Obsessive Thinking

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 23rd, 2025

Dear Therapist:
Lately I’ve been noticing how much pressure I put on myself to do things right. Even small things, like cooking for Shabbos or writing a thank-you note, start to feel stressful—like there’s one correct way to do it, and if I don’t get it perfect, it reflects badly on me. I end up procrastinating or overthinking things that really shouldn’t be so complicated.
People probably see me as responsible and on t …

Is My Relationship Too Intense?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 23rd, 2025

Dear Therapist:
Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful column.
I’m curious about how to understand the difference between a close, meaningful friendship and one that may be overly dependent or emotionally intense. In close relationships, it’s natural to want to spend time together and share thoughts and experiences—but is there a point where that closeness becomes unhealthy?
What are some signs that an attachment to a friend …

To Medicate or Not To Medicate?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 23rd, 2025

Dear Therapist:
What is your opinion on taking medication for anxiety? I’ve tried quite a few therapists over the years, but it didn’t really help. Recently, my mother brought up the idea of taking medication, but I feel weird about it.
I’ve been going to therapy privately, and I’m pretty sure other people my age do too. But taking pills feels like a different level—like something more serious.
What’s your take on using medi …

Tough Love or Enough Love

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 23rd, 2025

Dear Therapist: B”H Hashem has blessed us with many wonderful grandchildren. The other blessing is that they enjoy spending time with us.My husband is a caring, generous, loving, and devoted grandfather.
He often criticizes the teenage boys. Although they take it in good stride it bothers me very much. I feel he should be complimenting them much more. Every teenage boy needs chizuk and that should be our main goal. My husband says …

My Husband's Therapy is Making Me Insecure

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 23rd, 2025

Dear Therapist:
My husband recently started going to therapy, and I can see that it’s been good for him. He seems calmer and more focused, and I know he’s working on himself. I really do want to be supportive and I’m glad it’s helping him—but at the same time, it leaves me a bit lost.
He’s thinking differently, approaching things in new ways, and meanwhile I feel like I’m still in the same place. It’s not that I’m against …

You're Better Than Me!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 23rd, 2025

Dear Therapist: Over Yom Tov, I was by a few different families, and I found myself constantly comparing myself to them. One family had such a calm atmosphere, another had a beautiful home, and everyone just seemed so confident, happy, and “put together.” I couldn’t help but compare it to my own life—and walk away feeling like I’m behind, or like I’m not enough. I am not sure if it's just me but I definitely have a tendency to do …

Childhood Obesity

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your insightful column each week. I gain a tremendous amount from your suggestions and advice. I am hoping that you can guide us. We B'H have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved, bright, a real baal middos and a budding talmid chacham. He brings us a tremendous amount of nachas. The problem is that he likes to ea …

Inappropriate Touching and Safety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: As we begin the season can you please share your general recommendations as to how parents should talk to their children about safety in the summer. Many parents (hopefully) know the basics, but I wonder if, based on your experiences, there are ways to discuss things that people don't know. Or maybe there are some things that people don't realize they should talk about with their kids.  I think this would be a public service …

Delayed Traumatic Reaction

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I really appreciate your weekly column. What happens if a someone goes through trauma at home and doesn't take care of it—meaning, go for help.  If they're fine, could they stay fine? I am worried because many people say it comes back in later years. Thank you!   Response: The simple answer is yes; someone who experiences a “trauma” can be fine. However, this depends on a number of factors. Th …

Aliyah-phobia

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have a silly fear of getting an aliyah. I have actually heard others that have it as well. This is even though I actually don't have an issue with doing other things in public. In the past I have managed to "white knuckle" it when I needed to but recently, I have found myself slipping out of shul during laining to try and avoid it. I do well otherwise and have no traumas or anything like that in my life. I am wond …

Bad Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have heard my friends discussing an idea developed by an author concerning "bad therapy." I presume that means there is bad therapy and good therapy. Would appreciate if the panel would state their opinions on the difference between helpful and unhelpful therapy. What is the best way for someone who is considering therapy to tell the difference?    Response: I haven’t read Abigail Shrier’s book, but I …

Sensitive Children

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 28th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son is a very sensitive boy and every time I tell him “no” or reprimand him for something, as I would to any of my other children, he always looks deeply hurt. Should I treat him differently than, or the same as, my other children? I feel that in life he will have to deal with “no”s and not everything will go his way and people will tell him off. Am I correct in my judgment?   Response: Your questio …

BDD, OCD, or Normal Teenage Concern About Appearance?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My 13 year old son is very busy with how he looks. He is my oldest so it's hard for me to get a sense of what's normal for this age. My friends say it's just a stage but I am worried about it becoming a problem. He has taken up exercising and dieting and is very into it. He spends quite a bit of time each day getting dressed. He has made a few cracks to my husband about how he looks. I would appreciate any guidance you can give me …

Psychedelics

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I experienced a lot of serious trauma as a teenager. Now, years later I still suffer greatly from it. Someone recommended "ketamine assisted psychotherapy." I was wondering what your opinion of this is and if you would recommend it.   Response: Hallucinogenics have recently become increasingly popular, both in general and in conjunction with therapy. Specifically, with regard to trauma therapy various drugs with hallucinogeni …

Why My Kid's Grades Are Deteriorating

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I appreciate your weekly column and have learned a lot from it. I had a question regarding what type of evaluation you would recommend for a child who has shown a significant reduction in grades from one year to the next. This is for a child coming out of 3rd grade who has no major other history of issues. Someone suggested a speech therapist for a language eval, others are saying a neuropsych eval, and yet others are recomme …

My 17-Year-Old Thinks I Don't Understand Her!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our daughter (she is 17 years old and a bit moody) has recently begun complaining to us that we don't understand her and that we have no relationship with her. This seems to be a common teenage complaint but she is being very persistent that this is a problem. To be honest I can't say that she doesn't have something of a point, but I don't believe that the fault lies completely with us. We are seeking advice from a few sources but …

Medical Anxiety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have always been a bit of an anxious person, particularly when it comes to my health and the health of my family. For a while I was pretty obsessive and was constantly going to doctors "just to make sure" I was ok. Any little ache or pain I made an appointment and had it looked at. At some point in my life, I realized that I was making myself (and my doctors) crazy and I learned to control myself, essentially learning to ignore …

Fight-or-Flight and Compartmentalization

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My family has gone through several major challenges over the past few years, including losing a close relative due to Covid as well as a series of other challenges. Now bh it seems that life has finally settled back to normal, but it feels hard for me to relax out of emergency mode because that's where I've been for so long. I feel like part of me is just waiting for the next challenge to arrive. How can I help myself get the …

Irresponsible Teenager; How Unusual!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I enjoy reading your column and value your insights. We are making a decision regarding whether to allow our 18-year-old son to be a counselor in camp this year. This is something he very much wants to do and there are aspects I think he will be good at it. However, he struggles a lot with responsibility throughout the year. He is notoriously unreliable, has trouble waking up in the morning, and you can't count on him for anything …

Perfectionism: Good or Bad?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have been told for a while by others that I have "perfectionistic" tendencies. I am bh doing very well but I do have a significant amount of stress in my life. I struggle with the idea of "perfectionism" being a bad thing. Shouldn't we always be looking for growth, excellence, and to be the best we have to be? What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism and how does one tell the difference?   …

Productivity Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My son (19) hasn't been productive for a long time. He has been in therapy for two years and it hasn't really made much of a difference. He gave me permission to speak to his therapist who basically agreed that he hasn't made much progress and that the most important thing for him is to be productive but he just isn't moving forward. The therapist himself said he considered stopping with him but is hesitant to do so if my son does …

Glass Half Empty? Completely Empty?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I feel like my life is like Murphy’s law. Whatever could go wrong has. I have trouble with parnassah, trouble with my health, and difficulty with my children. I have worked so hard on all these things but to no avail. At this point I would take just one of them being better. Things just seem really bleak, and they have been for a while. A therapist wouldn’t convince me that things are better than they are, and it …

Does My Brother Really Have Asperger's?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your informative column. I really enjoy it, especially as I am currently in school for social work. My younger brother was recently diagnosed with autism “spectrum” disorder. I think my parents always had a hard time with him and they seem relieved that they found a “name” for his issues. I am worried because I really don’t see that much that is wrong with him and I am concerned …

Is My Daughter-in-Law Spoiled?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am facing a dilemma and I am turning to you for advice. I am, baruch Hashem, a mother of many boys, most of whom are married. When I married off my sons, I bought their kallas basic standard gifts and jewelry. Most of my daughters-in-law were thrilled with the gifts I bought them. Some were happy with the gifts as they were and some went so far as to ask me if I could just leave …

