Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 14-year-old daughter is a kind soul. She is always nice to everyone and has many friends. She approached my husband and me recently and said she realizes that there is a friend of hers who is not a good influence on her and she doesn't think she should be spending time with her. I think her concerns are valid. She asked us for guidance about how to go about distancing herself from the relationship. Our daughter is not really th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am 27 years old and have been having a hard time choosing a job and career. I tried some jobs but found them boring because I really wasn't given anything to do.  I also can't tell if I just haven't found the right job for me or I just didn't really get good opportunities. How can I figure out what I would be most interested in and what I would be best at? What is best approach to this? Is there a test or evaluation that yo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My brother has never really been that socially savvy. He has no official diagnosis as far as I know of but he has struggled in the past socially a bit. He recently got engaged and I am a bit nervous about how he will do in marriage. What would be the best way to prevent any issues and deal with them before they become a real problem? Is there any type of premarriage counseling or guidance that you recommend? Even a book that you t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 7th grade daughter is in sleepaway camp for the first time and is very homesick. Do you think it is better to try and talk to her by phone every day and send her packages etc.? Or is it better to just leave it and let her figure it out. Does calling her more than once a week actually make it worse or is this a good way to support her? What other recommendations would you have for dealing with homesickness? Thank you for yo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My son is scheduled to go to Eretz Yisroel to learn next year. He had a difficult high school experience but has grown tremendously over the last 2 years. The yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel is a great opportunity for him to keep growing. He is, however, extremely nervous about the whole security situation. As I write this, Haniyeh ym"s was just killed and things again look like they could escalate. It's always back a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

September 6th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have some trouble making decisions. I am not really talking about big decisions like getting married or what yeshiva to send my kids to. I actually do ok with that. It is the smaller things like where to go for Shabbos and what suit to buy and things like that which take up way too much time in my life and occupy my thoughts too much. I just go back and forth and back and forth, and it can be almost comical. It can wind up being …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

September 6th, 2024

In Parshat Shoftim we learn about the establishment of a just society, through the appointment of judges and officers. While the Torah discusses the importance of impartial judgment in legal matters, it also subtly emphasizes the value of judging ourselves and others favorably on a psychological and interpersonal level. It is fitting that my Bar Mitzvah Parasha, which always falls around my birthday of Rosh Chodesh Elul, deals with judgement. No …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

September 1st, 2024

Compliments lubricate the marriage. If there are compliments flowing regularly between husband and wife, then the touchy situations that come up are just a little bit less squeaky and far more manageable.  In my marriage mediation practice I find that some people have trouble giving compliments because things aren't so perfect, and others have trouble receiving compliments, often because they don’t realize how important compliments are …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 6th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph describes the visions of Rabbah Bar Hanna. In one of them he sees Mount Sinai and scorpions were encircling it. He heard a Divine Voice saying: Woe is Me that I took an oath; and now that I took the oath, who will nullify it for me? When he reported this vision to the sages, they rebuked him: You should have said to God: Your oath is nullified. The Gemara explains: Rabba bar bar Ḥana did not nullify the oath because he …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 5th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph delineates the parts of a boat that are included, and those not included in a sale. One part is the anchor, in Hebrew the word is igun. The Mishna gives a proof text from what Na’ami told Rus and Arpah, to discourage them from a quixotic return with her. She says (Rus 1:13): הלהן תשברנה עד אשר יגדלו הלהן תעגנה לבלתי היות לאיש  [Even if I had children in old age] should …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 5th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph continues the sugya of ayin yaffa, that certain sales and/or gifts are done with a generous spirit which implies that certain extras may be included in the sale or gift. As we have seen in other blogposts, the idea of a gift of being given generously with extras also applies to spiritual gifts. Siach Sarfei Kodesh (Erev Shabbos Kodesh) uses this principal to explain an unusual phrase in the Shabbos morning Amidah. We say: …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 4th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph continues the sugya of ayin yaffa, that certain sales and/or gifts are done with a generous spirit which implies that certain extras may be included in the sale or gift. As we have seen in other blogposts, the idea of a gift of being given generously with extras also applies to spiritual gifts.   Siach Sarfei Kodesh (Erev Shabbos Kodesh) uses this principal to explain an unusual phrase in the Shabbos morning Amidah. …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 3rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis describes a legal loophole, that allows for something akin to charging interest, which is normally forbidden. It is the framework on which modern day heterei iskas are formulated. Without going into the legal technicalities, we must ask ourselves is it moral to take advantage of a loophole. But in order to answer that, we must ask ourselves what is the function of a loophole.   Law is confining and constricting. It do …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 2nd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis offers a proof text for the concept of field boundaries within a sale  from the biblical story of Avraham’s purchase of the Ma’aras Hamachpela cave from Efron (Bereishis 23:17). וַיָּ֣קׇם  שְׂדֵ֣ה עֶפְר֗וֹן אֲשֶׁר֙ בַּמַּכְפֵּלָ֔ה אֲשֶׁ֖ר לִפְנֵ֣י מַמְרֵ֑א הַשָּׂדֶה֙ וְהַמְּעָרָ֣ה אֲשֶׁר־בּ֔וֹ ו …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

