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Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW Weekly Q&A As Published In Yated Ne'eman
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My Paranoid Sister
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My sister has always thought that everyone was out to get her. She is extremely insecure and very sensitive. Now her paranoia has increased to the point where she is in a fight with everyone in her family. She is furious at me because she thinks I didn’t try hard enough to get her kids into high school. She thinks my husband ruined her kids’ shidduchim. She thinks my brothers are trying to push her husband out of the f …
Social Anxiety at Work...at Work
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: After multiple failures at work, I finally realize that my feelings of being intimidated by people and being anxious to speak my mind has been something that has gotten in my way all of my life. I wind up staying in my corner and not engaging or communicating with the people I am supposed to. The issue is that someone presented me with a great job opportunity which I accepted and will start next week. I really don't want to b …
Childhood OCD Treatment and Disclosure
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: About a year ago, our 9-year-old daughter started to engage in compulsive rituals.  She would have 1 specific ritual (such as checking that her heart was still beating) for a few weeks and then switch to a different ritual.  Right now, her specific ritual is sniffing is an unusual way.  This was/is not interfering with her performance at school or home, and she seemed happy overall, but we decided to take her to a p …
Is ADHD Necessarily a Problem?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him med …
My Friend Needs Therapy...I Think
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I recently read an article describing different people who should be seeing a therapist. I have a good friend whom I feel matches the description in the article. The more I think about it the more I honestly think he could benefit from seeing one. The problem is being a 21-year-old and being told by your close friend that you should be seeing a therapist isn't the most pleasant experience. How as a friend am I able to convey over …
Why Doesn't My Daughter Want to go to Camp?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My 13-year-old daughter is an intense child. She puts a lot of pressure of herself academically and school is a big deal for her. All of her friends are going to (overnight) camp this summer and initially she had us register her as well. She is now insisting that she wants to stay home for the summer and "relax." She says she works hard all year, and she just wants a chance to have nothing to do. It is interesting that it doe …
Mental Health and Dating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I recently went out with a boy who disclosed on the 3rd date that he was seeing a therapist for depression. He said he had struggled on an off with depression since he was a teen and had sometimes taken medication for it. It turned out that the shidduch didn’t work out for other reasons, but I was really confused as to how to deal with that information. I liked him and he seemed like a perfectly normal boy, wh …
Does Teenage Grieving Require Therapy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My daughter was encouraged by her principal to see a therapist.  She has been misbehaving in school recently, nothing serious really, but the principal suggested it. She has gone through a lot as my wife was niftar 4 years ago, though she says she is fine and doesn't really seem different than the other girls in her class. They are all a tough bunch.  I mean she is a teenage girl so who can really tell what sta …
Diagnosis and Labelling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 20th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Can you please share your thoughts on the phenomenon that I am noticing (not common baruch Hashem, but it happens) where people disparage others by "diagnosing" them with a mental illness. Thus, people who are rigid are called "OCD," those who are a bit different are "apspergy" and those who are jumpier are "ADD." More disturbing to me is that I have noticed the word "narcissist" being thrown around quiet casually. Unfortunat …
Anxiety and Faith
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 23rd, 2024

Dear Therapist: My daughter is in seminary this year and it's the first time she's dormed a full year with other girls. She mentioned to me that one of her roommates seems very socially anxious & has a hard time making friends & being sociable. My daughter tries to include her but she often withdraws because of her social anxiety. She suggested to this girl that she speak to someone about her struggles & she keeps responding that she …
I'm Socially Awkward...Or Am I?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 24th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I know someone who has a sibling who is in his early 20's and is holding down a job. However, he is socially awkward and can really benefit from therapy. However, this person will get highly insulted after being told this and may resent the person who told him. How can he be told (by a relative or professional) that his behavior calls for therapy? Can it be said straight out? If so, how should it be done? On the other hand, is fin …
My Son Is Overbearing
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 26th, 2022

Dear Therapist: ​Our 20-year-old son recently returned home from a year learning in Israel. He is boy who struggled a lot in his teens both academically and religiously. Baruch Hashem, he seems to have had an excellent year of growth, he likes his rabbeim and has learned a lot about being a mentsch, though he still has a way to go. He is very proud of his year and some new concepts and ideas he has learned. The yeshiva has an emphasis on emotio …
OCD or Kefira
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 26th, 2022

Dear Therapist: ​My daughter has always been an all-around healthy 17-year-old . She does tend to have anxiety but it’s always been kept in check. Lately though she’s become a shell of herself. She’s had trouble eating and sleeping and is not herself. We’ve tried very hard to get to the root cause of her distress. Finally she confided that she’s been having intrusive thoughts of kefira type themes. She’s horr …
My Father Won't Let Me See a Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 3rd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a 12th grader in what is considered a very chosuva mesivta. There are some things that I would like to discuss with someone. They cause me a lot of worry but I do not feel comfortable discussing this with a rebbe or mashgiach in yeshiva. I think that maybe a therapist would be the right type of person to discuss this with. The issue is that my father doesn't hold of therapy. I am not sure how to bring this up with him and I d …
How to Lose Friends and Discourage People
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 8th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am a parent of a 9th grade girl in a large mainstream high school. She is trying to find her footing in a long lasting friendship and is starting to get to know a few girls. But because she is a very friendly girl, she is nice to the girls who aren't as socially gifted. The problem with this is when her friendliness gets in the way of spreading her wings, since these girls cling to her in an unhealthy way. While she doesn't …
The Doctor Will NOT See You Now
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 8th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My spouse has the interesting issue where he just refuses to go to the doctor for a well checkup. He is pushing 45 and probably hasn't been by a doctor in 15 years. When he is sick etc. he will go to an urgent care or a PA and take care of it, but that is pretty much it. He claims he is healthy and doctors just find issues. He seems ok but at this point I wonder if he is just nervous and so he is avoiding it. Do you have any sugge …
