Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: As we begin the season can you please share your general recommendations as to how parents should talk to their children about safety in the summer. Many parents (hopefully) know the basics, but I wonder if, based on your experiences, there are ways to discuss things that people don't know. Or maybe there are some things that people don't realize they should talk about with their kids.  I think this would be a public service …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I really appreciate your weekly column. What happens if a someone goes through trauma at home and doesn't take care of it—meaning, go for help.  If they're fine, could they stay fine? I am worried because many people say it comes back in later years. Thank you!   Response: The simple answer is yes; someone who experiences a “trauma” can be fine. However, this depends on a number of factors. Th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have a silly fear of getting an aliyah. I have actually heard others that have it as well. This is even though I actually don't have an issue with doing other things in public. In the past I have managed to "white knuckle" it when I needed to but recently, I have found myself slipping out of shul during laining to try and avoid it. I do well otherwise and have no traumas or anything like that in my life. I am wond …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

June 26th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have heard my friends discussing an idea developed by an author concerning "bad therapy." I presume that means there is bad therapy and good therapy. Would appreciate if the panel would state their opinions on the difference between helpful and unhelpful therapy. What is the best way for someone who is considering therapy to tell the difference?    Response: I haven’t read Abigail Shrier’s book, but I …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

June 25th, 2024

In this week's Parasha, Parshat Shelach, we encounter a fascinating insight into the psychology of communication. The Parasha tells of 10 spies who brought back frightening reports about the Aretz Yisrael resulting in Bnei Yisrael rebelling against Hashem, leading to 40 years of wandering in the desert. At first glance, the initial report of the spies appears to be factual statements regarding what they surveyed. “We came to the land you se …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 28th, 2024

Our Gemaraq on amud aleph discusses financial responsibilities when someone with a bordering property builds a fence that will benefit the other person as well, since the back of the fence will also protect the other property:   הַמַּקִּיף אֶת חֲבֵירוֹ מִשָּׁלֹשׁ רוּחוֹתָיו, וְגָדַר אֶת הָרִאשׁוֹנָה וְאֶת הַשְּׁנִיָּה וְאֶת הַשְּׁלִישִׁית &ndas …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 28th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud aleph records a declaration about the second Temple, as compared to the Temple, based on a verse in Chaggai (2:9) :   גָּד֣וֹל יִֽהְיֶ֡ה כְּבוֹד֩ הַבַּ֨יִת הַזֶּ֤ה הָאַֽחֲרוֹן֙ מִן־הָ֣רִאשׁ֔וֹן אָמַ֖ר ה׳   The glory of this latter House shall be greater than that of the former one, said GOD of Hosts   The Chasam Sofer (Derashos page 328) …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 27th, 2024

  Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the rights and responsibilities of partners who share a yard, and intend to construct a partition between them:   הַשּׁוּתָּפִין שֶׁרָצוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת מְחִיצָה בְּחָצֵר – בּוֹנִין אֶת הַכּוֹתֶל בְּאֶמְצַע. מָקוֹם שֶׁנָּהֲגוּ לִבְנוֹת גְּוִיל, גָּזִית, כְּפִיסִין, לְבֵי …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 26th, 2024

Our Gemara on amud aleph (and the previous daf) discusses how ownership is determined for produce that grows on the side of a ledge, where the top is a garden owned by one person, and the bottom is owned by another. What is the status of those vegetables that grow on the vertical surface between them?   מַתְנִי׳ שְׁתֵּי גַּנּוֹת זוֹ עַל גַּב זוֹ, וְהַיָּרָק בֵּינְתַיִם. רַבִּי מ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 25th, 2024

Love at First Sight   Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the possibility that even viewing certain ownerless items, with the intent to possess them, effects a binding acquisition.   Rav Shlomo Kluger (Chachmas Torah, Vayetze) asks, The sages teach, one who is without a woman, is without Torah (Yevamos 62b). If so, how could Yaakov maintain that he was observant of all the mitzvos while he was at Lavan’s house (see Rashi Bereishis …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 24th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses liabilities between the upper floor residents and the lower floor residents of a home:   הָנְהוּ בֵּי תְרֵי דַּהֲווֹ דָּיְירִי, חַד עִילַּאי וְחַד תַּתַּאי. אִיפְּחִית מַעֲזִיבָה. כִּי מָשֵׁי מַיָּא, עִילַּאי אָזְלִי וּמַזְּקִי לְתַתַּאי. מִי מְתַקֵּן? רַבִּי חִי …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

