’m sorry that you lost someone close to you. Of course, it’ …
How Involved Should I Be in My Son's Marriage?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 13th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My son recently got married and I am a bit concerned about how he is treating his wife. It's nothing major but I see his immaturity and lack of awareness about living and thinking about someone else. Most people advise me to stay out of it and let them grow up together. I'm not so sure about that. I am worried about the damage that could be done to their relationship if I just let it go. I would appreciate hearing your opinions as …
Are My Headaches "Real?"
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 13th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have suffered from migraine headaches for a few years. I have tried a bunch of different types of treatments and have seen all sorts of doctors. Somethings have helped a little, some not at all, and some for a short time but it didn't last. I am wondering if there is some possible help to be had from psychology in this area? I have definitely heard of psychology for back pain, can it work for headaches also?    Respons …
Divorce Therapist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 14th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Without going into the gory details my husband and are having serious problems in our marriage. We have been married 10 years and have 3 children...Some have suggested that we go for therapy as a couple. This might be a good idea but others have warned us not to because "therapists will wind up pushing you to get divorced." Things are bad but this is not what we want at all. Can you please give us some guidance (reassurance?) rega …
Defense Mechanisms and Emotional Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: For many years I was in a relationship with a very challenging family member.  There were very compelling reasons why I was unable to set appropriate limits in this relationship and therefore made the choice to just swallow, give in and avoid confrontations.  It's quite a few years later now and even though I am a pretty positive person I started to feel worse about these very trying years. I realized that I need help pr …
Teachers' Referrals--Take Two
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a rebbe I am often asked to make recommendations for what type of help is best for a bochur. When a child or teenager is struggling socially (but otherwise a pretty normal kid), what type of help is best for him? Is it social skills training? Help with social anxiety? Or is he just maybe an introvert that is best left alone? I know that you can't answer for a child you never met but I am wondering if you could give so …
Moody Kids
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I had a question I hoped you could help me with. My 11-year-old son is a bit moody. Usually when he is able to talk to me about what is bothering him, we work through it, he does really well and feels better. The problem is it takes a while for him to finally open up. He first says he doesn't want to talk about it and it takes a while for me to get it out of him. Then when he finally does, he usually feels better right away. The i …
Teachers' Referrals
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a high school teacher, I often have the opportunity to speak to my students on a one-on-one basis. I would love guidance on differentiating between a teenager going through regular ups and downs and needing some advice and a listening ear, and a girl who is struggling in a way that warrants professional help. Additionally, in your experience is there a way to get the girl on board to get the help she needs if she does not want/ …
Work To Live or Live to Work?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 16th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Hi, Thank you for your column. Since parnassa pressure is something we all face, I hope you will print my question. I am the mother of a growing family, BH, and like most women today, my income is essential. Perhaps my husband is learning and I am the primary breadwinner. Or perhaps my husband is working, but his income covers basics while mine pays the tuition. Either way, the pressure that I am feeling to increase my income as m …
Parenting Beyond Childhood
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son (age 26) was diagnosed with anxiety by our family physician a few years back. I took him to a psychiatrist and he was given medication. He does very well when he is on the medication but I find he constantly skips doses. Even more concerning is that without telling me he will try and take himself off the medicine to see how he can do without it. I will often notice that he isn’t doing well and will confront him and re …
Leaving the Past in the Past
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 18th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I really was not doing well during my mesivta years. I got into a lot of trouble and was a bit out of control. Baruch Hashem, I found myself the right yeshiva and I am really doing good now. I have cleaned up a lot of the issues that I was having trouble with in the past. Over the years people had pushed me to go to therapy but I was never really interested. Now, my parents are bringing it up again and I am more ope …
Am I a Hypochondriac?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 1st, 2017

Dear Therapist: I go through periods of time when I am consumed with worry about my health. I will be OK for a few months but then I wind up spending all day convinced that I have some sort of horrible illness. I wish I would be able to function normally. Why is this happening to me, and what can I do to stop it?   Response: There can be numerous triggers for fears related to health.  From a clinical perspective, Illness Anxiety Disorde …
Emotions "Inherited"
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 21st, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an adult and I have a problem. I get extremely impatient to the point of becoming highly aggravated when sitting at drawn-out events. For example, sitting at a Shabbos meal at a relative’s house gets me nervous if they extend it too long. Waiting at a doctor’s office or at a line in a supermarket can almost put me into a rage. I can't hang around too long at a wedding if I am not doing anything there. I am an adul …