Why Do We Need Things?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 8th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have been pushing off writing this, which maybe is part of the problem, but I feel like at this point I really need to. A few years ago, my husband was making a very nice living which caused us to raise our standards of living significantly. Now unfortunately, like I imagine many others are, we are feeling the crunch of the economy. Baruch Hashem, we have what we need but we can no longer afford to spend like we used to. We …
Do You Know Who You Are?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
May 8th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I was recently asked by a shadchan to write a detailed description of myself and I was surprised at how stuck I got. It was very hard for me to write about what's important to me, what my personality is like, and what I truly value, in a way that is anything other than cliche. I started thinking that there is something wrong with me that I can't do this. I think part of this is because there is a big difference between w …
Rambunctious Boys
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: We are parents of 4 lovely boys BH. The house is very "rough and tumble" and while the boys often play very well together they also get physical with each other. We are having trouble figuring out when to intervene and when to let it go. We feel that on the one hand they need to learn to work it out among themselves; on the other hand at some point we need to intervene. Can you please give us some guidelines in raising rambunctiou …
Career Counseling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: The time has come in my life for me to make a parnassah to support my family. I am having a difficult time choosing what career path I would like to take and what field I want to get involved in. I am generally not a person who has a hard time making up his mind but I can’t seem to settle on something that I think I would be good at and interested in. Someone mentioned that therapists are trained in career counseling so I th …
Single-Area vs. Multiple-Area Issues
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am writing in regard to some of the questions that have come up in the column recently as to when there is an indication of a mental health issue for a bochur or child. I once heard that a good measure of evaluation is if the problem is happening across the board at home, school and camp that would be a sign that professional intervention is needed. If the child is fine at home and elsewhere and only having a problem in yes …
Does Our Marriage Counselor Care?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My spouse and I went for marriage counseling for a while for some issues with someone who seemed to be a very competent therapist. The therapist seemed to understand how to breakdown the issues and attempt to work on resolutions. However, some things didn't seem to be adding up right. For example, the therapist left off a few sessions at some very crucial points, leaving us feeling very vulnerable and with a lot of raw emotions ex …
Adults with ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Is it possible for someone who never had ADHD to get it for the first time as an adult? I have recently started having trouble just staying focused on work as well as paying attention during shuirim and concentrating in davening. I have never had this issue before and was an excellent student all through yeshiva. My chavrusah actually recently made an offhand comment about how "ADD" I am and it really got …
Death and Betrayal
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: There was someone close to my family who died last year. She was someone I was close with and trusted and did something that hurt me terribly. This is not the forum to go into details, but this was a tremendous avlah and I don’t think anyone would disagree. Since this happened shortly before she was niftar and I didn’t really have the full understanding of what she did until after she was already go …
When an Educator Should Refer to Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I would like to thank you for this insightful column that so many gain from weekly.  As a mesivta rebbe I occasionally need to send a bochur to therapy when I feel that his struggles may be mental health related and baruch Hashem I have generally had good experiences. There is a question that comes up that I would like to hear your opinion on. When are a bochur’s struggles or lack of motivation in le …
Work on Anxiety or Go to Israel?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our son recently acknowledged that he has been experiencing extreme anxiety over the last 6-8 months. This has been something that his menahel had been concerned about and mentioned to him, but he denied anything was wrong. I think that finally it got so bad that he couldn’t push it away anymore and he is coming to us for help. The issue is he is supposed to go to learn in Eretz Yisroel next zman along wi …
Are Millenials Suppressing Their Emotions?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: There are many emotions that come up this time of year. There are some like simcha, gratitude, and devekus that are wonderful to experience. I see from my children who are “millennials” that they are fine with that. However, they seem to be rejecting or suppressing some of the more uncomfortable emotions that can come up like anxiety, guilt, and regret. It got me thinking about how psychologically speaking ar …
Premarital Counseling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our son recently got engaged B"H. He doing very well but is one of those kids who "took the scenic route." He had struggles with yiddishkeit and in yeshiva over the years. He told us that his rebbi recommended that he and his kallah go to a marriage therapist while they are engaged to work on their relationship. This frightened my husband and me. If they are already having issues maybe this isn't the right match? We were …
Somatic Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 10-year-old daughter has been complaining of headaches and stomachaches.  This seems to happen whenever something is going on in her life, particularly when there are changes such as school starting, camp, and around yom tov time when there is a change in schedule. We discussed it with her pediatrician who said there is nothing medical going on. She suggested that we begin by having a conversation with her about what it m …
Bad Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: We recently went through a terrible experience with a licensed therapist that a family member used. It was not a subjective mismatch; the clinician lacked professionalism and training, and other professionals and rabbanim involved in the situation were distraught to hear about the techniques he used and the ensuing damage it created. We have switched clinicians and are now going through the process of undoing and re-learning, but …
The Placebo Effect
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My 30-year-old daughter had suffered from anxiety for a long time. After a course of psychotherapy was not successful, she began seeing a psychiatrist and started taking an anti-depressant (which is also supposed to help for anxiety). This was very life enhancing for her and she has really thrived since then. Recently she says that new research has shown that antidepressants really don’t work, and it is all a “placebo& …
Faith and Depression
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I was living a happy and fulfilling life as a busy wife and mom when out of nowhere darkness descended. I was diagnosed with clinical depression requiring medication. I’m in the midst of professional treatment and still struggling each day. My normally happy and meaningful avodas Hashem came to a sudden halt leaving me lost and confused.