Will My Therapist Report Me?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: There is a specific issue that I have been holding in for a long time. I understand that it is something that is very serious and needs to be discussed with a therapist. The issue is that it is a very serious thing that I am worried will need to be brought to the attention of the authorities. This is something I don’t want to happen. So, I am stuck, not getting the help that I need. Obviously, I can’t be specific …

My Wife Spends All My Money!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I know this sounds almost cliché but I can’t get my wife to stop spending money. Sounds like a bad joke no? I work hard and make a very nice living but she seems to have no awareness of financial responsibility. Whenever I speak to her she feels bad about it but it doesn’t really stop her. I don’t want to turn this into a huge fight, and she is sensitive to confrontation, but I’m telling you it&rsquo …

Confidentiality Breached

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have been seeing a therapist for the last few weeks. Recently, while I was waiting for my appointment in the waiting room, I overheard him discussing another patient on the phone. The door to his office was wide open and he knew I was there because he had buzzed me into the waiting room. Since then I just don't feel comfortable speaking with him because maybe he discusses me when there are other people listening. The problem is …

Medication or Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 14th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have a specific fear that I have a hard time with but it isn't something that I really have to face very frequently. Let's say it's flying. It's not something I do very often but when I need to it's really hard. I was prescribed a medication I can take from my doctor and I can use it before flying and I feel ok. Is this a good enough way to deal with it or would it be better to invest in therapy to get rid of the fear? Would the …

What, Me Intellectualize? Well, Come to Think of it...

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 14th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have been wondering about a friend who is very smart but is still struggles with motivation. He has been confiding in me recently but I think that he is very focused on philosophical reasons for his unhappiness, like the purpose of life, but doesn't pay enough attention to his emotions. It's hard to tell really but I am wondering if you could give me some pointers in how to steer him for the proper help. Thanks.   Response: …

Therapy? Very Funny!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 14th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column. I enjoy hearing your different perspectives. I was wondering if lekavod Purim you could share your thoughts on humor and mental health. Does a good sense of humor help people in dealing with difficulties? How does this work? Is this something that can be developed or do you either have it or not? Additionally, I think for most of us we imagine therapy as a serious somber thing, i …

Do Genetics Determine Mental Health?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2017

Dear Therapist, I have an older (half) brother who has a serious mental condition. I'm not sure exactly what it is but he has often had to go to the hospital for a few days till he gets "stabilized". My parents don't really like to talk about it and I try not to bother them with it. I think there are also some other people in my mother’s family who have mental issues. My question is:  People have told me (and I have also read online) t …

Infertility Depression

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I have been married for a long while with no children. There is a possibility that we will never be able to have children. Recently I have been extremely depressed about it, although still functioning through daily life. I do not feel therapy can help such an awful emotional situation but my wife disagrees. Who does the panel side with?   Response: I’m sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. Unfortuna …

My In-Laws Make Us Pay

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My husband and I are married for ten years, we have 6 beautiful children. BH our expenses for tuition, healthcare and rent are significant. We should be able to make it to the end of the month without an issue since we are both working. However, that rarely happens. My husband grew up in a home where both his parents worked full time but never budgeted or thought about the future. Now, in their mid-70’s the financial situati …

Man-Made Mental Illness?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for the column, I really enjoy it each week. I would like to know what the panelists think of the following:
Of course, there are real mental illnesses that exist and those that suffer from them should obviously get the help and support that they need. But I feel like many of the people "suffering from mental illness" are suffering from man-made problems based on the expectations of our society. For instance …

Why Do I Always PANIC?!?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I have always been jealous of those who are able to keep calm when everything around them is in crisis. There are some people who it seems no matter what is going on around them are able to keep cool, stay rational, and make sound decisions. I always tend to panic and do exactly the wrong thing. Is this just a personality type that you are born with or is this something you can develop? If it is something you can really become goo …

My Father's Unlicensed Exposure Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: When I was a teenager, I developed a severe phobia. I don’t think it is relevant to be more specific as to what it was. What matters is that my father learned a lot about it, got a lot of books and workbooks, and took it upon himself to help me work through it. The best method he said is a CBT approach called “exposure therapy.” This led to him pushing me very hard to be in the exact situations that were making m …

Is My Student Depressed?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am a teacher in a high school and am writing regarding a girl in one of my 11th grade classes. Some of the other staff think she should be sent for therapy because "she doesn't seem happy." She is a girl who is shy and introverted. I know her mother and she is also quite shy.  She has friends but is quiet in big groups. She does well in groups of 2 or 3. She isn't very happy in school because learning is a st …

Inflated Ego or Self-Esteem?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column. I was wondering if you could explain the difference, as you see it, between self-confidence and gayva. Self-confidence is considered, certainly by psychologists, as a good thing while gayva is considered the worst of all middos. I understand that they are different but would be interested in hearing how you define the difference and at what point does something cross fr …

My Job Trauma

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I had a terrible experience with my first job. I had been looking forward to this career and had high expectations but things really did not work out well. I had a very hard time with my boss who had a strong personality and we clashed. I only lasted 3 months before we realized it was time to move on. I had wanted to leave sooner but he actually convinced me to stay. I think he felt he could get me to buy into his way of thinking …

Inappropriate Touching

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your informative column. Once again, the importance of being diligent regarding the emotional and physical safety of our children has been hammered home. I was hoping that based on your years of experience as clinicians you could offer some guidance and advice as to what we as parents and members of a community should do to best protect our children?   Response: It is indeed unfortunate—in fact tra …

How Do I Forgive?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I was recently treated very hurtfully by a relative. This relative had known confidential information about me, and the way he treated me left me feeling betrayed, and I lost the trust in our relationship. This was especially painful as I had invested a lot in this relationship, and really wanted to be close with this family member. I would like to have a good relationship once again with him, but every time I think of him, I …

OTD Friend

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I have a friend that went off the derech and I think I can be a mashpia on him. I've texted him a few times and called him once in a while but he always ignores me. I'm just curious does he think I'm invading his privacy and I should stop calling or he just is embarrassed of his new lifestyle and I should keep calling him in order to mechazek him?   Response: I obviously don’t know what it …

My Husband's Therapy is Hurting Our Marriage

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Thank you for the wonderful education that you provide for our community.  My husband is currently in therapy for mental health issues that he unfortunately brought into the marriage. I am in therapy as well, dealing with terrible trauma that these issues caused. I believe that my husband's therapist has helped him greatly in some areas, but does not have a clear understanding of some of the other areas and how they impact th …

Keeping Up with the Joneses

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Many years ago, we moved to what was then a quiet neighborhood. We were excited to live in a less developed part of town away from the hustle and bustle. Since then, a lot of other people have taken advantage of the large properties and built fancy houses here. While our neighbors are all wonderful people, the standard of living is very high, much different than when we moved in. We are starting to feel the pressure and as our kid …

My Wife Feels Controlled

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I got married a few months ago and everything is amazing, I just have one problem. My wife's older sister who got married a few years before us is married to an extremely uptight and controlling person. My wife was specifically looking for someone laid back, relaxed, easygoing, and nonopinionated after witnessing what her sister is putting up with. I definitely fit the description. However, any time I do voice my op …

Can My Therapist be Irreligious?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 21-year-old son has been struggling for a while and would like to begin therapy. He is pretty insistent that he wants to only see a non-frum or not Jewish therapist. It is hard to get a straight answer from him as to why he is so insistent on this. It's a shame that he is so adamant about this at a time when there are so many qualified therapists that are bnei torah. Being that he is 21 he can pretty much go to whoev …

I Hate My Job!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My husband has had a job in finance for around 15 years. He is very good at it and makes a nice living but it is a stressful job and he is under a lot of pressure. He has recently begun complaining a lot and is overwhelmed by work. He took off a few weeks recently and that helped, but only briefly. He is talking about changing careers but I don’t know why he suddenly can’t handle it. He says he just isn’t interes …

Hagbah Issues

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I appreciate your column and insights and I would like to get your opinion on something that has been bothering me for a long time. I am afraid to do hagbah. I have only done it once in my life (with a really small Sefer Torah). I should be strong enough but I just have such a fear that I will drop the Sefer. I usually duck out of shul when it’s time for hagbah so that the gabbai won’t approach me. If I do get asked I …

Trichotillomania

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 16th, 2018

Thank you for your column. I really enjoy it. I am a teenage girl who bh has many things going for me; I have a great, loving family, plenty of friends, good grades and all in all I am very happy. I do suffer from trichotillomania (I pull out my hair). But just to make it clear those who don't know would not be able to tell. My friends know and really don't think about it—it really has no effect on my life. Do you think it is necessary to g …

Help Me Sleep!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2017

Dear Therapist: I'm really enjoying your column, and I'd love to hear your take on my problem. I am eighteen and I've always suffered from anxiety, and in times of stress also insomnia, but since I graduated from school last year and started working it’s gotten a lot worse. These days, I barely sleep and I am constantly in a state of sleep deprivation and exhaustion. I've tried melatonin, but it doesn't really help much. It basically only m …

Dealing with a Bully

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am looking for advice on how to deal with bullying in school on the elementary school level. I have found a lot of conflicting opinions on it. There are those that emphasize standing up to the bully, others ignoring the bully, and those that say neither works. A lot of warnings about how having the child who is being bullied change his/her behavior is "blaming the victim" and that how can you really expect a young kid to stick u …

Parent's Verbal Abuse

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am aware of someone who is emotionally unhealthy and demonstrates real negative verbal abuse such as constantly putting others down/bad name calling, explosive reactions, and ignoring and not caring about others’ needs.  This person is completely incapable of raising children and constantly lashing out at them and destroying them to pieces. 
I am very concerned for these children and the negative effects th …

Diagnosis Withholding

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: Our 26-year-old daughter recently went through a time where she was down. We didn’t think much of it and she appeared to get better but then showed some troubling behaviors. On the advice of our rov, we brought her to a psychiatrist. We are also still on a waiting list to see a therapist. The psychiatrist believes that she has bipolar disorder and is giving her medication for that. Our question is, does it make a difference …

Do Not Remove This Label...