Can Therapy Hurt My Family?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 22nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have a son who would like to see a therapist to deal with some issues. I think it would be beneficial for him but I am concerned that therapy might damage his relationship with my wife and myself. Every parent makes mistakes and I am sure we have as well, but I am worried by the sentiment I hear expressed that therapists "estrange" children from their parents. Can you please clear this up for me and perhaps give me some ideas as …
Therapy? Never Again!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 22nd, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have a friend who has a very serious problem with her shalom bayis. Her husband started going to therapy to try to help the marriage. She has a very long list of complaints against her husband, but she admits that she also has faults and she's not innocent. When I asked her why she doesn't go to therapy she told me she can't even think of it. She had gone for a lot of therapy in her late teens/early twenties  …
Teletherapy or In-Person Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 22nd, 2024

Dear Therapist: What advantages and disadvantages come with receiving therapy in person versus using an online platform? If a therapist offers both options, which should I choose? I would assume that in person would be more effective but sometimes maybe it would be easier to share through a screen? Aside from convenience, are there any other factors that I should be taking into consideration when choosing a venue for psychotherapy?   Respons …
Homesickness...Bring Them Home Or Not?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 6th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our daughter went to seminary in Israel this year. This was something she had very much wanted and was looking forward to. Basically, since Succos she has been telling us how miserable she is and that she wants to come home. She is too old to be homesick and I’m not sure what is going on. She has never been the most independent girl but I didn’t think she would have such a problem there. The mechanchos in the seminary …
Sibling Rivalry
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I boruch Hashem have two very wonderful young boys, ages 9 and 7. They fight a lot. I find that I am constantly refereeing their fighting. Part of me wants to just let them deal with it themselves but they wind up coming and crying to me at some point. I have no idea how I am supposed to judge and arbitrate 15 disagreements a day.  Please give me some tips on how to manage this.   Response: You presented your concern ver …
Therapist Vs. Psychiatrist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My wife has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She has been seeing a therapist who has been treating her using cognitive behavioral therapy. She has not made that much improvement and our family doctor suggested she see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is recommending that she take medication to help with this. However, her therapist is strongly discouraging taking medication and is adamant that she has the strength with …
Anxiety or ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I have always struggled in several areas such as concentration, inability to complete projects, and too much talking. I have read articles about this and some seem to suggest that this is about anxiety while others indicate that it is ADHD related. How do I differentiate between these two possibilities?   Response: There are many symptoms that can apply to various disorders. Sometimes it can be difficult to ascertain which p …
NVLD Anyone?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I was recently at a meeting at my son's yeshiva and was told that my son should be evaluated by a neuropsychologist. When I asked why, the principal suggested that he should be tested to see if he has a nonverbal learning disability. I have scheduled an appointment, but was curious what this condition is, how it would present with a frum boy in yeshiva, and what can be done about it. I am looking for practical suggestions that ca …
Unlicensed "Therapist"
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My sister-in-law sees an unlicensed therapist. This concerns me and I asked my sister-in-law about it who assured me that the therapist has very solid training and good results and she is happy with her. This doesn't sound right or ethical to me, but I am not sure what to do, if anything. I would appreciate the thoughts of the panel members.   Response: Generally speaking, it’s not ethical for someone who is unlicensed …
Is My Daughter Addicted to Painkillers?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am writing regarding my 28-year-old daughter who has a slipped disc. She is in chronic pain and nothing seems to be working (PT, etc.). Surgery has been suggested but we are trying to avoid it because of the inherent risks. My husband and I are becoming more and more concerned about her use of pain medication. Some of the medicine she has been prescribed is highly addictive and we are concerned about her developing a real issue …
Bipolar or Normal Mood Swings
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I often experience what seem like dramatic mood changes. One day I'll wake up with loads of energy ready to take on the world and the next I will sit in bed trying to convince myself to get out of bed. I am sometimes full of joy and optimism and other times just retreat into myself. My friends joke that I am "bipolar." I asked my doctor about it and his response was something to the effect of, "We all have our ups and downs" and …
Will I Always Have Anxiety?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am 46 and have been living with anxiety my entire life. Every few years I go back to therapy for a while until I start feeling better. Then I stop with my therapist and it gets me through a year or two then it gets bad again and I wind up back in therapy again. I tried medication for a while a few years back but the side effects weren't really worth it. I have done 2 rounds of CBT where I analyzed my thinking patterns and how th …
The Pre-school Whisperer
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
February 8th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a pre-school Morah in the local Yeshiva. There is a boy in my class who never talks above a whisper. This has been going on since the beginning of the school year. While the parents insist that the child is just shy I am convinced that this is more than that. Can you please give me an idea of where the line is between shyness and a more serious problem? I would also appreciate any strategies you can suggest in convincing the …