My question is what is one afflicted with mental illness to do? The very to …
I've Never Made a Decision
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Over the last few years, I have begun to realize that much of what I have done in life I did because other people told me to. I feel like I have never really made my decisions in life. The schools I went to, the career I chose, and even my marriage are all things that I asked others for advice and followed it. As I have realized this, I have become more and more confused as to what I really want and have started doubting everythin …
Adult Identity Confusion
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am in my 30s, and BH I'm a busy mother. However, I constantly have dreams that I am in high school. The dreams are not at all disturbing, they are just filled with the day-to-day life of a high schooler (tests, lessons, etc.). This is very puzzling to me, as I am double the age I was then, and I'm at a completely different stage of life. Additionally, I always feel that I am "faking it" being an adult, and I feel overwhelmed by …
Generational Resilience
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I'm in my low thirties and my oldest children are now in their early teens. Due to increased awareness and education, my friends and I focus on parenting with more positivity, empathy, validation, communication, and emotional awareness than the previous generation. Our parents expected more from us than we expect from our children, and we usually had to do what was right even if we didn't feel like it. Recently, I'm noticing a dis …
Therapist Advice and Fallibility
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Here is a question I've been troubled by for a while. Many times, people will send their kid or spouse to therapy, but the kid or spouse is somewhat in denial or confused. They may see reality in a twisted way or be somewhat lying to themself or only see their side of the picture due to their emotional/mental health issue. When they sit and talk to the therapist, they are only giving over that twisted picture o …
Telling Someone They Need Help
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I am a bocher who has a lot of friends in shidduchim and one of my best friends is about to start. Now this friend went through a very rough childhood and his father was very abusive physically, emotionally, and spiritually. His parents never really got along and they went to family therapy. Now from what I see that wasn't enough and I think there is a lot more he needs to work on before ent …
Camp or Therapy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 12-year-old was referred to therapy by her school for some behavioral and social issues. Nothing too severe but the school thought it would be beneficial for her to gain some skills before going into next year. After a while we finally got into the therapist we were suggested but now we are coming up on camp season. She and her friends are all supposed to go to camp for a big part of the summer but that would mean either delay …
My Impersonal Parental Relationships
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: As a teenage boy I am going through lots of ups and downs. Throughout this period there is one particular issue that is getting worse and worse. That is my parents. As it stands now, I cannot "open up" to them about anything personal in my life. Whether it is about friends, family, teachers, or anything that is personal, I find it practically impossible to speak to my parents (though I do find it easier to speak about personal iss …
Is My Wife Milking Her Illness?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My wife was diagnosed with a serious illness a few years ago. While she was sick of course the entire focus of myself, our friends, and our extended families was to give her room and support and help her in every way possible. All we wanted was for her to able to be completely taken care of so that the only thing she needed to be busy with was getting better.  Meals, housekeeping, mother's helpers, and so much more were provi …
School to Work Adjustment
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am a 22-year-old former yeshiva bochur. I have always struggled in yeshiva and never did well. I recently made the decision together with my parents and rov to find a job.  I was able to find a job that keeps me busy, will teach me an important industry, and has a lot of growth potential. I also have a chavrusa daily. Surprisingly,  I have found the adjustment to this new stage in life to be very difficult. I am workin …
What's the Therapy Process?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Our daughter experienced a significant trauma when she was in seminary last year. It had been suggested a few times, both by her school and once she came home, that she go for treatment. For whatever reason she refused. She now approached us that she would like to speak to someone about what she experienced and saw. We read this column regularly and would like to hear your recommendation regarding what is the best type of approach …
My Bullying Co-Worker
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist:  I recently started a new job which I was very excited about. Things started well enough but there is another woman who has chosen to make my life miserable. I believe she feels threatened by me because we have a similar position (though I don't think her job is in jeopardy at all). She never misses a chance for a nasty comment be it to coworkers or even managers. I tried to have a discussion with her about it, but she totall …
Laypeople Advising Professionals
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Hi, I work with bochurim in the community and am often involved during crises as well.  I would like to know the panel’s opinion on having a doctor prescribe a fast-acting anti-anxiety medication such as Xanax or Klonopin for someone who is usually doing well but occasionally has severe bouts of anxiety? Some people have told me that just knowing they have that option, that the pills are there if they need them, can hel …
Does My Son Have Asperger's?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am wondering if you can guide us where to turn regarding some challenges that we are having with my 7-year-old son.  While it is hard to write everything that we notice, he is basically having problems with friends.  For example, he has a hard time getting the concept that someone can play with him one day and then play with a different kid the next day. He also is very into trains and will talk about it as well as its …
Post-Traumatic Video Stress
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am a 17-year-old girl who has had no psychological issues in the past. A few months ago, someone I know thought it would be a good idea to show me a very violent video clip. I can't go into details but basically it involved a real video of someone being killed. Seriously I don't know why a person would show that to someone. I understandably freaked out initially and was very traumatized. I pretty much got over it, but it still k …
Why Can't I Be Happy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am not a happy person. Is there a way to change that? That is honestly my whole question. I am pretty much fine in every way, I have a good husband, healthy frum kids, a decent job, we have decent parnassah, are part of a nice kehilla, etc.. Yes, I have the stresses of every frum family but nothing major. With all that said I am a pretty moody and cynical person. If I am being fully honest, I always have been …
Looking for Better Relationships
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Hi! I am a 22-year-old boy and I recently started reading The Couch and I really find it interesting and helpful. I think that even if a question is not directly related to me, I can still learn a lot from the answers.  I went through some struggles as a teenager but with awesome parents and rabbeim I got through it, and I am doing really well. I was in a yeshiva in Israel the last two years and just got back to Ame …
My Freeloading Brother
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My 27-year-old brother has become very stuck in his life and dependent on my sisters and me. He should be fully capable of getting a job, getting married, and moving forward with life. Instead, he has come to completely rely on his siblings for everything.(Our parents are sweet people but older and not so involved.) He sleeps in my sister's basement and eats the meals by us. He will occasionally get a job, but it never lasts …
Waking Up to Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am someone who has occasionally had trouble with my moods. I have gotten help in the past with anxiety and depression. While I am currently doing really well, I still have a rough time in the morning. I wake up with a lot of anxiety and it takes time for me to get out of bed. Once I get out of bed I generally do ok and have a good day. There are no noticeable "triggers” for me in the morning so there is no obvious reason t …
Suicidal Ideation
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Something has been bothering me for a while and I finally feel like I need to reach out for advice. I have these thoughts that get stuck in my head and no matter what I do I can't seem to get rid of them. For example, I feel like I might do something dangerous and no matter what I do I can't shake that thought or feeling. I never actually do anything, but I am really worried that one day I might. There are a lot of things that I a …
Camp Anxiety Disclosure
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am a teenaged girl, popular, with a lot of personality, if I do say so myself. I’m the kind of girl who is the life of the party, and enjoys making the fun for the group, trying to make sure all are included at the same time. I applied for a staff position at a camp that is very excited to have me but got stuck on the application itself. I have a mild case of anxiety and am prescribed Zoloft. (They asked for addi …
Efficacy of Teletherapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Some providers are doing much more therapy via teletherapy these days. While it started during the pandemic it still seems to have become more common even after things have opened up. I would appreciate if the panelists can share their perspectives on therapy effectiveness in this mode of communication. What are the pros and cons of Zoom therapy versus in person? Are there specific areas such as attachment styles etc. that are bet …
Abrupt Therapy Termination
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Hi, I look forward to your column each week because you always have such insightful answers and opinions.