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: A well-known educator recently spoke out strongly against "labeling" a child. Even if a child has a mental health issue and is receiving services, we must make sure he/she is not labeled. The remark struck a chord with me as 2 of my children are currently in therapy one for behavioral issues and one for anxiety. While the idea of not labeling a child sounds nice in theory, I am not sure how to put it in practice. At the end of the …

Here a Diagnosis, There a Diagnosis, Everywhere a Diagnosis...

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: As there has been an increase in mental health awareness in the community I am noticing that people can be somewhat quick to point out what they believe are mental health issues in others. I see this particularly when it comes to personality disorders, more specifically Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality. I see these terms get thrown about and I am hoping you can clarify for the readership. Are personality disorde …

My Son's School Wants Him in Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: My son’s yeshiva has been putting some pressure on me and my wife to send him for therapy. The primary reason for this seems to be because he has been getting in trouble at school. Not serious trouble but being disruptive in class. My son has a great personality and is a leader, so I am sure that this is partly why the focus is on him. The yeshiva is insistent that he should be seen by a therapist because they assume that th …

Decision-Making...I Mean Decisiveness

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: My husband and I are struggling with our 23-year-old son. There is a certain amount of instability to him where he is constantly changing his mind. For example, one day he is all into learning and is talking about staying in learning for a long time after he gets married and a few weeks later he is talking about leaving yeshiva now and going to work. When it comes to shidduchim he changes significant pieces of what he is …

Choosing a Therapist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …

Psychiatrist Knows Best?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: My daughter, who is a young adult and therefore has the autonomy to make her own decisions regarding medication, opted to take medication for depression.  This in spite of the fact that as her mother I know her better than a doctor who spent 10-12 minutes interviewing her and over 40 minutes interviewing me at the initial appointment (after having been told the opposite is what would happen).  Said doctor diagnosed my da …

I Don't Get No Validation!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I live in a home that is not a healthy happy environment. I feel my parents have trouble providing for me emotionally. They are not abusive in any way, but I never received any validation, affection, healthy communication etc. growing up. I recently hit this stage where I woke up from a “bubble” and started realizing and processing how difficult the situation really is and how much I am lacking in my life as a result. …

Discussing Drug Use with Kids

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: The unfortunate reality is that marijuana use is becoming increasingly less taboo in society. This has been driven home by the recent vote in NJ to legalize its use. Until recently it never would have crossed my mind as something I need to worry about with my children. However, with its increased prevalence in society, I am starting to wonder if this is something I need to discuss with my kids? Do you think this is something I sho …

I Lost My Ambition

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I have never been the most ambitious guy but I have a decent job and make a living. What I find recently is that it is really hard for me to stay motivated. I’ll do ok for a few days and then (usually mid-week) I hit a wall and just can’t seem to push myself to get anything done. Initially I thought it would pass but it’s becoming a pattern that repeats itself. My life is actually pretty full so it’s not li …

Gaming and Addiction

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I would like to know the panel’s opinions regarding video games. I have heard that it is possible to become addicted to video games and I am not sure how this could be possible considering there is nothing the person is taking into their body like nicotine or alcohol. I understand that there are more productive ways that I can be spending my time but it seems that there is a tendency now to turn everything into an addiction. …

Medication and Dating

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I’m on medication (citolophram) for minor depression, so minor that I “lived” for 20 years with it always wanting to go for help, but never being desperate. My parents put me on meds with the guidance of a qualified top psychiatrist although I was going into shidduchim. It wasn’t even a discussion; medication was the best option for me along with regular therapy and that’s what we did. I could have st …

Eating Disorders in Men

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: Is an eating disorder something that primarily is an issue for women/girls? I am concerned about my teenage son’s eating habits. I try and get him to eat more but he doesn't want to. When is there a cause for concern and how can I get him to eat more?   Response: Treatment centers and resources for eating disorders do seem to cater more to women than to men. This may be due to various factors. Traditionally, social cult …

The Mental Health Impact of COVID

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I have heard that COVID-19 illness can have effects on mental health. Based on your knowledge and experience is there any truth to this? If yes, how can someone prevent and/or deal with this appropriately?    Response: Your question is a bit unclear. I don’t know whether you are referring to possible physical side effects that can medically adversely affect the brain, or if you are referring to the psychological ef …

Do I Have Social Anxiety?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 20th, 2025

Dear Therapist: Is feeling that I don't have anything to say in social situations social anxiety? Even in situations where I don't feel anxious, I have a hard time making conversation. Even when I am with people that I feel comfortable with. Am I just missing some sort of social skill or is this part of social anxiety? Or maybe this is just who I am and I should accept it. I would appreciate your advice. Thank you.    Response: At first …

Family Religiosity

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 20th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I am writing regarding my 19-year-old daughter. She is doing well baruch Hashem but has always been a different personality than the rest of our family. She has also landed on a derech in life that, while she is living as a frum yid, is different than the way she was brought up. Our relationship has had its up and downs over the years but now I would say it is kind of neutral. Although we are accepting of …

Work Anxiety?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 23rd, 2017

Dear Therapist, I recently graduated from college and began a job in an accounting firm. Although the job is working out well and I get along with everyone there, I have been feeling increasingly anxious as time goes on. I can't put my finger on what is bothering me because nothing else in my life has changed. In school I was always a relaxed, happy, popular person. I have good relationships and I am happy with my career, but I can't seem to shak …

Differing Parenting Styles...Harmful or Helpful?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 24th, 2021

Dear Therapist: We live in a duplex and are friendly with our neighbors. We do however have different parenting styles. Recently our 9-year-old daughter has become very friendly with the young girl next door. She spends hours on end there and seems to enjoy being there much more than home. I kind of see where she is coming from as there are practically no rules and not much in the way of supervision either. There is no moderation and things that …

Call Me Stonewall Husband

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 24th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Overall, my husband and I—married for ten years with five wonderful children—have beautiful shalom bayis,. We have a loving relationship and bring harmony and happiness into our home on a day-to-day basis. The problem is when we have something to work through. When I do something or say something that upsets my husband he totally shuts down and becomes handicapped at communicating. He is not overall an emotio …

Does Mental Illness Exist?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 24th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My sister has a difficult time with her 2 of her children. They are socially awkward, struggle in school and seem to me to be very anxious. Whenever they go through something difficult, she seems to quickly find a "medical" related reason why whatever is happening is happening. One time it's strep, one time PANDAS, or Lyme disease or whatever else. She runs around from doctor to doctor getting all sorts of treatments for them.&nbs …

Choosing the Right Therapist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 24th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …

Is Everything an Addiction?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 24th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I would like to know the panel’s opinions regarding video games. I have heard that it is possible to become addicted to video games and I am not sure how this could be possible considering there is nothing the person is taking into their body like nicotine or alcohol. I understand that there are more productive ways that I can be spending my time but it seems that there is a tendency now to turn everything into an addiction. …

My Sister's Rare Condition

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I have a sister with a rare medical condition. Hardly anyone knows about it and I found out by mistake. I have watched her surmount her many challenges, but I am stuck pitying her (and myself) and wishing things were different. She’s such a good person so why her?! I have not moved past it and it pains me deeply watching her... I’m helpless and powerless in terms of helping and I wish there was something I can do Any …

"Losing It" with the Kids

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Pesach is approaching! I find that as a mother of a large family I get overwhelmed at this time of year and really lose it with my kids. Overall I think I am a wonderful parent but I could use some extra tools to deal with this extra stress. Any advice? Or does this just come along with being a Jewish mother?   Response: I don’t know exactly what you mean by “lose it.” I also don’t know the ages of yo …