August 30th, 2024

In Parshat Re'eh, we encounter a powerful lesson about the choices we make and their consequences. The Torah highlights the importance of choosing to adhere to Hashem’s commandments and the potential pitfalls that come with straying from the right path. This choice reflects the psychological concept of self-sabotage, where individuals may unconsciously undermine their own well-being or success.   The Parasha starts out by saying,  …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

September 1st, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis quotes a verse in Iyov to prove the definition of a particular word known as “Shelachim”, which seems to be certain kinds of fields irrigated by water.   Who gives rain upon the earth and sends [sholeaḥ] waters upon the fields” (Job 5:10)   The Gemara (Ta’anis 10a) uses the same verse to draw a distinction between how the land of Israel is supported by rain versus other lands:   Ere …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 30th, 2024

Our Gemara on on Amud Aleph discusses circumstances, under which an act to  signify acquisition and legal title of one field that is being sold automatically enacts an acquisition of other fields within the sale as well.   If one sold another ten fields in ten different regions, all in a single bill of sale, once he takes possession of one of them, he has acquired them all; and the two cases seem to be analogous.    The Gemara …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 30th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph quotes a series of verses that describe the unfortunate and complex situation of Yonasan, who due to the deprivations of battle, was starving and took a taste from honey he had found in the forest. Unbeknownst to him, his father King Shaul, had decreed a Fast upon the troops so that they repent and merit divine assistance. Effectively, he had violated his command and was subject to the death penalty. King Shaul, under tre …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 29th, 2024

 In continuing the sugya of ayin yaffa, our daf discusses when a sale is made with a generous attitude, which has implications regarding if one sells passage rights to get to the property, even if it may inconvenience the seller. Regardless, all opinions hold that a gift, as opposed to a sale, is granted with a generous attitude.   The Torah is described by the scripture as an acquisition but also a gift (Mishle 4:2):   כי לקח …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 28th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis continued the discussion of several dappim regarding the dispute between Rabbi Akiva and the Rabbis over the attitude of the seller. Is he generous of spirit (ayin yaffa) or more parsimonious attitude, with halachic outcomes that indicate which extras get sold along with the property.   Recognizing this pattern of behavior and emotion, Meshech Chochmah (Behar) explains this as the intention of the verses that introduc …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 27th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses that for a seller to imply that he is including all the underground cisterns and tunnels, he must say “from the depths of the Earth to the Height of the sky.” The English words for these boundaries do not capture the theological and contextual meaning of these words in Hebrew. The Hebrew word for “height of the sky” is rakia, and the Hebrew word for “depths of the Earth” is Teh …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 26th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph and Beis record halachic discussions and situations when the great Amora, Rav was presented with a challenge to his argument, it was met with silence on his part. Rashbam (“Umodeh”) notes that sometimes the silence is to be interpreted as tacit admission, and other times, it is interpreted as a response to a question that is lacking in sophistication. That is, when questioned by peers who are close to his leve …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

August 22nd, 2024

In Parshat Eikev, we are taught a profound lesson on the importance of doing the little things, seen through the transformative impact that seemingly small actions can have on our lives and the lives of others. The opening passuk of Eikev states, "And it shall be, because you will heed these ordinances and keep and perform them, that Hashem, your God, will keep for you the covenant and the kindness that He swore to your forefathers" (Deuteronomy …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 18th, 2024