My therapist recently terminated my therapy with her. My psychiatrist as well has abruptly ended my treatment. I was not informed of the reasons as to why they stopped seeing me, and they did not give me closure either. I was wondering if this is a common thing for therapists and doctors to do. I was also wondering if I …
Informal Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I appreciate the tremendous service you provide to our community both in your practice and by clarifying and explaining so many mental health issues through this column. My daughter (age 13) was recently referred to therapy by her school principal due to concerns about her behavior. She insists my daughter must go in order to remain in school. My daughter is refusing to go. I am wondering if I can ask a therapist to meet my daught …
Teenage Smoking and Confidentiality
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Our 14-year-old son has been seeing a therapist for a few months on the advice of his yeshiva. Recently my husband discovered that he has started smoking. It was disappointing and confusing to us that our son told us that his therapist has known for a while that he was smoking. I am very disappointed that the therapist didn't deem this information important enough to share with us, his parents. I would like to hear your option on …
Get Angry with Me!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: As someone who has recently began mentoring struggling teens, I had a question that I hope you can shed light on. There is one very angry kid who comes from a difficult background, and he is not only tough in how he talks to others but also gets angry if someone talks to him in a nice and calm way. It is surprising that the kid seems to react better when someone talks down to him and is very direct, over someone who talks to him n …
Preventative Mental Healthcare
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am an avid reader of this column and have found it very informative. I think it is interesting that so many of the questions are focused on disorders. People are asking what to do when they are struggling with a mental health issue. In general, I find that people do not think of "mental health" until something goes wrong. I imagine that just as with physical health there are things one can do to stay in shape and keep healthy to …
Stress and Insomnia
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am 43 years old and consider myself a healthy person Baruch HaShem. Recently I began having trouble sleeping. Sometimes falling asleep, but also waking up in middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep. My doctor said there is nothing wrong with me physically and it is stress related. We have indeed been having some difficulty with our teenage daughter recently. At this point I am winding up tired throughout the d …
Adult ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him medication, b …
Self-Esteem Revisited
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 22nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a young adult with anxiety and I constantly beat myself with mistakes that I make. I was wondering if you can please give me insight on how to deal with it. I'm a bit impulsive. Ex: I spent a bit too much on food recently and now I'm upset that I don't have any money left for more important things that I need. I think very bad thoughts that are not letting me move on in life. I get very tense and have negative thoughts like & …
Engagement Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 22nd, 2023

Dear Therapist: My son is engaged and has become very panicky about if he made the right decision. Initially we figured it was nerves but it has persisted. He can't really point out any major concerns about the girl but he also is very worried about getting married. More like he feels something is "missing." He acknowledges that he is very anxious but says that he doesn't know if that's just fear or his intuition telling him there is something wr …
Medication and Dating Revisited
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 22nd, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a teenager our son saw a therapist for a while due to some burnout/depression. Baruch Hashem with some adjustments to his yeshiva life and the help he received he is doing amazing and has been for a while. He is still on a low dose of medication which has worked well for him. When he tried going off, he relapsed and our consensus is that it's best for him to stay on it for now. Now that he is starting shidduchim he is very nerv …
What is the Processing Process?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 22nd, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have a pretty basic question about therapy, and I am hoping you can answer it for me. I went through something difficult recently and a few people have told me I should go to therapy so that I could “process” it. I have heard that word from a couple of people and no one has really been able to tell me what exactly that means. What does it mean to “process” something? To talk about it? I have been talking …
Teen Overspending
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: We brought up our children simply and we tried to keep them pretty sheltered. Baruch Hashem many are married and have turned out well. One of our teenage boys has decided he was deprived and has now gone completely the opposite way where he says he needs everything he didn't have. Clothes, scooters, electronics, nothing bad per se, but definitely not how he was raised. We have been discussing with his rabbeim where to dr …
Tantrums! Aarrgghh!!!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 7-year-old daughter seems to have an unusual temper. I understand it's normal for a kid that age to have tantrums but this is something else. She seems to have actual rage. It is also kind of hard to predict what sets her off. Sometimes she goes to school without a fuss and sometimes she will insist she isn't going and it turns into a huge fight. The "switch" seems to turn off as quickly and unpredictably. What works with …
Overspending Husband
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage baruch Hashem. We share the same goals and are overall very much on the same page. One area where we keep having arguments is regarding finances. I am much more of a saver and a planner and he has an attitude of "we will figure it out." This is the kind of thing that keeps coming up again and again in our marriage and we just don't seem to have a path that works things out. …
Obsessive Praying
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have been struggling for many years with my davening. Many times, I feel that if I only put enough emotion and feeling into my davening, I can get the results that I want. The problem is that forcing myself backfires. It's hard to concentrate on the meaning of the words when trying to create feelings. In my case, I wind up worrying all day about my relationship with Hashem, if I am a good person, and if I am a proper maamin …
Breaking News: Parents Embarrass Their Teenage Kids!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I'm curious to hear what the panelists have to say about the following: What is the correct approach that a parent should take when a child expresses their embarrassment about their parents, their parents clothing, cars, house etc.... For example, my teenagers will say, "What you’re wearing is so outdated," "Our house is so messy," "Ma, you can't wear this," "Please pick me up from school in our nicer car …
My Angry, Abusive Brother
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist:  I have a middle-aged younger brother who lives a depressed, resentful, lonely, unemployed life. My mother, an almanna, has a heart of gold and would do anything to help him. Yet, he gets extremely angry at her when they speak on the phone, and expresses deep resentment to her, which is similar to how he connected with our father a"h. He thinks she favors me over him, among other gripes. On the rare occasion that he visi …
