Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

September 27th, 2024

In Parshat Nitzavim we encounter the concept of mutual responsibility, which holds profound psychological significance pertaining to collective wellbeing. Moshe gathers the entire nation for his final address to renew our covenant with Hashem. Mutual responsibility teaches us that we are connected. Regardless of background, status, or personal journey, every individual is united in this pivotal moment, forming a collective covenant.   The fi …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 4th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph and Tosafos discuss the restrictions on disinterring and disturbing the dead.   There are various reasons offered for this prohibition. The Gemara later on (154a) implies that exposing the decomposed body to viewing eyes is disrespectful of the body, and the person who once occupied it. Gesher Chaim (26:10), based on a Yerushalmi, rules that even if the body is fully decomposed and so there is no rot, it is inherentl …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 4th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis tries to figure out how to properly allocate and position the number of graves described in the Mishna, and reconcile it within the stated dimensions of this space. One idea that was considered was that some bodies were buried standing up. The Gemara firmly rejects this as absurd, since this would be a disgraceful manner to lay a corpse. The Gemara declares:   This is like a burial of donkeys and is disrespectful. &nb …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 3rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis describes the right of a king to appropriate passageways through private property:   The Mishna teaches: A king’s thoroughfare has no maximum measure. The Gemara explains: This is because the halakha is that a king may breach (poretz) the fence of an individual in order to create a thoroughfare for himself, and none may protest his actions.   The Hebrew word for this domain expansion is “poretz” …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 2nd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud aleph discusses contradictory verses regarding where the Cherubs on the Holy Ark faced, acting as a bellwether of God’s pleasure or disappointment with the Jewish nation:    How were the cherubs standing? Rabbi Yoḥanan and Rabbi Elazar disagree about this. One says: Their faces were turned one toward the other. And one says: Their faces were turned toward the House, i.e., the Sanctuary. The Gemara asks: But ac …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

October 1st, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Alephs comments on the relational consequences of arrogance:   One who is haughty is not accepted even by the members of his household, as it is stated: “The haughty man abides not” (Habakkuk 2:5). What does the phrase “abides [yinveh] not” mean? It means that even in his abode [naveh], he is not accepted.   Pesach Einayim wonders: If so, why do we see women who are attracted to a man specifica …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 30th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses processes of wine production and sedimentation. According to some traditions, it was actually wine that was the forbidden fruit of theTree of Knowledge. Bereishis Rabbah (19:5) tells us that Chava squeezed a grape bunch and gave Adam to drink from it.   Note that the Midrash does not say, “gave him to eat from the grapes”, instead it says “squeezed the grapes and gave him to drink wine&rdqu …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 29th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses a principle of Oenology, which has halachic and metaphysical implications:   דאמר רבא: כל חמרא דלא דרי על חד תלת מיא – לאו חמרא הוא   Rava said: Any wine that does not contain three parts water to one part pure wine is not regarded as wine, as it is excessively strong.   In those days, the original wine mixture was so potent, that when they actually dran …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 27th, 2024

Our Gemara on this daf discussed wine that begins to become vinegary, and at what point does it lose its status of wine. In such a case, the blessing might revert from “Hagafen - He who creates the fruit of the vine” back to “Shehakol”, the universal blessing that one makes for foods that do not grow or have a specific status, drinks, meat, and other items.  Food items that have distinction or unique status tend to ge …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 27th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses an interesting psychological and legal phenomenon. There are certain thresholds of defects or deficiencies in a purchased item which are tolerated, if not expected. Therefore, while one is not allowed to deliberately adulterate grains or beans, if a minor and typical amount of dirt, sediment or pebbles etc are found in the mixture, the buyer has no recourse. Furthermore, if he finds the product to have an amount …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 26th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses an interesting protocol from Talmudic times:   עוד מנהג גדול היה בירושלים – מפה פרוסה על גבי הפתח; כל זמן שמפה פרוסה – אורחין נכנסין. נסתלקה המפה – אין האורחין נכנסין.   The baraisa continues: Another great custom that was followed in Jerusalem was that when one made a feast, there would be a clo …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 25th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses a case in which a buyer and seller are in dispute over if the purchased ox was sold for labor purposes or for slaughter. The difference being, that if it was found to be an unruly ox known to gore, the purchase would be deemed under false pretenses and be refunded. However, the seller maintains that he sold the ox under the presumption that it was for slaughter, thus the ox’s nature is irrelevant, and the p …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 24th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses famine conditions that could allow a person to leave Eretz Yisroel:   תנו רבנן: אין יוצאין מארץ לחוץ לארץ, אלא אם כן עמדו סאתים בסלע. אמר רבי שמעון: אימתי – בזמן שאינו מוצא ליקח, אבל בזמן שמוצא ליקח – אפילו עמדה סאה בסלע, לא יצא.   The Sages taught: One may not leave Eretz Y …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 23rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the different efforts of the Amoraim, Shmuel’s father and Shmuel himself to prevent hoarding, price manipulation and gouging in the marketplace. Interestingly, with good intentions, they employed opposite strategies. The Gemara also commented on whose intervention was more effective:   אבוה דשמואל מזבין להו לפירי בתרעא חרפא, כתרעא חרפא. שמואל בריה, מש …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