Several years ago, my brother bought us a wonderful “Uncle Gift,” a ping pong table. The children adored it and spent many fun hours with it. As time went on, we found a way to get even more fun from the game of ping pong. Instead of playing for points, we decided to simply play as if both players were on the same team, trying to keep the volley going as long as possible. What emerged, when we stopped playing for points, is that both …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 25th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses various implied conditions and additions in the sale of property. Within that discussion Rashbam notes that one cannot use a price as indicator of how much or how few extras were included in the property, because we have a general principle that there’s no such thing as overcharging or undercharging when it comes to real estate. Unlike chattel, real estate varies in price greatly and what is considered over …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 23rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses various customs of abstention from demonstrations of joy, pleasure and material wealth in order to honor and internalize being contrite over our exile.   One of the challenges in our a time of relative prosperity is to honestly feel a sense of mourning and loss. We have to recall events from the Holocaust, or more recently October 7, and the general rise of antisemitism to arouse a mood of dread. It is impor …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 23rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph quotes verse in Koheles (4:12):    “A threefold twine does not quickly snap.”   The basic idea is that something threefold and intertwined has tensile strength that is beyond any single strand. There are numerous aggados that utilize this truth about material and physical properties and apply them to the spiritual. Our Gemara suggests that when there are three generations of Torah study in a fam …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 22nd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph uses an Aramaic idiom to describe slander and libel, “ochel kurtza”, for now we can translate it as “nibbling” a metaphor for gossip. This Aramaic idiom is used generally for any type of gossip, and often specifically in the Gemara, to the act of slandering the Jews to the secular government. Actually, the first use of this phrase can be found in Daniel (3:8), which speaks of the Jews being slander …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 20th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis describes the properties of the cloak and table of the Torah sage:     Rabbi Yoḥanan asked Rabbi Bena’a: How should the garment of a Torah scholar worn under his clothes be fashioned? He replied: He can wear any garment long enough that his flesh is not visible from beneath it. Rabbi Yoḥanan asked: How should the cloak of a Torah scholar be fashioned? He replied: He can wear any garment long enough …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 20th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses a certain kind of plant known as Chatzuva, which was used by Yehoshua to mark property boundaries in Israel. This plant has a root structure that extends straight downward, making it a natural, long-lasting and reliable boundary marker.    This unique herbage makes an appearance in Gemara Beitzah (25b), where it sets a different kind of boundary:   Rami bar Abba also said: The sea squill, a plant …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 19th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph refers to a pardakhas, which is an idle person. Rashbam describes this person as follows:   A person who is idle from work, learning, derech eretz, and is not involved with settlement of the world at all.   In the style of the Gemara at times, there is no commentary or moral assessment about this person. The focus is the practical halacha, no judgements. Yet, what are we to make of this person? Is he depressed, …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

August 15th, 2024

In Parshat Vaetchanan the Aseret HaDibrot, Ten Commandments, are repeated but with some significant changes. One of the most famous changes is related to Shabbat. In Parshat Yitro, it says, “Zachor et Yom HaShabbat Lekadosho…” “Remember the Shabbat in order to keep it holy” (Shemot 20:8). In this week’s Parasha it says, “Shamor et Yom HaShabbat Lekadosho…” “Guard the Shabbat to keep it …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 11th, 2024

One of the things that I like to do is to refresh the weatherproofing on my deck. So, I made the trip to Home Depot to buy the right can and paint roller to do the job.  As I was checking out at the paint department, I commented to the attendant that whenever I opened these types of cans, I always ruined them in the process and was unable to reseal the still half full containers. The attendant, Jim, asked me how I typically opened the paint …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 18th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discussed one of the ways to acquire ownerless property is to show proprietorship. For example, the great Amora, Rav acquired a garden, which had been ownerless property, by drawing an image. Rashbam says he drew pictures of animals and birds.     The fact that the Gemara (and Rashbam) casually mentions making a drawing of these figures is used as proof that this is not a violation of the prohibition (Shemo …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 16th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the principle that a grantor of a gift has a more generous attitude and disposition (Ayin Yaffa) than one who sells the same parcel of land. This leads to assuming certain rights and/or extras are transferred in the gift of property, while in a sale, a more precise and legalistic attitude is presumed.   The Shalah (Torah_Shebiksav, Bamidbar, Nasso, Beha'alotcha, Torah Ohr, Beha'alotcha) references this prin …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 16th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses circumstances where a person who is doing a noble deed such as tending to an orphan’s assets may be even more trustworthy. This is due to feeling high from the sense of worthiness, and not wanting to stoop low and discredit the personal sense of achievement.    Tosafos here (“Detarcha”) points out that Gemara (Gittin 35a) makes the opposite conclusion. A caretaker may rationalize small …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 15th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph records a discussion where one sage mentions that the other was not within our “techum” so he was not able to join the discussion. The word “techum” in Hebrew, translates to the word boundary.    Rashbam interprets this literally, explaining that in those times they would establish the Beis Midrash (study hall) on the border of the city, allowing others from nearby cities who are within t …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 14th, 2024

Our Gemara on this daf continued to discuss the legal implications of a psychological phenomenon that a woman is more likely to dodge the truth and fib out of a wish to please her husband, and perhaps out of fear of his reaction if she did object. This is based on a mishna (Gittin 55b):    If one first purchased from the husband the rights to use a field belonging to his wife, and afterward he returned and purchased the same field from …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 13th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis describes a legal process of rejecting a pending inheritance or acquisition:   With regard to an inheritance that comes to a person from another place, i.e., an inheritance one will receive in the future, a person can make a condition about it from the outset that he will not inherit it, since one can waive his future rights to property that is not currently his.    Sod Yesharim (First Night of Pesach 46) di …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

August 12th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph continues a discussion about circumstances where a person is bullied to make a sale, but still is considered valid, due to the tendency of people to make peace with a situation once they are in it. Such as, even if a person was physically threatened to sell a property, after he accepts the money, he is agreeable enough. The Gemara attempts to prove this concept from a teaching about how one can be forced to fulfill a sacr …
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