Dating Rejection Trauma
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Around a year ago my son was far along in a shidduch and at a late stage the girl said no. He was devastated at the time which we thought was normal. But it is now a while later and his dating has really suffered from it. He is constantly procrastinating when shidduchim are redt to him and he is an anxious mess when he dates. After every date he agonizes about his decision and, in my opinion, has said no to some very nic …
My Son is Being Left Back!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: It is becoming clear that we are going to need to have our son who is now in 3rd grade go back to 2nd grade after Succos. He is too far behind and we can't provide the support that is necessary to help him maintain grade level. I am not sure how to break this news to him and how to help him so that this will not scar him emotionally or socially. Please advise us how to do this in the most painless way possible. Thank you …
Marriage Intrusion?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am worried that my daughter who just went to seminary is spending way too much time at her newly married sister's home. I think she is missing out on the full experience and the chance to make new friends. I am more concerned that it isn't good for my shana rishona couple to have someone in the house all the time. Both my daughters say that I am over reacting and it's not a big deal. I would appreciate your opinion and …
Mixing In to My Son's Relationship
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
My son is a great boy, kind, sincere, and easygoing. He recently got engaged, and baruch Hashem the kallah seems like an excellent girl.One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that he can be a little absent-minded. He forgets small things sometimes. But now that he’s engaged, I’ve seen a few moments where he forgot to follow up on something he told his kallah, or didn’t realize how something innocent mi …
I didn't Sign Up for This...Marriage?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
My wife and I have been married five years, baruch Hashem, and we have two wonderful children. When we got engaged, her plan was to become a social worker, and she was also doing some photography on the side. That played a big part in how I understood her goals. Soon after the chasuna, she stopped college, and within a year she stopped photography too. She’s been working a part-time remote job since then, but now she’ …
Social Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
My wife has close friends, and she isn’t shy. But I notice that she avoids big events. Simchos, Shabbos meals with new people, even shul. She will come up with an excuse not to go. She doesn’t say it’s anxiety, just that it’s “too much,” or that she’s not in the mood. She always has been like this to a degree, but it is getting worse recently.Is it possible to be a sociable person but still struggle with cer …
Chronic Fatigue
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I’ve been feeling really off physically for a long time, beyond regular tired. My whole body hurts some days, or just feels heavy, like I’m walking through water. I’ve seen doctors, done blood work, they always say nothing’s wrong or just say “maybe it's stress.”This isn’t just stress. I crash after normal things like taking the kids to the park or making Shabbos and it’s not normal tired. I also don’t look s …
Motor Tics, OCD, and Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
Thank you for your informative and insightful column. I am reaching out for guidance regarding my 15-year-old daughter, who has been experiencing motor tics for several years. The tics have followed a fluctuating course, typically appearing for a period of time and then resolving for several months. There have been intervals of up to six months without any symptoms, followed by sudden recurrences, often in connection with iden …
My Wife Insists that I See a Therapist!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I am 54 years old, the owner of a successful business, and I give a nightly shiur. I grew up in a difficult home and developed OCD and anxiety before my bar mitzvah. In those days, there was no treatment for this. I married a wonderful girl, but our marriage was greatly impacted by my emotional problems. At my wife's insistence I made my rounds to many therapists, but my symptoms never went away. I fin …
Differing Martial Issue Resolution
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I’m someone who likes to talk things through when something’s bothering me—it helps me process and feel closer. But my husband just goes quiet, moves on quickly, or just says “it’s fine.” He’s not cold or mean, he just doesn’t really do the whole talking-about-feelings thing.I’m trying not to push, but I also sometimes feel alone and that things are unresolved. Is this a normal difference in personality, or s …
Childhood Fears
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I’m writing about my 6-year-old son, who started his second year of school. He’s usually a happy, easygoing kid, and last year went well overall.But since school started, he’s been refusing to go in the mornings and sharing strange fears—like the bus getting lost, getting in trouble, or even the police showing up. When he gets anxious, he becomes really upset and hard to calm down. He also seems to misinterpret things …
Self-Esteem and Comparison
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I’ve been feeling something lately that I’m not even sure how to put into words. I have a sibling who I’m close with, and I do care about them a lot. But when I hear about all the good things going on in their life — whether it's their job, their social life, or how smoothly everything seems to go, I sometimes walk away from our conversations feeling frustrated or not good enough.I don’t want to feel this way, and I …
Marriage Ambivalence
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I got married recently, baruch Hashem, and overall things are good. My wife and I get along well, I’m happy to be building a life with her, and I’m grateful for what I have. But at the same time, I’ve been feeling stuck lately.Before marriage, I felt like I was really growing—in learning, in personal development, in self-awareness. I had space to think, dream, and work on myself. Particularly, when I was in Y …
Teaching Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
I am a girl that has been teaching for a few years now. Before I go into the classroom, I often feel symptoms of anxiety. It usually starts before I even leave for work and continues until I’m actually in the classroom. Once I’m there, the anxiety lessens, but it doesn’t go away completely.Now that it’s summer break, I’m barely feeling any anxiety at all. But when I think about going back to work, I still feel that fa …
Therapy and Language Challenges
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 26th, 2025

Dear Therapist:
My son is in his early teens and has been struggling emotionally for a while now. We’re considering therapy to help with his anxiety and frustration, but there’s an added complication—he also has a language delay and has trouble expressing himself clearly, especially when it comes to his emotions.He’s intelligent and very sensitive, but when something’s bothering him, he often can’t find the words to explain it. I …
Should I Seek Therapy Simply for Accountability?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 28th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Is there a benefit to using therapy just for accountability? I pretty much know what I need to do but I push things off a bit and I find that it helps for me to have someone that I check in with weekly to keep me on my game. I have done therapy in the past for deeper issues but I feel like at this point it's more about taking action. I am considering resuming therapy but mostly just for the goal of being accountable to someone. Pu …