What is Happiness?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: As the yom tov of Purim approaches, I wonder if the esteemed panel can elaborate a bit on "happiness." There is so much attention today being paid to being happy. It is even enshrined in the declaration of independence as a right. I sometimes wonder if the fact that people chase happiness, which can be so elusive, actually makes them more miserable. As therapists who are bnei torah I was hoping you could share your thoughts on ha …

Graphology

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I once used the services of a graphologist to gain some insight into myself and my challenges. I sent in my handwriting and a drawing, and I received a short reply with some advice, basically that I am living in a way that I exert myself very strongly, striving to force myself to be something I am not, and I must stop living with my illusions and focus on being myself and achieve according to my ability in order for me to be happ …

Constant Blushing

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old boy who went to an out of town yeshiva this year. My yeshiva provides a dormitory, but they don't provide Shabbos seudas. Every Shabbos I have to find meals and many times I end up by people whom I don't know and never met before. There is one issue with this. When I introduce myself to new people I turn red in the face. This is something that I feel I can't control as much as I prep myself before. This is extr …

I Can't Stand my Mom's Criticism

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 20 something year old girl struggling with shidduchim and finding Mr. Right. In the meantime I am living at home with my parents and here lies the problem. My mother doesn't realize but she is singling me out for emotional mistreatment. Nothing I say, think, or wear is good enough. My opinions are too left wing, my clothing is too tight, this outfit doesn't make me look good. All day every day that's all I hear from her. I …

Should I Be My Friend's Therapist?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 29th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a 17 year old girl and one of my closest friends is constantly saying very depressing things. I'm not always sure if she is serious or just doing it to get attention. I don't know if anyone else is aware of this but she definitely does not want me to tell anyone. Point is, I'm not really sure what to do about it. It's getting to be a bit much for me but if I don't listen to her and take her seriously I don't think she will ha …

Can I Quit Smoking?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I took my first cigarette in 9th grade. I have been smoking steadily for the past 15 years. If I am honest I realize that it is a big health risk but that doesn’t seem to motivate me to stop. I guess I kind of “want to want” to stop. It certainly would make my wife and parents happy.  My questions are: 1. Do you have any suggestions as to how to become more motivated to quit?  2. Are there any specific …

Bad Shidduch

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My best friend recently became engaged. I should be overjoyed; however, I am very afraid for her. She has never had great self-esteem and is not a great judge of character. Her chosson does not appear to be a good person at all. He doesn’t treat her with respect and is constantly making demeaning remarks to her in front of everyone. You can tell a lot from the way others talk about him as well. I feel like she just has such …

Holidays in Isolation

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: We live out of town and do not get a chance to see much of our extended family that often. A highlight of our year is the Yomim Tovim where we travel to our children. The thought of being home all alone for Yom Tov is just so sad for me. Baruch Hashem I get along with my husband but I was so looking forward to Yom Tov with the delicious grandchildren. I know that there are people that are sick and that in comparison this is not su …

Corona Isolation

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: I am currently in self isolation on my doctor’s recommendation due to being exposed to COVID-19. Unfortunately, many others are currently  in the same situation and many more will be in the coming weeks. I am basically alone in my room (so as not to expose the rest of my family) for at least another 5 days. Others I know need to remain in their homes with their families. What advice and guidance can you give me and othe …

Fear of Corona

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Any suggestions with coping for the tremendous amount of stress that coronavirus is adding to our lives? The constant stream of contradictory information from doctors, the hysteria of the media, and the genuine concern regarding what seems to be a serious problem is undeniably taking up alot of emotional space in my life.  Any recommendations?   Response: As far as specific information regarding COVID-19 is concerned, yo …

Learning Changed My Son's Personality

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: My son started dorming in an out of town yeshiva this year. While he had tremendous growth in ruchniyus during the year, I am worried that his personality has been affected somewhat. He appears much more quiet and serious than his former care-free and humorous self. My husband says that this is a normal stage that bochurim go through when trying to find where they stand in the balance between a rigorous be …

Success Story

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: It can be sad to see all the different issues people are facing in the area of mental health. I wonder if, lekavod Purim, you could each share a short success story from your practice about how someone was able to reach their goals and enhance their lives?   Response: To preserve confidentiality, I cannot refer to specifics. However, I think that most therapists would agree that their successes tend to make all their work wor …

Kallah Classes

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Thank you for the invaluable awareness that you raise in our community. I have been in therapy to address anxiety. After much therapeutic work, I have become aware that I had been provided with misinformation in kallah classes that had negative effects on the health of my marriage. Upon further research in the mental health field and extensive consultations with rabbanim, I learned that this is unfortunately prevalent in our commu …

My Kid Bites!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: What is the correct way to teach children not to bite? Our 4-year-old has been having this issue. When I was a kid, we were threatened with getting pepper on our tongue, getting soap in our mouths, or being bit back ourselves (so you know what it feels like). My sense is these ideas don’t fly today. Or do they? It can really hurt the other kids. Do you have any better ideas?   Response: The three remedies to which you r …

Fractured Family

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: My husband and I recently became estranged from our daughter.  She is angry at us for what she perceives we have done her wrong. She was able to convince her brother, with whom we had good relations till then, that we are people who should be avoided. Both my daughter and my son forbade their children from having contact with me and my husband.  I used to have very close relationships with both families, and I am bereft …

Should All Children Express Emotion?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: What can I do to help my child express his emotions better? Most of my kids young and old don’t have any problems discussing issues, how they feel, or expressing emotion but my 8-year-old just doesn’t seem to have the vocabulary to describe how he feels. He seems to get “stuck” when it comes to emotions. Overall, he is a great kid who does well in school and with friends; it’s when it comes to things …

Son Misunderstood

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Our 20-year-old son insists that no one understands him. This is not in a bitter way; rather he seems to think that everything about him is so deep and complex that no matter how we respond he still thinks we don’t get it. We have been extremely patient with him and spent a lot of time listening and validating but, for whatever reason, he still thinks we just can’t understand him. He will give lengthy ha …

Threatening Dad

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: I have a few small children, the oldest of whom is six years old, who can be quite difficult. My husband often threatens them, jokingly, with all sorts of physical punishments for their behavior, some mild and others outrageous. He says it is a harmless way to let off some of his stress. I am concerned about the effects of this on their psychological development. I know how literal little kids are, and I see the expressions on the …

Should I Hire an Addict?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Can you please share your opinion on whether it is possible to be "cured" from an addiction? If someone had an addiction and had treatment are they ok now or is this something they will struggle with for the rest of their lives? I ask specifically because it's nogeah a business partner who wants to come back in the business now but when he was struggling caused the business significant harm. He is a good friend and a talented pers …

My Husband's Therapy Isn't Working

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: My husband had a rough childhood. His parents were very "old school" and harsh and critical. This has led to a general lack of confidence and low self-esteem which is prevalent in everything he does (or doesn't do). He has been in therapy for two years and says that he finds it very beneficial. However, as an outside observer, I don't really see any change other than him creating a narrative for his problems. He understands why h …

Decisions...Decisions...Decisions?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 7th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My son has always had a hard time making decisions. Even when it comes to making small choices, like what to order in a restaurant, it's a whole esek.  He really never had to make too many serious choices in his life, he went to the same yeshiva straight through and to Eretz Yisroel together with his friends. Same with camp, there wasn't much choice. I am worried as he gets ready for shidduchim that he will have a rough …

Should I Choose My Husband or My Parents?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 7th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My husband has a very difficult time getting along with my parents. I am not sure what the source of this is but it's been like that for a while. My husband is a great father and wonderful husband and man, and my parents are wonderful too. We all have our quirks and somehow my husband and parents just grate on each other the wrong way.  We have somehow managed this over the first 5 years of our marriage but it seems to be get …

Can My Therapist Fix Me?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 7th, 2025

Dear Therapist: I enjoy your column every week. I appreciate how each of you have your own style and way of seeing things. I was wondering if you could each share your opinion on what you think is most misunderstood about therapy. How would you clarify and reframe it for those who may be considering therapy?    Response: Of course, as you said, all therapists have different styles and perspectives. (Thus, our responses to this question …

Post-Holiday Blues

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 7th, 2025

I find that I get very down and depressed after yomim tovim. Not just Purim but really every Yom Tov, and truthfully after every exciting time of year. I am sure most people have some sort of let down but with me it is really painful. As a matter of fact, when something enjoyable starts, I am already starting to think about how soon it will be over. I guess I just have a rough time with "regular life." How can I get better at handling this? …

Self-Sabotaging Tailspin?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 7th, 2025