June 20th, 2024

Judaism is a religion of second changes. In Parshat Beha’alotcha, we encounter a remarkable story of having a second chance, the story of Pesach Sheni. This special holiday was instituted for those who had a setback leading to impurity making them unable to bring the Pesach offering. To have a comeback, you first need a setback. Pesach Sheni offers a profound lesson interwoven with the psychological concept of second changes.   The Par …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 23rd, 2024

  Our Mishna on Amud Beis describes the halachic status of a renter who lives in the attic and what are his rights should it become uninhabitable, such as a caved-in floor:   מַתְנִי׳ הַבַּיִת וְהָעֲלִיָּיה. נִפְחֲתָה הָעֲלִיָּיה, וְאֵין בַּעַל הַבַּיִת רוֹצֶה לְתַקֵּן – הֲרֵי בַּעַל הָעֲלִיָּיה יוֹרֵד וְדָר לְמַ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 21st, 2024

Our Gemara on amud aleph quotes a series of verses in Mishle (6:1-3) that warn of the dangers of becoming a co-signer on a loan indiscriminately:   בְּ֭נִי אִם־עָרַ֣בְתָּ לְרֵעֶ֑ךָ תָּקַ֖עְתָּ לַזָּ֣ר כַּפֶּֽיךָ׃    My son, if you have become a co-signer for your fellow, Given your hand for another,    נוֹקַ֥שְׁתָּ בְאִמְרֵי־פִ֑יךָ נִ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 21st, 2024

Our Gemara on amud aleph and beis discusses an encounter between Rabbah bar Avuha and Elijah the prophet:   אַשְׁכְּחֵיהּ רַבָּה בַּר אֲבוּהּ לְאֵלִיָּהוּ דְּקָאֵי בְּבֵית הַקְּבָרוֹת שֶׁל גּוֹיִם, אֲמַר לֵיהּ: מַהוּ שֶׁיְּסַדְּרוּ בְּבַעַל חוֹב? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: גָּמַר ״מִיכָה״ ״מִיכָה״ מֵעֲ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 20th, 2024

Our Gemara on amud beis relates medical advice from the great Amora and physician Shmuel, and one of the practices that he considers to be in the top three of irreparable bodily harm is to “Eat bread and not walk four cubits afterward.” Rashi adds that this warning is in regard to going to sleep right after eating without walking a bit. There are some technical contradictions between Shmuel’s advice and the Rambam’s medica …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 19th, 2024

Our Gemara on amud beis makes a linguistic observation in regard to a teaching that referred to “great halachos”.  The Gemara  comments that if they are described as “great”, there must also be halachos that are considered minor, which it finds odd, since can any halacha be considered small?  Therefore, the Gemara rejects and revises the text of that teaching.    But we must ask ourselves, on a pra …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 18th, 2024

Our Gemara on amud aleph discusses the wage payment obligation toward a Ger Toshav, which is often defined as a gentile that commits to follow the Seven Noachide Laws.    גֵּר תּוֹשָׁב יֵשׁ בּוֹ מִשּׁוּם ״בְּיוֹמוֹ תִּתֵּן שְׂכָרוֹ״, וְאֵין בּוֹ מִשּׁוּם ״לֹא תָלִין פְּעוּלַּת שָׂכִיר אִתְּךָ עַד בֹּקֶר״.   One who hi …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 17th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses an interesting exemption to the rule that one must pay workers promptly (by sunset or sunrise of the day or evening that the work was completed, subject to certain conditions. See Ahavas Chessed, Laws of Payments of Wages, 1:9.): תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: הָאוֹמֵר לַחֲבֵירוֹ צֵא שְׂכוֹר לִי פּוֹעֲלִים – שְׁנֵיהֶן אֵין עוֹבְרִין מִשּׁו …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