Self-Esteem Revisited Again
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 28th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I enjoy your weekly responses and I think that it has provided me with a lot of insight into my own life. My question is: How would you define self-esteem? Is it the same thing as self-confidence? Is it something that someone can build on their own or must they be born and raised with? I understand that everyone might have a slightly different definition but I think I would appreciate hearing all of your perspectives on this. Than …
Eating Disorder Group Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 2nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: Our daughter unfortunately suffers from an eating disorder. One of the things the doctor is recommending is “group therapy”. We have a number of concerns regarding this. First off, the people in the group will, presumably, be just as sick or worse than she is. We don’t want her to get any ideas that she doesn’t have already. Secondly, we are worried that she will meet people there and people will find out a …
Can I Force Someone Into Treatment?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 30th, 2017

Dear Therapist: What options are there for someone who clearly needs treatment but refuses to get it? I am currently involved with two cases where the person has serious issues that are affecting themselves and their families but won’t go for help.  In one case the person is so depressed they barely leave the house for anything and won’t even hear of it. In the other case the person thinks there is nothing wrong with them but the …
What's the Right Amount of Anxiety?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 6th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have always considered myself a healthy person and have never been diagnosed with any kind of mental health issue. Recently, due to the current events in Eretz Yisroel, I have this feeling of uneasiness that follows me around all day. I can't say I'm anxious but I certainly don't feel like my regular self. I feel more "alert" when I am walking down the street, considering travel plans, or even dropping my kids off at school …
Enough Therapy Already?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 6th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you for this forum and for your time and advice. Our son's school recommended that our 7-year-old be evaluated for behavioral issues at the end of last school year and that he may benefit from some extra help during summer vacation. We had him evaluated privately and paid privately for the sessions that he is receiving and b”H have seen improvement in his overall behavior and his ability to follow instru …
The Stonewalling Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 6th, 2023

Dear Therapist: When I asked my fifteen-year-old daughter’s therapist questions about what was being addressed in therapy and why we needed to continue, she was evasive, making it clear that it wasn’t my place to know and there was no reason for me to be involved. I was quite baffled and rattled. It just didn’t make sense to me at all that I was not being included as an important team member. But I put aside my troubled feelings …
Somatic Symptom Disorder
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 8th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Our teenage son has always been a bit of a complicated personality but he does well socially and academically.  Recently we have noticed a trend where he keeps on asking to go to the doctor because of different things that are bothering him physically. My husband and I recently calculated that he has had 6 separate issues in the last year or so. Only once was there actually something wrong (strep); the other times the doctor …
My Unstable Parents
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My parents are very controlling, critical, self-centered and emotionally unstable (they may possibly have personality disorders). One of my sisters recently started disconnecting by minimizing her interactions with my parents. My parents are very hurt and angry and are trying many tactics to change my sister's behaviors (which includes badmouthing her to rabbanim). I come from a large family and all of the children are married. We …
Marital Communication
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
November 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have been married for almost a year. Overall things are good. The problem is that whenever my husband and I have a disagreement he will completely shut down. For example, I didn't appreciate that he came home really late the other night and I told him so but instead of discussing it he got all offended and basically avoided me for 2 days. I get the impression that he thinks that I am never allowed to be upset at him or justified …
Children and Israeli Terror
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Could you please share advice on dealing with younger children who are struggling with the news from Eretz Yisroel. Of course, we are preventing them from seeing any images, but they have inevitably heard some of the horrible details, particularly about kidnapped children r'l. Any advice you can have to help them deal with this terrible situation more effectively would be helpful.    Response: I think that I speak f …
Is the Social Work Profession For Me?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 18th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Thank you for taking your time each week for this column. I have found it to be very enlightening and educational. I am 33 years old and not finding fulfillment in my current occupation. I am considering going back to school to obtain a degree in social work. I have always been interested in helping people and people seem to gravitate to me when they need help solving a problem. I am curious as to what type of person you think mak …
Affordable Quality Orthodox Therapists--Myth or Reality?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: I have a question which I hope you can help me with:   I'm looking for a new therapist, one that is in-network and takes my insurance. I'm doing a ton of research, calling up therapists, clinics etc...but I keep bumping into the money issue. I just hung up with yet another therapist that didn't work out, and I'm honestly feeling helpless, hopeless and demoralized. Is this how the system is g …
Is My Husband COVID-Phobic?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: My husband has been taking COVID very seriously. Although he is young and has no health conditions, he basically isolated completely for the first few months of the pandemic. He spends a lot of time online "researching" the illness and spends a lot of time discussing and analyzing it. At the end of the summer, when we had gone so long without seeing any serious illness, he started relaxing a little and going out (with a mask). He …
Headaches--Physical or Psychological?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: I am writing to ask for some clarification as to the extent that stress or other psychological issues can cause physical problems. Basically, I have not been feeling well for a while, mostly with very bad headaches. I have been to a doctor and a specialist who both are saying that there is nothing they can see that is wrong and it must be that I am stressed out. They suggested I go to counseling which I am looking into. I guess my …
Classroom Orphans
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: As a 3rd grade rebbe sometimes I have children in my class who have lost a parent r’l. I wonder if in such cases I should avoid using the word totty or mommy during class to avoid hurting the child. Is this something that is helpful or perhaps avoiding it is just something that is not realistic and unfortunately it is something they will live with all their lives?    Response: Your sensitivity to oth …