I wonder if you have any suggestions for pulling out of what feels like a tailspin these last few weeks. I had been doing really well at work, at home, and in my learning and davening and suddenly I feel like I just lost all interest. It’s hard for me to get out of bed in the morning, I push off my chavrusah, and I am not paying attention at home or work. It seems to have come from nowhere. I know it will pass and I will get …

Has Depression Become a Catch-All?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

March 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I was wondering what your opinion was regarding taking anti-depressants. I have been feeling extremely tired and fatigued recently and when I went to my doctor thinking I needed some blood work he prescribed me an anti-depressant. Is this an advisable course of treatment? Do you think it would be more beneficial for me to see a therapist in addition to, or perhaps instead of, medication?   Response: I’m not a psychiatri …

Trauma Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 10th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Around a year ago I went through something very difficult (I am not comfortable providing all the details). I have found that the passing of time since the event, keeping busy so that I don't have time to think about it, as well as writing about it, have helped but would appreciate any other suggestions that you might have. Someone I spoke to said it was a “trauma” and that something called “EMDR” is used t …

Recommended Therapist or Available Therapist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: ​Thank you very much for your informative column, I look forward to reading it weekly. I recently began looking for a therapist for my teenage daughter. The primary issue I think is her mood and she seems to me to be depressed. I did my research about the best therapists available for the problem we are dealing with. Unfortunately, all the more experienced therapists who were recommended are not available and have long waiting l …

My Husband or My Therapy: Should I Have to Choose?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: ​I am interested in starting to see a therapist. Mostly because I have a high amount of pressure and stress in my life and think it could be helpful to have a neutral person to share with weekly. My husband has had a hard time with this idea and says he feels hurt that I need to discuss things with a therapist and that I can't share them with him. He says he will be frustrated that there is someone that hears more about my life …

Am I Anxious and Depressed, or Just Unmotivated?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I struggle a lot with motivation. I have studied a lot of psychology on my own and have a good understanding of how to deal with negative emotions. I can deal with sadness and anxiety and stop them from interfering with my life but I still just don't feel energized and motivated. It is easy for people to tell me that I should "just do it" but I think that emotions are necessary for us to be driven and I just don't seem to have tha …

Anxiety or Language Issue?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 13-year-old daughter is a very sweet girl who is not the best academically but overall does well.  She is however pretty quiet in general, seems slightly anxious and seems to have trouble really expressing herself. For example she has a hard time describing the details of a story and usually will just talk in short sentences and will answer a question with a word or two. We are considering therapy for her but someone rece …

Filling My Father's Shoes

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My father, who was a very choshuve rov was recently niftar. I was asked (pushed) to take over his position. I have another position that I am very happy with but I feel that it is important for me to continue in his footsteps and keep the kehilla that he worked so hard to build alive. So, I accepted the request to take over and an announcement was made that I will take over in a few months. I have bee …

Can Therapy Really Help Me?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: People have told me in the past that I need to go to therapy. However, I am an extremely practical and logic-based person and I am skeptical that therapy actually helps people. If I had statistics that 70/80% of people had significant improvement through therapy that would make me much more likely to spend the money. As of now I am not convinced. Does the panel agree that until proven otherwise my position is the correct one in th …

Angry Teenager

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I have a 13 year old son who has been having these anger outbursts. He has always been a pretty good kid but since his bar mitzvah has been getting really angry with his parents and siblings. He has been physical with his siblings and talks with a lot of chutzpah to his parents, especially his father. His rabbeim say he is doing well in school and there hasn't been much of a change in his life other than the added responsibilities …

Problematic In-Laws

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 11th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My husband has a mental health issue, which is b"h under control, with the help of therapy and a lot of support. With incredible siyata dishmaya, we were able to repair the damage it caused to our relationship. However, because of his issues, which started in his parents' house at a young age, I have a very bad relationship with my husband's parents. They are aware of the issue and have been incredibly unsupportive. In fact, …

My Child is Stealing

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our 11-year-old son has been stealing things from his friends in school. We keep finding things in his room that we know he didn’t get from us.  Recently he admitted that he took a toy from another boy’s briefcase. We are devastated. We give him everything he needs and he comes from a house that I would say has excellent chinuch. I have no idea where he picked up such a horrible thing. Additionally, we are very wo …

High School Isolation

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am 14 years old, in mesivta, and I have no friends. I never really fit in. I am not interested in sports and the things that other kids are into. I feel very lonely and spend most of my day reading. I have always been very shy and I am not comfortable talking to anyone. My parents are not nogeah to talk to. Please help me. Thank you.   Response: I’m sorry that you feel that you don’t fit in. It’s very iron …

Teenage Anorexia

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a sixteen-year-old girl, and I hope you can help me with my struggle.  I will go straight to the point.  I feel extremely uncomfortable in my skin; I feel very blown up and fat.  I know that maybe that's not how I look, but this is how I feel.  I badly want to be (super) thin.  My family thinks and says I am thin.  Whenever I go hungry I don't have this uncomfortable pit in my stomach.  Yet …

Childhood Triggers

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Today I am a married woman with a family and have friends b”h, but as a child, I didn’t have any friends. When I was with classmates and when I would try to interject with a comment my comment would go unnoticed. I only made friends after I finished school and started working. When I bump into people I knew as a child, such as classmates, I become terrified and start to shake and the unbearable pain that lays deep …

My Children Are My Life

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a mother of a large family k"ah, with a B"H healthy good marriage. I have come across many times in articles, speeches, etc.… a concept that is stressed that when couples talk just between themselves (i.e. date nights, walks, or just some good old schmoozing), they shouldn't talk about the kids and about the husband's work. We are told that couples should speak about "other stuff like they spoke when the …

Is Financial Stress Hurting My Family?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: We have recently experienced some significant financial difficulties which require us to change our standards of living. Up until 4-5 months ago, we were living what most people would consider a wealthy lifestyle. The reasons for the downturn are not important but it has been very rough on us as a family. This has caused my husband a lot of stress and has impacted our marriage as well. We are also having a difficult time explainin …

Hypnotherapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: What is the panel’s opinion and experience with hypnotherapy? Does hypnotherapy work? How about when regular therapy fails? I have heard that hypnosis works because it reaches your unconscious self vs traditional therapy which only works on a conscious level.   Response: Although I have had some training and experience with hypnotherapy, I’m certainly not an expert. I can speak generally, but I defer to those pane …

Traumatic Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: A few years ago, I went to a therapist to deal with something very difficult going on in my life.  Instead of validating my pain and letting me share my feelings in a non-judgmental environment, my therapist hurt me deeply.  She said things that damaged my self-esteem more than anyone in my life had ever done.  You might say that she was trying to help me grow?  There is a way to say things to someone.  Th …

Generational Mental Health

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am wondering if you can help with the following question that I frequently wonder about. Why is there more of a need for therapists today than a generation or two ago? Somehow we managed fine in the past. I am not, chas v'shalom, against therapists, especially those who follow Da'as Torah. I am just seeking to understand.   Response: Your question is one that bothers many people.  It can be viewed from a theological, p …

My Paranoid Sister

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My sister has always thought that everyone was out to get her. She is extremely insecure and very sensitive. Now her paranoia has increased to the point where she is in a fight with everyone in her family. She is furious at me because she thinks I didn’t try hard enough to get her kids into high school. She thinks my husband ruined her kids’ shidduchim. She thinks my brothers are trying to push her husband out of the f …

Social Anxiety at Work...at Work

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: After multiple failures at work, I finally realize that my feelings of being intimidated by people and being anxious to speak my mind has been something that has gotten in my way all of my life. I wind up staying in my corner and not engaging or communicating with the people I am supposed to. The issue is that someone presented me with a great job opportunity which I accepted and will start next week. I really don't want to b …

Childhood OCD Treatment and Disclosure

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: About a year ago, our 9-year-old daughter started to engage in compulsive rituals.  She would have 1 specific ritual (such as checking that her heart was still beating) for a few weeks and then switch to a different ritual.  Right now, her specific ritual is sniffing is an unusual way.  This was/is not interfering with her performance at school or home, and she seemed happy overall, but we decided to take her to a p …

Is ADHD Necessarily a Problem?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him med …

My Friend Needs Therapy...I Think

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I recently read an article describing different people who should be seeing a therapist. I have a good friend whom I feel matches the description in the article. The more I think about it the more I honestly think he could benefit from seeing one. The problem is being a 21-year-old and being told by your close friend that you should be seeing a therapist isn't the most pleasant experience. How as a friend am I able to convey over …

Why Doesn't My Daughter Want to go to Camp?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My 13-year-old daughter is an intense child. She puts a lot of pressure of herself academically and school is a big deal for her. All of her friends are going to (overnight) camp this summer and initially she had us register her as well. She is now insisting that she wants to stay home for the summer and "relax." She says she works hard all year, and she just wants a chance to have nothing to do. It is interesting that it doe …