June 14th, 2024

Parshat Naso contains one of the most fascinating and enigmatic rituals in all of the torah, the story of the Sotah, suspected adulterer. At first glance this story seems harsh and archaic but deeper exploration reveals profound insights into relationships, trust, and insecurity. It provides us an opportunity to explore the psychological concepts of relational insecurity and jealousy.   The Sotah ritual is initiated when a husband suspects h …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 16th, 2024

Our Gemara on amud aleph records a spirited dispute between Rav Beivai bar Abaye and Rav Pappi. In the middle of the argument, Rav Pappi seems to have insulted Rav Beivai bar Abaye, implying that he makes faulty (short-lived) arguments because he stems from the House of Eli, who were cursed to die early.   The Shalah (Torah Sheb’al Peh, Kellal Peh Kadosh) tries to answer how such language could be appropriate. Regarding this particular …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 14th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses various rights and courtesies that are granted to the owner of an adjoining field, such as first choice in purchasing the property over other buyers if it is on the market. This law, known as Bar Mitzrah (owner of a bordering field) is conceptualized as an obligation to grant courtesy to the neighbors, because there is much more of a benefit for the neighbor to buy this field in particular.  The other buyer …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 14th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud aleph homiletically interprets the verse (Devarim 28:3), “Blessed are you when you enter.” as referring to a husband who returns home from a trip. The blessing will be that he will not find her in an uncertain halachic state, where she had a situation of questionable impurity, stopping them from a physical reunification.    Rashi here comments, “And of course the blessing applies that he wouldn&rsquo …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 11th, 2024

Our Gemara on this Amud discusses a variety of misfortunes, and under what circumstances prayer is most or less effective. This occurs within the legal context of a tenant farmer and the landlord’s experience of an agricultural disaster, such as locust or scorching winds. Some of the factors include whether the tenant farmer kept to their agreement or not, and a post facto evaluation of what would have happened if he stuck with the agreemen …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 11th, 2024

  Our Gemara defines what the Mishna means by the term “Paritze Zeisim”, literally translated as, “brazen, disobedient olives.   מַאי פָּרִיצֵי זֵיתִים? אָמַר רַב הוּנָא: רִשְׁעֵי זֵיתִים. אָמַר רַב יוֹסֵף: וּמַאי קְרָאָה – ״[וּבְנֵי] פָּרִיצֵי עַמְּךָ יִנַּשְּׂאוּ לְהַעֲמִיד חֲזוֹן וְ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 11th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the oblative obligations that a man’s wife incurs, such as the sacrificial animals brought after childbirth, and that they are the husband’s financial obligation. Even though such sacrifices are subject to a substitution of a bird instead of a lamb if the person is unable to afford the latger animal (see Vayikra 12:6-8), we evaluate this based on the husband’s assets, and not hers.   The S …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 10th, 2024

Our Mishna on Amud Beis textually analyzes a Mishna which discusses the financial rights shared by a person who rents or uses a vineyard as a tenant farmer. The Mishna states:   כְּשֵׁם שֶׁחוֹלְקִין בַּיַּיִן, כָּךְ חוֹלְקִין בַּזְּמוֹרוֹת וּבַקָּנִים. וּשְׁנֵיהֶם מְסַפְּקִין אֶת הַקָּנִים:   Just as the halakha is that the owner of the f …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

June 6th, 2024

Parshat Bamidbar, the first parsha of the new sefer, often read right before Shavout, sets the stage for Bnei Yisrael’s journey through the Midbar – the desert, wilderness. The Mechilta (Yitro: Bachodesh 1) shares the connection between the Parsha and upcoming celebration of Matan Torah being juxtaposed as the Torah was given publicly, openly, and in a place no one owns so that anyone could lay claim to it. Another reason for the Tora …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

June 6th, 2024

The discourse on marital intimacy and sexuality in Judaism has become a normative topic of conversation. Rabbanit Shayna Goldberg, an educator and spiritual advisor at Migdal Oz, a Midrasha of higher learning for young women in Gush Etzion, believes that conversations about desire, sex and sexuality are relevant for unmarried women as well, and not just as part of premarital education after they have become engaged. In this episode, we discuss th …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 9th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses how to evaluate a phrase that is part of a contractual agreement and mildly contradicts another part of the contract. For example if a contract states: “Twelve gold coins a year, one gold coin per month,” what is the annual rent during a Hebrew leap year, 12 or 13 gold coins?   The lomdus revolves around if the second clause clarifies and overrides the import of the first clause, or does the firs …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 7th, 2024