Who is a Narcissist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: I find the letters and responses to the Couch very informative. Would it be possible for the panelists to share advice on how to detect narcissistic behaviors? I had an awful experience with a narcissistic individual and tried so hard to make it work. However, if I would have been aware of the classic signs of narcissists, I would have realized early on that it would not work. Narcissists are very charismatic people that are  …
Psychiatric Dating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: My son has struggled with a kind of constant but not so severe depression for a while. He has a lot of trouble moving forward, being productive, and is often just down. He is at the age where he should be starting shidduchim and many of his friends are dating. He has been working with a therapist and had been getting better but recently is not doing as well. His therapist has suggested that he see a psychiatrist to possi …
Do I Need a Therapist or a Coach?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: I am considering hiring a therapist for work purposes. I bh don't feel the need for therapy in my personal life but someone suggested seeing a therapist to help me/coach me in my management position. Basically, even if I am doing well can this help me perform even better? Perhaps it would be a good idea for our bottom line if we hired someone for the company to motivate employees and help manage workplace issues. What ca …
Summer to School COVID Transition
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: As the school year hopefully begins, I am somewhat concerned about my elementary school children who have not been on a regular structure/schedule since Purim. I wonder if there is any advice you can give us on how to manage the transition back to normalcy? Or maybe it's nothing and the kids will bounce right back into it? Also, are there any signs we should look out for that would indicate an issue?   Response: I&r …
Teacher Abuse Revisited
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 25th, 2017

Dear Therapist: When I was a young boy in high school I was treated horribly by an English teacher. For whatever reason he would pick on me constantly, always pointing out when I didn't know something (I was not a good student so this was pretty often). He would embarrass me in front of the entire class and called me a "shoyta". It was a very bad tekufa in my life but I survived. Fast forward 20 years and I BH have a wonderful family with childre …
I'm Being Bullied on the Bus
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an 8-year-old boy. There is an older boy who beats me up and bothers me every day on the bus. He is bigger than me and if I ignore him he just acts worse. There is nothing the Yeshiva can do because there is no teacher on the bus. I really worry about it a lot and I don't like going to school anymore (although it is true that I really like it once I get there). My parents said I can write to you to ask you for advice.   …
Marriage and Siblings
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My younger sister (20 years old) got married last year. Although I am happy that she doesn’t have to deal with shidduchim any more, I am struggling with my own emotions about it. My sister was in seminary and already decided she was going to date when she came home. She “asked me” permission to date when I came to visit her that year—but only because my father told her she should. Then, when she came home s …
Night Terrors
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
October 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My very bright, mature, lovable, happy 5-year-old son has begun to experience what I have been told is called "night terror". He is a very happy child during the day, definitely with a more intense personality, but very healthy and well-adjusted and extremely bright. At night, he will wake up in terror, screaming, cowering in the corner, looking at me or my husband with terror, eyes opened wide, with real fear...and then a few min …
Grief and Dating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am a teacher who has stepped in to offer support to a former student of mine who has recently lost her father. She is currently of shidduchim age and the family is anxious for her to begin dating. They feel that she should "move forward" and have been exerting significant pressure on her to begin. I was wondering if you can give me some guidelines as to when that would be considered healthy. I imagine it isn't just a time thing …
Keep Up With the Joneses?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I live in a neighborhood/community where there is a big emphasis on money. It is a young neighborhood where people are just starting work, and some are making serious money and throwing it around. So there has recently become this pressure to “keep up with the Joneses.” I have a salaried job and al pi derech hateva I am not going to become a millionaire any time soon. This was always ok with me, and I didn&rs …
Father-Son Relationship
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am not much of a letter writing type of guy, but I will give it a shot. I have been hearing from my wife, and now from my son’s rebbe that I need to work more on developing a better relationship with my teenage son. It isn’t that we have a relationship, it’s that we just don’t seem to connect. I know I am not the most expressive person in the world and though that doesn’t seem to be a problem with m …
My Husband's Secret Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 13th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My husband recently revealed to me that he has been going to therapy for the last 6 months. I had no idea that he was going or that anything was wrong. I thought we BH had a good marriage and were doing well raising our family. When I asked him why he is going he says there are certain things he wanted to discuss with someone but refuses to tell me what they are. He won't even tell me the name of the person he is seeing. I am comp …
Anxiety Or Concern...Which Is It?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 19th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have struggled with anxiety all my life. I spent a few years in therapy and BH have it under control to the point where is doesn't severely impact my life like it used to. My question is it ever appropriate for me to be anxious or should I always be working on trying to remain calm. I hear people say that some anxiety is good but I wonder if that applies to someone like me. Even regarding the Yemei Hadin I wonder if the yirah th …
Everyone Thinks I should be Married...Aside from Me!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 21st, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an older year old single bochur who is learning in yeshiva. I have been told I am picky, unable to make a commitment, lazy, unambitious and many other diagnoses and labels. Many people have suggested that I “speak to someone” (meaning a therapist) in order to resolve the major issues I must have if I am not married at the old age of 28. I think I have just not yet met the right person. Thoughts?   Response: Y …
Autism Effects on a Family
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Our 7-year-old son has always been challenging. He is a challenge behaviorally and has a difficult time getting along with his siblings and his friends. On the advice of our pediatrician, we had him evaluated and we got a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Now we have a name to the problem and are working on figuring out our best approach for treatment. As we are approaching yom tov and will be spending it together with famil …