Mental Health and Dating

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I recently went out with a boy who disclosed on the 3rd date that he was seeing a therapist for depression. He said he had struggled on an off with depression since he was a teen and had sometimes taken medication for it. It turned out that the shidduch didn’t work out for other reasons, but I was really confused as to how to deal with that information. I liked him and he seemed like a perfectly normal boy, wh …

Does Teenage Grieving Require Therapy?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My daughter was encouraged by her principal to see a therapist.  She has been misbehaving in school recently, nothing serious really, but the principal suggested it. She has gone through a lot as my wife was niftar 4 years ago, though she says she is fine and doesn't really seem different than the other girls in her class. They are all a tough bunch.  I mean she is a teenage girl so who can really tell what sta …

Diagnosis and Labelling

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 20th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Can you please share your thoughts on the phenomenon that I am noticing (not common baruch Hashem, but it happens) where people disparage others by "diagnosing" them with a mental illness. Thus, people who are rigid are called "OCD," those who are a bit different are "apspergy" and those who are jumpier are "ADD." More disturbing to me is that I have noticed the word "narcissist" being thrown around quiet casually. Unfortunat …

Anxiety and Faith

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 23rd, 2024

Dear Therapist: My daughter is in seminary this year and it's the first time she's dormed a full year with other girls. She mentioned to me that one of her roommates seems very socially anxious & has a hard time making friends & being sociable. My daughter tries to include her but she often withdraws because of her social anxiety. She suggested to this girl that she speak to someone about her struggles & she keeps responding that she …

I'm Socially Awkward...Or Am I?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 24th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I know someone who has a sibling who is in his early 20's and is holding down a job. However, he is socially awkward and can really benefit from therapy. However, this person will get highly insulted after being told this and may resent the person who told him. How can he be told (by a relative or professional) that his behavior calls for therapy? Can it be said straight out? If so, how should it be done? On the other hand, is fin …

My Son Is Overbearing

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 26th, 2022

Dear Therapist: ​Our 20-year-old son recently returned home from a year learning in Israel. He is boy who struggled a lot in his teens both academically and religiously. Baruch Hashem, he seems to have had an excellent year of growth, he likes his rabbeim and has learned a lot about being a mentsch, though he still has a way to go. He is very proud of his year and some new concepts and ideas he has learned. The yeshiva has an emphasis on emotio …

OCD or Kefira

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 26th, 2022

Dear Therapist: ​My daughter has always been an all-around healthy 17-year-old . She does tend to have anxiety but it’s always been kept in check. Lately though she’s become a shell of herself. She’s had trouble eating and sleeping and is not herself. We’ve tried very hard to get to the root cause of her distress. Finally she confided that she’s been having intrusive thoughts of kefira type themes. She’s horr …

My Father Won't Let Me See a Therapist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 3rd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a 12th grader in what is considered a very chosuva mesivta. There are some things that I would like to discuss with someone. They cause me a lot of worry but I do not feel comfortable discussing this with a rebbe or mashgiach in yeshiva. I think that maybe a therapist would be the right type of person to discuss this with. The issue is that my father doesn't hold of therapy. I am not sure how to bring this up with him and I d …

How to Lose Friends and Discourage People

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 8th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am a parent of a 9th grade girl in a large mainstream high school. She is trying to find her footing in a long lasting friendship and is starting to get to know a few girls. But because she is a very friendly girl, she is nice to the girls who aren't as socially gifted. The problem with this is when her friendliness gets in the way of spreading her wings, since these girls cling to her in an unhealthy way. While she doesn't …

The Doctor Will NOT See You Now

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 8th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My spouse has the interesting issue where he just refuses to go to the doctor for a well checkup. He is pushing 45 and probably hasn't been by a doctor in 15 years. When he is sick etc. he will go to an urgent care or a PA and take care of it, but that is pretty much it. He claims he is healthy and doctors just find issues. He seems ok but at this point I wonder if he is just nervous and so he is avoiding it. Do you have any sugge …

Why Do We Need Things?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 8th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have been pushing off writing this, which maybe is part of the problem, but I feel like at this point I really need to. A few years ago, my husband was making a very nice living which caused us to raise our standards of living significantly. Now unfortunately, like I imagine many others are, we are feeling the crunch of the economy. Baruch Hashem, we have what we need but we can no longer afford to spend like we used to. We …

Do You Know Who You Are?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

May 8th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I was recently asked by a shadchan to write a detailed description of myself and I was surprised at how stuck I got. It was very hard for me to write about what's important to me, what my personality is like, and what I truly value, in a way that is anything other than cliche. I started thinking that there is something wrong with me that I can't do this. I think part of this is because there is a big difference between w …

Rambunctious Boys

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: We are parents of 4 lovely boys BH. The house is very "rough and tumble" and while the boys often play very well together they also get physical with each other. We are having trouble figuring out when to intervene and when to let it go. We feel that on the one hand they need to learn to work it out among themselves; on the other hand at some point we need to intervene. Can you please give us some guidelines in raising rambunctiou …

Career Counseling

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: The time has come in my life for me to make a parnassah to support my family. I am having a difficult time choosing what career path I would like to take and what field I want to get involved in. I am generally not a person who has a hard time making up his mind but I can’t seem to settle on something that I think I would be good at and interested in. Someone mentioned that therapists are trained in career counseling so I th …

Single-Area vs. Multiple-Area Issues

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am writing in regard to some of the questions that have come up in the column recently as to when there is an indication of a mental health issue for a bochur or child. I once heard that a good measure of evaluation is if the problem is happening across the board at home, school and camp that would be a sign that professional intervention is needed. If the child is fine at home and elsewhere and only having a problem in yes …

Does Our Marriage Counselor Care?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My spouse and I went for marriage counseling for a while for some issues with someone who seemed to be a very competent therapist. The therapist seemed to understand how to breakdown the issues and attempt to work on resolutions. However, some things didn't seem to be adding up right. For example, the therapist left off a few sessions at some very crucial points, leaving us feeling very vulnerable and with a lot of raw emotions ex …

Adults with ADHD

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Is it possible for someone who never had ADHD to get it for the first time as an adult? I have recently started having trouble just staying focused on work as well as paying attention during shuirim and concentrating in davening. I have never had this issue before and was an excellent student all through yeshiva. My chavrusah actually recently made an offhand comment about how "ADD" I am and it really got …

Death and Betrayal

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: There was someone close to my family who died last year. She was someone I was close with and trusted and did something that hurt me terribly. This is not the forum to go into details, but this was a tremendous avlah and I don’t think anyone would disagree. Since this happened shortly before she was niftar and I didn’t really have the full understanding of what she did until after she was already go …

When an Educator Should Refer to Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I would like to thank you for this insightful column that so many gain from weekly.  As a mesivta rebbe I occasionally need to send a bochur to therapy when I feel that his struggles may be mental health related and baruch Hashem I have generally had good experiences. There is a question that comes up that I would like to hear your opinion on. When are a bochur’s struggles or lack of motivation in le …

Work on Anxiety or Go to Israel?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our son recently acknowledged that he has been experiencing extreme anxiety over the last 6-8 months. This has been something that his menahel had been concerned about and mentioned to him, but he denied anything was wrong. I think that finally it got so bad that he couldn’t push it away anymore and he is coming to us for help. The issue is he is supposed to go to learn in Eretz Yisroel next zman along wi …

Are Millenials Suppressing Their Emotions?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: There are many emotions that come up this time of year. There are some like simcha, gratitude, and devekus that are wonderful to experience. I see from my children who are “millennials” that they are fine with that. However, they seem to be rejecting or suppressing some of the more uncomfortable emotions that can come up like anxiety, guilt, and regret. It got me thinking about how psychologically speaking ar …

Premarital Counseling

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our son recently got engaged B"H. He doing very well but is one of those kids who "took the scenic route." He had struggles with yiddishkeit and in yeshiva over the years. He told us that his rebbi recommended that he and his kallah go to a marriage therapist while they are engaged to work on their relationship. This frightened my husband and me. If they are already having issues maybe this isn't the right match? We were …

Somatic Anxiety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 10-year-old daughter has been complaining of headaches and stomachaches.  This seems to happen whenever something is going on in her life, particularly when there are changes such as school starting, camp, and around yom tov time when there is a change in schedule. We discussed it with her pediatrician who said there is nothing medical going on. She suggested that we begin by having a conversation with her about what it m …

Bad Therapist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: We recently went through a terrible experience with a licensed therapist that a family member used. It was not a subjective mismatch; the clinician lacked professionalism and training, and other professionals and rabbanim involved in the situation were distraught to hear about the techniques he used and the ensuing damage it created. We have switched clinicians and are now going through the process of undoing and re-learning, but …

The Placebo Effect

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My 30-year-old daughter had suffered from anxiety for a long time. After a course of psychotherapy was not successful, she began seeing a psychiatrist and started taking an anti-depressant (which is also supposed to help for anxiety). This was very life enhancing for her and she has really thrived since then. Recently she says that new research has shown that antidepressants really don’t work, and it is all a “placebo& …

Faith and Depression

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I was living a happy and fulfilling life as a busy wife and mom when out of nowhere darkness descended. I was diagnosed with clinical depression requiring medication. I’m in the midst of professional treatment and still struggling each day. My normally happy and meaningful avodas Hashem came to a sudden halt leaving me lost and confused.