  Our Gemara on Amud Beis relates a story of a woman who was duped and then how her vigilante justice was vindicated by the rabbis:   הָהוּא גַּבְרָא דִּזְבַן אַרְבָּא דְחַמְרָא. לָא אַשְׁכַּח דּוּכְתָּא לְאוֹתוֹבֵיהּ. אֲמַר לֵיהּ לְהַהִיא אִיתְּתָא: אִית לָךְ דּוּכְתָּא לְאוֹגוֹרַי? אֲמַרָה לֵיהּ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 7th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the legal entitlements to certain properties and materials that unwittingly became shared by two potential beneficiaries and investors:   שָׁטַף נָהָר זֵיתָיו וּנְתָנָם לְתוֹךְ שְׂדֵה חֲבֵירוֹ, זֶה אוֹמֵר: ״זֵיתַי גִּדֵּלוּ״, וְזֶה אוֹמֵר: ״אַרְצִי גִּדֵּלָה״ – יַחְלוֹקוּ.   In the even …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 6th, 2024

99   God’s Silence in the Face of Evil   Our Gemara on Amud Beis describes a legal distinction in the liability of a squatter on land owned by the Sacred Treasury and privately owned land. We have a rule that a squatter does not incur financial liability after the fact, if the owner had not known prior to his squatting. The argument is, no harm done, you didn’t lose any money and we never agreed to an arrangement. It’s …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 5th, 2024

Our Gemara on this daf discusses a fundamental dispute regarding the oath required of the watchman. In the verses which we soon shall see, a watchman is Biblically mandated to swear and affirm his claim of not having neglected his duties. This is known as the Watchman’s Oath. Another Biblically mandated oath that is derived from these verses is the Oath of Partial Admission, which is triggered when a defendant partially admits that true, he …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 4th, 2024

I Am Not a Crook   Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses a novel application of Ba’alav Imo. Ba’alav Imo is a rule that exempts a watchman from paying for the damage if the owner of the item is present with the bailee or in his employ when he is safeguarding the item (Shemos 22:13). Rava’s students cleverly asserted that since he is their teacher and really work for them, if any of them were to borrow an item of his, it would …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 3rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses a situation where an object or animal is borrowed for an unconventional purpose that does not provide a tangible financial benefit. The question being, if there is no real monetary value received perhaps it is insufficient to incur the financial liabilities that are normally part of the borrowers contract:   שְׁאָלָהּ לֵירָאוֹת בָּהּ מַהוּ מָמוֹנָא בָּעֵינַן וְ …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

May 31st, 2024

In Parshat Bechukotai we encounter the powerful description of the blessings and curses associated with following or violating Hashem’s mitzvot. Seemingly the torah provides a clear choice: follow in Hashem’s way leading to peace, happiness, and salvation or disobey leading to anguish, suffering, and exile. This parsha provides us an opportunity to explore the psychological concept of learned helplessness, which often created a victim …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

June 2nd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph uses the following argument to explain the logical equivalence between the borrower’s liability for injury and liability for death. If the Torah teaches that the borrower is liable for the death of the animal, we do not need an additional verse to teach us that he is also liable for injury:   What difference does it make to me if it is entirely killed, and what difference does it make to me if it is partially k …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

May 31st, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis refers to a scriptural stylistic principle:   דִּבְּרָה תוֹרָה כִלְשׁוֹן בְּנֵי אָדָם   The Torah uses the idiom and vernacular.    Thus, repetitions, exaggerations and figures of speech that enhance the poetic experience and nature of the narrative are theologically legitimate, and not a sign of imperfection. God designed the Torah to be meaningful on many planes of p …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

May 31st, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the extent of a shepherd’s responsibility if a lion is approaching the flock:   What could he have done to prevent an attack by a lion? Rabba replies: He should have faced the lion with other shepherds and with sticks to chase it away.   There is a natural principle that animal predators are fearful of humans. This is not an absolute, but unless provoked by territory concerns or extreme hunger, an …
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