Wrong Therapist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: We recently acceded to our daughter’s request to begin seeing a psychologist weekly. This is related to some eating disorder and body image issues. Without going into the specifics we were given a bad recommendation by a friend as to which psychologist to send to. This psychologist clearly did not share our values and we believed she would not be appropriate for our impressionable teenage daughter. So we switched her to a d …
My Wife's Depression
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My wife suffers from major depressive disorder and has for many years. Most of the time it is kept under control with medication but every so often will flare up into a severe depression. She has currently been suffering from a depressive bout for the past month and a half. She is working with a psychiatrist and therapist to get better. Part of her depression is that she doesn't want to do anything but sit at home all day. Sittin …
The Inflexible Child
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My 10-year-old son is smart and personable. He does great in school both academically and socially and is an all-around great kid. He is emotionally pretty mature for his age and can be pretty independent and self-reliant.  He is, however, often very inflexible. He has a few foods that he likes and that's it. A few shirts and that's it. Same with general schedule and routine (i.e. he has a rough time moving out of his room f …
Fear of Marriage
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: This might seem like a shidduch question, but I'm posing it here, as it dips into the mental health arena. In my experience with singles seeking to remarry, a barrier that presents itself repeatedly is fear. Many have had personal experiences of heartache and betrayal; they have experienced the pain of relationships falling apart. These experiences are a perfect breeding ground for fear to take hold, and possibly fester into a di …
Why is Camp Scaring My Child?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: What is it with camps scaring the wits out of kids. How come all the scary plays, Holocaust stories, and color war breakouts. Granted my kids are a bit sensitive but do I need to have them come home from day camp all terrorized? Are these things appropriate? Are my kids just wimps? Can these types of things negatively impact kids?   Response:               …
Bad Business
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapists, My husband keeps on making bad investments and losing money. He borrows money to try and invest and now he has lost other people’s money. He is totally out of touch with reality vis-à-vis his business ability, complete oyalam hadimyon, but it doesn’t "pas" for him to work for someone else or get a regular job. I am at my wits’ end. Please suggest how to talk some sense into him.   Response: I’m …
Peer Pressure and Self-Esteem
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 28th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Can you please give me some good guidelines on how to deal with peer pressure? I am very affected by what the people around me are doing.  I don't know if it's that I'm afraid of people getting angry with me or I need to be the center of attention. I think that that is my most difficult challenge and if I could just not be afraid to be different I would be a much better person.   Response: Most often, issues with peer pr …
Balancing Differing Needs in a Family System
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 6th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Our 19-year-old son is sadly no longer shomer torah umitzvos. This is a tremendous source of pain and turmoil for the entire family. My wife and I are trying very hard to do what is best for him in accordance with the guidance we are receiving from Rabbonim and professionals. With lots of thought and hard work, we are slowly working on repairing our relationship with our son. Our question is regarding our other children. While the …
My Daughter Wants to Ditch Her Friend
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 14-year-old daughter is a kind soul. She is always nice to everyone and has many friends. She approached my husband and me recently and said she realizes that there is a friend of hers who is not a good influence on her and she doesn't think she should be spending time with her. I think her concerns are valid. She asked us for guidance about how to go about distancing herself from the relationship. Our daughter is not really th …
What is Career Counseling?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am 27 years old and have been having a hard time choosing a job and career. I tried some jobs but found them boring because I really wasn't given anything to do.  I also can't tell if I just haven't found the right job for me or I just didn't really get good opportunities. How can I figure out what I would be most interested in and what I would be best at? What is best approach to this? Is there a test or evaluation that yo …
My Brother Needs Premarital Counseling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My brother has never really been that socially savvy. He has no official diagnosis as far as I know of but he has struggled in the past socially a bit. He recently got engaged and I am a bit nervous about how he will do in marriage. What would be the best way to prevent any issues and deal with them before they become a real problem? Is there any type of premarriage counseling or guidance that you recommend? Even a book that you t …
Homesickness
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 7th grade daughter is in sleepaway camp for the first time and is very homesick. Do you think it is better to try and talk to her by phone every day and send her packages etc.? Or is it better to just leave it and let her figure it out. Does calling her more than once a week actually make it worse or is this a good way to support her? What other recommendations would you have for dealing with homesickness? Thank you for yo …
Israel Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My son is scheduled to go to Eretz Yisroel to learn next year. He had a difficult high school experience but has grown tremendously over the last 2 years. The yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel is a great opportunity for him to keep growing. He is, however, extremely nervous about the whole security situation. As I write this, Haniyeh ym"s was just killed and things again look like they could escalate. It's always back a …
Major Decisions...No Problem; Minor Ones...Well...
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have some trouble making decisions. I am not really talking about big decisions like getting married or what yeshiva to send my kids to. I actually do ok with that. It is the smaller things like where to go for Shabbos and what suit to buy and things like that which take up way too much time in my life and occupy my thoughts too much. I just go back and forth and back and forth, and it can be almost comical. It can wind up being …
Passive-Aggressive Mother
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother. I always blamed myself. As I get older, with the help of some friends, I can realize some of the issues. It is impossible to have a normal conversation with her. It’s like she won’t say straightforward what she means, and nothing gets resolved. For example, I can tell she is angry and something I did upset her, but she denies it but then seems to ignore me for …
Is My Daughter Ruining Her Sister's Marriage?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
September 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My daughter has just left for a year of seminary in Eretz Yisroel. I am concerned about the amount of time she is spending in her just married, shana reshona, sister’s house. She has only been in Yerushalayim the last few weeks but, by all accounts, she is spending way too much time there.  I know it's early but I want to deal with this before it becomes an issue. This doesn't seem to bother either of my daughters but I …
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