My question is what is one afflicted with mental illness to do? The very to …

I've Never Made a Decision

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Over the last few years, I have begun to realize that much of what I have done in life I did because other people told me to. I feel like I have never really made my decisions in life. The schools I went to, the career I chose, and even my marriage are all things that I asked others for advice and followed it. As I have realized this, I have become more and more confused as to what I really want and have started doubting everythin …

Adult Identity Confusion

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am in my 30s, and BH I'm a busy mother. However, I constantly have dreams that I am in high school. The dreams are not at all disturbing, they are just filled with the day-to-day life of a high schooler (tests, lessons, etc.). This is very puzzling to me, as I am double the age I was then, and I'm at a completely different stage of life. Additionally, I always feel that I am "faking it" being an adult, and I feel overwhelmed by …

Generational Resilience

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I'm in my low thirties and my oldest children are now in their early teens. Due to increased awareness and education, my friends and I focus on parenting with more positivity, empathy, validation, communication, and emotional awareness than the previous generation. Our parents expected more from us than we expect from our children, and we usually had to do what was right even if we didn't feel like it. Recently, I'm noticing a dis …

Therapist Advice and Fallibility

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Here is a question I've been troubled by for a while. Many times, people will send their kid or spouse to therapy, but the kid or spouse is somewhat in denial or confused. They may see reality in a twisted way or be somewhat lying to themself or only see their side of the picture due to their emotional/mental health issue. When they sit and talk to the therapist, they are only giving over that twisted picture o …

Telling Someone They Need Help

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am a bocher who has a lot of friends in shidduchim and one of my best friends is about to start. Now this friend went through a very rough childhood and his father was very abusive physically, emotionally, and spiritually. His parents never really got along and they went to family therapy. Now from what I see that wasn't enough and I think there is a lot more he needs to work on before ent …

Camp or Therapy?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 12-year-old was referred to therapy by her school for some behavioral and social issues. Nothing too severe but the school thought it would be beneficial for her to gain some skills before going into next year. After a while we finally got into the therapist we were suggested but now we are coming up on camp season. She and her friends are all supposed to go to camp for a big part of the summer but that would mean either delay …

My Impersonal Parental Relationships

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: As a teenage boy I am going through lots of ups and downs. Throughout this period there is one particular issue that is getting worse and worse. That is my parents. As it stands now, I cannot "open up" to them about anything personal in my life. Whether it is about friends, family, teachers, or anything that is personal, I find it practically impossible to speak to my parents (though I do find it easier to speak about personal iss …

Is My Wife Milking Her Illness?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My wife was diagnosed with a serious illness a few years ago. While she was sick of course the entire focus of myself, our friends, and our extended families was to give her room and support and help her in every way possible. All we wanted was for her to able to be completely taken care of so that the only thing she needed to be busy with was getting better.  Meals, housekeeping, mother's helpers, and so much more were provi …

School to Work Adjustment

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am a 22-year-old former yeshiva bochur. I have always struggled in yeshiva and never did well. I recently made the decision together with my parents and rov to find a job.  I was able to find a job that keeps me busy, will teach me an important industry, and has a lot of growth potential. I also have a chavrusa daily. Surprisingly,  I have found the adjustment to this new stage in life to be very difficult. I am workin …

What's the Therapy Process?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Our daughter experienced a significant trauma when she was in seminary last year. It had been suggested a few times, both by her school and once she came home, that she go for treatment. For whatever reason she refused. She now approached us that she would like to speak to someone about what she experienced and saw. We read this column regularly and would like to hear your recommendation regarding what is the best type of approach …

My Bullying Co-Worker

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist:  I recently started a new job which I was very excited about. Things started well enough but there is another woman who has chosen to make my life miserable. I believe she feels threatened by me because we have a similar position (though I don't think her job is in jeopardy at all). She never misses a chance for a nasty comment be it to coworkers or even managers. I tried to have a discussion with her about it, but she totall …

Laypeople Advising Professionals

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Hi, I work with bochurim in the community and am often involved during crises as well.  I would like to know the panel’s opinion on having a doctor prescribe a fast-acting anti-anxiety medication such as Xanax or Klonopin for someone who is usually doing well but occasionally has severe bouts of anxiety? Some people have told me that just knowing they have that option, that the pills are there if they need them, can hel …

Does My Son Have Asperger's?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am wondering if you can guide us where to turn regarding some challenges that we are having with my 7-year-old son.  While it is hard to write everything that we notice, he is basically having problems with friends.  For example, he has a hard time getting the concept that someone can play with him one day and then play with a different kid the next day. He also is very into trains and will talk about it as well as its …

Post-Traumatic Video Stress

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am a 17-year-old girl who has had no psychological issues in the past. A few months ago, someone I know thought it would be a good idea to show me a very violent video clip. I can't go into details but basically it involved a real video of someone being killed. Seriously I don't know why a person would show that to someone. I understandably freaked out initially and was very traumatized. I pretty much got over it, but it still k …

Why Can't I Be Happy?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am not a happy person. Is there a way to change that? That is honestly my whole question. I am pretty much fine in every way, I have a good husband, healthy frum kids, a decent job, we have decent parnassah, are part of a nice kehilla, etc.. Yes, I have the stresses of every frum family but nothing major. With all that said I am a pretty moody and cynical person. If I am being fully honest, I always have been …

Looking for Better Relationships

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Hi! I am a 22-year-old boy and I recently started reading The Couch and I really find it interesting and helpful. I think that even if a question is not directly related to me, I can still learn a lot from the answers.  I went through some struggles as a teenager but with awesome parents and rabbeim I got through it, and I am doing really well. I was in a yeshiva in Israel the last two years and just got back to Ame …

My Freeloading Brother

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My 27-year-old brother has become very stuck in his life and dependent on my sisters and me. He should be fully capable of getting a job, getting married, and moving forward with life. Instead, he has come to completely rely on his siblings for everything.(Our parents are sweet people but older and not so involved.) He sleeps in my sister's basement and eats the meals by us. He will occasionally get a job, but it never lasts …

Waking Up to Anxiety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am someone who has occasionally had trouble with my moods. I have gotten help in the past with anxiety and depression. While I am currently doing really well, I still have a rough time in the morning. I wake up with a lot of anxiety and it takes time for me to get out of bed. Once I get out of bed I generally do ok and have a good day. There are no noticeable "triggers” for me in the morning so there is no obvious reason t …

Suicidal Ideation

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Something has been bothering me for a while and I finally feel like I need to reach out for advice. I have these thoughts that get stuck in my head and no matter what I do I can't seem to get rid of them. For example, I feel like I might do something dangerous and no matter what I do I can't shake that thought or feeling. I never actually do anything, but I am really worried that one day I might. There are a lot of things that I a …

Camp Anxiety Disclosure

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am a teenaged girl, popular, with a lot of personality, if I do say so myself. I’m the kind of girl who is the life of the party, and enjoys making the fun for the group, trying to make sure all are included at the same time. I applied for a staff position at a camp that is very excited to have me but got stuck on the application itself. I have a mild case of anxiety and am prescribed Zoloft. (They asked for addi …

Efficacy of Teletherapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Some providers are doing much more therapy via teletherapy these days. While it started during the pandemic it still seems to have become more common even after things have opened up. I would appreciate if the panelists can share their perspectives on therapy effectiveness in this mode of communication. What are the pros and cons of Zoom therapy versus in person? Are there specific areas such as attachment styles etc. that are bet …

Abrupt Therapy Termination

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Hi, I look forward to your column each week because you always have such insightful answers and opinions.
My therapist recently terminated my therapy with her. My psychiatrist as well has abruptly ended my treatment. I was not informed of the reasons as to why they stopped seeing me, and they did not give me closure either. I was wondering if this is a common thing for therapists and doctors to do. I was also wondering if I …

Informal Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I appreciate the tremendous service you provide to our community both in your practice and by clarifying and explaining so many mental health issues through this column. My daughter (age 13) was recently referred to therapy by her school principal due to concerns about her behavior. She insists my daughter must go in order to remain in school. My daughter is refusing to go. I am wondering if I can ask a therapist to meet my daught …