September 20th, 2024

Parshat Ki Tavo spells out the blessings and curses first introduced earlier in Sefer Devarim prior to Bnei Yisrael’s entry into Ertz Yisrael. As the Parasha ends, Moshe Rabeiynu imparts a message of empowerment to the Bnei Yisrael, reminding them of their ability to uphold the covenant and follow the commandments. He instills in them the belief that they possess the necessary skills and strength to overcome challenges by focusing on positi …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 19th, 2024

The Power of Relational Repair: Lessons from Jewish Tradition   Relationships—whether with ourselves, our partners, or with God, are often marked by moments of disconnection and conflict. Yet, conflict itself is not the problem. The key to healthy relationships lies not in avoiding conflict, but in the ability to repair and restore harmony. This idea, rooted in the teachings surrounding the month of Elul, invites us to reflect on our p …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 19th, 2024

According to Rav Yoni Rosensweig, founder of Maagalei Nefesh, an organization that confronts issues pertaining to mental health and halacha, “Jewish law is not meant to cause harm.” War, mental health concerns, and emotional and relational distress are factors that contribute to the need to seek leniencies in halachic practice in a way that reduces, rather than increases, potential harm. Listen to the premiere episode of Season 7 of I …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

September 16th, 2024

A happy marriage, like any relationship, can only endure if we get good at apologies. It is critical to both be able to give and to receive an apology. Interestingly, when Dr. Gary Chapman studied couples, he found that there are five different apology languages. That is, five different styles of expressing, “I have done wrong to you, please forgive me.” It is important to pay attention to what style resonates with you and what style …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

September 13th, 2024

In Parshat Ki Teitzei we encounter various laws and ethical guidelines that address our responsibilities towards others. In the second perek of the parsha Moshe Rabeynu expresses, “lo-tireh et-shor aḥícha o et-seyo niddaḥím vehit'allamta mehem hashev teshívem leaḥícha” – “If you see your fellow Israelite’s ox or sheep gone astray, do not ignore it; you must take it back to your peer& …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 22nd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the moral obligation to be absolutely scrupulous when it comes to honest weights and measures. This obligation and prohibition extends to the degree that one is not even allowed to have an accurate measures around the house, despite using them for other purposes, with no intention to defraud anybody:   A person may not keep in his house a measure that is too small or too large, even if it is used as a chambe …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 20th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the extraordinary integrity of Rabbi Safrah. His standard of honesty was so high, that even if he only resolved in his mind to make a sale at a certain price, he would stick with his inner resolution, despite the buyer revealing that he would be willing to pay more. This kind of practice is considered one of many ways that a person “speaks the truth in his heart.”   The idea of “speaking t …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 20th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the practice of making sure that no significant amount of liquid is left behind in the seller’s vessel, to be scrupulously honest:   Anyone who sells wine, oil, or similar liquids is obligated, after he transfers the liquid into the buyer’s vessel, to drip for him three extra drops from the measure.    There is also an aggadic instance of three drops in the Talmud (Menachos 29a):  …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 19th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the principle of Kim Ley Bederabbah Mineh. If one violates two prohibitions simultaneously, he is only liable for the more severe penalty of the two, but not both. For example:   If one stole a wallet on shabbos but did not lift the purse but instead dragged it on the ground, exiting the private domain and going into a public domain, he is exempt from financial penalty. The prohibition of performing labor o …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 18th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph continues discussing rules of acquisitions. An animal that can be acquired by pulling it into an area that is in his possession, but not by merely pulling it into an area that is not under his ownership. Panim Yafos (Matos) uses this Halacha to explain an anomalous feature of the spoils of war from the Biblical battle with Midyan (Bamidbar 31). In other Biblical wars, the soldiers were allowed to keep the booty, unless de …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 17th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses that during the day, the Sun appears white, while in the morning and evening it has a reddish hue. What are the suggested causes?   In the morning it becomes red as it passes over the site of the roses of the Garden of Eden, whose reflections give the light a red hue. In the evening the Sun turns red because it passes over the entrance of Gehenna, whose fires redden the light. And there are those who say th …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 16th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses various forms of overcharging and undercharging, and thresholds that would invalidate the sale. The Chofetz Chaim in Laws of Rechilus (9) discusses conditions under which it would be permitted to alert a purchaser who might have been taken advantage of by an unscrupulous merchant. One of the key criteria is that the disparaging information should serve a constructive and concrete purpose. Therefore, it would neve …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