My Roommate Has OCD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 10th, 2025

Dear Therapist:  I have a question I would like to hear your opinion on. I am an American bachur learning in Eretz Yisroel and I share a dirah with 5 other bachurim. In general, we try to keep the dirah clean, including a thorough cleaning once a week. About half a year ago we took in a bachur that apparently has major OCD. Every night after everyone else goes to sleep he gets to work sprayin …
My Therapist Decided That I Have an Eating Disorder
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 10th, 2025

Dear Therapist: Thank you for allowing us to gain so much from your collective wisdom each week. I'm in my fifties and watch my weight pretty carefully. I have a normal BMI. I avoid all the bad food at my workplace and stick to my healthy diet instead. Shabbos is my day off. My eating habits recently came up in therapy. My therapist felt that I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  She said I should not be limiting my eating this way. S …
Opposites Attract...Or Not
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 13th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am in my low 20's and have OCD and Anxiety. Baruch Hashem, I am more or less stable as I am in college, and holding down a job at the same time. My question is: In a Shidduch, do you think I should look for someone who’s similar to me- someone who also has Anxiety or some other disorder, or should I rather look for someone who’s "regular" without those kinds of challenges? (Honestly, I would prefer someone who doesn' …
Depression or Normal Reaction?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you to the Yated for this excellent column which I read weekly. I am writing regarding my father. My father is an extremely bright person and a professional who has been working the same job for many years. As he has recently entered his 60’s I notice that he just seems to be very down. My youngest sister recently got married and there is no one living at home any more. I also see that the younger people seem to be adv …
Why can't I remember what I learn?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have been enjoying this column in the Yated very much. I was wondering if you would be able to help me out. I’m going through a very hard period. I’m only 28 years old and I’m realizing that I have an issue in retaining information that I learn. I’m realizing it now because I got a job and it’s really affecting my job. I am slowly getting very very down on myself and I no longer have any interest in …
Self-Confidence and Religiosity
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My 15-year-old son has always been a bit shy and nervous. Not the bravest kid, he doesn't really take chances or challenge things. BH, he is a good kid and is doing well in mesivta. His 2 older brothers have struggled a lot with their yiddishkeit. Our son now would like to go to therapy to help him be calmer and more confident.  A lot of his worries have a frumkeit aspect to it. He seems to look up to his …
Is Therapy a Dating Red Flag?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am dating a girl who disclosed to me that she has been seeing a therapist for the last year. She seems like a good girl and she said the things she went to therapy for are not significant. She gave me permission to speak directly with her therapist and signed a form allowing me to do so. My question/concern is how reliable will the information I get from the therapist be? Can you give me some advice on what type of questions to …
Rebellious Teenager
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We are writing this out of deep frustration in the hope that you will have some guidance for us. Our 16-year-old son has become rebellious and has been out of yeshiva the whole year. He seemingly spends his days and nights getting into trouble and living completely not like a mensch. He keeps crazy hours,  dresses strange, has very few friends. and in general, is not being matzliach. My husband and I pride ours …
Presumption of Therapeutic Obstacles
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I'm a thirty-year-old wife and mother who's been recommended for therapy by my rov to address trauma and a difficult childhood. I am concerned about some obstacles that I think will come up—and that I have heard from others—and am curious if the panelists have any solutions.  Being that the average session time is 45-50 minutes, how is it feasible to get anywhere in therapy? It takes a good fifteen minut …
Dual Relationships and Expertise
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I was advised to see a therapist for our son for a certain issue. When getting the referral we were told that a specific therapist is a mumcheh in this area. The issue is that he lives in our neighborhood and davens in our shul. We don’t really have anything to do with him personally but my son is very uncomfortable with the idea that he would bump into him. Our question is if you think this is a concern? …
Medication Compliance
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our 18-year-old daughter was prescribed medication for depression and we think that it makes a real difference for her. Unfortunately, she starts and stops taking it pretty much whenever she wants. We have discussed this with her therapist but get the sense that the therapist doesn't want to waste the whole session talking about medication compliance. That being said we are concerned that this might be unhealthy for her and certai …
Community Feud
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We live in a small neighborhood where everyone knows each other and gets along very well. Recently two families that we know and are friendly with became embroiled in a serious machlokes with each other. I do not think the specific details are necessary to share and I want to protect confidentiality but this is not an issue that someone just didn't get shlishi. It is hard to figure out what is actually even the trut …
My Brother Has Schizophrenia
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have been hesitant to write for a while because this is not a scenario that most people deal with. My son, who has always had mental health issues, was recently diagnosed with psychosis - the doctors say most likely he has some form schizophrenia. This is not so shocking to us because, like I said, he has been struggling for a while. We are hopeful that with the right treatment he will be able to live a full and productive life …
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