Teenage Smoking and Confidentiality

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Our 14-year-old son has been seeing a therapist for a few months on the advice of his yeshiva. Recently my husband discovered that he has started smoking. It was disappointing and confusing to us that our son told us that his therapist has known for a while that he was smoking. I am very disappointed that the therapist didn't deem this information important enough to share with us, his parents. I would like to hear your option on …

Get Angry with Me!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: As someone who has recently began mentoring struggling teens, I had a question that I hope you can shed light on. There is one very angry kid who comes from a difficult background, and he is not only tough in how he talks to others but also gets angry if someone talks to him in a nice and calm way. It is surprising that the kid seems to react better when someone talks down to him and is very direct, over someone who talks to him n …

Preventative Mental Healthcare

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am an avid reader of this column and have found it very informative. I think it is interesting that so many of the questions are focused on disorders. People are asking what to do when they are struggling with a mental health issue. In general, I find that people do not think of "mental health" until something goes wrong. I imagine that just as with physical health there are things one can do to stay in shape and keep healthy to …

Stress and Insomnia

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am 43 years old and consider myself a healthy person Baruch HaShem. Recently I began having trouble sleeping. Sometimes falling asleep, but also waking up in middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep. My doctor said there is nothing wrong with me physically and it is stress related. We have indeed been having some difficulty with our teenage daughter recently. At this point I am winding up tired throughout the d …

Adult ADHD

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him medication, b …

Self-Esteem Revisited

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 22nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a young adult with anxiety and I constantly beat myself with mistakes that I make. I was wondering if you can please give me insight on how to deal with it. I'm a bit impulsive. Ex: I spent a bit too much on food recently and now I'm upset that I don't have any money left for more important things that I need. I think very bad thoughts that are not letting me move on in life. I get very tense and have negative thoughts like & …

Engagement Anxiety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 22nd, 2023

Dear Therapist: My son is engaged and has become very panicky about if he made the right decision. Initially we figured it was nerves but it has persisted. He can't really point out any major concerns about the girl but he also is very worried about getting married. More like he feels something is "missing." He acknowledges that he is very anxious but says that he doesn't know if that's just fear or his intuition telling him there is something wr …

Medication and Dating Revisited

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 22nd, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a teenager our son saw a therapist for a while due to some burnout/depression. Baruch Hashem with some adjustments to his yeshiva life and the help he received he is doing amazing and has been for a while. He is still on a low dose of medication which has worked well for him. When he tried going off, he relapsed and our consensus is that it's best for him to stay on it for now. Now that he is starting shidduchim he is very nerv …

What is the Processing Process?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 22nd, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have a pretty basic question about therapy, and I am hoping you can answer it for me. I went through something difficult recently and a few people have told me I should go to therapy so that I could “process” it. I have heard that word from a couple of people and no one has really been able to tell me what exactly that means. What does it mean to “process” something? To talk about it? I have been talking …

Teen Overspending

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: We brought up our children simply and we tried to keep them pretty sheltered. Baruch Hashem many are married and have turned out well. One of our teenage boys has decided he was deprived and has now gone completely the opposite way where he says he needs everything he didn't have. Clothes, scooters, electronics, nothing bad per se, but definitely not how he was raised. We have been discussing with his rabbeim where to dr …

Tantrums! Aarrgghh!!!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 7-year-old daughter seems to have an unusual temper. I understand it's normal for a kid that age to have tantrums but this is something else. She seems to have actual rage. It is also kind of hard to predict what sets her off. Sometimes she goes to school without a fuss and sometimes she will insist she isn't going and it turns into a huge fight. The "switch" seems to turn off as quickly and unpredictably. What works with …

Overspending Husband

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage baruch Hashem. We share the same goals and are overall very much on the same page. One area where we keep having arguments is regarding finances. I am much more of a saver and a planner and he has an attitude of "we will figure it out." This is the kind of thing that keeps coming up again and again in our marriage and we just don't seem to have a path that works things out. …

Obsessive Praying

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have been struggling for many years with my davening. Many times, I feel that if I only put enough emotion and feeling into my davening, I can get the results that I want. The problem is that forcing myself backfires. It's hard to concentrate on the meaning of the words when trying to create feelings. In my case, I wind up worrying all day about my relationship with Hashem, if I am a good person, and if I am a proper maamin …

Breaking News: Parents Embarrass Their Teenage Kids!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I'm curious to hear what the panelists have to say about the following: What is the correct approach that a parent should take when a child expresses their embarrassment about their parents, their parents clothing, cars, house etc.... For example, my teenagers will say, "What you’re wearing is so outdated," "Our house is so messy," "Ma, you can't wear this," "Please pick me up from school in our nicer car …

My Angry, Abusive Brother

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist:  I have a middle-aged younger brother who lives a depressed, resentful, lonely, unemployed life. My mother, an almanna, has a heart of gold and would do anything to help him. Yet, he gets extremely angry at her when they speak on the phone, and expresses deep resentment to her, which is similar to how he connected with our father a"h. He thinks she favors me over him, among other gripes. On the rare occasion that he visi …

Dating Rejection Trauma

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Around a year ago my son was far along in a shidduch and at a late stage the girl said no. He was devastated at the time which we thought was normal. But it is now a while later and his dating has really suffered from it. He is constantly procrastinating when shidduchim are redt to him and he is an anxious mess when he dates. After every date he agonizes about his decision and, in my opinion, has said no to some very nic …

My Son is Being Left Back!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: It is becoming clear that we are going to need to have our son who is now in 3rd grade go back to 2nd grade after Succos. He is too far behind and we can't provide the support that is necessary to help him maintain grade level. I am not sure how to break this news to him and how to help him so that this will not scar him emotionally or socially. Please advise us how to do this in the most painless way possible. Thank you …

Marriage Intrusion?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am worried that my daughter who just went to seminary is spending way too much time at her newly married sister's home. I think she is missing out on the full experience and the chance to make new friends. I am more concerned that it isn't good for my shana rishona couple to have someone in the house all the time. Both my daughters say that I am over reacting and it's not a big deal. I would appreciate your opinion and …

Mixing In to My Son's Relationship

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
My son is a great boy, kind, sincere, and easygoing. He recently got engaged, and baruch Hashem the kallah seems like an excellent girl.One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that he can be a little absent-minded. He forgets small things sometimes. But now that he’s engaged, I’ve seen a few moments where he forgot to follow up on something he told his kallah, or didn’t realize how something innocent mi …

I didn't Sign Up for This...Marriage?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
My wife and I have been married five years, baruch Hashem, and we have two wonderful children. When we got engaged, her plan was to become a social worker, and she was also doing some photography on the side. That played a big part in how I understood her goals. Soon after the chasuna, she stopped college, and within a year she stopped photography too. She’s been working a part-time remote job since then, but now she’ …

Social Anxiety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
My wife has close friends, and she isn’t shy. But I notice that she avoids big events. Simchos, Shabbos meals with new people, even shul. She will come up with an excuse not to go. She doesn’t say it’s anxiety, just that it’s “too much,” or that she’s not in the mood. She always has been like this to a degree, but it is getting worse recently.Is it possible to be a sociable person but still struggle with cer …

Chronic Fatigue

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I’ve been feeling really off physically for a long time, beyond regular tired. My whole body hurts some days, or just feels heavy, like I’m walking through water. I’ve seen doctors, done blood work, they always say nothing’s wrong or just say “maybe it's stress.”This isn’t just stress. I crash after normal things like taking the kids to the park or making Shabbos and it’s not normal tired. I also don’t look s …

Motor Tics, OCD, and Anxiety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
Thank you for your informative and insightful column. I am reaching out for guidance regarding my 15-year-old daughter, who has been experiencing motor tics for several years. The tics have followed a fluctuating course, typically appearing for a period of time and then resolving for several months. There have been intervals of up to six months without any symptoms, followed by sudden recurrences, often in connection with iden …

My Wife Insists that I See a Therapist!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I am 54 years old, the owner of a successful business, and I give a nightly shiur. I grew up in a difficult home and developed OCD and anxiety before my bar mitzvah. In those days, there was no treatment for this. I married a wonderful girl, but our marriage was greatly impacted by my emotional problems. At my wife's insistence I made my rounds to many therapists, but my symptoms never went away. I fin …

Differing Martial Issue Resolution

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I’m someone who likes to talk things through when something’s bothering me—it helps me process and feel closer. But my husband just goes quiet, moves on quickly, or just says “it’s fine.” He’s not cold or mean, he just doesn’t really do the whole talking-about-feelings thing.I’m trying not to push, but I also sometimes feel alone and that things are unresolved. Is this a normal difference in personality, or s …

Sort By:Reset All

title +

A to ZZ to A

date +

NewestOldest

Results per page: 10 20 40 50 100