September 9th, 2024

One of the most common pieces of marriage advice is that marriage requires compromise. Simply put, compromise means that you won’t get everything you want. For example, you might be a saver and your spouse a spender. You wish to put a lot into savings each month, and your spouse would rather spend and live in the present. So, you might compromise as to how much money to put into savings or retirement each month, saving a lesser amount that …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 14-year-old daughter is a kind soul. She is always nice to everyone and has many friends. She approached my husband and me recently and said she realizes that there is a friend of hers who is not a good influence on her and she doesn't think she should be spending time with her. I think her concerns are valid. She asked us for guidance about how to go about distancing herself from the relationship. Our daughter is not really th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am 27 years old and have been having a hard time choosing a job and career. I tried some jobs but found them boring because I really wasn't given anything to do.  I also can't tell if I just haven't found the right job for me or I just didn't really get good opportunities. How can I figure out what I would be most interested in and what I would be best at? What is best approach to this? Is there a test or evaluation that yo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My brother has never really been that socially savvy. He has no official diagnosis as far as I know of but he has struggled in the past socially a bit. He recently got engaged and I am a bit nervous about how he will do in marriage. What would be the best way to prevent any issues and deal with them before they become a real problem? Is there any type of premarriage counseling or guidance that you recommend? Even a book that you t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 7th grade daughter is in sleepaway camp for the first time and is very homesick. Do you think it is better to try and talk to her by phone every day and send her packages etc.? Or is it better to just leave it and let her figure it out. Does calling her more than once a week actually make it worse or is this a good way to support her? What other recommendations would you have for dealing with homesickness? Thank you for yo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My son is scheduled to go to Eretz Yisroel to learn next year. He had a difficult high school experience but has grown tremendously over the last 2 years. The yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel is a great opportunity for him to keep growing. He is, however, extremely nervous about the whole security situation. As I write this, Haniyeh ym"s was just killed and things again look like they could escalate. It's always back a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have some trouble making decisions. I am not really talking about big decisions like getting married or what yeshiva to send my kids to. I actually do ok with that. It is the smaller things like where to go for Shabbos and what suit to buy and things like that which take up way too much time in my life and occupy my thoughts too much. I just go back and forth and back and forth, and it can be almost comical. It can wind up being …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 15th, 2024

Our Gemara on amud aleph discusses the conundrum of declaring bikkurim and reciting the appropriate ritual, even if those particular offerings may not actually be first fruits:   What is objectionable about reciting verses from the Torah even if they aren’t bikkurim? Rav Ashi said to him: The problem is due to the fact that this practice has the appearance of falsehood, because he issues a declaration before God that is possibly untrue …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 13th, 2024

Our Gemara on amud beis reports that one sage rebuked another for asking him a question about a subject that he was not familiar with, as this causes unnecessary embarrassment. Rambam (Laws of Sales14:14) codifies this as a form of ona’as devarim hurtful speech. Magid Mishna (ibid) refers to our Gemara as the source. Sefer Chassidim (972) takes this moral sensitivity even further: If someone knows himself to be renowned as sharp-minded, he …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 13th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the sale of pigeons produced from a dove coop: The buyer must leave the first pair of doves from the brood for the seller. The reason that an extra pair of doves must be left behind is to ensure that the first brood will not fly away. The Gemara also rules that the buyer must also leave a second pair from the brood of the children. The Gemara questions this logic: If the reason is that she is attached to her dau …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 12th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph uses a play on words from a verse (Numbers 21:30) to describe the fate of the sinner who denies that God will hold him accountable: ונשים עד־נפח אשר עד־מידבא  We have wrought desolation at Nophah, which is by Medva The name of this place, Medva, also is a pun indicating that God will eventually bring justice and “do as He pleases.” (“Ad De-Baiy”, in Aramaic means “w …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 11th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph describes a certain saddle used for women, known as a Kumni, which presumably functioned in a manner that allowed a woman to ride side-saddle and more modestly.  This brings to mind the famous Rashi (Shemos 28:4) that describes the form of the Ephod. The Ephod was one of the garments that the high priest wore, composed of cloth and had the breastplate attached to it. Apparently, there is no explicit teaching about wh …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 10th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis rules that ein matbeya nikneh be-chalifin coinage cannot be acquired via chalifin (a legal symbol exchange of a minor object, that in Jewish law, affirms an agreement or acquisition of property or goods.) We can intuitively understand why this might be so. Money is symbolic, especially paper money, as it has no intrinsic worth. In ancient times, when a precious metal was used, there was some actual value to the coin, based …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 9th, 2024

There are certain conventions in the Talmud that are difficult for the new learner to comprehend. Frankly, they would be difficult for many seasoned lamdanim as well, but after years and years of seeing the same phrase being used, I suspect that some have ceased to become curious or troubled by it. Yet, I am unsure if they became particularly wiser as to what it means and how it works – just more accepting of it. One of the most troubling c …
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